January 7, 1983
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck... I thought I was starting to get over this!
Roger is a quiet guy, not that he's boring, but he doesn't talk much. He never has to me, anyways. It's always me rambling on and on about stupid shit. (Sometimes I say something random to make sure he's listening- today I told him my penis length and his eyes bugged out in the most amusing way.)
We've been sitting together at lunch. Thank God, I was sick of sitting alone. Maureen and her wacky drama friends always sit together and I look like the emo kid sitting in the corner. But not anymore. Roger has been good company in my emo corner lately. I'm so glad we have the same lunch.
Anyways, I've been doing my best to get over Roger lately. By concentrating on Jack. But its not working... At least I stopped having to get off ALL the time. That's an improvement. Except today, he kind of ruined it.
Apparently he DOES play the guitar. Did you know how fucking EROTIC it is when he practices chord positions with his fingers? For the first couple of days it was subtle, but then today he tugged my arm towards him and started showing me the chords to some song he's apparently writing ON MY SKIN. Motherfucker! I've been hard SINCE!
When I got home Cindy was in my room looking at my pictures and I didn't want to tell her to get out so I could jerk off. And the other bedrooms were out of the question... I ended up taking a shower just to jack off, add then I got off again before bed. it doesn't HELP! I can still feel his hands on my skin! And see his eyes peering at me all intently and his smile and- and- NNGH.
I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to see him tomorrow without cumming in my pants...
I NEED A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND. FAST.
~ Mark