A/N: Here it is, chapter 13! This whole chapter is based on Alec's point of view and flashbacks from the event two years ago. The part is alternative; one moment it's Alec's pov and the next will be the flashbacks. I hope that's not too confusing. Enjoy reading and have a great day! :)

Chapter 13

Part I: Beginning To End

Alec POV

I only realized that I like boys when I was 13. The sight of Magnus that greeted me was all it took for me to understand why girls never prospered in gaining my attention. We became friends, with me holding onto ropes of hope that he would return my feelings one day.

I never told anybody about it. I kept it to myself. Izzy only found out when she tried to hook me up with one of her cheerleading friends in high school. I'd said to her no, hoping that she could see the reasons through my eyes. She did, telling me "I get it," and suffocating me with one of her bear hugs. I love her for that. She was one of the people who could really make me feel like I was precious in every form.

The other person was Magnus. He was an only child who seeks for company that his father couldn't provide him. And I entered his life, acting as his saviour in shining armour when the truth was; I had been the one who was saved. There was no other boy who made me feel the way Magnus did. He effortlessly managed to block every single one of them without realizing it, for as long as he stayed in front of me, there won't be another.

It was just a crush, as simple as that. I knew I might grew out of him but I savoured every moment, knowing that it would never last for I've witnessed myself how Magnus only see me as a friend. But my gaze on him never faltered. The smile that was only meant for him was always there at the corner of my lips, waiting for his very presence to come and claim it. I was careful not to let him see it because I didn't want him to feel burden. I kept myself on the line and treaded carefully.

But I wasn't careful enough. I tried so hard to hide it from him that I forgot we weren't the only person in the world. Others could see it as well. Others who had managed to look close enough and guessed. That's how Lily came along. She saw through me, saying that the look on my face was supposed to be meant for a girl. She knew that my world was meant for Magnus and she took advantage of it. I denied her, saying that I never like Magnus and in returned, she asked me to prove it to her.

That's how we ended up being couple. We were 16 and she was smarter, braver. She knew she could do anything to me and that I will bow to her every desire. It started off as a challenge really. We both wanted to know who'd last longer in that fake relationship; the girl with a stubborn heart or the boy who had everything to lose. We played around for sometimes, me trying hard to ignore Magnus and Lily fluently played her part. I didn't know that I was playing with fire. And that the fire was slowly advancing, its target was me.

"Izzy, wake up! We're going to be late if you don't get up soon." Alec was shaking his sister's shoulder gently. Izzy mumbled out something that sounded too similar to a curse word.

"Don't let Max hear you saying those words. I don't want you to corrupt his pure mind." Alec spoke in his brotherly tone at Izzy who was slowly sitting up.

"Why do you have to be so annoying in the morning?" She yawned, her hands too lazy to cover her mouth. "I'm awake. Now get out so I can get change."

"Don't be too long. Mom's driving us today." Alec walked out from his sister's room and shut the door. He then walked a few steps before stopping in front another door; Max's room. He knocked a few times and said,

"Max? Are you ready?" The door opened to reveal the youngest of the Lightwoods all cleaned up and dressed except for his tie. Max was attending Idris elementary school just across the road from Institute High; Alec's and Izzy's school. Alec was already in his proper uniform when he crossed the room and stood in front of his brother.

"Where is your tie?" Alec looked at Max.

"It's over there." The mini-version of Alec pointed towards his bed while his other hand was busy buttoning his shirt and tucking them into his pants. Max's hair was still ruffled and he wasn't wearing his glasses. Alec grabbed the tie and kneeled facing Max, telling him to stand still while he knots the red tie expertly.

"Why can't I do it like you do? You always make it look good." He pouted. Max eyed his older brother's fingers as they fixed the collar of his shirt. He watched as Alec took his comb and started to get through the tangles in his dark hair that looked identical with Alec's in terms of colour.

"There you go." Alec set the comb down. "Now you're all ready for school." He flashed Max a sweet smile before handing him his glasses. Max put them on and blinked a few times before smiling back at his brother. He looked adoringly at him, as if Alec was a superhero or something.

"Let's go."

They walked down the stairs together, bags on their back and Max's small hand secured in Alec's protective one. Izzy was already at the front door, her uniform neatly wore and her hair tidily tucked into a ponytail. She was examining her nails when she noticed that they were coming down.

"Dad wants to talk to you." She said to Alec. "Come Max, we'll wait in the car. Mom's waiting." She took Max's hand and exited the house. Alec didn't need to ask where his father was, Robert Lightwood was always in his study which was a few spaces at the back of the house if he wasn't around his family.

He knocked politely on the door before pushing it open.

"Dad, can I come in?" Alec courteously asked. He saw the older Lightwood nodded and he stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

"Izzy said you wanted to talk to me." Robert Lightwood was facing his laptop, his hands busy typing and his eyes glanced at his eldest son before focusing back on the screen.

"I need you to walk your brother home after school today. Mother and I have some meeting to attend." He changed his gaze and directed it on his son. "Can you do that for me?"

"What about Izzy?" Alec asked.

"Izzy's having her cheerleading practice this afternoon. Didn't she tell you?" Robert asked his son. Alec shook his head before saying,

"I'll get going then." Before the door completely closed behind him, Alec heard his father spoke.

"Study hard." He nodded to himself, a habit he'd done every time his parents told him that. He rushed to the front door, knowing they were going to be late if they didn't get going soon. He shut the front door and entered the front seat next to the driver, carving a loving smile to his mother. They went off.

"Izzy, you're having a practice later?" Alec turned his head towards his sister whose hands were busy fiddling with her new cell phone. Izzy looked up at her brother and scrunched her eyebrow, trying to comprehend the simple question that was asked.

"Oh! Yeah. I forgot to tell you." She answered honestly.

"That's fine." Alec replied. He looked at his younger brother next to Izzy. His head was down, his eyes trained at the book on his lap.

"I'm walking you home later, Max. You wait up for me, alright?" He waited until he was sure his words reached Max's ears and saw a nod given to him. Alec's 'brotherly' smile decorated his young face until he turned facing the road and glanced at his mother. Maryse Lightwood was always focused on her driving. He knew better than to disrupt that concentration so he paid attention on the road as well.

Maryse stopped at the side of Max's school and watched as her children got out. Max was already walking past the school gate and Izzy was standing at the roadside, waiting for her brother who was still in his seat.

"Alexander, there's something I have to remind you." Maryse spoke softly at her son but her stare said otherwise.

"What is it mother?" Alec asked respectfully, knowing that his parents only used his full name in a serious conversation.

"I know you're seeing a girl and I know you're performance is still among the top." She began, noticing the slight widening in Alec's eyelids. He'd kept his relationship with Lily a secret from his parents. "But I want you to focus. You're still young, there's a lot of time for you to have fun but this isn't one of it." She proceeded, never taking her identical blue eyes off her son's watery ones.

"I haven't told Robert about it but I'd prefer if it stays unknown to him." Maryse waited for a sign of respond from Alec but all she got was a weak nod. Alec brought up his face and looked at his mother before saying,

"How did you know?"

"I'm your mother. Of course I know." She answered unhesitant. Alec knew then she was lying but he brushed it off with a smile.

"You know I won't disappoint you. I promise." Alec said before exiting the car and walked to the school with Izzy by her side.

"I hope you won't." Maryse whispered to herself before driving off to a direction.

There are some things that you can't expect to learn from your teachers at school or the lectures your parents gave you when you did something wrong. Those are the things that are meant to be discovered, even in the hardest way there is. What matters is that you escaped it unscarred. But you know that's not possible, when the wounds that hurt you could not be seen in any form except for yourself. And that is a wound that struck deep into you, healing in a matter of time.

When the bell rang, Alec quickly got his books into his bag and walked out of the school. In front of the Idris elementary school gates, he could make out his younger brother already waiting for him. His steps begun with the usual self-collected posture he was taught to have as he made his way towards Max.

"Alec!"

The voice that caught his ears made him stopped in his track and turned around. The owner was making fast pace towards him, insensibly making the boy he was looking at to feel suddenly choked and suffocated.

"Magnus." Alec breathed out. His heart started pounding only a little irregular now that he learnt how to control himself whenever he was with Magnus. The other guy was smiling at him expectantly. When Magnus got to his side, he looked over again at his brother to make sure he was still there.

"Lily told me to get you and bring you to the cafeteria." Magnus said, a little breathlessly. "Hang out a little while before we all go home." His amber eyes shone a little too brightly and made Alec looked away for a second before he answered,

"I need to walk Max home today." Alec could hear the disappointment in his own voice but he knew it was his responsibility as an older brother.

"Oh…" Was Magnus's respond. He seemed dismayed as well and Alec felt a sort of conflict coming up in his brain.

"Maybe I'll just stay for a while?" He proposed, watching Magnus's expression all the time. The other guy instantly lit up and dragged his friend towards the cafeteria, not noticing that Alec kept glancing back at the school gates.

Although the school had ended for the day, there were still some other students lingering around in the halls or classrooms. Alec saw Lily sitting on a table near the cafeteria's window that look out to the teachers' parking space. She was eating something that she'd ordered and had her headphones on, evidently listening to some music.

"Hey Lily! Where's Camille?" Magnus asked the blonde haired girl as he sat facing her. Alec took a sit next to her, a habit he'd come around with since they started 'seeing' each other. Lily's head snapped up at the sight of the two boys sitting with her and it was clear that she hadn't caught Magnus's question.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?" She looked at Magnus before taking off the headphones.

"I asked you where's Camille. I thought you said she'd be here." Magnus's head whipped around the cafeteria, looking for the person whose name he'd repeated twice. Alec couldn't help but looked around as well, not because he was curious but he was more resolute in trying to hide his deteriorating expression.

"Sorry about that." Lily began. She'd pushed away her tray of foods and was getting a book out of her bag. "They have a cheer practice and Camille left already. I just found out about it."

"Are you for real?" Magnus threw his hands up. He was always the kind of person that would act dramatically whenever the chance was given to him. "Then how am I supposed to ask her out?"

That really got Alec's attention although he didn't miss the smirk from Lily. They were playing the game again. "Don't worry. You'll get her next time." She said, looking up from her book and giving Magnus her very own sweet smile. Magnus looked at her with an unaffectionate look before saying,

"You better be right, Lily." Alec didn't know how long he could stay seated in that space and he started to doubt his decision in making Max waiting for him.

"I should get going. Max's waiting for me." He was about to get up and walked away when Lily took hold of his wrist.

"Wait a minute. Come on, it's not like every day we get to hang out like this." She gave him a meaningful look that made Alec feels like smacking her hands off his.

"I really need to go." Alec pressed on. Lily let go of him but she didn't stop at that. She said,

"Alright, then. Don't be mad at me if I told Magnus some of your secrets." Alec knew she was going to threaten him with that but he also knew that if she really wanted to tell, she'd done it long time ago. He simply greeted them goodbye and walked to the school gates, in hope that his brother was still waiting for him.

He wasn't. Max wasn't where he was minutes ago when Alec got outside the school. He looked around; trying to detect a smaller boy with dark haired wearing glasses but the street was empty. Cars were no longer passing by since the last bell had gone off moments ago.

Alec didn't know what happened next but his feet started carrying him down the road towards his house. He started walking by the sidewalk, thinking that Max must had thought he'd forgotten and walked home on his own.

He was right when he saw the very sight of his younger brother a few steps ahead of him, struggling to get past a crowd of people along the sidewalk.

"Max!" He called out but the street was too loud for his voice to be heard. Alec quickened his pace and realized that he was only distances away from Max when he saw his brother got pushed by one of the walkers. Max slipped and he staggered onto the road filled with cars. One of it came right at him.

Everything slowed down. When the street was too loud, it suddenly became eerily quiet for one young boy. Every single soul that passed him didn't matter as he stood frozen, his blue eyes watched as his younger brother's lithe body flew a few meters after he got hit and he landed on the cold tar, his head knocked hard against it…

"Max…" Alec struggled out. When he felt like he'd stood rigid for a few seconds, his knees gave way before he managed to pull himself up and ran towards his brother lying on the road.

"Oh no. Oh no. Oh god." When Alec reached him, he held Max in his lap, his upper body cradled in his arms that were supposed to be protecting him. Max's glasses were a few feet away from them.

"Max, please…Please…" He started crying. Everything else seemed to blur around him. He looked down at his brother, noticing the trail of blood coming down from his nose and after a few ticks, Max stopped moving entirely. Alec didn't let go. He saw nothing but his brother. He held onto him for how long, he didn't know. Then the ambulance arrived and people tried to pry him off his brother.

"Don't touch him." He said in between his sobs. He didn't want to say it himself but he knew it was pointless. He felt it the moment Max's soul left his body. He cried harder when someone grabbed him by the shoulder and his hold on Max was released.

Alec heard someone said to him that they'll get him to the hospital but he only stared and watched helplessly as the ambulance drove away. He was aware that the ambulance had carried off his brother but he didn't know this; another soul with a beating heart was rushed to the hospital at the same time in the same ambulance. That soul had been watching him the moment she was carried out from the car that had knocked the young boy before she lost consciousness from the world.

I remembered vividly what happened next. I was sitting in the waiting hall of the hospital when I saw my parents and my sister came rushing in through the sliding door.

My mom was crying her eyes out; her words were jumbled and incoherent. Robert was standing rigidly, listening to one of the hospital staff while my sister was barely holding onto my mother's arm, shaking terribly due to her non-stop wailing and sobbing. None of them noticed me.

When they started to move to the morgue room, I followed quietly in steps behind them. The nurse pushed the door opened and led them to where Max was laid. The nurse then removed the white sheet on my brother's body to reveal his already pale face to my family.

Even my father started crying at the sight of his youngest son. They held onto each other, my father's arms wrapping my mother and my sister firmly in his hold while I watched from behind. My eyes were locked on Max's face. I was tracing him for the very last time so that I could remember, so that I won't forget how he looked like.

Ever since that day, I would always found myself staring in the mirror, looking for any sign of Max's resemblance in my own older face. Aside from the hair, I couldn't seek anything else that belonged to Max. He was perfect in his own way. And that was how I realized, why my parents won't look at me.

After we got out from the hospital, Robert drove us straight home. Nobody said anything. The funeral was scheduled on the next day afternoon. My father opened the front door and let Maryse walked in. He followed her inside and I watched as Izzy got in as well. I closed the door behind me and stopped at my spot.

"Izzy…" Before I could even begin, she was already shouting at me. Izzy was holding onto the stairs, knowing herself would let slip her hard features at seeing my face but she held on tight. I let her said anything she wanted and I just listened.

"How could you?! You're our brother! You were supposed to walk him home! You were supposed to keep him safe! And now look at him. He's dead…" And then she started crying again. She brought herself down and sat slumped at the end of the staircase, bawling her tears out. She was still in her cheerleader's uniform.

I stepped forward cautiously at her, afraid that she would get even smaller and smaller in my eyes if I made the wrong move. When I tried to reach out and touch her shoulder, she recoiled away from me and curled even more in her position. Izzy had her face hid but I knew she was crying. I let my hand fell to my side and dropped my head down. I said to my sister,

"I'm sorry." I didn't expect her to answer me but she did, and she surprised me even more with her words.

"Tell that to Max."

Tears stung at the back of my eyes but I forced it out of the way and bit my lips. I walked up the stairs, leaving my sister at the bottom of it, knowing there's nothing I could do to comfort her except for me to let her grieve alone.

I stopped when I reached the door of my parents' room. My hand was about to knock when my mind had me think twice.

What would you have to say for yourself?

I heard a soft sound coming from the other end of the hall and I walked towards it, getting more familiar with the voice that was whispering softly. My mother was sitting on Max's bed and hugging his blanket tightly in her hands.

"My boy…my little boy…" I couldn't watch anymore so I fled to my room and locked the door before sliding down behind it. I was wrong when I thought there were no more tears for me to cry. My visions went fuzzy not a minute later and I struggled hard to keep my cry from escaping my lips. I brought my hand to my right side pocket and hooked something out. It was Max's glasses. It surprised me that the glasses were perfectly fine when I brought it to eye-level.

I held it in my as I wept for my brother's death, knowing that the entire house was grieving as well. Before I closed my eyes that tragic night, I kept repeating those words to myself…

It was my fault.

Noticed there was only one part? The next one will be up tomorrow if you give me your lovely reviews! *kisses