I do not own Hannah Montana. This fanfiction does not represent the actors and actresses in the show.
Miley, Lilly, and Robby Ray sat in the waiting room of the therapist office. Heather and Robby had agreed that only one of them should go with them and wait in the waiting during the appointment, and then argued about which one of them it should be.
Heather argued that she was the one who made the appointment, and Robby Ray won the argument when he took the tires off of her car for "special cleaning".
Miley restlessly stroked Lilly's hand in hers. She was still shaken up from the previous night about finding Lilly's cut. When she had finally been able to stop crying, she was too drained to confront the situation. She nestled herself into Lilly's arms and closed her eyes. Lilly had been shaken up by Miley's reaction. Guilt hung heavy over her, and she was unable to sleep. She kept running the moment when she had cut herself over and over again in her head, calling herself stupid and selfish. She hung her arms around Miley, trying to suppress her shaking, and give Miley some sort comfort.
She hated herself for what she had done. She had hurt Miley… just as she had been scared she would. She resented herself and didn't know if she could ever make things right.
The door open and a middle-aged woman with long hair and kind eyes stepped out with an inviting smile. "Lilly?" Lilly stood up and nodded. Miley stood up after her, and the woman's gaze fell on Miley. "And you must be Miley,"
"Yes," Miley smiled politely.
The woman stepped aside and cleared the doorway for both of them to enter. "My name's Lisa, come on in and have a seat,"
Lilly exchanged glances with Miley, and they both walked through the door. Lisa turned towards Robby Ray. "We'll be about an hour,"
"Sure thing," Robby Ray nodded and pulled out his book that he had brought from home.
Lisa entered the room behind the girls and shut the door behind her. Lilly stood in the room with Miley behind her. She wasn't sure where to sit. There were two chairs, one of which was obviously Lisa's, and a red couch. Finally, Miley took her hand and led her to the couch. They both sat down and Miley held onto Lilly's trembling hand.
Lisa walked over to her chair and sat down. She smiled softly. "Well, Lilly, Miley, I've read the circumstances in which you've come to see me. I want you to know that everything in this room is confidential, and we don't have to talk about anything unless you're ready,"
Lilly nodded weakly, "O-okay,"
Miley was silent. Lisa saw how troubled she looked. "Miley? Is something on your mind?"
Miley hesitated, and the tears in her eyes were visible. "It's… It's just…" She looked over at Lilly for reassurance. Lilly sighed and nodded. She wanted Miley's mind to be settled more than anything. Miley took a deep shaky breath, "It's just… Lilly was doing better… she had started eating, and smiling, and laughing more… but then I found a cut, and it hurt me to know that she had hurt herself,"
A silence hung in the air. Lilly could feel her face burn with shame and lowered her head. Miley's grip on her hand tightened.
Lisa cleared her throat and leaned back in her chair. "Lilly? Is there anything you want to say about that?"
Lilly took a deep breath and shifted uneasily where she sat. "I…All these thoughts were going around in my head. I didn't like them… When I accidentally cut my hand on the broken glass in the kitchen, it sort of… distracted those thoughts… and released a lot of pent up emotion," She didn't quite understand what she was saying.
Lisa paused to process Lilly's answer for a moment. "What kind of thoughts were you having?"
Lilly didn't want to answer. She felt ashamed and embarrassed, but she would do it for Miley. She lowered her head and hesitated before answering. "W-well… um… before my dad killed himself… he said he was sorry for being such a ….a fuck up…" She hesitated, feeling awkward using that language in front of a therapist. "Then he said, that it runs in he family… and then he was gone… And… it's just sort of been in the back of my mind every since… That maybe I'm a fuck up, and I'll hurt people. People I love. Like Miley, and my mom, and her family. I didn't like thinking about it, but I couldn't stop… I thought… maybe hurting myself would distract these thoughts, and even stop me from hurting them… but…but I was wrong…"
Lilly heard Miley sniffle and saw her bring her hand to her eye and wipe her face.
"Lilly, what you're father did to," Lisa's voice became soft and compassionate, "What does it make you think about yourself?"
"That I'm dirty. And worthless," Lilly didn't have to think about it for very long.
Miley bit down on her lower lip and took a deep breath. She exhaled heavily and shook her head sadly as she stroked Lilly's hand with her thumb.
"Miley? What do you think about Lilly?"
Miley didn't have to stop to think either. "I love her. I'll always love her. She's beautiful; inside and out. Every day I'm grateful that she's alive. It kills me that she's been put through so much pain. I know she trusts me, but I feel like she's too scared or ashamed to share some thing with me... I want her to be able to tell me everything so I can help her and love her and be there. I want her to know, no matter what, I'll love her," Miley squeezed Lilly's hand tenderly.
Lisa smiled softly and turned to Lilly, who had lowered her head and started to cry quietly. "Well, Lilly… it sounds like you have a very strong support system. That's a very important thing to have right now, and not everyone can find one as strong as what I'm hearing Miley say," Lilly sniffled and nodded weakly, "Lilly, if Miley needed support, would you want to support her in the same way that Miley wants to support you?"
"Y-yes," She moved closer to Miley so that their sides were touching.
"Then what's stopping you from being open with Miley about your struggles?"
Lilly couldn't hold back her tears anymore, "I feel like I've already been so much of a burden. So much has happened, and it's affected everyone; especially Miley,"
Milley turned and wrapped her arms around Lilly who cried into Miley's shoulder. "Shhh, honey, you'd never, ever, ever be a burden to me,"
"I-I know… I just…" Lilly never finished her sentence, but continued to cry.
When she calmed down, Lisa spoke. "Lilly, there's a process called EMDR that helps dig deeper into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. At some point, if you'd be up for it, I'd like to try it with you. It's based on eye movement and will allow your brain to process things more clearly. It's too early to do anything with it now, but once we've visited more and found some more of the triggers, I would like to try it with you,"
"S-sure," Lilly finished wiping tears from her cheeks.
Lisa nodded towards Miley, "Miley, if there's anything you need to talk about, please share too. This is about both of you getting through this, together,"
"Alright, I will," Miley nodded back.
"Now, Lilly, I want you to work on sharing more of your struggles with Miley, and allow yourself to show her those insecurities, knowing that she will support and accept you no matter what,"
Miley glanced over at Miley, who smiled softly and nodded.
"O-okay… I'll try to do that more," Lilly laced her fingers with Miley's.
"Alright," Lisa smiled and stood up, "You're on the books for every Tuesday and Thursday, so I'll see you on Thursday,"
Miley and Lilly stood up too, "Okay… thank you,"
They exited the room and found Robby Ray asleep in the waiting room. Smiling, Miley leaned over and tapped him on the shoulder. "Daddy, wake up,"
Robby Ray jumped up, "I'm up!" He looked around, bewildered. His eyes eventually rested on the girls. "H-howdy girls. How was it?"
"It was good…" Lilly said furrowing her brow, "I think it's probably going to help," Miley squeezed her hand.
"Well, good," He smiled and stood up, "I'm happy to hear that. Let's go get some ice cream on our way home,"
Miley and Lilly smiled. Robby Ray always took them out for ice cream after any appointment.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Miley and Lilly made it up to Miley's room after getting home and filling an anxious Heather in on how the appointment was. She had ordered out for some pizza while they were gone to get back at Robby Ray and ruin any plans he had for cooking dinner that night.
"Alright!" Jackson had exclaimed as he returned home from work. "That's a smell I always like to smell!" He took a long whiff of the aroma from the pizza.
Robby Ray sat down at the table and crossed his arms in protest, casting a quick glare over at Heather who was smiling in victory. "Yeah, great. Grease-ridden bread soaked in cheese. Nothing exciting about that,"
"Say what you will, Daddy-O, you gotta mix it up every now and then!" Jackson walked over and picked the largest piece of pizza from the pizza box.
"Yeah, sure," Robby Ray grumbled, and then reached for his own piece of pizza.
Now that Miley and Lilly had finished dinner, they sat down on Miley's bed. Lilly was still very quiet, feeling ashamed of what she had done. Miley sighed and moved closer to her. She carefully draped her arms around Lilly and rested her head on her. Lilly lowered her head and they sat there in silence.
"Hey, Lilly?" Miley was the one that broke the silence, "Do you really feel that way about yourself?"
Lilly hesitated and then nodded weakly.
Miley sighed, and lay back, taking Lilly with her. "I really wish…" She choked back her tears, "That you didn't… you're so beautiful and… and wonderful," Miley nuzzled her head in Lilly's shoulder. "I don't know where's I'd be without you," Her voice was barely beyond a whisper.
Lilly swallowed and turned to face Miley. They stared into each other's tear filled eyes. Lilly smiled faintly. "Miley… you're the one who's wonderful… you've been here with me through everything… I'm so lucky to have you care about me so much. You've sacrificed everything for me… I… I love you so much," She buried her face in Miley's arms and began to weep softly.
Miley pulled Lilly closer and kissed her gently on top of the head. "I love you too, hon. More than anything else… So… please…." Tear started to escape Miley's eyes at an alarming rate. "Please don't hurt yourself,"
Lilly trembled with tears, and slowly pulled herself up. With tears streaming down her face, she looked down at Miley, who looked lovingly up at her. She tried to speak, but her tears were too strong. With no other way to express the intense emotion that ran throughout her body, she passionately threw herself into Miley's arms and crashed their lips together.
Miley arched her back and pulled herself into the kiss. A long moan escaped her throat as she wrapped her arms around Lilly. Lilly pulled away from the kiss and began trailing kisses from her jawbone down to her neck.
Miley's dropped open as she squirmed with pleasure beneath Lilly. Her breathing became labored and fast. Her body began to tremble as Lilly ran her hands underneath her shirt, and rested them on the side of her bra. "Lilly," Miley gasped as Lilly trailed her kisses to Miley's collarbone, "I'm ready… I-if you are,"
Lilly nodded and tenderly traced her fingers around her outline of Miley's bra. She ran her fingers around to Miley's back, and reached to unhook the bra's latch.
As the bra was unhooked, both Miley and Lilly were filled with liberation. Miley felt her breast drop slightly, becoming free of the piece of lingerie that seconds before had bound her. She felt Lilly's fingers slowly move towards her chest, and she shuddered in anticipation.
Lilly's hands stopped just below Miley's ribs. Her hands cupped the bottom of Miley's breast and massaged them slowly and carefully. Miley moaned and then bit down on her bottom lip. Lilly lifted her hands, and trailed her fingertips up the soft curve of Miley's breast. The tips of her fingers stopped at Miley's nipple and she ran her fingers around the perimeter of her areola.
Miley's back arched more, and she pulled Lilly closer to her. Lilly lifted her head, and looked into Miley's eyes. Miley stared at her longingly and nodded. With that, Lilly knelt back and lowered her mouth to Miley's stomach. She tenderly kissed a circle around Miley's belly button and started to move upwards to her torso. As Lilly's kisses neared Miley's ribs, Miley tensed and ran her fingers through Lilly's hair and down to her neck, stroking her skin gently.
Lilly brought her hands back up to the sides of Miley's breast and started to massage then tenderly once more. Her kisses led up to Miley's breastbone and she kissed the skin between the breasts.
Miley shuddered as Lilly pulled away for one second, and then moved her mouth over to Miley's left nipple. Miley moaned as Lilly began to suckle on her nipple gently. She felt the warmth of Lilly's mouth all over her breast, and the moist wetness from her tongue as is licked the center of her nipple.
Miley moaned quietly and rubbed her thighs together restlessly. Lilly pulled away again and moved over to Miley's other nipple. After repeating the same routine, Lilly pulled away and slowly lifted herself from Miley's chest. Miley stared up at Lilly breathlessly, and quickly sat up and pulled Lilly towards her, crashing their lips together.
She parted Lilly's lips with her tongue and invited Lilly's tongue into her mouth. Lilly took up the offer and their tongues began to caress each other's. It was Miley's turn to run her hands up Lilly's torso. She pulled away and lifted Lilly's shirt. Lilly sat back and licked her lips nervously. Miley leaned forwards to kiss Lilly's stomach, but she stopped.
Her eyes rested on the large jagged scars on Lilly's abdomen; the ones that Lilly's father had left her with permanently. She stared at them as tears formed in her eyes. She then slowly leaned forwards and gently kissed the scars.
Lilly felt Miley's warm tears drip onto her stomach, and she sighed sadly. Miley lifted Lilly's shirt more, and shallowly gasped as she saw that the cut Lilly has given herself had opened and was slowly starting to bleed. She leaned forwards, trembling, and kissed above the opening wound. Then, she was overcome by her tears and lowered her head to sob.
Lilly sat up and pulled her shirt down. She lay down next to Miley and pulled her into her arms. "L-Lilly," Miley sobbed as she clung onto Lilly's clothes.
"Shhh, it's okay. Let's go to sleep," Lilly whispered soothingly in her ear.
Miley nodded weakly and cuddled closer into Lilly's embrace.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning when Miley and Lilly went downstairs for breakfast, they saw a flustered Robby Ray sitting at the table reading the paper.
"What's wrong, Daddy?" Miley asked, making sure she had wiped all of the dried tears from the night before off of her face.
Robby Ray sighed and tossed the paper in front of Miley. The headline read: "Hannah Montana: Calling it Quits? Rumors such as pregnancy and illness start to circle the tabloids"
"Great," Miley rolled her eyes and pushed the paper back towards her father, "This is the last thing I need right now,"
"I know," Robby Ray nodded, "What do you wanna do, Miles? You think you got a comeback performance in you? That would at least stop all the gossip,"
Miley glanced over at Lilly uneasily and hesitated.
"Miley, you should. I know you love concerts," Lilly smiled and took her by the hand, "I'll be okay,"
Miley still seemed hesitant.
"Tell you what, Miles," Robby Ray sat up, "Why don't I book a concert in San Jose, we'll book a few rooms at the hotel near the auditorium, and we'll just take it easy. There's a decent sized auditorium there, and it wont be too crowded. After the show we could just take it easy and lay low. We can invite Oliver, and Heather, and we can all make triple-sure that Lilly's doing alright," He looked over to Lilly who nodded in agreement.
"It'll be fine, Miles," Lilly smiled and squeezed Miley's hand.
Miley sighed, and after several moments of thought she sighed, "Oh, alright,"