Chapter 14 – High Hopes

Date: Tuesday, November 15, 1872 Location: Grayville/ Illinois

The wagon drew slowly into a halt in front of an old shack. It was so small Tessa wondered how one single person could possibly live in there. After the huge house in Portland, she was surprised to be greeted by that sight. She thought she knew Sam well enough to know he wouldn't settle for this!

As if reading her thoughts he climbed down the wagon and walked around to help her down.

„I know it didn't change at all, but I promised I would built you a bigger one. I will have to find work here first, earn some money..." He said gesturing over to the shack.

Tessa just nodded not feeling up to saying anything. She already felt the tears rising again. Ever since they had changed trains in St. Louis this feeling that something was terribly wrong was getting stronger and stronger. She just wished she could have properly said goodbye to Andrea. She didn't even know where she was, how could they stay in contact like that?

When she felt the hard ground beneath her feet, she felt somewhat better, but when her gaze fell on the shack she would be living in again, her heart fell anew. Always when she thought things couldn't get worse they did get worse. Tessa jumped when one of the boards shattered to the ground. This house was falling apart, they couldn't possibly live in there!

Sam turned back to the wagon and retrieved their luggage. When he set it down he swirled up a cloud of dust, making them both cough.

„You'll have to clean it." He just said to her when she started to walk toward the homestead. She stopped immediately, not wanting to imagine how the shack looked inside. It must have been years since he'd last been here.

Date: Wednesday, November 16, 1872 Location: Portland/ Oregon

Sully felt lost in this strange big city. He felt felt the exact same way when he had come to Boston so many years ago. But it had been different, he had smelled the East, the familiar salty taste of the ocean had been in his mouth and nostrils.

Now he was on the different side of the country and it felt wrong to be here. There was nothing familiar about this place, though most of the places looked similiar to those of other huge cities like Boston and New York. He couldn't point it out, but he just wasn't comfortable being here and he wanted to go back home as soon as possible. So he turned to the first person crossing his way and asked for the directions to the mental home.

Arriving there he asked for the patient who had sent the telegram to him. His heart fell when they told him the woman was no longer there and when he asked for his wife they told him she'd never been there. Had it been false alarm? Why was someone playing this game with him? Not willing to give up just yet Sully left the name of the hotel he was staying in and decided to stay at least a week. He wanted to see if the woman who sent the telegram might come back. Had had travelled to far to just turn around and go back.

Date: Thursday, November 17, 1872 Location: Portland/ Oregon

Sully was sitting on the steps in front of the mental home. He couldn't believe this. What if he was just too late? He had to wait. Maybe the patient that wrote the telegram would come back.Suddenly he had an idea. Why didn't he just describe what Michaela looked like, after all it could be possible that she was there under another name,wasn't it?

With new-found enthusiasm he stood up and went mack into the huge house. The first person that appeared to be working there was a young woman, not older than 25. Sully hesitated a moment but then gathered the courage to adress her.

„Excuse me, madam." The young woman turned around and smiled at him.

„How can I help you sir?" Obviously she didn't mind his apparel at all, she didn't even seem to notice.

„Well, I was looking for someone." Sully said still somewhat unsure how to explain that he didn't have a name.

„Just tell me the name and I will tell you the room number." She answered immediately, totally forgetting that she was supposed to ask if people were family.

„Uhm...that's the problem.I don't have any name. But I could describe her. She is really beautiful, with this very, long auburn hair and two different colored eyes."

„Oh, the young Mrs. Lloyd? She was so lovely. I really didn't understand why she had to be here. Anyway, she just left 4 days ago." The young woman enthusistically, glad to be able to help this charming man.

„You don't happen to know where she left for, do ya?" Sully asked hopefully.

„No, I'm sorry, but her husband was here to take her home." She shrugged.

Sully's face and heart fell immediately. Her husband. That's what the woman had said. Her husband. But he was her husband. Sam Lloyd. Suddenly his name sprung into his mind. That bastard. What had he done to his wife? She'd never have left her family behind to go with him.

„Did you sleep with him?" His own words echoed in his head and cut deep into his heart and coinscidience. He didn't mean to say it. He had known it was wrong. Why did he say it then? He wanted her to hurt. NO, he never wanted her to hurt. He wanted her to see how much he hurt. He would never forget the look on her face after he said that to her. Suddenly it dawned on him that those were the last words he had spoken to her. Would she remember those words before anything else?

„Thank you." Sully replied while turning around and leaving the mental home.

At least he knew that she was somewhere in this town, he told himself. He could keep looking for her. It was just a city, not the whole country. Though he knew how little the chances that he would find her. For just an instant he wondered if the woman had indeed benn his wife, but then again he had never seen someone with two different eye colors. He had never senn someone that beautiful. It must have been Michaela. He could feel that she'd been here. Turning around to look at the building once more, as if he was expecting her to walk through the huge portal and down the stairs into his arms, smiling at him with her wonderful smile, he felt drawn back inside. He didn't know what he was doing until he was standing in front of the young nurse again. She seemed to be deep in thought, her head hanging over a patient's file, and she didn't notice Sully standing there until he cleared his throat and made her jump out of her medical world back into the real world.

"I'm sorry," He said, "I didn't mean to startle you."

"That is quite alright. Did you forget something?" She asked smiling at the charming young man in front of her.

"I was just wondering if you could tell me Mrs. Lloyd's first name?" He was unsure if the woman would tell him her name, because he wasn't in any form related to that Mrs. Lloyd. But the nurse didn't even think about that. The man seemed so desperate to find that woman that she couldn't think of anything that was wrong with telling him her first name. And anyway he already knew her last name, so what difference would it make?

"Oh her name's Therese. Her husband tended to call her Tessa." She mustered Sully closer at that information and saw how he furrowed his brow.

"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" She probed the territory.

"No...no, I don't mind."

"Why are you looking for Mrs. Lloyd? I mean, she's not just a friend, is she?" The look she received let her already know that she wasn't just a friend but so much more.No one was looking like that for a friend. Not in that part of the country anyway.

"No...she's not just a friend..." Sully paused not sure if he should say it, but his ears needing to hear it again, "She's my wife."

"I'm sorry, Sir." The nurse felt sorry for the young man standing there, looking lost like a school boy looking for his his lost treasure. She didn't understand though. She didn't know what he was feeling. She must have left him, she thought.

Sully nodded and turned around leaving the mental home once again, but this time encouraged to keep searching for Michaela. He knew her whole name now and it couldn't be too hard to find someone here, if you knew the whole name, or could it?

Date: Monday, December 19, 1872

Sully felt his hands starting to sweat as he was staring at the huge hospital. During the last month he had been everywhere he could imagine in this strange city. He had been at the train station fist thing after leaving the mental home, but hey couldn't tell them anything. Obviously there had never arrived a telegram for a Mr or Mrs. Lloyd. Then he had been in really every department building, which made him feel highly uncomfortable. He hated to be under all those high society people staring at him, whispering and averting their eyes whenever he looked directly at them. But he knew he had to do this when he wanted to find his wife. But even the authorities couldn't or didn't want to give him any information.

So now, he found himself in front of the huge main hospital. He remembered that damn doc saying something about a huge hospital he had been working in before he came to Colorado Springs. Even then Sully had wondered what had caused him to leave a big city and come to their little frontier town to work in the simple clinic they had been able to establish there. But no matter how hard he tried and how often he asked, the doctor didn't seem to like talking about his personal life, he didn't seem to like Sully.

Shaking his head he decided that there were far more important things right now than his foolish pride. So with a huge gasp of breath he started his way up the step and towards the main portal of the hospital. Swinging one of the huge wings of the dor open he was overwhelmed with the amount of stimuli that met his senses. The bright, white light that was reflected from every wall and every object in the room was dazzling and he had to shield his eyes to get adjusted to the sudden change in illumination. Once he got used to the light his nose stung with the overwhelming smell of disinfectant and the silence that was only broken by the quiet opening and closing if doors from time to time and the silent and careful steps in the hallways. Never before had he seen such a silent place. This place seemed to draw all life out of him and he didn't intend to stay here longer than necessary.

When his gaze roamed the room he noticed a figure slumped over in a chair near him. The person didn't even seem to breathe but when Sully put one foot in front of the other to slowly walk over towards one of the nurses, the figure slowly lifted ist head and looked right at him. H estopped dead in his tracks at the stare that met him. The figure was an old woman and she obviously was in a great deal of pain. Her whole body was trembling but her gaze didn't waver. Her eyes were fixed on him, negging him for something he didn't know what it was. Sully noticed how her upper body seemed to heave with each breath and her stare bore right into his soul, gripping his heart and making him avert his gaze to free him from sharing her pain and hurt. Still he felt her eyes fixed on his back as he continued to walk over to the nurse.

"Excuse me, Madam?" He approached her. Slowly she turned around at the his voice, her mind still on the files in her hand.

"What can I do for you?" She replied, closing the patient's file and looking directly at him.

"I would like to know if I could talk to a certain Dr. Lloyd." Sully said in his best accent. Suddenly he was glad for the time he spent among all those high society people with Michaela. Somehow he sensed that he would come further with good manners. At any other time he wouldn't care less about his manners or what other people thought about him, but this time he wanted something from those people.

"Oh I'm sorry, but Dr. Lloyd quit his job here a couple of days ago. Maybe you have more luck at his house." The nurse quickly noted Sam Lloyds address and handed it to Sully, not even caring who he was.

"And Madam, what's wrong with that woman over there?" He couldn't resist asking.

"She's here every day. Doctors can't do anything for her, still she keeps coming back." The nurse answered without any emotion, any sympathy in her voice. She even seemed annoyed by the woman. Sully looked over to her once again. Her eyes were still glued to him and he felt sorry for her. Michaela wouldn't have given up on her. Even if there wasn't anything that could be done for her, Sully was sure that all she needed was someone to comfort her in this hard time. In any other circumstances he wouldn't have hesitated to help the woman, to take her to his wife, but now he had to keep looking for his wife. The mission he was on was far more important than anything else to him.

Standing in front of the big house Sully felt the nervousness return. He felt anxious to see his wife after all this time but at the same time he was scared to death of what would await him when the door opened. He took a deep breath and was about to cross the street and knock at the door when a woman approached the house and knocked at exactly the same door. Seeing his chance to observe what was going to happen he stood back and watched the woman. She had to be in her mid-twenties, with long hair of a color somewhere between blonde and a light brown. Several minutes passed and the door still hand't opened. Sully wondered why no one opened the door.

Andrea hurried down the street towards the adress written on the small piece of paper. She didn't even know why she was in such a rush, but somehow she felt she didn't have much time. She was really looking forward to seeing her friend after such a long time. It hadn't really been a long time but she missed Tessa terribly. She missed their talks and of course she was curious how her friend was doing. When she heard Tessa left the mental home she was happy for her friend yet at the same time worried about her, because she knew to what a home she was to return. So now, having her adress she had the chance to meet that husband of Tessa in person.

Once again she checked her note for the right number and noticed that she was already standing in front of the right house when she looked up at the houses. Climbing the steps to the front door she smoothed her skirt and her hair and knocked at the big, wooden door. Impatiently she tiptoed from one foot to the other waiting for the door to open, but it never did. After several minutes she knocked again. Again no one opened. She checked her note once more. Yes, it was the correct adress! Sighing in disappointment she turned around when her gaze fell upon a man standing across the street watching her. But she didn't feel uncomfortable under his scrutiny. Instead of turning and walking back from where she came she crossed the street and walked over the man.

Sully was slightly uncomfortable when the woman noticed him watching her. He didn't want her to think that he was stalking her or something. But when she crossed the street and walked towards him with a slight smile upon her lips, he felt relieved.

Andrea had been sure of herself when she began walking towards the man, but when she was standing in front of him, she suddenly didn't know what to say. She didn't know him and she didn't even know why he had been watching her. After all he could be a stalker. But she didn't believe that. Something about his appearance seemed familiar to her, though she knew for sure that she had never seen him before. And there was something in his eyes, she noticed when she neared him, that didn't let him seem like some criminal.

When she stopped before him her mouth went dry and her arms didn't seem to want to move. She felt foolish for just approaching him like that.

The woman wasn't moving but just standing in front of him. Sully wasn't sure what to do or say, so he decided the easiest way was probably to introduce himself to her.

"Name's Sully." He said reaching his hand out to her, suddenly forgetting to build a proper sentence.

The woman didn't respond immediately, but Sully saw something flicker in her eyes. It was as if she was recognizing him, but he was certain that he had never seen her before. After several moments she seemed to shake her head lightly and took the hand he was offering her. A broad smile appeared on her face, which made her whole face glow.

"Sully, I'm so glad to meet you." She said enthusiastically.

"And you are?" Sully asked, slightly confused at where she knew him from.

"Oh, pardon me! My name is Andrea." She wondered how she should tell him where she knew him from, knowing he must wonder. "I don't know how to say this, but I heard a lot about you."

All of a sudden it dawned on him. She had heard about him? Who else should have told her than Michaela? He was getting excited. If he was right, that woman knew Michaela and if she did, she could tell him where she was. He would have her back. They would make it home in time for christmas. This woman was about to make him the greatest gift he could ever get, he was certain of that.