CHAPTER 14
COMMUNICATION IS A BEAUTIFUL THING
A/N—As promised, here's the next chapter. I hope it doesn't disappoint. Please let me know what you think.
"I've been having nightmares. The first one was about a year ago while you were away hunting." Her voice is very quiet and she is looking at her lap.
I put two fingers under Bella's chin, raising it so she will look at me. "Are the nightmares about me leaving you in Forks?" I know she suffered from nightmares for years after I left her in Forks and it pains me to think they may have returned.
"No," she says, shaking her head.
"Then what?"
"These nightmares are about you changing me...after you change me."
"You're afraid of becoming a monster," I whisper.
"No!" she exclaims. She cradles my face in her hands and stares into my eyes and repeats a firm, "No."
I can't help but to rub my cheek against her hand. I want to savor the warmth and concentration of her scent that comes from the pulse point at her wrist. But I can't let myself be distracted, as Bella and I are talking…really talking…for the first time in a long time. I put my hand over hers which is cradling my right cheek and rub lightly. "Then what is it?" I ask and she takes a deep breath.
When she still doesn't say anything after thirty seconds, I prompt her again. "Bella, please! Just be honest with me!"
"In my nightmares you always leave me!" she suddenly blurts. "After I'm changed, you grow bored and disinterested and you soon move on with another human girl."
"W-what?" I say in disbelief. She can't be serious. "That's ridiculous, Bella."
She stares at my lips and responds softly, "Is it?"
"Of course. I love you and that love if forever." I pull her chin back up with my left hand, gazing directly into her eyes when I say it again. "Forever."
"You can't know that."
"Bella, I do know that. I can't believe you are worried about this, having nightmares over this. Sweetheart, I assure you I will love you and only you forever, human or vampire."
She looks up and I can tell by her expression that she truly fears my leaving her. It's preposterous.
"What about this?" Bella asks nodding to our hands still on my face. "I know how much you like my warmth and my scent."
"But..." I am unable to finish my sentence when she presses two fingers to my lips and whispers "Shh. Let me finish."
I nod.
"Can you be sure you won't miss these things? And what about when I'm like you and you no longer have to worry about my human frailties? Can you really deny that you don't enjoy coming to poor Bella's rescue?"
These are clearly rhetorical questions and I refrain from answering, as it appears she has more to add.
"I know this is going to sound weird but I just recently realized that eternity with you means...well, forever." She barks out a small laugh at her nonsensical comment.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was so caught up in the romantic notion of forever for so long it didn't occur to me until more recently that it wouldn't be so romantic if you ended up stuck with the wrong person."
My first instinct is to tell Bella she is absolutely absurd to think such things. However, I realize if this is something that has given her nightmares, the least I should do is give due consideration to what she is saying. I withdraw Bella's hands from my face, and place them in her lap. Then, I fold mine in a steeple under my chin as I think about what she has just said.
Part of me wants to be angry and rant in frustration. This is why she has been upset? She thinks I won't love her after she is changed? It's absurd. But another part of me knows that Bella doesn't like to show weakness, she never has. And admitting these fears, even to me, is a hard thing for her to do.
After several long minutes pass and I have gathered my thoughts, I raise my eyes and speak. My voice is fraught with sincerity and conviction.
"Will I miss your warmth; without a doubt, yes. The amount of pleasure I derive from your body, especially your warmth, is no secret. In no way does that type of pleasure outweigh the joys you give me, and will still give me after you are changed.
"Second, you asked about your scent. Bella your scent is my heaven and my hell. While I have certainly become much more desensitized to the call of the blood- the pull- the blood lust; it's always there. I will actually be quite grateful when I no longer have to fight the urge to drain you."
"As for your human frailties, as you call them, I hope you will always let me take care of you, Bella, whether you're human or vampire. It's not that you need my help, love. Taking care of you and making life easier for you is my way of expressing my love and affection for you. It's an old fashion notion I know, but what can I say? I'm an old fashion guy."
I manage to get a small smile out of Bella with my last comment, but she is still clearly bothered.
"I know I've changed from the Bella Swan you knew in Forks. I had to…toughen up in order to survive. I can't be that same helpless girl anymore. What if you later decide that you want someone like I use to be? Especially after I'm no longer human?"
"Never," I respond simply.
"Can I ask you something?" I ask, taking Bella's right hand into mine.
She nods, her eyes still wary and full of a vulnerability she rarely lets show.
"Is it possible that this fear has led you to…" I hesitate, trying to think of the right words. Drive me absolutely insane? Disregard my feelings? I finally settle on what to ask. "Is it possible that this fear has led you to push me away?"
She nods again and then speaks softly. "You have put up with so much from me, Edward. I know this. But I can't help myself. I keep thinking that if I don't let you take care of me, you will realize that you don't want me unless I'm helpless. If you're going to leave me I would rather you do it now than later."
Bella bows her head to look at her lap. I can only shake my head in disbelief.
"I know it's stupid, but I just can't stop myself, and I know I've been so hard on you...so mean, attacking you for everything. I keep waiting for you to tell me you don't want me anymore." Then she looks up, and stares directly into my eyes. "But you haven't. You've never even hinted at wanting to leave me."
"Bella, I love you. I asked you to marry me. I wouldn't have done that if I was not prepared to do whatever it takes to make you happy. That's my role."
"But what about you? Aren't you supposed to be happy too?"
I smile as I stroke her left cheek. "You make me happy."
"Even when I'm doing stupid things like losing my engagement ring and yelling at you for helping Paige?"
I lean in and exhale, with my lips just inches from hers. "Not my favorite moments, I'll admit, but Bella, you need to understand something. Without you, there is no happiness in my life."
She leans in until our foreheads are touching and breathes. "I'm so sorry."
I cup her cheeks pulling her oh so slowly, closer to me until our lips are just barely touching. "Bella," I breathe out. "Please...please let me show you how much I love you." Now that I finally know what Bella has been going through, I need her more than I have ever needed her. I need that physical connection so I know we are going to be okay. I also need to worship her so she will know we will be okay.
I am not worried about my control, as my blood lust is barely registering. All I am concerned with at the moment is showing Bella that she is my everything and driving all doubt from her mind forever.
"Yes."
And with that one word, the whole world around us fades away and it's just Bella and I. Somehow we are lying on the Persian rug in our living room in front of the fireplace. Luckily, we have gas fireplaces to use to start a fire because I could not extract myself from Bella long enough to light a fire, even at vampire speed.
Holding Bella tightly in my arms with our bodies molding perfectly together, I watch Bella's beautiful skin glow from light in the fireplace; it all seems surreal. It's truly a spiritual experience.
As we come together, both of us with our eyes open, and neither of us willing to lose this magnetic connection…a connection of souls. Maybe I didn't lose mine after all. Or maybe Bella just uncovered it.
We exchange gasps and desperate words of love and devotion.
"Only you. There will only ever be you, Bella."
"Edward, don't ever leave me."
"Love, I told you. You are my life."
"I'm yours. Always yours."
And we spend the rest of the afternoon and most of the night making up for lost time.
X * X * X * X * X
It's three in the morning, and Bella is giggling as I feed her strawberries dipped in whip cream. We are still naked and lying on the rug in front of the fire. Bella is propped up on some throw pillows from our couch. A few minutes ago we had been kissing rather heavily getting ready for round four when Bella's stomach growled rather loudly. Despite her disappointed pout, I pulled away and put together a tray of fruit and crackers. The whip cream was a last minute addition.
"Mmm," Bella says appreciatively as she licks a bit of cream from her lip.
"Lay back," she orders suddenly, with a mischievous glint in her eye.
I can only think of one reason Bella would want me lying on my back. Fellatio!
I close my eyes, smiling contently as I imagine all of the wonderfully naughty things Bella is about to do to me. My eyes open in surprise as I feel something soft against my nipples. It's soft but a bit cold. Definitely not Bella's lips. I look down and I am shocked to see Bella using a strawberry to smear whip cream on both of my nipples. She dips the strawberry in the cream again and then trails in down from my breastbone to my torso, then over my lower abdomen. My stomach muscles clinch from the sensations caused by the cool cream and Bella's warm touch.
Looking at me while holding my gaze, she lowers her head and flicks my left nipple with her tongue, tasting the cream. She moans in enjoyment and I groan in torture.
She languidly licks the cream from my upper body, and by the time she is done, I am writhing from her teasing. My cock is hard and desperate for attention like the rest of me has received.
She picks up another strawberry and dips it in cream and very, very slowly brings it to the tip of my engorged cock. She swirls it around the tip and I have to fight the urge to grab her and push myself into her immediately.
Venom leaks from my tip and Bella moans at the sight. Suddenly, she lowers her warm wet mouth to me and licks all of the cream and venom from me.
"Ahh…Jesus Christ, Bella," I say with a mixture of awe and bone clenching pleasure in my voice. I silently give thanks that she is so generous and enthusiastic when it comes to oral sex.
Bella starts her ministrations upon my cock in earnest. I move my hands to her hair and guide her gently as she engulfs me fully in her mouth. She moves her head up and down at a steady pace; the warmth, suction, wetness, and possession. All of these things describe what Bella is giving me, as well as the feelings that are evoked by her loving me this way.
It doesn't take long before I am overwhelmed. "Bella," I say her name with a moan and she knows this means my orgasm is imminent. As usual, she greedily swallows my release and I cry out in pleasure while I jerk beneath her hands and mouth, completely at her mercy.
I am slowly coming back to earth, still breathing heavily and enjoying the euphoric sensations coursing through me when Bella moves to lie in my arms. She's exhausted, evident by her eyes closing. I whisper, "Don't go to sleep yet, it's your turn."
She laughs lightly with her eyes still closed. "Sorry. The human needs sleep." She peeks one eye open and looks at me. "Give me a few hours."
She then adds on the end of a yawn, "I'm calling into work tomorrow."
I laugh and kiss her forehead as she nuzzles my neck, already halfway asleep. I sigh in contentment.
For so long, it seemed an invisible wall separated us, and the wall just got higher and higher as we fought. Then, with just a little openness the wall came tumbling down, no match for the weight of the love between us.
Communication is a beautiful thing. And so is fellatio.
E/N—Okay, so now you know what's been driving her to act so outrageous…an old Bella trait—insecurity. Don't worry, these two have a lot more talking to do. The story is not over yet. I hope you will stay tuned for more. Please let me know what you think!
Thank you Sis, Eviekinz (beta), and Lemonmartinis who really gave me some incredible feedback on this one.
All things Twilight belong to SM.
Eviekinz and I will be interviewing each other this week and the interview will appear on the Southern FanFiction Review blog on November 30th. Check it out at www(dot)southernfanfictionreview(dot)com.