Author's Note: Well here's another chapter! There may be only 2 or 3 parts left…I'm leaning more towards three though. Thanks for reading!
The next few weeks passed without any James incidents. He never showed up unexpectedly at night in Kendall's room like he had before, and there no longer was that shadow of chilling air that followed Kendall around wherever he went. Now things seemed too hot for hi, he had gotten so used to James being around it was almost as if his body temperature had somehow shifted to less than 98.6 degrees.
Kendall would have been lying if he told himself he didn't miss the brunette. They had gotten to know each other in a way that Kendall hasn't known anyone before. He confided in James all of his deepest secrets, including his fear of being abandoned. It almost felt like James had abandoned Kendall; at least that was until the blonde remember he sent him away. Because how could he ever let himself fall in love with such a monster? Kendall had to learn how to take better care of his heart.
Without James in the picture Kendall spent more time with his living, breathing friends. When he first heard the news of Carlos and Logan's get together he was thrilled. Finally something was going the way it should be. But after the days wore on of watching them and their constant displays of affection, whether it be a few simple touches here and there or a peck of a kiss to each other's lips, Kendall couldn't help but feel as though there was a hole in his heart. He longed for that type of closeness with somebody so special. And one he realized he had that with James, the blonde shoved the thought away, because lingering thoughts of James just brought on the heart ache, and not to mention fear.
Everywhere he went the blonde was absolutely terrified. He made sure to skip over every crack in the sidewalk and went out of his way to avoid ladders and mirrors and black cats at all costs. Whenever he ventured to the bathroom he'd ignore his reflection by closing his eyes as he brushed his teeth or he'd focus on the sink and the water swirling down the drain. He even went to lengths of avoiding salt shakers, his jitters were so bad.
For the most part everything that reminded him of James was gone. Kendall burned his favorite Wild hoodie in a bonfire at Logan's house one night while crying into the smaller boy's shoulder. Unsure of what to do with the little wooden box filled with James' possessions, Kendall stuffed it back beneath the floorboards in an attempt to push all reminders of James out of sight and out of mind. But there was one place where Kendall couldn't forget James. It was the one thing that kept Kendall lying awake until the wee hours of the morning. The blonde was terrified of falling asleep.
Nothing about his sleeping patterns was normal. He would constantly dream and wake up in a cold sweat. It didn't match the usual stages of sleep, it was as if his brain wouldn't turn off while he slept and he was stuck in a constant stream of REM sleep. He'd be lucky get even an hour of dozing off before shaking awake with his legs tangled in the sheets, willing his eyes not close no matter how exhausted he was. The dreams were so vivid and life like and contained a pattern Kendall couldn't help but notice; the brunette was the star of the show.
It didn't take long for the blonde to connect all the pieces together. If James had popped into his dreams before, why wouldn't he do it again? It was the only time Kendall was vulnerable enough for James to him over and slip into his mind to control every inkling of thought or feeling the blonde had, and just knowing the possibility of it happening scared Kendall shitless.
"So should we tell him he looks like absolute shit or…" Logan whispered into Carlos' ear, not bothering to keep his voice down as Kendall sauntered over to them with deep circles rimming his eyes and heavy a gaze.
"You don't need to tell me," Kendall rasped out, adjusting his voice to make him sound more alive. "I already know." Once he reached them in the hall he leaned against the lockers and let his eyes droop close, he'd give anything to get a full night's sleep again.
"Do you wanna stay the night over my place tonight?" Carlos asked, throwing the invite Logan's way too. "I think you just need to get out of the house Kendall. That place is killing you. You're drained."
Kendall's eyes were still closed, his mouth opening for a yawn as he answered. "Aaaaaaand whaaaaat maaaaakes youuu thinkk - he won't just find me there and screw with my head some more?"
Carlos shrugged. "It was just a suggestion. No need to bite my head off."
"Los, he hasn't had sleep in over two weeks. I don't think he can help it." Logan turned to Kendall. "You should really consider coming over though. If you don't get some sleep soon you're going to start hallucinating."
"The hallucinations started a few days ago," Kendall mumbled, his voice heavy. If his friends weren't talking to him there was a good chance he'd fall asleep right there against the locker. Just a little nap was all he needed. A microsleep. Yeah, that sounded good.
"Kendall. Kendall?" Logan sighed. "Shake him awake Carlos."
The blonde jumped as soon as Carlos touched him. "Whoa. I'm awake, I'm awake. It's all good." Kendall shook his head back and forth a few times, slipping into reality once more. Do fluorescent lights always hurt this bad? He rubbed his temples and his eyelids. "I'll just nap during study hall."
Rolling his eyes Carlos pat Kendall on the back affectionately. "Yeah, that's if you don't fall asleep during lunch again. We had to save you from face planting into your food the other day."
Kendall grumbled and stepped out of Carlos' reach. "I'm just gonna head off to class, I'll find you guys later?" Both Logan and Carlos gave Kendall sympathetic looks and nodded their heads. Turning away from them Kendall stumbled down the hall. He felt almost drunk he was so tired. His head was spinning and everything in his sight was blurred. "Whoa," he muttered, finally making his way to his class and laying his head down on his desk. A little nap never hurt anybody.
James had him pinned to bed; burying Kendall's face into the sheets while spending time suckling and biting on the soft skin along the back of the blonde's head. The hair at the nape of his neck tickled James' nose as he continued to mark Kendall's skin, leaving fresh purple marks littered along the pale flesh.
"James." Kendall moaned, turning his head to the side and breathing deeply. "James please."
The boy sniggered above him, trailing his fingers up and down along the sides of Kendall's torso. Lifting his lips up to meet Kendall's ear he murmured, "Please what, Blondie?"
"You know what," Kendall gritted impatiently. He angled himself a little better so that he was able to snake a hand around James' neck and pull the boy's face to his. James' breath lingered on his skin as it ghosted over his lips. Wasting no time, Kendall clashed their lips together violently, a mix of clinking teeth and tangling tongues. Momentarily catching James off guard, Kendall repositioned himself so that it was James pinned to the mattress with him on top.
"Aww my Baby's being controlling." James cooed, catching Kendall's bottom lip between his teeth and watching it spring back into place. "It's kinda hot."
"Fuck James."
"So hot," the pretty boy purred, tangling his fingers in Kendall's hair and meshing their lips together. Kendall all but melted into his frame, his domineering demeanor withering away into nothing as he let James take control of the kiss. The boy's tongue found its way into every soft spot in Kendall's mouth that had him quivering and his cock twitching at the touch.
Kendall's chest rose and fell rapidly as James removed his hands from his hair, letting the tips of his fingers glide down the back of his neck and shoulders and along his spine until they found purchase on his bottom, squeezing the flesh in his tight hold while simultaneously grinding their hips together in a rough fashion. The blonde cried out as James spread his cheeks apart, peeking his finger between the mounds of flesh and circling his tight hole with his finger, dipping it inside past the ring of muscle. "What do you want me to do Blondie?" James breathed, moving his lips to Kendall's ear and nibbling along the shell.
"You drive me fucking crazy." Kendall huffed. "I want," James inserted his finger again, digging it deeper inside him. "Whatever you want, just do it James. Fuckkk please."
James flashed a devilish grin. From the nightstand beside them James grabbed a bandana. Taking it in his hands he turned to Kendall. "Lay on your stomach," He commanded, Kendall obeying willingly and already holding his hands behind his back. James tied the fabric around the blonde's wrists, making sure he couldn't wriggle free from the hold. "You good?" James uttered darkly in Kendall's ear, grinning when the blonde bobbed his head for a nod.
"Do it James," Kendall begged as James moved down his back. He smacked the blonde's bottom a few times, watching the skin redden before his eyes. He crawled his fingers along the back of Kendall's thighs and up the pinked cheeks. Spreading them wide James bent his head forward, teasing the puckered hole with his tongue. "Oh fuckk me," Kendall moaned, feeling the tip of his cock leak with pre cum.
"Such a nice little ass," James mumbled with his tongue flat against the ring of muscle. He circled the blonde's entrance before dipping his tongue inside the tight heat as he massaged Kendall's cheeks. Kendall clenched and unclenched his fists, wishing he could grab onto something, anything. Instead he dug his nails into the palms of his hands while burying his face into the pillow to muffle his moans.
"Nghh James. Shit oh god." Nothing he said was making sense as James continued to tease him with his rather skillful tongue. Kendall missed the contact of James' warm breath along his skin when the brunette pulled away. "What are you- ohhhh." He listened as James slicked up his cock, just the sound of James' quick pumps to his length had Kendall clamping his teeth to the pillow, readying himself for when James entered him.
The brunette didn't go easy on the blonde. As soon as he was balls deep inside the blonde he pulled his hips back until only his tip was inside Kendall, and snapped them forward again. Kendall cried out in pleasure beneath him, the muscles in his back clenching with every thrust James sent his way. "Like that Blondie? Such a little bitch for my cock aren't you?" James sped up the timing of his thrusts. "So fucking tight. Every fucking time. I own you Kendall, I fucking own you."
The blonde hair on top of Kendall's head flopped as he nodded. "All yours James." Another slam of James' hips had him shifting forward over the sheets. "Always yours. Just wanna be yours. Fuck!"
"That's right Baby. All fucking mine." James bent his body over Kendall's, resting his chest over the blonde's back as the slick skin slid against each other, James slowing his thrusts only just as he bit along the blonde's shoulders, piercing his flesh.
"Shitshitshit." Kendall breathed. "James, I'm not gonna last much longer."
"Hold out baby. Don't come yet." James begged, waiting for that sweet release to come. He dug grooves into Kendall's hips with his fingers as he tightened his grip, quickening his pace once again as he felt himself come closer to the edge.
"James I can't – can't hold out. James!" Kendall cried, his body quaking under the brunette's rough movements. He tried to wriggle his hands free from the bandana to release the tension in his arms but he couldn't, it was tied too tight.
"Fuck Blondie, thought I told you to wait?" James hissed feeling himself peak as well while spilling everything he had into the motionless blonde underneath him. "Fuckk that was good." He pulled out of Kendall and placed a kiss to the blonde's shoulders.
"Untie me Jamie," Kendall asked, still trying to loosen the knot in the bandana.
"Nah, its fun to watch you squirm." James laughed. "Squirm all you want Blondie, you're never getting away from me."
Kendall shook awake with a puddle of drool on his desk. His hair clung to his forehead in a cold sweat and his entire body was shaking. Lifting his head he looked around to find everyone staring at him with open mouths. One kid was snickering behind his hand, pointing at Kendall and laughing. The girl next to him poked Kendall in the shoulder, grabbing his attention. "Are you aware that you talk in your sleep?" The blonde was absolutely mortified. Reaching for his bag he stood up from his chair and ran out of the class, barreling into some sort of invisible shield.
"Always mine. Never forget that Blondie." And as soon as the voice reached his ears Kendall was shrinking away from a cackling James and running in the opposite direction, not even daring to glance back.
Kendall spent the rest of the day just roaming the halls. He refused to go to class, for fear of falling asleep and humiliating himself all over again. During lunch he stocked up on coffee, drinking through three cups of cappuccino while Carlos and Logan watched him with wide eyes.
"Dude, you're gonna crash."
"Nope. Nope. Can't crash. Just gotta drink coffee. Coffee, coffee, coffee. I love coffee." Kendall jerked his shoulder, his right eye twitching as he brought the cup up to his lips again and letting the scalding liquid burn its way down his throat.
"No not crash as in fall asleep." Logan informed him. "You're system's going to crash from all the caffeine. You need to stop. Give me that coffee."
Kendall turned away from the smaller boy. "Fuck no. Get your own coffee. My coffee."
"Logan I think he's finally lost it."
"Carlos I think he lost it a long time ago."
Kendall's ears perked at their conversation. "Lost it? What'd I lose? Oh no guys! I don't know what I lost! That's funny. Ha ha ha."
"That's it." Logan all but wrestled Kendall for the cup of coffee, tearing it from the blonde's grasp and tossing it into the garbage. "Kendall, Kendall listen to me."
Kendall's attention was everywhere. His eyes flicked back and forth between the two boys' faces who sat opposite him, before settling on a point in between them and just laughing. He didn't really know what was so funny, he just wanted to laugh. It felt good to laugh, he felt like he hadn't laughed in a long time.
"Kendall!" Logan grabbed the boy's face and forced him to look into his eyes. "Go home. Get some sleep."
"Home? Home? No can't go home. James is there. He'll find me. He'll hurt me. I don't wanna go home." The blonde was crying then, tears springing from the corners of his eyes while he buried his face in his hands. His shoulders shook as he finally let himself break down.
"What do we do?" Carlos asked Logan with worry written along his face.
Logan shrugged. "I don't know."
"Well we have to do something." Carlos said, shaking his head and reaching for Kendall's wrists to pull them away from his face.
"Guys?" Kendall asked, sniffling and wiping his sleeve across his cheek.
"Yeah buddy?"
"I want more coffee." Kendall pouted, sticking up his lower lip. "Please, anything to keep me awake. I can't go to sleep. I can't. I won't. Please guys." Kendall watched Logan get up from the table and make his way over to the café. He watched with interest as the brunette order Kendall what he hoped was coming, instead being brought a smoothie instead.
"If you're going to drown yourself in fluids at least drink something tasty." Logan said, handing the blonde the pink smoothie and smiling. "Just hang out in study hall for the rest of the day until you have to walk Katie home from school. Go home and eat some dinner. Once you're done call me or Carlos to come pick you up. You're crashing at Carlos' tonight."
"But-"
"No, you're going to relax, and you're going to sleep. You're killing yourself Kendall."
The blonde shook his head just as the tardy bell rang. "Fine. I'll see you later I guess." Then he headed off to the library to spend the rest of the day burying his face knee deep in comics just keep himself entertained and mostly awake.
Once the day ended Kendall headed across the street to pick up his little sister, waiting on the steps for her to come out. When Katie came into view Kendall smiled, before realizing she had brought along her bear to school that day.
"Uh Katie?"
"What?" she asked sweetly, swinging the bear around as they made their way home down the dusty old road.
"Why'd you bring Teddy to school? Shouldn't you leave him at home?"
The little girl bit the inside of her cheek, coming up with a rather quick excuse that shocked even her. "It was show and tell today."
"Oh okay. Well leave Teddy at home from now on okay? I don't want you to lose him."
Katie grinned like a little princess up at her big brother. "I'll never lose him." She hugged the bear close to her chest. "Teddy will always find his way back home, won't you Teddy?" the little girl brought the bear up to her ear, pretending that he was telling her a secret to which she giggled afterwards. "Yup. He'll never leave me."
Kendall shook his head, ignoring the fact that Katie had pretty much just insinuated that the little ball of fluff talked to her. "Okay goof ball, let's just go home then." He grabbed the hand of hers that swung between them, keeping a careful eye on her as he led her back to the house.
As soon as they were home Katie wrenched herself free from Kendall's hand and ran up the stairs to her room. "No one bother me!" She called down to Kendall, seeing that he was the only one home. Kendall laughed before settling down on the couch and turning on some old Nicktoons to distract himself.
James held his hand with the open road ahead of them. The taller boy turned his head down to face Kendall and gave a peck to the blonde's cheek. "The first step is always the hardest." He whispered into the blonde's ear, sending a shiver down the boy's spine. Kendall didn't understand why, but he wanted to take that step and cross that road. Something in his gut was pulling him like a magnet the he just couldn't repel. "I'll be right by your side the whole way."
Squeezing James' hand in his, Kendall put one foot forward, along with the other right behind. "Almost there. Just a few more steps." They walked on together. "I love you Kendall."
The blonde smiled up at James. "I love you too." And then Kendall was falling. It was as though the ground was just a mirage, and as soon as those four words were out of his mouth Kendall was left to fend for himself. He screamed and cried as he fell, seeing no end to the abyss that engulfed him. "James! James!" He cried out. "James help!"
The brunette was nowhere to be found.
Another cold sweat had Kendall's t-shirt sticking to his skin. He never even realized he had fallen asleep on the couch. Thankfully he had only been out for what seem like a half hour, if that. "I wonder if Mom's home yet?" he asked himself, sitting up gingerly and rubbing the back of his neck. He searched the first floor of the house, hoping to find her sitting at the kitchen table or even out on the porch swing in the back. Nope. He was just about to venture up the stairs before checking his phone, noticing a text that read, Be home soon. Bringing pizza with me. Love you.
Mmmm. Pizza. Kendall rubbed his stomach without even realizing he was hungry. Figuring he'd go find Katie to let her know their mom was coming back with food, Kendall hopped up the stairs and found the girl sitting on her bed, swapping secrets with her teddy bear.
Kendall watched with odd amusement from the doorway, craning his head so that he could hear Katie and whatever she was saying, but her voice was just a little too quiet for him to make out. After listening to Teddy 'tell' her something, Katie looked up towards the door with a scowl on her face. "What?"
Taken aback by the malice in her tone Kendall held up his hands as if he were coming in peace. "Just wanted to let you know Mom will be home soon. With pizza." He hoped that would earn a cute little grin from the girl. It didn't.
"Cool."
"Okay…so whatcha doin'?" Kendall asked, stepping into the room and making himself a spot on the edge of Katie's bed.
"Nothing…" Katie held the bear up to her ear again. Obviously whatever the fluff ball had to say was more important than Kendall. "Teddy wants you to leave." Katie whispered quietly, her eyes cast downward.
"What, Teddy doesn't like me anymore?" Kendall reached out for the bear and stole him from Katie, not ready for the crying and screaming that followed.
"NO! NOOO! GIVE HIM BACK! TEDDY! KENDALL GIVE HIM BACK!" The outburst freaked Kendall out a bit. He tossed the bear back at his sister, who quickly hugged the stuffed animal to her chest and whispered that everything was alright. "Go away!" She cried, reaching for a book on her nightstand and chucking it at him, successfully knocking him in the head.
"Oww! Katie! What the hell?"
"GET OUT!" She screamed. Kendall hurriedly stepped out of the room, only to wait on the other side of the wall just outside the door. "It's okay Teddy. It's okay. Kendall can't hurt you. He'll never hurt you again." What? Kendall honestly had no idea what was going on. Sure his sister had always been attached to the bear, but never before had she treated it as if it were real. Kendall always assumed Katie was too mature to accept the idea of an imaginary friend, but he guessed she found one in the stuffed bear. It was so weird.
Once their mom came home for dinner Kendall explained he was going to head over to Carlos' to hang out and stay the night. When he mentioned leaving Mrs. Knight gave him a sympathetic look. She reached out to pet his hair and push his bangs out of his eyes. "Okay honey. Just get some sleep okay. You look like you haven't slept in a while." Try weeks, Kendall thought.
"Don't worry Mom, I will."
When dinner was over, Kendall called Carlos to come pick him up, the little Latino making his way over to him in record time. In the car, Logan sat in the front, making Kendall have to climb into the back. "I fell asleep." Kendall grumbled, as soon as he got in the car.
"Did you dream again?" Carlos asked, giving Kendall a worried glance in the rear view mirror. Kendall nodded.
"Every time I wake up its right before I know I'm going to die. I can't handle this anymore."
Logan turned in his seat to face Kendall. "Don't worry bud, we've got you covered tonight, don't we Los?"
Carlos shot Kendall a sly smile, perking Kendall's interest at the sight. "Alright, what's going on?"
"Nothing…nothing, don't worry your pretty little blonde head about it." Carlos laughed, picking up speed as he drove down his street and up to his house.
His family was gone for the night, his parents had taken the little ones to visit their grandma. Once inside Kendall dropped his bag at the foot of the stairs and followed his shorter friends down into the basement. "So what're we gonna do?" he asked, plopping down on the black leather couch that sat directly across from a plasma TV.
"Have some fun." Carlos cooed, removing a baggy from his pocket and sitting down next to Kendall, with Logan moving to sit on the opposite side of the Latino.
Kendall eyed the bag. "Dude, where did you get that?"
"Oh this?" Carlos tried playing stupid with that same smile from when they were in the car showing on his lips. "My dad's a cop. He confiscates this shit all the time."
"And what, he gives it to you?" Kendall asked. The whole situation seemed a bit funny for him to believe.
"Nahh, I might have taken it from him, just this once." Carlos began to unzip the bag. On the coffee table he rolled up a joint and ignited the tip before taking a long, sweet drag from the end of it.
"Wow. And you're okay with this Logan?"
The brunette scrunched up his face with being pulled into this. "Normally, I would deny any thoughts of this behavior. But seriously dude, you need to relax. You need to let everything go. Desperate times call for desperate measures."
"Whatever, hand me that Los." Kendall took the joint from Carlos and placed it between his lips. Inhaling he let the smoke sink into his lungs before puffing it back out. Something about it just felt so smooth. "This shit is fucking good." The blonde mumbled, taking another hit and handing it over to Logan, who had yet to try it.
Not even an hour later all the boys were wrapped together on the couch, fighting for the last drag. "Me. Give it to me." Logan begged, giggling as he draped his body over Carlos' to try and grab the joint from his fingers.
"Oh yeah, and why should I give it to you, genius?" Carlos asked, turning to face Logan.
"Because you looooove me. And because I'll do this." Logan blew into Carlos' ear, making the Latino quiver from head to foot in excitement.
"Ohh, Carlos like. Go on. What else you gonna do?"
"I'll do a little bit of this," Logan whispered softly, brushing his lips along the tanned skin of Carlos' neck and sucking tenderly on the spot behind his ear. "And maybe a little bit of this," Logan crawled his hands over the front of Carlos' shirt and down to his waist, lightly tickling the shin just above the waist of his jeans.
While the two love birds beside him seduced each other, Kendall took the chance to steal the joint from Carlos' nimble fingers, letting the last drag in and holding it there as long as he could before blowing it out. "So goooood," he breathed, tapping out the end of it into the baggy and lounging back on the couch. The room spun around him and when he kept an eye trained on the carpet he would giggle, swearing the ground was moving. When he heard his stomach rumble he jumped to his feet. "I'm fucking hungry." He pried the Latino away from Logan who was busy working on unbuttoning the boy's jeans. "Carlos. Kendall hungry. Feed me." The blonde demanded in a cave-man voice, busting up in a fit of giggles.
"Food. Food sounds fucking delicious. Logan lets go make food."
"To the kitchen!" Logan hopped up, slightly stumbling, thankful when Carlos caught him. Together they tripped their way up the steps and onto the first floor. Carlos raided the pantry while Logan raided the fridge, all while Kendall sat on the counter of the island grumbling like a little kid.
"Feed me. Feed me. You fucktards better find some good fucking food."
"Bitch shut up I'm working on it." Carlos called from the pantry, coming up empty besides for a 99 cent bag of doritos. "Uh…who's hungry?" he asked skeptically. Kendall lunged for the food, ripping the bag open and pouring the contents into his mouth.
"Didn't satisfy the quench, man. Need more food." Kendall asked as Carlos slapped him over the head.
"You fat ass. You ate them all."
"Kendall no share food." The blonde laughed so hard he fell off the counter and to the floor. "Ahh! Help. I've fallen and can't get up! Help!" Carlos grabbed the blonde's hand and helped him steady himself on his feet. "Whoa. Dude I can't feel my legs. MY LEG!" Kendall imitated the random fish from spongebob, earning a laugh from Logan who still had his face buried in the freezer.
"Jackpot!" The smart boy yelled, tossing a bag of pizza rolls on the counter.
"GIMME!" Kendall pounced on the bag like cat. "Pizza rolls. Yummmm."
"Dude at least let me cook them first."
"Microwave that shit Logie. Makes it faster."
The brunette rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
Soon they were all standing around the island, digging into the batch of pizza rolls Logan made them. Before they knew it they had eaten the whole bag. "Kendall sad." The blonde pouted. There was nothing left to eat and he was tired.
Carlos giggled. "No more food for Kendall. Kendall must sleep."
"Sleep." The blonde smiled lazily, his eyes drooping closed. "I like sleep."
"Sure you do." Carlos grabbed Kendall and wrapped an arm around his waist as Logan did the same on the opposite side. "Come on let's get him upstairs."
Up in Carlos' room the boys dropped Kendall down onto the bed, giving him the comfortable sleeping arrangements as they planned to share a blow up mattress on the floor. "You're not gonna leave me right?" Kendall asked in the dark, already snuggled up against Carlos' pillow and wrapped under the blankets. The boys on the floor couldn't help but notice how scared the blonde sounded.
"Nope. We're just right down here. Get some sleep kiddo."
Kendall yawned. "Niiiiight." Once his eyes were closed he was out like a light. And soon enough he was waking up the whole house with his shrieking. He was screaming at the top of his lungs as he flailed around in the bed, only one word escaping his lips over and over and over again. "KATIE! KATIE! KATIE!"