(Author's Note: TW for discussion of suicide.)
"Hey, Sync!" Anise chirped, opening up the cell door with a flourish as she balanced a tray in her other arm. "Tadaaa! Luke said he inflicted his cooking on you this morning, so I brought you something actually decent for lunch. Check it out: beef curry! Aren't you thrilled~?"
She paused at the overwhelming silence. Sync sat at the table in his cell, hand propping up his head, staring out the port window at the passing skies.
"Helloooo? Anyone in there?" she called, opening up the bars next. He still hadn't responded by the time she passed through those too, so she frowned and walked up to him. After several seconds with no reaction, she put down the tray, then circled around him and waved a hand in front of his eyes. "Syyyync! It's time for luuuunch! Can you heeeeear meeeeee?"
He puffed out a faint sigh and finally glanced at her. What struck her first was how... defeated he looked. There was something about his expression that lacked the fire, the anger, from almost every other time she'd ever talked to him. Almost, because she thought she'd seen him look like that before. She couldn't put her finger on where, though.
"Sync, are you okay?" she wondered, leaning forward in concern.
"I'm fine," he said in a monotone.
"Uh huh. Because you sure sound fine."
"I'm fine," he repeated. "I'm just... tired."
She blinked. "I thought you only needed four or five hours of sleep a night?"
Instead of answering, he turned towards the tray and picked up the wooden spoon. He poked a couple of times at his food but didn't eat. Anise leaned around him, peering at his face.
"What, you don't like curry?" she wondered.
"Curry is fine," he replied, then took a bite.
Anise watched him chew mechanically, swallow, and take another bite. Her frown deepened, and she took a seat on the cot.
"Are you bored or something?" she wondered. "You seem pretty... I dunno, worn out."
He didn't answer.
"I guess I can't blame you," she continued. "We've been so busy lately, we haven't really had a lot of time to hang out with you. Oh! Tear's doing okay. We had to talk through some things - Tear and the rest of us, I mean - so that's what took so long, if you were wondering."
"Why would I wonder about that?" he mumbled.
Anise grinned wolfishly. Finally, a reaction! "Oh, Iii dunnoo," she singsang. "I heard you really missed her cooking~. Maybe you wanted to see her instead of me and that's why you're so grumpy right now?"
He made a faint noise between a sigh and a heh. "Maybe."
She raised her eyebrows. That response was awfully... demure. Don't tell me I was actually right? Leaning forward, she teased, "You want me to go get her, then~?"
"Do whatever you want."
There was something about the way he said that that made Anise shiver. It was so bleak, like he'd already... given up on something. Luke had said he'd seemed mostly pretty friendly during breakfast - for him, anyway - but Ion told her he thought Sync might have been a little upset by the end. She pursed her lips, then leaned back.
"I changed my mind!" she declared loudly. "You're not cute at all, you know that, Sync? You could at least blush and go," she dropped her voice in imitation, "'I-it's not like that, idiot! There's no way I'd like Tear! She's an enemy!' Or something like that~."
He half-heartedly stabbed a carrot. "So I can't even manage cheap entertainment, huh."
"I - no, that's not what I meant," Anise protested, unsettled. "I-I'm sorry, I was just trying to mess with you."
He moved the vegetable around his plate. "It doesn't matter."
"Sync... Seriously, what's wrong? Did Luke upset you?"
"Luke?" For the first time, he looked up. "What's that idiot got to do with anything?"
Anise stood up and leaned in towards the God-General, eyebrows furrowed. "Didn't he ask about your original? Ion told me."
Sync's eyes flickered. "Oh." He dropped his gaze and his fork. It barely clattered, the plate still being mostly full. "Oh, yeah."
"What, you forgot?"
He covered half his face with one hand and leaned on his elbow. Somehow, he managed to look even more miserable than before. Anise circled around until she faced him, bent to one knee, and hesitantly reached out to touch his arm.
"Sync, come on. Tell me what's wrong," she insisted. "This so isn't like you. You're freaking me out here!"
He shook off her hand, anger flashing across his expression. It vanished as quickly as a shooting star.
"It's nothing," he insisted quietly, refusing to hold her gaze. "I'm just not feeling well. I think I got food poisoning from that charcoal sandwich this morning."
You're lying, Anise thought. She forced a smile. "O-oh! Well. That sucks. Sorry for bothering you when you're sick, Sync."
He didn't respond.
She got to her feet and clapped her hands. "Well, if you're sick, you gotta get your rest! C'mon, quit sitting there and lie down, huh? Okay?"
"It doesn't matter," he mumbled. "Just leave me alone."
"It does matter!" Anise snapped, guts churning. She grabbed him by both hands and yanked. He stumbled to his feet, gaping at her, but she refused to be deterred. "Up and at 'em! Out of that chair! Good! Now lie the hell down! Yes! Good! Finally!"
She planted her fists on her hips, huffed, and then tucked him in. He stared at her the whole while, which made her feel self-conscious, but she'd done it for Ion so many times she could do it on automatic. When she was done, she stared down at him again, then pulled over the chair and sat at his bedside.
"What are you doing?" he uttered as she pulled off her gloves.
She pressed one hand to his forehead and the other to her own. "Checking your temperature," she replied. After a moment, she withdrew them and beamed her brightest smile. "Well, it feels like you don't have a fever! That's good! ...That's good, dammit!" she added when he flicked his eyes away towards the wall.
"I'm not your Ion," he murmured. "You don't have to take care of me."
"I'm doing it because I want to, not because I have to! Geez! How thick are you, you dumb jerk!?"
"...You're wasting your time."
"So!? So what if I am! It's my time and I'll do what I damn well want with it!"
He rolled his head back to stare at her. She puffed out her cheeks at him in indignation, silently daring him to say something. When he didn't, she stood up.
"I'm going to get some medicine," she declared. "You just stay there and rest, okay?"
"I don't need any medicine," he mumbled.
"Either it's medicine or you tell me what's really wrong!"
He huffed out a faint breath. "...I'll take the medicine."
It would've been funny in any other circumstance. Anise nodded firmly, then left, locking the doors behind her. She hurried to find Tear, and she hurried to bring her back - because she'd remembered where she'd seen that look Sync had before.
It reminded her of the instant just before he threw himself off the side of the Tartarus.
Tear was surprised when Anise dragged her out of the cockpit, and even more surprised - and concerned - when told that Sync was sick. She reminded her that healing artes weren't effective against diseases and they ought to add a doctor visit to their stops before their final destination at Keterburg if it was that bad, but Anise insisted that Tear see him first. This didn't bother her, but she had to wonder what Anise thought she'd be able to do.
Sync didn't stir from the bed when they entered - not until Anise exuberantly announced she'd brought Tear with her. Then he sat up, propping himself up with one arm, and turned to look at them.
Immediately, Tear understood why Anise had been worried. He looked so... drained. The Melodist went over to the cot and perched herself on the edge while Anise grabbed the chair and sat.
"How are you feeling?" Tear asked.
He sank back onto the bed. "So you're the 'medicine,' huh...? I thought I told you before not to bother asking that."
"Anise told me you were sick and asked me to take a look at you. It's hardly a purposeless question in this context, is it?"
He sighed and tilted his head away. "...I'm fine. That idiot's making a big deal out of nothing."
I'd say something similar in your position, Tear reflected. Is it Van's upbringing that made us both this way...?
"It doesn't look like nothing to me," she said aloud. "You look like you're in pain."
His eyes flicked down. He heaved a sigh. "I'll be fine," he repeated, more subdued. "By tomorrow, everything will be the way it should. Just let me rest, all right...?"
Anise interjected, "Wait. What's 'the way it should'?"
Irritation flashed across his expression. He said nothing.
"Sync?" Tear prompted. The way he'd phrased that had concerned her too.
"What do you care? Either of you?" he growled, turning his back to them. "Go away already. You're an eyesore."
Tear and Anise shared a glance. Both of them understood with just that that neither had any intentions of backing down now.
"We're worried because you look so unhappy," Tear replied.
"Yeah, way more than usual," Anise agreed. "And you're so quick to decide you just ought to die..."
Sync was silent for a moment. When he finally spoke, his voice was thick: "So what? I was never supposed to survive anyway. Dying tonight won't make any difference. So why don't you just both go away and pretend this conversation never happened...?"
Tear's stomach fluttered with shock.
"Sync!" Anise shouted, jumping to her feet. "You think I'm gonna just walk away after hearing you say that?!"
He bunched the sheets up into a fist. "You're so annoying...!"
"Yeah, that's right! And I'm gonna keep being annoying until you snap out of it!"
"Sync, there are people who would grieve for you if you died," Tear said, tentatively reaching out for him. "Fon Master Ion -"
"STOP IT!" He slapped her arm away and rolled around to face the two, swinging his legs over the edge of the cot. Tear and Anise both rocked away several steps in reaction. "Stop pretending you give a damn about me! I'm not your darling Fon Master, okay?! I'm just a useless, broken replica! I'm no good to anyone!"
They took another step back as Sync swept to his feet, shoulders taut, head bowed. "No one would care if I died! Even if someone did, they'd forget about me right away! Nothing I am matters! Nothing I do matters! So why do you people keep insisting on making me suffer this pointless, rotten existence?!" He slammed his fists into his legs. "I'm so sick of your pity! I'm sick of all of you! Why couldn't you have just let me die in the core?! It'd be so much easier for you! It'd be so much easier for me! Just let me die! Let me die!"
He sagged, then collapsed backwards onto the cot and hunched over, covering his face with both hands. "All you have to do," he whispered, "is walk away."
Silence echoed painfully in the wake of Sync's screams. Tear held her breath, and so could hear her pulse pounding. The moment was fragile, and the fear she saw on Anise's face reflected that.
The most frightening thing was that it would be easier to let him die. Sync had gradually come to open up to some of them, and Tear had grown fond of him too, but strictly speaking he was still their prisoner and enemy. Caring for Sync was an additional responsibility on top of what they already had to the entire world - one he claimed to neither want or appreciate. With him gone, they could focus on the mission. And Tear was no stranger to dealing death when the situation called for it. Here, she wouldn't even have to finish him off herself.
All she had to do was walk away.
Tear took a step forward, turned -
I've never told anyone that I don't like onions, he had said.
- and settled onto the cot, next to Sync.
It would be easier. And it would be wrong.
Anise hurried over and took a seat on Sync's other side, like Tear leaving a healthy space between them. No one spoke. Sync didn't move. All the same, the fragile moment had passed; the two Knights had given their answer.
Tear folded her hands in her lap while Anise leaned back and propped herself up with both arms, and together they waited in silence.
It felt like ages before Sync finally stood up, back groaning with stiffness. Maybe it even was ages. In that time, several of the others had passed by the open door and expressed their concern, including Fon Master Ion. Tear had politely sent them away while Anise had made faux-cheerful excuses. Sync had watched them both out of the corner of his eyes. Anise had fidgeted and squirmed, but Tear had sat patiently, never budging. In the present moment, Tear followed him with her eyes, but Anise stood up with him.
He'd pushed them away as hard as he could, and yet here they still were.
"I can't believe you two stayed all that time," he remarked, fixing his gaze on the ceiling. "Don't you get tired, dealing with a reject like me?"
"Well, you are a big pain in the butt," Anise said, shrugging. "But now that I've gotten used to you, I actually like having you around." She grinned. "I'd hate to see you go already!"
Tear stood up. "Anise is right. No matter how Van may have treated you before, you're here because we want you to be here."
Sync breathed out a long breath and lowered his eyes. "You mean because the Fon Master wants me here, and you want to make him happy."
"It's true that that's part of it," Tear admitted. "And it's true that we're still not that close to each other. But that can change, Sync. It's already begun to change."
He sighed and sat back down. "It'll never change enough."
"Oh, come on, Sync," Anise said, flopping down next to him. She sobered. "I mean, sure, I don't have any idea what it's like to be you. But didn't you have fun with us, even a little bit? Forget about the Commandant! He's 100% wrong for making you feel this bad about yourself!"
Sync glowered at the floor. "Forget? He's the entire reason I exist. I lived to fulfill the purpose he made for me." He sagged. "And now that purpose is gone."
Tear stepped over and knelt down in front of him. He flinched up, and their eyes met.
"It's difficult for everyone to figure out why they were born and what they should live for," she told him gently. "Even originals have trouble with that. So it's okay for you to feel lost. You're not bad or wrong for feeling that way. But you mustn't give up."
"Why shouldn't I?" he mumbled, averting his gaze. "I'm tired of everything. I just want it all to end."
"If you're tired of everything, then focus on just one or two things," she persisted. "Think of what's important to you - what it is you really want to do. If you can't figure that out yet, then that's also fine. Just take things one step at a time, starting with what you can do. We'll be here to help, if that's what you want."
Sync looked back at Tear. She kept watching him steadily, just as she had a moment ago.
In truth, he believed himself beyond "help." But he already knew she didn't say things she didn't mean, and so it struck him the way she kept trying to talk him down when she didn't need to. Van had poured effort into raising and molding him, and he'd still walked away. No matter how much Tear respected the Fon Master, was it really worth it to go to these lengths for a broken replica?
But she doesn't think of me that way, he remembered, straightening. She thinks of replicas as real people. She thinks of me as a real person.
He glanced over at Anise, who smiled at him. She had more reason to talk him out of suicide, but less reason to be friendly about it. I actually like having you around, she'd claimed. Sync didn't trust her, but he was starting to think she wasn't just saying that.
And he did have fun around her. He'd acknowledged that ages ago, when he'd double-checked the definition in the dictionary. Their fights helped him blow off a lot of stress, and her return insults kept him on his mental toes. She was a pain, but he'd come to like having her around too.
It didn't balance out his misery. Nothing ever would. But for now...
"One step at a time," he repeated.
"Right," Tear said, offering her hand. He accepted it and stood.
...it was enough.
"So you must be pretty hungry!" Anise declared cheerfully, hopping to her feet. "You want me to heat that curry back up for you?"
Sync opened his mouth to tell her not to bother, then hesitated. "...Yeah, that's fine."
Tear tilted her head. "Are you certain? If you'd rather have something without onions, I don't mind preparing something for you."
"What, you don't like onions?" Anise said.
Sync shifted his weight to the other foot, feeling awkward. "...no."
"Well, what do you like? Me or Tear can make it for you no problem. Or if we can't and you know how, you can make it yourself and we can help you out!"
"That sounds reasonable," Tear agreed.
I'll never get used to this, Sync thought, but he felt himself relax anyway. He'd never told anyone what foods he liked either, but in that moment, he saw no reason to hold back. "Well..."
The smell of something delicious was Ion's first sign that something had changed. He followed his nose to the kitchen and peeked in to see Sync, Anise and Tear all preparing something: Anise setting places and pouring three glasses of milk, Tear washing and drying dishes, and Sync standing over a makeshift grill on the stove, turning what looked like three skewered whole squids. The thing that struck Ion most about it was how much more at ease Sync looked than when he'd stopped by his room earlier. Tear and Anise had been with him then, too.
He ducked his head back, smiling, before he was seen. It wasn't polite to eavesdrop, but Ion was worried about Sync and didn't want to upset him by making his presence known.
Just for a few minutes, he told himself.
A moment later, after noises of distributing food and sitting down to eat, he heard Anise exclaim, "Mmm! You know, Sync, I never would've pegged you for a good cook."
"You think I could ask someone else to cook for me? I had to learn."
"You've learned very well," said Tear. "Thank you for making portions for us, too."
"...It's no big deal."
"Heehee, he's turning red! You might be pretty cute after all, Sync~!"
"Shut up," he said with more embarrassment than dislike in his tone.
Ion heard Anise giggle, but there was a moment where they ate instead of talked. The Fon Master smiled fondly. So that smell was something Sync had cooked himself. Anise and Tear were awfully lucky, to be able to eat with him. Ion wished he could walk in and ask for some too, but he imagined he wouldn't be welcome. The thought made him feel bad, but... he had to accept it, right?
He turned slowly to leave. When he did, he spotted Luke approaching from up the hall. Luke smiled and lifted his hand in greeting, mouth opening. Ion took a step towards him and lifted his finger to his lips before he could speak. Luke paused, hand flagging in puzzlement.
"Say, Sync," Anise said just then, "do you like cooking?"
"I don't like or dislike it. It's just something I have to do."
Luke's eyes lit in understanding. Partial understanding, anyway, because rather than turning around to leave, he snuck closer. Ion waved his hands to try to dissuade him, but stopped when it became plain his intended meaning wasn't getting across. Besides, considering Ion had stayed for a moment to listen in too, he found it difficult to fault Luke for being curious. Surely just a little longer wouldn't hurt...?
"Uh huh. Just like you don't have any foods you like or dislike?"
Ion heard nothing, but he could easily imagine Sync giving Anise a Look and Anise smirking back at him. Over his head, Luke peeked into the room.
"Anyway, I asked because if you wanted to learn more about cooking, I could teach you! It's something to do, right?"
"...You have a point. Hm. I do want to learn how to make bread. What would we do?"
"Hmm... Well, to make good bread, you have to learn how to knead dough right. To start off, I'd train your kneading techniques by having you give me back massages!"
Luke leaned back and shot Ion an 'is-she-for-real' look. Ion couldn't help it; he smiled.
"On second thought, I'd rather learn from Tear."
"That'd be for the best," Tear said wryly.
"Boo! Don't encourage him, Tear! And don't tell me you're giving up already, Sync!"
"I'm not giving up. I just think you're full of it."
"Boo boo boo!"
Ion covered a giggle. It sounds like he's feeling much better, he thought, catching Luke's eye. He took a step backwards, trying to coax Luke back with him, and ended up bumping into someone. When he turned, he saw Guy, giving them both a curious look.
"Is there anything else you'd like to learn how to do?" Tear asked at the same time, covering the noise.
"Yeah. If you weren't working for Van, what would you want to do with your life?" Anise added.
"If I weren't working for Van?" Sync echoed. He was silent for a moment.
During that silence, Guy murmured, "Eavesdropping is a bad habit, Luke. I'm surprised to see you here too, Ion."
"I'm sorry," Ion murmured reflexively.
Luke looked guilty, but he still whispered, "Shh, I wanna hear this."
Guy shook his head, smiling ruefully, and leaned in too.
Inside, Sync finally said, "Speaking of whom, how'd it go with your brother?"
"Don't change the subject," Tear chided.
"I'm not. If Van accomplishes what he means to, thinking about what else I'd do with myself is pointless."
She sighed. "...Not well."
"Didn't listen to a word his poor, worried little sister had to say, huh?" When Tear said nothing, Sync continued, "Well, he wouldn't have changed his mind no matter who talked to him. Don't feel too bad."
"Sync, you're really bad at comforting people," Anise remarked wryly.
Guy, Luke and Ion all shared a surprised glance when Sync said nothing to contradict her.
"It's fine," said Tear. "I was resolved to kill him well before my journey began."
"Kill him, huh," Sync mused. "You really think you can manage that?"
"It's not a matter of can or can't. I must, so I will. And this time, I'm not alone."
There was a moment of silence. Ion, against his better judgment, peeked around the doorway to try to get a look at Sync and his friends. Above him, Luke and Guy leaned in too.
"What are you three doing?" Natalia's voice sounded behind them.
"GWEAAGH!" Guy shrieked, launching himself away from the young woman suddenly at his back and directly into Luke and Ion. The next thing Ion knew, the metal floor in front of the kitchen below and Luke and Guy above had knocked all the air out of him.
"Ion!" he heard Anise cry, even as he struggled helplessly under the weight of the two much larger boys. Ion opened one eye to see Anise and Tear both hurrying over to him, the former immediately dropping to her knees next to him. "Guy, get off! You're crushing Ion!"
"S-sorry! Sorry!" Guy yelped, scrambling off and away until he'd pressed up against the wall. "Luke, Ion, you okay?!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Natalia gasped. "I didn't expect you all to just collapse like that!"
"Owww," Luke groaned. Next to him, Tear offered a hand, which he accepted and used to pick himself up with. "I'm okay. Ion, are you all right?"
Ion took Anise's hands and crawled to his knees. Over her shoulder, he saw Sync, still at the table that Tear and Anise had abandoned, frowning at him tight-lipped. "I-I'm all right," he tried to reassure them. "I'm just a little shaken up. I'm sorry, this is all because of me."
"Ion, you didn't do anything!" Anise said. "You don't have to apologize!"
Ion met Sync's icy eyes. His expression had darkened, but he got up from the table and walked around it, then stopped to lean near the kitchen and watch.
"No," he said. "I noticed the three of you talking together, and I..."
"It's not just your fault, Ion," Luke interrupted, looking embarrassed. "I was the one who stuck around. We were, um, kinda listening in on you guys. Sorry."
"...Yeah," Guy admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "I came in late, but I didn't exactly stop it."
"So you were eavesdropping! Shame on you!" Natalia exclaimed.
"Luke," Tear uttered, radiating distilled exasperation.
"I said I was sorry!"
As everyone chattered and got everyone back onto their feet, Ion watched Sync watching them for a few seconds longer, then averted his gaze. He had the nasty feeling that he'd somehow made things worse. He, Luke, and Guy all apologized again, but Sync didn't return to the familiarity Ion had overheard, and he didn't know how to fix it.
"How are you feeling now?"
"You just aren't going to stop asking that, are you," Sync said, sitting on the edge of his cot. Starlight twinkled distantly outside the window of his cell.
Tear set down the soap, bucket of water, and damp towel she'd brought for his nightly self-cleaning and seated herself next to him a little closer than she had earlier that day. "I will when it stops being a concern."
He looked up at the ceiling, fingers criss-crossed. "Not good," he replied, discarding the lie that had been on his tongue. "But my thoughts are clearer now."
"Are you still thinking of killing yourself?"
He almost laughed. "Straight to the point, huh?"
"Now that it's just the two of us, I don't have to be discreet."
Sync's hands squeezed together. "I don't ever really stop thinking about killing myself," he replied, jaw tense. "Today was just more intense than usual. That's all."
Tear watched him, concern in her eyes. "Do I need to stay with you tonight?"
He jerked around to stare at her, then pursed his lips, ignoring the twinge of wistfulness inside him. "No... you don't need to do that." She didn't look convinced, so he insisted, "Don't," then reined himself back with, "Please don't. It's... bad enough you saw me when I was weak."
Her eyebrows furrowed. "I understand. But will you promise me something, then?"
"What is it?"
"Will you promise not to hurt yourself? At least until tomorrow?"
He held his breath for an eternity of a second. Then he crooked a half-smile he didn't feel. "You and Anise still need to teach me how to bake bread, right? Don't worry; I won't kill myself. You'll see me tomorrow. I promise."
Her face softened. "Good. Thank you; I'm glad to hear it. I'll come see you first thing in the morning, all right?"
He paused. Then he shook his head. "Actually... could you send Anise instead? There's something I want to say to her. Privately."
Tear nodded. "All right, if that's what you want." She stood up. "Speaking of which, I'd better give you some privacy now. Please give me a shout when you're done washing up."
Sync almost laughed. He ducked his head down instead and gave the floor a brittle smile. "You're... too good to me."
Midnight was quiet like usual. Sync had intended all along to wait for the still of late night, but what he awaited was different now. The sheets he'd intended on fashioning into a noose, he instead wrapped around his mouth and tied tightly at the back of his neck. When he was done, he sat at the table and stared at the shackle on his left wrist, which was still slick against his skin with soapy water. Tear hadn't suspected a thing. Next to his right hand rested the steel knife-sharpener rod he'd stolen from the kitchen while everyone had been distracted with Fon Master Ion and Luke. It hadn't been easy to keep it hidden all day until he'd finally gotten the privacy Tear had been so nice to give him, but he'd managed. He gripped it.
Think of what's important to you - what it is you really want to do, she'd said.
Apparently, Tear had forgotten that Sync was a God-General loyal to a man he hated. He couldn't blame her, though. She had no idea what he truly wanted was to annihilate the Score, and that only Van's methods would or could make that happen. Even he'd forgotten temporarily. He'd been so stupid, falling into despair. It wasn't about him, wanting more than he deserved. It wasn't about Ion or Luke, instantly everyone's focus. It wasn't even about Van and his delusions of saviorhood. It was about ending this stupid, Score-obsessed world.
But it wasn't in the spirit of what Tear had told him. She'd probably hate him. The thought, irritatingly enough, made him hesitate. Anise and her cooing over Ion was one thing; Sync never trusted her anyway. But Tear... he hated that some part of him didn't want to disappoint her, even though she was out to kill the only one capable of making Sync's wish come true. Why couldn't he have met her sooner, before Fon Master Ion had? Maybe if he'd gotten to know her first, things could be different. Maybe everything could've been different.
But it wasn't. And it never would be.
His grip tightened.
It's not a matter of can or can't. I must, so I will. And this time, I'm not alone.
Alone or not, she'd never defeat Van. But with a team, she might injure him enough to jeopardize the mission. No matter how he felt about her or how she ended up feeling about him, that was the one thing Sync couldn't allow. He'd known it the second she'd said that.
There was still time to turn back... but to turn back was to abandon his wish.
He exhaled a long breath through his nose.
It doesn't matter, he told himself. I'm used to being a disappointment.
Eyes locked on his shackled hand, he raised the rod high above his head.