Ch. 14 – "Until you heal the Wounds of your Past, You Will Continue to Bleed." – Iyanla Vanzant
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"Your wound is healing nicely," Rachel commented as she poked at the bruise and jagged cut along Kara's abdomen. "Sorry about that. I know it must be tender. Now to take a quick look at the baby."
Just like she had every day of the last week, Kara held her breath until the screen lit up, revealing that the tiny person inside of her was currently doing acrobatics. Danny laughed, his hand sliding over to rest on her knee. "He's busy today."
Moving her leg away from Danny– rather less discreetly than she intended if Rachel's raised eyebrow was any indication – Kara smiled tightly. "Must be all the sugar from breakfast. I could never resist Bacon's chocolate chip pancakes."
Rachel removed the wand from Kara's stomach, wiping off the excess gel with a washcloth. "Everything looks great, Kara. Just remember to take it easy? Same time tomorrow?"
Four days ago Rachel had reluctantly agreed to allow Kara to return to CIC on two conditions. First, Kara was supposed to limit the time she spent on her feet, something that turned out to be quite easy given that any time she tried to move, at least three people offered to help her, the entire CIC treating her as though she was made of spun glass. The second condition was that Kara swing by Rachel's laboratory before each shift to check for any changes in the baby's conditions, a condition that immediately became Kara's favorite part of the day.
"Actually I'm on morning shift tomorrow," Kara explained. "I could come by during my lunch break if that works?"
"Lieutenant Green?"
"I'll make it work," Danny replied, his voice flat. Kara busied herself adjusting her uniform, not wanting to look at him, knowing he would be wearing that wounded puppy-dog look, the one that appeared each time she reminded him about the rules on physical contact.
But she was not going to fall for the lost-little-boy routine. Not again. Not when she had far more pressing things to worry about – like where she was going to live and how she was going to raise this baby.
Unfortunately, Kara was so busy avoiding Danny's gaze that she didn't notice Rachel leaving the small space, caught off guard when Danny stepped between her and the door. "If you're on morning shift, do you have leave tomorrow night?"
Kara looked up without intending to, noticing the bags under his eyes and the tension lines on his forehead, fighting the urge to smooth them away with her fingers. "Um, yeah. I'm planning to curl up in bed with a good book."
She immediately regretted admitting that she didn't have plans for the evening.
"I have leave too. Well, until midnight," Danny corrected, reminding Kara that he was still serving his punishment for fraternizing. So much had happened since Kara learned that she was pregnant, it was hard to believe that mere weeks had passed. "Captain Chandler gave us permission to leave the ship so long as we don't go anywhere alone. Maybe we could get off the ship. Go somewhere private."
Kara's chest tightened, making it hard to breath. The idea of leaving the ship right now was, quite frankly, terrifying. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."
"I didn't mean private private," Danny added quickly, his words tripping over each other, apparently misunderstanding the reason for her reluctance. "I meant somewhere we could talk. That's all."
Flushing, Kara looked away, afraid that he would see the way her heart was racing at the thought of a private moment. Imagining him backing her into the wall, his mouth on hers, lifting her until she could wrap her legs around him, his skin hot to the touch as he pressed slowly into her, the simple motion enough for her body to begin contracting around his…
Fuck.
Crossing her arms over her chest to hide her hardening nipples, Kara fixed her eyes on a spot to the left of Danny's head. Danny was right about one thing. They did need to talk – somewhere off the ship where they didn't run the risk of being overheard or interrupted every two seconds – and her body would just have to get with the program. "Okay, but I don't want to go far. Just in case."
"Great." His voice was so enthusiastic that she couldn't help but glance at him, noticing the bright smile on his face. The one that used to make her heart flip but now just left a bitter taste in her mouth. He probably smiled like that at every woman he met. "I'll find a place. A close one. And I'll let Doctor Scott and Tex know where we are going in case you start feeling sick or something."
"My shift starts in five minutes," Kara interrupted the flow of words, wishing that she could tap her watch to emphasize the point but unwilling to chance moving her arms.
Danny's smile slipped for the briefest of seconds before he regrouped, stepping to the side to let her pass. "Right. Okay. So 1200 tomorrow?"
"Yes." Slipping by him, Kara walked swiftly towards the corridor.
"And, Kara, thank you."
Despite knowing it was a bad idea, Kara turned. "For what?"
"For letting me be here when Doctor Scott does the ultrasounds." A haunted look crossed his face. "I know it's kind of uncomfortable for you but it means a lot to me. To be able to see him – or her. To know that he's okay. So thank you."
With a sharp nod, Kara escaped out the door, hoping that she would be able to make it to the head before she burst into tears.
Damn she hated hormones.
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Kara paused at the threshold, hand raised, her stomach churning as she recalled the last time she was in this cabin. Captain Chandler's words, his anger at what he clearly viewed as a betrayal, were still fresh in her mind and, despite Andrea's repeated assurances that Kara was welcome to remain on the Nathan James for as long as she wanted, Kara couldn't help but worry about the reason for today's summons. Since Rachel released Kara from bed rest, she had seen Captain Chandler only twice, both times as he was boarding the rhib to attend to business in Baltimore.
In fact, the last time that Kara spoke with Captain Chandler was at Avocet, a memory that she would rather forget.
Seven Days Ago
"Get down," Tex hissed at the sound of approaching footsteps. With almost nowhere to hide in the open corridor, the three took refuge behind a glass display case holding what appeared to be a bust of Thomas Jefferson's head. As she crouched, Kara barely contained a scream as every muscle in her abdomen protested and she felt a fresh wave of liquid begin seeping down her stomach.
"Well, I'll be," Tex murmured, beginning to rise.
Rachel grabbed his jacket, hissing, "What are you doing?"
"The cavalry's arrived." Tex nodded towards the approaching figures before standing up, gun to the side, completely defenseless. Despite her confidence in Tex, Kara felt her hand tighten around the gun she was clutching as a flashlight was aimed in their direction.
The only way Amy Granderson was getting her back into that room was in a body bag.
"Hey, Commodore." Tex spoke quietly, not making any quick moves.
"He's with me."
Hearing Captain Chandler's distinctive voice, Kara felt tears of relief pressing against the back of her eyes, but she knew that now was not the time to break down. Nodding to Rachel, both women stood. At the sight of her, Tom Chandler frowned, but when he spoke the question was directed to Tex rather than Kara.
"What's Lieutenant Foster doing with you?"
"Crazy witch doctor tried to get the cure from Kara," Tex replied, his tone hard, not a single smidge of his usual humor.
"I killed him, sir," Kara added. Captain Chandler's eyes bore into her for long seconds; his gaze flickered from her face down to the hand clutching her bleeding abdomen, before turning to Rachel.
"You okay?"
Dumbfounded, Kara stared at Captain Chandler, his question – his concern for Rachel – echoing through her head.
"I'm fine. Quincy's dead," Rachel replied, her voice shaking from the effort to stay calm.
"I'm sorry," Captain Chandler replied. He turned to a mousy man who Kara did not recognize. "Can you get them out of here?"
Present
A realist, Kara had never deluded herself about the important of her role on the Nathan James. As a lieutenant, Kara was senior enough to have some autonomy, but still junior enough not to receive (or expect) much attention from her commanding officers. But Captain Chandler always seemed like the exception to the rule in that regard, taking a personal interest in each member of his crew, making a point to talk to every person on the ship, remembering details about their lives, checking in during shore leave. And Kara had bought into the act, believing that he truly cared, even feeling guilty for letting him down by getting pregnant and asking to leave the ship.
Right up until the minute that he looked at her bleeding, broken body and turned away.
That was the instant when Kara realized that, like every other man in her life, she could not depend on Captain Thomas Chandler.
Even knowing that Captain Chandler's reaction was likely due, in part, to the loss of his wife, his coldness, his indifference to her pain still stung. Rachel Scott and the lab at Avocet were the priorities. Kara's unborn child was not. Kara bit her tongue, taking a deep breath and allowing her hand to descend. Right now the only thing that mattered was convincing Captain Thomas Chandler to allow her to stay on the ship long enough to get away from Baltimore and Avocet and any other insane scientist who might want to finish what Hamada began.
"Come in."
Kara stepped through the door with a confidence that she did not feel. "You wanted to see me, sir?"
"Yes, Lieutenant Foster, please sit." Captain Chandler set down the papers he was reviewing and waved her to the chair before him. "I understand that you've been back in CIC for a few days now."
"Yes, sir."
"How is morale down there?"
Kara paused. This was not the conversation that she was expecting. "All hands are holding up best they can, sir. Losing Commander Barker has shaken them."
"Barker was a good man, a good TAO. You up for replacing him?"
Kara studied the man before her – the steady voice, the confident eyes, the calm demeanor – everything about him screamed of his sincerity.
Yet a week ago she hadn't rated a moment of consideration.
Kara might not be able to reconcile the two versions of Captain Chandler, but she wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Serving as the Nathan James's TAO would give her a level of security that she desperately needed, at least in the short term. "Absolutely, sir."
The pen in Captain Chandler's hand twitched. "How are you feeling physically?"
"Fine." Kara felt a twinge of guilt as she recalled the quick stop she made to lose her lunch less than an hour ago. Still, there were some things that you just did not discuss with your commanding officer and vomit was one of them.
"Good. I'll advise Commander Slattery of the change."
Kara knew a dismissal when she heard one. She stood, and then paused. "I never did get a chance to tell you how sorry I was... am about your wife, sir."
"Thank you." Kara was about to open the door when Captain Chandler spoke again. "I'm glad that you are back on your feet, Lieutenant. What happened to you was … deplorable. I know that I speak for the entire crew when I say that I am relieved to know that there were no permanent repercussions."
Flummoxed, Kara could do nothing more than blink. Finally pulling herself together, she nodded. "Thank you, sir."
Fifteen minutes later, she was still attempting to reconcile today's concern with Captain Chandler's indifference at Avocet when Mason bustled into CIC with an armful of laptops gathered from Olympia. Deliberately setting the quandary aside, Kara focused on the task at hand. This promotion to TAO was her second chance and Kara did not plan to give Captain Chandler (or anyone else) reason to doubt her dedication.
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"This is incredible!"
Her gasp echoing in the towering space, Kara glanced over to see Danny beaming. "Tex found it, of course, but I knew that you would love it. Look over here."
Before Danny could raise his hand to the small of her back, something he had tried several times over the last hour, Kara headed in the direction of the floor-to-ceiling tank on the far side of the room. Feeling his eyes trailing after her, she fought to contain a shiver. When mentally preparing to spend the evening in Danny's company, Kara had forgotten one important consideration; namely that both of them would be out of uniform.
To Kara's dismay, when she went to get dressed earlier this evening she found that her jeans pressed directly against the sensitive portion of her stomach. Unfortunately, that left her to choose between a sundress and cardigan or her gym clothes, and Kara refused to leave the ship in stretch pants and a baggy shirt. It was only after she was on deck, seeing the way Danny's eyes lit up at the sight of her, that she realized her strategic mistake.
She was dressed as if this was a date.
Stopping before an enormous tank, Kara watched a group of small, silver fish dart by. "The fish are still alive?"
"A lot of them are. They've created their own ecosystem." Danny replied, moving until he was standing directly behind her. Studying their reflection in the glass, Kara couldn't deny that they made a good-looking couple. Her eyes skimmed over Danny's figure-hugging maroon pullover and slim dark jeans, realizing that he must have shaved just before meeting her because the five o'clock shadow that he usually wore by this time of day was absent. Seeing them like this, Kara could almost imagine what might have happened if the virus never struck and the Nathan James returned to Norfolk as planned.
What it would have been like if tonight really was a date.
Danny met her eyes in the reflection and Kara flushed as she was caught gazing not at the fish, but at him. His eyes fixed on hers in the glass, Danny's hands rose to her hips and he slowly shifted until their bodies were flush against each other, his arms wrapped around her waist.
"Someone might see us." It was a weak protest and Kara knew it.
Danny's lips pressed against her temple and Kara felt herself relaxing back into him, her eyes sliding closed as her body thrilled at the familiar contact. "We have this place all to ourselves. Scout's honor."
His lips were moving lazily down her neck now and Kara was so very tempted to turn around, to pull him in for a kiss, to mold herself to him, to forget about tomorrow and the day after and see where this night went. One of his hands shifted, brushing across her breast, causing Kara to jerk away. Danny's hands dropped away instantly.
"Sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
Sighing, Kara turned, taking a step back. Knowing that it was for the best didn't make the lost contact any easier. "It's not you. They're sore."
A puzzled look crossed his face and then eased. "Because of the baby?"
"Yeah."
"Are you having other … symptoms?" Danny asked, turning to walk along the tank, arms folded behind him.
Kara followed reluctantly. This was why they were here, after all. To talk about the baby. Not to do...other things. "Some nausea and headaches. Rachel says it's a good sign."
"Is there anything that I can do?"
His sincerity made Kara smile. "I think you've done enough, Danny."
Caught off guard by the teasing, he gawked at her for a few seconds before chuckling. "Come on, I have something I want to show you."
Curious, Kara trailed Danny to the other side of the tank. Holding the door, Danny waved her inside. "After you."
The room was dark, the only illumination several candles on a platform across the way. As she drew closer, Kara could see that the candles were set on the table arranged for two people, with covered trays of food before each chair. Surprised, she looked over at Danny. "Did you plan all this?"
"Tex and Carlton helped a bit," he admitted. Pulling out a chair, he waved her to sit. "Please, sit."
Lifting the lid of her tray, Kara was assaulted by the smell of steak and potatoes – far from the usual Naval fare. "This smells delicious…"
Raising her head, Kara was startled to see that instead of sitting down on the other side of the table, as she was expecting, Danny was in the process of dropping to one knee, a small box clutched in one hand. With a rush of panic Kara abruptly realized what this – the beautiful location, the candlelight, the special meal – was all about. Shoving back her chair, Kara stood.
"Please don't. Don't make it worse than it already is."