"Tonight we find ourselves in the humble home of Hagrid, the Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft Games Keeper. He is currently getting things set up to make his famous rock cakes. Later we shall use them to confuse Slytherins with concussions. It is highly amusing sport, I should say. If you would like to belt a Slytherin, we shall be selling the cakes at the door of the castle around eight. We prefer if you did not tell perfects. Before we began, Remus would like us to apologise for our lack of response last week. It seems that he is very sorry and thus we too must feel sorry." James grumbled.
"Really James we've been through this before. If you want the viewers to come back for more you must relate to their feelings." Remus sighed.
"What about my feelings? I am sure my fans wouldn't want me fretting over something that was clearly your fault." James countered.
"My fault? How is it my fault?" Remus asked.
"It was your plan that back fired and landed us in detention." James reminded him.
"That was your plan." Remus growled.
"Which you failed to make the proper corrections, thus it was your fault." James sang in a child's voice.
"He also was determined to have us study." Sirius barked.
"While in detention." Peter huffed.
"It was a perfect opportunity and it allow the duration of the detention to rapidly be completed." Remus explained.
"Well it bloody hell didn't work." James poked him. "Longest detention I had in a long time."
"Stop it. Personal space, James. We've been through this countless times." Remus rubbed his arm where James poked mercilessly.
"You really do need to work with him more on that. Why the other day I was snogging Sally when James pokes his head not more than five centimetres from our heads." Sirius glared over at James who just shrugged back in response.
"Why?" Remus looked over at James.
"Pete told me it would be a bit of a bother for Sirius to have someone watching him that close." James explained.
All the boys waited but apparently that was all James was going to offer. In his mind, it explained everything.
"We have received a few letters, which we thank you ahead of time. We know that it is become very difficult find clever or new questions. We too face the same problem with the poll. This indicated that no Gryffindor is listening to our broadcast." Remus sighed with disappointment.
"There, there, Moonie. They swear they hear enough of us as it is." Peter explained, giving Remus a pat on the shoulder.
"I'm back!" Hagrid unloaded his arms with the supplies. "Did you explain?" Hagrid smiled at the microphone, rubbing his hands together.
"Not quite yet. Remus felt the need to apologise first." James explained. "You see in today's show, because of Serenity's question of how rock cakes are made, we decided that we all shall make a batch. On this week's poll, the question shall be which batch you would take."
"Without a remedy, mind you." Sirius added.
"Shall we start?" James glanced down at the plentiful bowls Hagrid had placed on his wooden table.
"Before each of you are the proper indigents and the recipe to make my special rock cakes." Hagrid wiped his hands on his coat. "Now a good recipe is one that you make as your own. It's best to only use my recipe as a guide line, understand."
"So what have we got?" Remus looked over the ingredients.
"The list is 225g of raising flour, tsp of baking powder, 110g of soft butter, 55g of regular sugar…er, James don't eat that."
"It's really good by the spoonful." James explained taking another mouthful of sugar.
"You'll be needing that for the cake." Hagrid explained. "Where was I…Oh, 110g of dried fruit of your choosing, 55g of currants, and an egg and 3 tbsp of milk with some Demerara sugar to sprinkle on top. Almost forgot, oil so it doesn't stick to the pan. Once we mix the lot up, we'll be toasting in the fire pit for fifteen minutes at 200 c." Hagrid explained.
"It sounds extremely complicated." Peter cracked his egg open. "I have decided to use one newt egg, as I really don't like eggs much."
"I'm not sure you should be doing that, Pete." Remus watched the little egg slip into Peter's bowl.
"Hagrid said to figure out our own recipe." Peter shrugged. "To make it our own, he just said that."
"I have decided that I shall use vegetables in replace of fruit." Sirius explained.
"Mushrooms." James giggled.
"Sh.." Sirius ribbed James who was putting two of everything in his bowl. "I think you are supposed to crack that egg, James."
"It doesn't say that. It says, put everything in one bowl." James pointed to the recipe. "Nothing about cracking it."
"As we mix our products we shall be answering the letters." Remus explained. "Our first set of questions are from FamousNoOne who would like to know what we like to sing and dance to."
"Twisted Witches, Toad Apocalypse, WitchSmack, Gorillas." James listed.
"What are our favourite party food." Remus asked.
"Isn't it enough we like food but have to have favourite?" Sirius sighed. "Anything I can carry while at the party but nothing with garlic, it ruins the kiss."
"I like that bubble drink Lily brings." James commented.
"That's a fizzy , James." Sirius told him.
"I also like finger food, as Sirius mention these are easy to snack while you are mingling with friends." Peter explained. "That cheese in the can, great stuff."
"I like the chocolate syrup in the bottle, myself." Remus put in. "We are giving three names, which are: McGonagall, Dumbledore and Moaning Myrtle. Out of those names we must pick who we would marry, hag and who we would throw off a cliff."
"B-but I belong to Lily. She almost said yes to me today." James explained. "I'm wearing her down."
"Or giving her a nervous breakdown." Sirius said.
"If that's what it takes to get a yes, I don't rightly care how it comes about." James shrugged.
"Oddly, we do not have to shag the one we marry so I pick the D-master to wed. Mother would be so happy. I'd shag Minnie, she probably needs a good shag. I suppose that leaves Myrtle to toss over the cliff what little good that would do. She'd just come back moaning about it later."
"People pay good money to be pushed off a cliff." James said. "I find it quite thrilling myself."
"I have to agree with Sirius' pick." Remus looked over at Peter. "What do you say?"
"Yeah, me too. How about you Hagrid." Peter asked, blinking up at the big man.
"I think it would be best if I didn't answer that question. Work relation, you know." Hagrid explained.
"Uh…well that seems to be it from FamousNoone so we'll move to the next question." Remus flipped to the next letter.
"Say, you forgot a question." Peter took the last sheet from Remus. "FamousNoOne would like to know if Remus would to go to her place for a few days over Christmas break?"
"Gasp!" Sirius mocked. "You weren't going to tell us about that question?"
"Well he can't go. He's coming to my house on those days." James pouted.
"She didn't say when, James." Sirius looked over at his friend. "Let the lad go. He'll find time for baby Jamesy."
"I'm not being a baby about this. I'm just saying that my plans come first. I don't understand why it's so complicated." James sulked.
"I'll be there, James. I'd like to go to her place as well." Remus explained.
"Just because you are going to die pinning over Lily doesn't mean we should die waiting for it to happen." Peter huffed. "Remus should go or we could take a vote."
"Fine, we vote but just so you know since I am the leader, my vote counts four times." James stated.
"Doesn't work that way, mate." Sirius grinned. "Remus is going and that is that. He'll find time to visit us and spend a few days with us as well."
"Thank you, Sirius. Though I don't need anyone's permission." Remus tore the letter from Peter's hand.
"Don't be surprise if I come knocking at the door." James hummed as he tossed some more sugar cubes into his batter.
"Next question is from RandomFandom. Remus, this question is directed towards you. What incident with your friends embarrassed you the most, besides the date." Peter looked up at the tall wolf.
"There are so many." Remus tapped his chin. "I believe it was when they decided they had the authority to direct muggle traffic at the round-a-bout. Things did get a bit ugly. When you tell James and Sirius to play in traffic, they will."
"Great times. Those muggles sure know how to blow their horns." Sirius grinned.
"And that one lost the front of his car." James remembered.
"And that uniform person with the car that blinked, that was a fun ride." Sirius added.
"Yeah, almost forgotten about that. We got pictures of our finger tips that day!" James grinned.
"Next question is from, Idonotget. Who would like to know what our favourite word is and which noise we hate the most." Remus read. "I cannot say that I hate a word. As for noises, it probably is the sound of finger nails on a board."
"The sound of someone empting their stomach." Sirius crunched up his nose. "Makes me want to do the same. The word I hate the most is mudblood."
"I hate the sound of armour when it has an itch." Peter thought about the hall of armour that would move randomly. "I hate Latin words, they are hard to remember."
"I usually make the annoying noises so I have nothing to complain about." James explained. "As for the word, No. Yeah, I'm not fond of that word. Lily is however."
"De Trapped would like to know if it is legal for a man to marry his widow's sister." Remus grinned.
"Well in most sophisticated areas, the dead do not remarry once they are dead. Though he might wish to check the local regulations, but I believe there is no law that forbids a dead man to marry. He might want a divorcé first." Sirius answered. "Now on that, I believe it would be illegal for the widow's sister to marry the dead man."
"De Trapped also says that a ten foot rope ladder hangs over the side of a boat with the bottom rung on the surface of the water. The rungs are one foot apart, and the tide goes up at the rate of six inches per hour. How long will it be until three rungs are covered?" Remus read.
"The boat is afloat and will rise with the tide." James smiled tapping his brain.
"Slugston would like to know, besides dragons, Hagrid what are your favourite magical creature?" Remus looked over at the giant of a man.
"Unicorns." Hagrid placed his cake sheet over the fire. "Nothing more magical than Unicorns."
"I think I ate too much sugar?" James whined, holding his stomach.
"You only had a cupful." Sirius rolled his eyes in sarcasm.
"Well than it was something else I ate." James whimpered.
"Slugston would also like to know if it is impossible for someone to lick their own elbow." Remus tried and shrugged, "Can't do it." He glanced over at his friends, all in twisted, agonizing angle trying to touch their tongues to their elbows. "It does look quite impossible. I suggest you 'Youtube' it. If it can be done, it shall be there you find it."
"Shout out!" James shouted. "To Hagrid from Idonotget. The view says Hiya!"
"Hiya!" Hagrid said back.
"Let us look at our cakes." Remus peered at Peters. "Well your cake looks quite nice. I like the yellow tone. What did you put in it to make it like that?"
"Cheese. A lot of cheese. Oh, and some daisies." Peter explained.
"And Sirius. That is quite a volcanoes size." Remus looked at the swelling cake. "And it looks soft and fluffy, nothing like a rock cake."
"I think I used too much rising flour." Sirius carefully poked his cake and a jet of steam boiled out as the cake deflated.
"James…er." Remus looked at the black cookie size cake.
"I ate the batter." James explained. "It's all I had left of bake. I probably shouldn't have baked it for the fifteen minutes."
"Remus you own cake doesn't look very good." Peter pointed out. "It looks like brown soup. Did you bake it?"
"Well, yes." Remus blinked at his cake. "I followed the instructions."
"It takes practice to make a good rock cake." Hagrid patted Remus on the back.
"That's all we have for tonight. Remember to vote on which cake you would taste. We probably should get James to the hospital wing because of his sugar overdose." Peter said.
"Ah before we go we probably should warn you that with holidays and examines and family and friends, we may not be weekly this December. So if we don't catch you before, have a splendid holiday!" Sirius cheered.