Chapter Fourteen
Petrified of who you are and who you have become
You will hide from everyone, denying you need someone
April 6th, 1973
James was released from his mother's care and sent back to school the day after Alexia woke up, despite his begging to stay. The rest of the kids returned as well, leaving Alexia home with her parents and the occasional visit from Lucius, who was apparently rather talented at sneaking out of Hogwarts. He brought her books and letters from her friends, all of which she read and didn't reply to.
She hadn't spoken much since waking again, her thoughts turning back constantly to what had happened to trigger the curse and what had happened once she'd woken. The manic conversations she'd held played through her mind nearly constantly and all she wanted was to go back so that none of it had ever happened.
It hurt her to ignore her friends, but no one more than James, whose letters she couldn't bear to read. The first one had been short and in worry and that alone had been too much. With his limited understanding of what he'd seen, she wasn't sure how he'd react to it or who he'd mention it to. As much as she didn't want him to mention it to their friends, she didn't want him to mention it to her even more.
Her scar had been attended to by Dorea, Charlus, and Lucius, who had brought books from Malfoy Manor on cursed scars. To her relief, she'd been told that the entire thing would heal, though it'd take somewhere between six months and two years. It was a wonderful relief knowing that the word would no longer sit on her arm, mocking her.
Three weeks after the incident she was sent back to school.
"I assure you, we will take good care of her," Dumbledore said to her parents. They looked at him in disbelief before glancing down at her.
"You protect yourself," Dorea was saying. "You are obviously on your own here, my love. Keep your wand on you and hex the bollocks off of anyone threatening you, alright?"
"Lady Potter, that is not appropriate-,"
"I will, mum," Alexia promised, shooting a glare at Dumbledore. "Can I go?"
"Go on, dear," Charlus said, patting her back. "We'll see you in a few weeks."
She kissed his cheek and hugged Dorea and then ran out of the room before Dumbledore could stop her. She knew her parents were planning to tear him to pieces and as much as she didn't want to miss it, she also knew she wouldn't be able to stop herself from screaming or possibly cursing him.
Alexia made her way into the library quietly and looked around to ensure it was empty. Satisfied, she slipped inside and found a table far away from her regular one and settled in with a book, hopeful to distract herself.
OoOoOoOoOoOo
"She's your sister, you tell me why she's ignoring you," Sirius rolled his eyes, tossing the Quaffle back to James from his bed. James had been pouting for two weeks because Alexia never wrote him back. "She's ignoring all of us. You don't know she's… what, ignoring you harder?"
"She is!" he exclaimed. "I can feel it."
"Well, why, then?"
James grabbed the ball and hugged it to his chest. "There was this thing I saw when… I think she knows I saw it."
"So?" Sirius shrugged. "We know she's been through a lot of dark shit. Why would that be any different?"
"Because it… it just was," James shook his head. "It was really bad, Padfoot. I don't know."
Sirius sat up and frowned at his friend. "What happened?"
James considered the question. Sirius was both of their friend and they both trusted him deeply, he knew that much. But he also knew his sister, and he had a gut feeling that this was definitely something he couldn't share about her. He wasn't even sure she'd have ever told him on her own, and he refused to give that information away when he wasn't supposed to have it himself. "I really can't say. It's not my place, Padfoot. Just… I just miss her, and I know this is why she's avoiding me, and I don't know how to fix it. I asked Mum to Obliviate me and she said no."
Sirius stared his friend down for a long minute. It was clearly deeply bothering him and while he didn't know why she was avoiding him, he knew that someone had to fix it. "Leave it up to me, Prongs. Just meet me in the potions room tomorrow night after dinner, okay?"
"Okay…"
OoOoOoOoOoOo
Regulus's book slammed shut, and his head snapped up to see a nervous Sirius standing in front of him. He scowled. "What do you want, Sirius? I thought you weren't talking to me."
Sirius winced a little. "I deserve that. I'm sorry, Reg. And we can talk about that, but I need your help with something first."
"I'm not joining in on your idiotic pranks."
"It's not a prank," Sirius said, making a face at his little brother. "I'm trying to help Lexi, but I need your help to do that."
Regulus narrowed his eyes. He knew very little of what had happened to his friend. The whole school knew that Dolohov had confronted her, as well as the fact that she'd screamed so loud she'd woken Madame Pomfrey from all the way across the first floor. Then, she was out of school for weeks. When she'd returned, she'd studied quietly with him, and he'd refrained from asking. It had been clear she needed a friend, and he was willing to be that. Still, looking at his brother, he could see the desperation. "What exactly do you want me to do?"
"I just need you to bring her to the potions room after dinner. Slughorn told me we can borrow it. Please, Reg. It's important."
"What will be waiting for her there?"
"James."
Regulus paused. "Why?"
"She's avoiding him. She's avoiding all of us, but it's really bothering him. Something bad happened, Reg, and James saw something… he wouldn't tell me, but he said that's why she's avoiding him, and he just wants to help her. We both do, and I know you're her friend. I know you'd want to help her, too."
Regulus opened his book again. "Fine. After dinner. But if she hexes me for this, I'll hex you."
"Thank you!"
OoOoOoOoOoOo
Alexia sat, once more, with her Slytherin friends. The only Gryffindors that she was speaking to even a little bit were the girls in her dorms, and even then, she tried to see them as little as possible.
Right then, she was sitting between Regulus and Severus, silent as she attempted to eat, having skipped breakfast and lunch both in favor of avoiding her friends.
"You need to eat," Severus said softly, touching her arm. It took a lot of her energy to avoid flinching, as it always seemed to when someone touched her as of late. "You're making yourself sick, Alex."
"Not hungry," she muttered, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes. "I just want to sleep."
"You're still going to come look over my potion after dinner, right?" Regulus asked her. She glanced at him and nodded quietly. She wasn't sure why he'd need her help, but she agreed regardless. It was a good way to avoid the people she didn't want to see while also keeping her mind occupied.
"I'm ready whenever you are," she told him. Severus sighed and rubbed her arm lightly, a motion that was surprisingly soothing. She waited another five minutes for Regulus to finish eating before standing and leaving with him, not bothering to say goodbye to her friend.
"Thanks for this," Regulus said. Part of her recognized the nerves in his voice, but the other part didn't care enough to figure it out. She followed him down to the dungeons, slipping her wand into her hand when they got down there. The area made her nervous now, and she was more than aware that Dolohov could get to her whenever he wanted.
They stepped into the room and she looked at the tables, spotting no potion brewing. She turned around to frown at him and caught sight of Sirius setting wards around the room and Regulus frowning to himself.
"Regulus!" She snapped, her gut filling with fear. "You lied to me."
"I asked him to," Sirius assured her. "Don't be mad at him, be mad at me."
"Oh, I am," she glared. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Lex?"
She spun around, her face falling at the sight of her brother. He looked so… broken. Sad. Afraid. It hit her in that moment that she'd definitely not been acting like a Gryffindor. She was so scared that she'd let him suffer to avoid talking about one of the sources of her nightmares.
"Jamie."
"C'mon, kid," Sirius said, grabbing Regulus's arm and dragging him out of the room. "We've got some guarding to do."
With them gone, Alexia hesitated before putting up a privacy charm to ensure they wouldn't be heard. Her eyes settled on her brother's and she was ashamed to find herself wishing she'd never come to the past.
"Why, Lex?"
She winced and settled herself into a nearby chair. "I'm scared, Jamie. I don't want to talk about it. I don't… I don't want you to know that. I don't want you to see me… like that. Weak."
"Weak? You think that's what I took from that? Judgment on you?"
She shrugged lightly.
"Lexi, I don't think you're… weak. I'm just scared for you."
"I'm away from them," she promised, her voice a whisper now. "I never wanted you to know that. I just wanted you to see me as… I don't know. Normal, I guess."
He offered her a Marauder smile. "Ah, Lex, you've never been normal. Don't start on me now."
She felt some stress lift off of her. "You didn't… tell anyone, did you?"
He shook his head in horror. "I'd never share that. It's not mine to share. I'm just worried, okay? Please stop avoiding me. I miss you. What kind of twins are we if you won't even look at me?"
"Shit," she sighed. "I missed you too, Jamie."
He moved over to her and wrapped his arms around her, and she relaxed into his tight hug, relief flooding through her. "Don't ever do that again or I'll hex you."
"Got it."
"I love you, Lexi."
"I love you too, Jamie."
OoOoOoOoOoOo
April 13th, 1973
Lily sat down next to Alexia in the library, ignoring Severus and Regulus, irritation written all over her. "Lexi, quick question. What is wrong with James?"
Alexia looked at her hesitantly. "What'd he do?"
"It's your stupid prank war," the girl huffed. "He wanted to see if he could sneak up to our dorm by spelling the door open and tying a rope to a bedpost and pulling himself up that way. Instead of a bedpost, the rope tied around me and he pulled me down the stairs!"
Alexia's eyes widened and she tried not to laugh. Despite how awful it was that James had hurt Lily, it was a bit of a brilliant way around the slide issue. "I'm sorry, Lily. I'll talk to him. Dorms are off limits."
"How long is this going to go on for again?"
Alexia hesitated, not wanting to irritate the girl further. "He won't do anything like this again, Lils. I promise."
"Alexia, how long?"
"...until graduation."
Lily, usually quiet and respectful in the library, let out a frustrated screech and stood to stomp out, leaving Alexia with the two boys who were both perfectly fine with pretending they weren't there until the irate witch had left.
"Your pranks are going to get you all in trouble," Severus shook his head at her fondly. She made a face at him.
"It's mostly Sirius that gets in trouble. In all fairness, though, I've been sabotaging his pranks lately because I'm still mad at him."
"Are you not glad to be speaking with James again?" Regulus asked her with a frown. She nodded.
"I missed him, of course, I did. It wasn't Sirius's place, though, to trap me. I wasn't ready for the possible outcome of the conversation."
"And why are you not upset with me?" Regulus wondered, curious. She offered him a smile.
"Because you didn't know the full story of what happened, so you couldn't possibly know the reason that I was avoiding my own brother."
"Alex," Severus frowned at her. "What did happen?"
Alexia looked between her two friends, hesitating. Severus knew nothing about her while Regulus knew she was much older than she was supposed to be. She bit her lip. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to tell you, but there's something you should know first to make it truly make sense."
"Okay."
Alexia pulled her wand out and swore the same oath on her magic that she had for Regulus. When the dim glow faded, she saw Severus nod stiffly. "I went through some…. some things that no one should ever have to go through. War. I was given to the Potters for safety by Dumbledore but I have some injuries from a couple of years ago that keep being irritated once more. And at the ball this year, I disappeared early."
"Yes, Lily and I noticed," Severus nodded with a frown. Regulus was watching her quietly, curious.
"Dolohov grabbed me. He silenced me and took me upstairs where he tortured me. I think he sort of assumed that was all I'd ever experienced in the area of horrible pain. He put this curse on me, the curse Lucius was trying to find a cure for, that would make James and I feel all the pain I've ever felt before if I revealed that he'd hurt me."
"Oh," Regulus breathed, understanding. Alexia nodded.
"He came up to me during detention and I'd forgotten to take my potions, so I was shaking horribly. Fabian and Gideon were furious and I couldn't convince them that he hadn't hurt me so he cast the trigger curse. It wasn't as bad for Jamie but… I've been having bits of amnesia and issues with pain and opened scars. There was one injury that it basically gave me again that, when I originally got it, almost killed me. It's been bad."
"So one of the things that's happened to you, James experienced and that's why you avoided him?" Regulus asked her softly. She nodded, looking away, and he felt horrible. "I am sorry. We had no right to interfere. We have no way to know what sort of thing you went through."
She shrugged a little, staring at her hands quietly. "I don't care if they know about the torture I've gone through, the times I've been cursed or the things I've seen, but that… that was something I hoped I could keep from anyone. Even my closest friends before I came here didn't know. But the cruciatus, it exposes your deepest, darkest memories and nightmares to you. A physical and psychological attack. James wouldn't have seen anything near as painful as I have so he was shown… the worst of it."
"And you were worried for how he would react," Severus guesses. She nodded.
"It was illogical but I worried he would tell Sirius. Mum figured it out because it happened to me again when the spell… so it came up on the scans that they used."
"Your brother, for better or worse, loves you more than anything," Severus told her slowly, uncomfortable defending James. "I do not believe he'd do anything to hurt you if he could avoid it."
"And I get that," she agreed. "Which is why I'm pissed off at Sirius and not Jamie."
"And not me?"
She offered him a smile. "You didn't know what had happened or any idea of what I've gone through. Sirius knows I trust you and, being the arse that he is, used that against me. Has he even talked to you like he promised he would?"
Regulus's lips thinned. "I did not believe he would. He said you needed help, so I helped."
"He's an arse," Alexia muttered. "I'm going to talk to him again. I don't know what his problem is. He loves you so much and sees us being friends and yet he talks as if you'll call him a blood traitor."
"Alexia."
The girl froze, looking up at Lucius, who she had been firmly avoiding speaking to. He'd visited her many times, of course, but she hadn't said much. Her manic conversations had terrified her, not to mention the way her memory would randomly disappear, leaving her convinced that she was in the middle of the war. Dorea had given her a sad smile and explained that it was likely because of her bad PTSD and that it would likely take a mind healer and time to heal if it ever could be healed.
"Lucius," she greeted, irritated that her friends, who knew she was avoiding him, looked away and didn't come to her rescue. "You look well."
He offered her a smile, and the sight made her temporarily wonder why she'd ever avoid him. "You seem much better. I haven't seen you much since you've gotten back."
"I've been trying to keep to myself, for the most part," she told him truthfully.
"Do you think we could have a moment?"
Before she could decline, Severus and Regulus betrayed her and slipped away, leaving the pair alone in the relatively deserted area of the library. She scowled at their retreating figures and shook her head. "Yes, of course."
Lucius let out a small laugh. "We don't have to pretend you're not avoiding me."
She felt her shoulders drop and let out a small sigh. "I'm sorry. My… memory isn't always good. I'm just worried-,"
"You're worried you'll hex me," he guessed.
"Or worse," she confirmed. "It's… terrifying, Lucius. I don't want to think you're a threat and try to hurt you. You're my friend and I truly value your company. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that."
Lucius sat in front of her and reached out to put his hand over hers. The touch surprised her and she did her best not to flinch, mostly because she found it very calming and didn't want him to take it away. "Alexia. It bothers me deeply that there will be a time in my life, a time you've already experienced, where I will seek to hurt you in the name of a bigot. I do not know everything that I or, apparently, my son have done but I know that whatever reaction you did have upon waking was well earned. You did not hurt me, regardless of threatening me, and I have faith that we could handle the situation if it arose again."
Alexia bit her lip and looked up to meet his gaze. "I never meant to tell you about him."
Lucius smiled. "You never meant to tell me anything I know today."
"I don't want to avoid you," she promised. "You keep me sane when I have to spend the majority of my time with my brother and Sirius. Severus and Regulus can be tiring as well, considering their issues with James and Sirius. You're a refreshing break from the drama in my life and I greatly value that."
"As do I."
"What if I do hurt you? I know I look small and unimpressive but even at thirteen I knew things I shouldn't have known."
"If your memory fails you, I will call for Remus right away," he assured her. "He was alive in your time, correct?"
Alexia nodded. "Last I saw him, he and his wife were injured but alive. No one else… no one else but Emmaline, I think, and she doesn't know."
"I will call for Remus and keep you as calm as I can until he gets there. I promise I will not let you hurt me, and I will not hurt you."
Alexia hesitated before nodding and moving closer to hug him, surprising him. His hands hovered over her back for a moment before he patted it gently, breathing in the smell of her coconut shampoo.
"Thank you, Lucius. I don't know what I'd do without you."
OoOoOoOoOoOo
May 6th, 1973
"We have a test tomorrow," Lily scowled at James, flicking her wand to get rid of the blue powder dancing in the air around her. "You cannot use the common room for whatever idiotic prank you're working on."
"Hey," Alexia frowned. "I get it when they're doing it, but I'm helping with this one!"
"Pranking itself is idiotic," Lily told her friend. "You are not, though I do question your sanity for enjoying such things."
Alexia shrugged as she waved her wand to collect the powder again into the bowl in front of Sirius. "It's in my blood."
"But you're not blood siblings."
"She's got you there, Ash," Sirius laughed, spelling the blue powder to be rainbow instead. James smacked his friend.
"She's insulting pranking! We don't agree with her!"
"Anyway, Lils, we'll be moving up to their dorm in just a second," Alexia promised, gathering the yellow powder that was floating near James' head into the bowl in front of Remus.
"Lexi, if you get another detention, McGonagall is going to ban you from Hogsmeade next year," Lily complained. Alexia froze, eyes wide.
"What? She can do that?"
"She told you she would!"
"When?"
"Yesterday! While giving you detention! She said, 'Miss Potter, if you get another detention before the end of the year, I will have no choice but to refuse you entry to Hogsmeade next year.' And then she told you to clean up the Great Hall because Filch refused, which is fair, considering the amount of pumpkin juice you poured from the ceiling."
"It was funny!" Alexia defended. "The ceiling replicates rain but it never falls, so I thought everyone could get their pumpkin juice in a more… creative way."
"Please, Lexi, I'm begging you," the redhead told her. "No more detentions. Do your pranks, whatever, but stop getting caught!"
"Fine," she sighed, her shoulders slumping. "Fine, but that means you guys have to cover for me."
"You got it, Ash," James nodded. "No detentions for you."
Lily nodded curtly and sat in the chair, waiting as the five of them gathered up the products for the prank they'd planned for that upcoming Wednesday and carried it up to the boys dorm, where they settled it all in a spare trunk that sat against the wall holding their community prank products. Once they were all settled in, Alexia grabbed the parchment that sat between Sirius and Remus's beds and got back to drawing.
"How are we ever going to get it to work?" Peter questioned. "That would take a lot of advanced charms."
"And runes and wards," Alexia agreed. "I've got a good long list of what we'll need to put on it. Once it's drawn completely, I have to get it connected to the castle - no I won't tell you lot how - and then we can start placing the magic on it. I'll need everyone's help with that."
"This was a brilliant idea, Moony," James told Remus with a grin.
"How long till you think it'll be done?" Sirius questioned, tugging Alexia's hair gently. She shrugged.
"Maybe the rest of the year. If it really takes that long, we can do the spells and stuff at the beginning of next year or I can do some over the summer."
"Brilliant," the boy grinned. "And when do we get to use our Animagi forms to help you, Moony?"
"Never."
"Aw, come on!" James whined, sitting up to look at their friend. "Lex hasn't even see our forms!"
"Then show her now," Remus scowled. "You're not coming out with me. It's dangerous."
"Let's just leave it for now," Peter suggested, sensing the werewolf's rising temper. "Lexi, I've got a question."
"Hmm?"
"If you've got us as friends, why do you hang out with so many Slytherins?"
She genuinely considered the question. There was no malice in his voice and she knew he was just curious. "Well, Pete, they're good people, as much as Jamie or Sirius disagree. They want to make sure I'm safe and they're good to study with or talk to."
"But they're Slytherins."
"If I hadn't threatened to throw the Sorting Hat into the Black Lake, I would be one, too. Mum says I'm more Slytherin than I am Gryffindor."
"Really?"
Alexia nodded, looking up from the map. Sirius took it from her and continued drawing as she spoke. "I've been through a lot and it's hard not to be resourceful or determined or have a strong sense of self preservation. Daring isn't my priority anymore, nor is bravery."
"So why did you threaten the hat then?"
Alexia grinned, looking to her brother, who smiled back at her. "Because I refuse to be separated from Jamie."
OoOoOoOoOoOo
May 8th, 1973
Sirius let out a startled gasp when the door slammed shut before he could leave the room. The five Marauders had once more fallen asleep in the boys' dorm, planning the group pranks they planned to pull for the rest of the year since Alexia was unable to pull her own anymore. James, Remus, and Peter had already gotten ready and left, and he'd done the same and was about to leave when Alexia had spelled the door shut. He turned around to frown at her, nervous. The deep frown on her face did nothing to help him relax.
"Ash?"
"Look, Padfoot, I've tried to stay out of it," she told him, dropping her hand to her side and slipping her wand back into the holster. "I love you. You're one of my best friends. But so is Regulus and-,"
"I don't want to hear this," he interrupted with a scowl.
"I don't give a shit," she snapped, shutting him up. "You're going to listen to me and then I'm going to leave and let you do whatever you want with this. Because I shouldn't have to get involved for you to give a shit about your little brother."
"Hey, I do-,"
"No, you don't," she glared. "You've ignored him for two years now. He's hurt. He wants his brother back, Sirius. He wants to talk to you. And I get it, you're afraid of his reaction, but I've been friends with him all year and he's yet to call me a blood traitor. For Merlin's sake, Sirius, he was going to openly dose Dolohov for insulting you and I! You need to get your head out of your ass. He's hurting. He misses you. He loves you. He has told me this. Just talk to him, Sirius."
Sirius stared at her quietly, furious at her for trying to interfere. The fury was edged out, however, by the deep guilt that his brother was so upset over the way he was acting. He wasn't given the chance to reply because Alexia waved her hand at the door, opening it wandlessly, and stormed out, slamming it shut again once she was gone.
OoOoOoOoOoOo
"Alexia," Lucius greeted with a small smile and a raised eyebrow. "You are at the wrong table."
"I've just yelled at Sirius and I do not wish to be scolded for it," she explained. "And on the off chance he listened to me, I don't want to be scolded by Regulus for saying something."
"I see," her friend nodded, pouring her tea for her. She shot him a thankful smile and grabbed it, sipping at it. "And so you are reverting to your usual avoidance tactic."
Alexia narrowed her eyes at him, giving him a look she'd never given before. "If you'd rather I sit elsewhere, I'm sure Pandora wouldn't mind me-,"
"No," he laughed softly. "I simply think you're a very poor Gryffindor."
"Yeah, so does everyone else," she rolled her eyes as she made her plate, confident she wouldn't be booted from her seat. "I'm aware that it would make more sense for me to be a Slytherin, but I can't leave Jamie."
"Severus told me Lily was complaining about your dangerous amount of detentions," Lucius said casually. Alexia made a face.
"McGonagall apparently told me that if I get another one this year, I won't be allowed to go to Hogsmeade. We're pausing our prank war for it and I only get to help plan pranks, not carry them out. I think it was the St. Patrick's Day prank that put me over the edge, honestly."
"That would be a shame," Lucius told her with a nod. "I was hoping to ask you to go to Hogsmeade with me next year."
Alexia nearly choked on the toast she was eating and forced herself to remain calm, remembering every lesson Dorea had given her. "Would that not be inappropriate?"
"Not at all," he assured her. She offered him a smile.
"I would love to go with you."
OoOoOoOoOoOo
Alexia walked into the boys' dorm room and walked over to pick up the map to work on it more, humming quietly to herself. It was only when she turned to walk out that she saw Sirius and Regulus staring at her, both frowning. She froze in spot, not sure she was breathing.
"Ash," Sirius said after a second. She let out the breath she'd been holding, eyes wide.
"Um… hello."
"Hello, Alexia," Regulus greeted, raising an eyebrow the way he did when he was annoyed. She winced. Both Black brothers were upset with her and it was a rather uncomfortable feeling.
"If you guys are gonna yell at me, please do it now," she requested. "If I'm not in class soon, I'll get a detention and I really need to avoid those."
"We're not gonna yell, kitten," Sirius shook his head at her. "We're concerned."
She blinked in confusion. "Why?"
"Lucius Malfoy is courting you," Regulus told her. She looked between them.
"What?"
"He's been working on it all year and Zabini heard him ask you to Hogsmeade," Sirius scowled. She looked between them again, confused.
"Okay. And…?"
"And he's evil!" Sirius shouted. Regulus pinched the bridge of his nose, obviously worried for a different reason.
"He can't properly court you, Alexia," he explained. "He has to marry someone that aligns with his family's politics and that certainly isn't you."
"I know," she blinked. "We both know that. We're not planning to get married. Jeez. It's a date. We will have a date and if it goes well, we will have more. I'm well aware that he will have to pick someone else and so is he."
"Then why date him at all?" Sirius asked, getting to his real issue. Why date Lucius if she would just end up with him?
Alexia shook her head at him. "Because I shouldn't forget to live my life just because of the inevitable. I have faith that where we both end up, we'll be happy. I know I will be, Sirius. But right now, we're far from that. Would you want to only date one person your entire life just because you knew you'd end up with someone else?"
Sirius considered the question, frowning at her as he did so. "No, I… I guess not."
"Just be careful," Regulus requested. "I'll admit you'll be more safe with him."
"We aren't even going on the date until next year," Alexia pointed out with a small laugh. She could see Sirius really processing what she'd said and was glad to see him nod firmly to himself. "You guys need to relax. Are you only here to talk about me?"
"No," Sirius told her quickly. "As a matter of fact, get out."
"Yes, sir," she snapped off a mock salute and ducked out of the room, map in hand and a small smile on her face. She wasn't sure how Sirius had smuggled Regulus into Gryffindor, but she was glad he had.
OoOoOoOoOoOo
June 3rd, 1973
Exams were upon them and, despite having taken these exams years ago, Alexia was nervous. She'd spent hours in the library with her Slytherins, Lily, and Remus. She'd read through her textbooks countless times and had practiced everything more than she was willing to admit. She aced her exams, of course, and once she'd finished her DADA exam, she was immediately excused to her common room. She slipped through the passages and into her common room, grinning at the sight of the twins. She hadn't had any time alone with them since the whole Dolohov thing on St. Patrick's Day and she felt horrible. The issue was how protective her friends and brother had gotten. Now, however, they weren't there. She walked over and plopped down between the redheaded brothers.
"Alexia!" Fabian exclaimed with a grin.
"You're alive!"
"Yeah," she shook her head when they each tossed an arm around her shoulders. "Sorry. Everyone is very clingy now."
"We've been worried, Pip," Fabian told her seriously, Gideon nodding along. "Last we heard from you was screaming."
"I heard you hexed Dolohov so bad he was in the infirmary for three days," she raised an eyebrow, uncomfortable. Harry and Ron had told her about her screams as well and she'd hated it then, too.
"Bloody deserved it," Gideon confirmed. "We don't know what he did to you but it was horrible."
"An old, old curse," she explained. "I'm okay, better for the most part."
"Dolohov still hates you," Fabian warned her. "He's a horrible person, Alexia."
"You need to be careful," Gideon agreed. Alexia made a face at them.
"Does no one think I'm careful? Sure, the Quidditch thing was a mistake, but he'd tried to kill my brother. I'm not inviting him to attack me so much. He's just hung up on me. I can't help that."
"We know," Fabian agreed.
"That's why we're going to be looking out for you."
Alexia shook her head at them but smiled a little. She adored them and how much they cared for her reminded her of Fred and George, and she couldn't help but feel grateful for their friendship.
OoOoOoOoOoOo
June 17th, 1973
The train was waiting as students dragged their feet to get to it, but no one more than the Black brothers and their friends.
Sirius and Regulus had come to an agreement to, for Regulus's safety, continue acting as if they hate each other at home. It was deeply unlikely that anyone at school would tell Walburga they were close again, so their main worry for the time being was keeping it from the nasty woman.
It meant that the brothers decided to spend the train ride in a compartment together, leaving everyone else alone as they spent the last time they'd be able to spend together for a few months alone.
Alexia sat in a compartment with Severus, Lucius, and Lily as the train pulled away from Hogsmeade station. Lily was still nervous around Lucius despite one of her best friends being friends with him for two full years, which led to amusing conversations between the two, like the one that Severus and Alexia were observing right then.
"Your mother does what?"
"She's a brain surgeon?" Lily frowned, eyes wide. She'd only mentioned it in passing to Alexia, who had questioned the girl about her parents. "Do you not have that?"
"We do not," Lucius told her slowly. "What does it entail?"
"It means that if there's tumors or something of the sort in the brain, she can surgically remove it."
"By opening up her head and taking it out of her brain."
"Well, how else would she do it? My parents are muggles - they don't have magic to do it any other way."
"That is terrifying."
Alexia grinned and pulled her left sleeve up to show him a long scar on her wrist. "I got this when I was eight. I had to get stitches, which is when they poke through your skin with a needle and tie it up with a sort of medical string."
"Muggles are… much tougher than I previously believed," Lucius told her slowly, touching the scar lightly. The touch made her shiver a little, and she offered him a startled smile before covering it again. "How did you get injured?"
She frowned a little, remembering the incident and deciding to lie. "I just fell. Nothing as impressive as the rest of my scars."
"Impressive?" Lily frowned at her. "Lexi, you have nightmares from the things you've experienced and you'd call it impressive?"
Alexia struggled to put her thoughts into words. "Perhaps impressive is the wrong word. I simply mean there are much more worthy reasons to scar my body than falling. I've fought werewolves, wizards twice my age, and been petrified by a basilisk. I'd say my injuries from my adventures are more worthy of scarring my body than something so muggle."
"I wholly disagree," Lily told her with a deep frown, upset. "Why would you want to remember those things?"
Alexia let out a short laugh. "Honestly, Lils? Those things are some of the less traumatic events I've been through. For Merlin's sake, the basilisk mostly annoyed me. I missed exams!"
"Of course you'd be upset over that," Severus rolled his eyes at her.
"It's not that I want to remember the shitty things," she continued, looking at the confused and upset redhead. "It's just that after a while, it starts to feel ridiculous to get scars from something so small when I've also got scars from being hunted for a year and fighting Vol- fighting bigots."
"I can understand that," Lucius agreed. "Relishing in scars and how they've gotten them is common among veterans."
Alexia reeled back in shock, unsettled by the anxiety that bloomed in her. Only Severus seemed to notice, and she shook her head at his frown. She had never put that word to her. She'd fought a war, sure, but she wasn't done, was she? She was back in time and would be fighting once more, so it made her less of a veteran and more of an active soldier.
"I think I'm going to go check on Jamie and everyone else," she told her friends, slipping out of the compartment before they could reply. She was halfway to where she knew Sirius and Regulus were when Remus grabbed her hand, startling her. It took all of her self control not to pull her wand on him.
"Alex," he said softly as she pulled him along to Sirius and Regulus's compartment. When they slipped inside and she sat down, he frowned at her. "What happened?"
"Nothing," she waved him off. At his disbelieving look, she sighed. "Our conversation took an… unsettling turn."
"You okay, kitten?"
Alexia shot the brothers a smile, finding herself next to Regulus, who was looking at her in concern. "I just need a break from them. Lucius is learning about muggles."
"I'd pay to see that," Sirius laughed.
"Really, Alex," Remus muttered. "You're not okay."
Alexia sucked in a deep breath, feeling the itch of dissociation come on. While it hadn't been an issue before, it had quickly become one after the curse Dolohov had set on her. Whenever she felt herself dissociating, she knew what would happen. Remus seemed to feel and recognize it as well, because he looked at Regulus in alarm.
"Regulus, I'm sorry, can we have a moment?"
"Of course," he said, frowning at the dizzy and confused look on his friend's face. Once he was gone, Remus took his seat and sat next to her, grabbing her hand.
"Alex, come on," he whispered. It was rare, but he could sometimes bring her back to reality. He knew it was a lost cause when the confusion was replaced with fear.
"Remus?" she whispered, tense and terrified.
"You're okay," he promised as Sirius set up a few wards around the compartment. "How do you feel?"
"What happened?"
"You were hurt, but now you're okay," he told her as he always did. Since Sirius was there, he frowned. "There was an accident. It's June, 1973. You're safe."
"W-what?" she breathed in fast, gasping in shock when she looked to find Sirius next to her. "Oh my god… Sirius…"
"Hey, kitten," the boy smiled, touching her shoulder gently. They all knew touching her too quickly or hard during these episodes was a recipe for disaster. She'd hexed Peter when he'd done it on accident, and since then, they were all careful. "You're okay. Just some memory loss."
"I have to… I don't understand," she told them, afraid. "We have to get into her vaults. The next one is in there. I need Harry, we have to talk about how to get in there. Is he okay? Oh my god- is he okay?"
"He's fine," Remus assured her quickly. "He's safe in the future. You're in the past, Hermione. Look at Sirius and I. Look at yourself. We're all young."
Alexia paused with a frown. "What… happened?"
"You were hurt," Sirius told her. "And then you got to safety. After that, you told us you guys ended the war. You got sent back in time, kitten. You can't remember because you're so scared."
"But you're safe," Remus agreed, rubbing her hand gently. "And you'll be safe when you get back to the future, okay?"
"Why am I so scared?" she asked in a whisper. The boys exchanged a look.
"We don't know," Sirius admitted.
"I felt your fear and anxiety and followed you in here. Look, we're on the Hogwarts Express, Hermione. You're safe here with us."
"The… Hogwarts Express?" she frowned before her eyes opened in fear. "We can't go to Hogwarts! They'll kill us!"
Both boys paused before Sirius returned to her. It was worse than usual, a tighter grip on her mind. "Kitten, do you trust me?"
"I've always trusted you."
The words made him hesitate. Still, he knew it would work. He knew it would help her. "I know how I can help you, okay? I'm going to kiss you."
"Padfoot!" Remus snapped angrily. The boy glared at his friend.
"Not because I want to kiss her," he huffed. "Because it'll ignite our bond and that should be strong enough to help her."
"Bond?" Alexia frowned in confusion. Sirius nodded.
"We've got a soul bond," he told her, the world making his heart skip like it did every time he talked about it. "You'll remember. I promise. And I promise I won't do this again until you're ready to kiss me, okay? I'm not doing this because I want to kiss you but because I'm worried about you and want to help you."
Alexia frowned at him but nodded a little, unsure how to process his words with her mind so muddled and scared. He took in a deep breath and leaned forward to touch their lips together gently. Remus moved to block them from view of the rest of the train as Alexia froze, feeling the tight string inside her core pulled on. It warmed up, blasting away all cloudiness in her mind as her entire being focused on the bond instead. Her gasp interrupted the kiss, and instead of deepening it, he backed off and looked at her closely, trying to ensure she was okay.
"Fuck," she whispered, closing her eyes and gripping her head. "That hurts. It's… getting worse."
"Oh, thank merlin," Sirius breathed in relief. "Remus was about to hex me."
"Thank you," she told him after hesitating. "Thank you."
"Anytime, kitten," he smiled before pausing. "Wait, no. Not anytime. Well… if you like, really really need it. I'm not gonna just kiss you for no reason. Not that there was no reason, there was plenty of reason, but-,"
"Shut up, Padfoot," she let out a laugh, wincing in pain when she did. "I know. I'm thanking you for helping me, not for specifically kissing me."
"Oh. Yeah."
Remus rolled his eyes at the pair and opened the doors to leave them, mostly because he was terrified at how deeply she'd been caught in that one and he needed to let James know she was okay.
OoOoOoOoOoOo
"Are you alright?"
Alexia jumped and pulled her wand, shoving it at… Lucius. He stayed still and she let out a slow breath, shoving her wand away. She was always more paranoid and easily startled after one of her episodes, which made it easy to spot for her closer friends, Lucius included. "Merlin. Yes, I'm alright."
"Are you in pain?" he asked, well aware that the episodes irritated her mind. They'd been diagnosed as a sort of suppression over certain memories, which often left her in pain, more pain for the longer it lasted.
"Quite a bit," she answered him honestly. "It was a worse one."
Lucius nodded and grabbed her bag down for her and accio'd a pain potion out, ones specifically meant for the mind. Once she drank it down and threw the bottle out, he sat next to her. "Who were you with?"
"I was with Sirius, Remus, and Regulus when it started," she shrugged. "They must've sent Reg away because he wasn't there when I came to. It was really hard to get rid of."
"Will you be seeing a mind healer?"
She frowned at him. "You more than anyone know that I can't let anyone see what's in my mind. I'd love to fix this, but I just can't until I get to the future again."
"Alexia, that's six years," he reminded her in concern. "Perhaps you can find one and have them take a Vow."
Alexia shook her head. "I refuse to put more people in danger. I know things that Voldemort would torture and kill me himself for. I know how to kill him and how to end the war for good. There's a reason he was hunting me, Lucius. I know too much and so do my friends."
"Why would you have a difficult time killing him?"
She shrugged. "He's obsessed with immortality."
"It's impossible, save for the philosopher's stone and Horcruxes."
Alexia did her best not to react. Apparently, it wasn't that good of an attempt.
"Alexia," Lucius hissed, grabbing her arm carefully. "He's made-,"
"Lucius, stop," she interrupted. "I mean it. The more you know, the more danger you're in."
"Tell me you've destroyed it."
"He wouldn't be dead otherwise," she confirmed with a sharp nod.
"How? Fiendfyre is near impossible to control and while you mentioned a basilisk, their venom kills anything it touches and they're also near impossible to kill."
Alexia hesitated. One Horcrux had been killed via Fiendfyre, though most had been destroyed with basilisk venom or, in Harry's case, the Killing Curse. "Basilisk venom."
"Are you lying?"
"No," she told him slowly. He had the infuriating ability to tell whenever she lied, but she truly wasn't. "It's just complicated. Basilisk venom was imperative to Voldemort's ultimate death."
Lucius was quiet for another moment and she felt him considering her words before he stiffened, his hand still on her arm. It was a comforting touch and she hoped he wouldn't move it. "He has more than one."
"Lucius-,"
"Alexia, that can make a person dangerously unstable."
She let out a laugh. "Yeah, not surprising. He's fucking psychotic, Lucius. He's done horrible, despicable things. He wanted to live forever. It's hilarious that he died younger than Dumbledore did."
"How many does he have?"
At that point, she knew there was no point withholding the truth. "He will have seven. We went on the run not just because he wanted us all dead but also because we were hunting them down. It… took some time. The reason Bellatrix tortured me was because she thought we'd been in her vaults and took the one she had. We broke in after that and stole it. Saved the poor dragon, too."
Lucius stared at her in wonder as he took in everything she'd just revealed. "And you did it? You killed them all?"
She nodded quickly. "One was killed in second year, one was killed by Dumbledore, one was killed after months on the run, the next one was killed during the final battle, as well as another one, which was with fiendfyre as opposed to all the others, spare one. The next one was killed toward the end of the battle, and the final one was killed just in time for us to kill him."
"Merlin," Lucius breathed, looking at her in amazement. "That is incredible, Alexia."
She hummed in response, unwilling to dwell on it. He'd given the diary to Ginny which had ultimately gotten her petrified and nearly killed one of her best friends. She'd nearly died to get the information that the next one was in his future sister-in-law's vaults, and the entire thing just reminded her of how they'd fight one another for years. She was startled from her frustrating thoughts by the feeling of him stroking his thumb across her wrist. She offered him a pleased smile and leaned back to close her eyes, content to ignore her past and live in the present, because considering the future and past was terribly frustrating and confusing, and she did enjoy the moment they shared.
OoOoOoOoOoOo