Chapter Fourteen:
He didn't know if he should tell her.
His words haunted him.
No more secrets…
He was angry with Warrick. He could see that the young man was in trouble and yet he could not seem to say the right words. Warrick stood to lose his job as well as his freedom. He had warned him over and over.
He didn't even know Warrick had been taking sleeping pills until Warrick let it slip when he talked about his last encounter with Sara.
"She knew the stuff," said Warrick. "I didn't even ask if she had trouble sleeping."
I knew…
Yet, I said nothing…
"Look Griss. I know this hasn't been easy for the unit," said Warrick.
"Stay away from Gedda," warned Grissom.
"You know he's nothing but…"
"If you want to keep your job Warrick, you'll stay clear of anything that has to do with Gedda."
"So he just walks free," yelled Warrick.
"Do your job…go home…stay away from the sleeping pills…alcohol…I'm referring you to a PEAP counselor," said Grissom.
"You think that's going to help me?" he yelled.
"Warrick, let this go."
He grabbed the slip and stormed out of the office.
Grissom leaned back.
His head was pounding.
He was worried about Warrick.
He knew he couldn't babysit him.
He listened to Sara…
I can't replace Sara…
Grissom suspended him when he refused to back off. He had no choice and yet he felt as if he had just made a grave mistake with Warrick. He couldn't think about that right now. He didn't want to focus on work. He wanted to focus on Sara.
She had kept in contact.
The phone calls came regular but she seemed odd at times.
He had been tempted several times to hop on the first flight and check on her but he knew that was not what she wanted. In fact, she had been adamant about no further contact. She was going to get through this and return soon. He had to believe that.
When the office seemed to be spiraling downward, he could not bring himself to discuss it with Sara. He wanted her to focus on the past and he certainly didn't want to burden her with the lab's problems especially the problems with Warrick. He wanted her to get better and come home. He needed her home. He hated the deception but he also knew that she would come back for all of the wrong reasons. Sara needed to come back when she was ready. By the sound of her voice, she was far from ready. He told himself he had handled worse problems before by himself. He was different now.
He missed having her in his arms.
He missed confiding in her.
It was shifts like this when they locked themselves away from the world inside their bedroom and held tight to one another. She seemed to know just what to say or do that calmed him. He wanted to be with her now. He needed to be with her now. For the first time since his career, he dreaded coming into work. He took no pleasure in solving a case and he dreaded facing another crime scene.
Is this what Sara felt?
I never realized how much I leaned on her…
She gave both of us strength…
She was no longer there now and he felt it every minute and second of the day.
The last few nights he had worked until he passed out on the couch.
Hank had lain next to the couch and whined.
He neglected the poor dog more and more.
There were few walks and he could not seem to bring himself to play with him.
That had been Sara's department.
He had gotten the dog for her.
The dog seemed to be in his own mourning as he ate little and seemed fitful when Grissom left each day.
They were both struggling with her absence.
Her phone call startled him out of his sleep as he grabbed it accidently kicking Hank when he sat up.
"What's wrong with Hank?" she asked.
"I'm sorry. I fell asleep on the couch. I accidently hit him when I woke up," said Grissom.
"Is everything okay?" she asked.
She had seen the headlines. Vegas had more than their share of dead bodies right now. Things did not sound good for the unit. While she did not know about Warrick, she still sensed something was wrong. She had thought about calling the others but then there would be questions about herself and she was not prepared to answer them right now.
"It was a long shift," he said. "I got in late…just dozed off on the couch."
"You sound tired," she said.
"I am."
"I'm sorry I woke you. I just wanted to hear your voice," she said.
He sat up straight.
"Are you alright?" he asked suddenly.
"I just miss you."
Come home Sara…
I need you to come home soon…
"Miss you too."
"Gil?"
"Hmm"
"You would tell me if there's something wrong…wouldn't you?" she asked.
How can I tell you the lab is falling apart?
I suspended Warrick…
He's disintegrating before my eyes and I don't know how to help him…
How do I tell you that I don't know how to manage without you?
How I feel guilty for relying on you so much…
I feel responsible for the burnout…
"Hank is whining at the door. I didn't take him out when I got home," he said.
"Don't get on to him if he has an accident," she said.
"I won't."
"Rub him behind his ears," she said. "Don't forget to check the calendar for his yearly check up. It should be coming up."
"I will."
He hung up as he grabbed the leash.
The appointment was a month ago…
I forgot…
Forgetting a lot of things…
Like what it feels like to sleep a full eight hours…
Hold my wife…
Love my wife…
Talk with my wife….
Really talk…
He cursed.
He didn't like feeling this way.
He felt off balance.
He had not felt this way since he had discovered Sara was dating Hank Pettigrew. He spent most of his time hiding his feelings as he dove deeper and deeper into his work. He even tried dating but failed miserably. He wanted Sara but would not let himself have her. The thought of her with another man made him angry and he took it out on her from time to time. Despite his behavior, she was always there by his side when he needed her.
She wasn't there now.
He got into his car and drove.
He had not even bothered to call first.
Hours passed before he drove up and parked.
He knocked lightly on the door.
He had given little thought to what he would say.
He had no idea why he suddenly had decided to throw caution to the wind and wind up on her doorstep.
He needed to confide in someone.
He didn't trust anyone except Sara.
That wasn't exactly true.
He turned to leave but the door opened and she was there suddenly in front of him.
Her arms wrapped around him.
"I've been waiting for you to come," she whispered.
"Hello, Heather. It's been a long time," said Grissom as he stepped inside.
Note from author:
I know. I am about to be overrun with hate mail. I have placed a shield of protection around myself and my computer. Remember, have I ever let you down? Okay, so I do add more angst than necessary at times but it keeps you reading. LOL
Take care,
Penny