Welcome! To chapter fourteen of, "Please Stop Talking"!

Sorry about the lack of updates lately, I've been a little swamped, gah. Forgive me?

Anywho, in this chapter, we see Kurt and Blaine discussing Santana and Brittany's relationship.

Or, more specifically, we see poor Blaine have no idea how lesbian sex works.

Oh Blainers.

Hope you enjoy!

Chapter Fourteen: Lesbian Sex Talk

"Blaine? We need to talk…"

"What? No! Nonononono! Please don't break up with me! Please! I love you. I love you more than anything on this earth. Please, let me fix whatever I did wrong! I'll do anything! I love you. I love you. Please?"

"Uh… I'm not going to break up with you. That's not what this is about at all."

"Oh. That's awkward."

"Yeah, a little bit. I love you too, by the way."

"Good to know. Not that I care, or anything. At all."

"Nice attempt at regaining your dignity, there."

"Thank you. Let's not mention that little outburst ever again. Unless you actually ever do want to break up with me. In which case, please, remember what I said, because it's entirely true. Every word."

"I'll remember, sweetheart. I promise you."

"Excellent. Now then, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Santana and Brittany."

"Santana? She scares me. And Brittany is my sunshine twin! What's there to talk about?"

"Sunshine Twin? I'm going to ignore that for now, and we'll talk about it later."

"Oh dear."

"Anyway, I think something is up between the two of them."

"Well… they are in a committed relationship. Of course something is going on between them!"

"No, I mean, something bad. Negative. Like an argument."

"I haven't noticed anything… they're as lovey-dovey as always. And Santana threatened to stuff me into a pool-filter if I ever looked at Brittany for too long again."

"She did what?"

"She was joking. I think. I hope."

"Hm, I guess I'm overreacting."

"I suppose."

"You suppose?"

"Well… now that I think about it, there could be something afoot in their relationship."

"Seriously, who says 'afoot' nowadays? Anyway, what do you think it is? Do you think they're fighting?"

"No, nothing like that, it's just…"

"It's just?"

"Well, they're lesbians."

"Yes. Thank you for that astute observation. It had entirely escaped my notice. Also, only Santana is entirely lesbian. Brittany is bisexual."

"What happened to you not believing in bisexuals?"

"I-uh. Tina and Brittany got to me. I thought about it a lot."

"Wait, Tina's bisexual?"

"Yep. Puck, too, I think."

"Wow."

"Yeah. One day, we need to figure out the sexuality of everyone in Glee, because I'm certain those three aren't the only ones. Anywho, continue on with your theory."

"Well… since they're lesbians… that means there's absolutely no penis at all in their relationship."

"I… yes. Well, at least, real ones. That's kind of one of the defining factors of lesbian relationships."

"Exactly! And, well, how good can a sex life be without a penis involved?"

"Um."

"Yeah?"

"Um…"

"Kurt, why are you laughing at me?"

"Kurt?"

"Kurt?"

"Oh, sweetheart. Do you understand lesbian sex at all?"

"I… no. And I didn't think you would either!"

"Oh, please. The amount of sleepovers I have with Santana and Brittany alone? I could write a book complete with illustrations."

"…Oh."

"It's okay. But, trust me. Sex isn't the problem in the relationship."

"…Okay."

"We'll ask them what's wrong tomorrow. And stop pouting, sweetie. You're allowed to not understand stuff sometimes."

"I know… but… how do they have sex?"

"… Sit down, I'll tell you all I know."

"This is going to be awkward, isn't it?"

"Pretty much. Let's just say, I never thought I'd be giving a lesbian sex talk to my gay boyfriend."

Hope you enjoyed!

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~Phelpstwinsandelftwins