"I wanna hold 'em like they do in Texas- fuck." Lance muttered, hand thrown over his face. "Now I'm even forgetting lyrics." He sighed, shuffling into his blanket a bit more. "So, what? Are we looking at another... uh..." He flicked on the map. "Huh." He murmured, scrolling through his path. It seemed like majorly plain flighting now, a little meteor dodging, one planet, and then he was at the edge.

"...Hey Red." Lance said slowly. "...Can you uh..." Staring at the map, he ran a hand up it's side. "Light up Rinnal."

It was so far, high up, in the northwest corner of the map.

"...Creemin?"

It was closer to centre, and farther south.

"...T'branin."

West past the centre, south.

"...And we're here." Lance dragged his finger down, almost straight to the dot that blinked with their location. "...Red, can you... show our travel path?"

The winding, wobbly path that traced from Rinnal, through several dozen planets and rocks to where he was now was the result of...

"How long?"

One deca-phoeb, five phoebs and four movements, they had spent in Sector Space.

Twenty one months.

For a while, he just stared at the results.

He had another two phoebs of travel.

Silently, and with tension he didn't know he had, he curled into a ball with his back on the chair, and cried.

"My, ghost, where'd you go?" Lance hummed as he went through the spar, effortlessly shifting his stance and movements to match the pace. He was trying to make this one switch-turn right. "I can't find you in the body sleepin' next to me..." He murmured, finally shifting into the proper stance.

His feet fell perfectly aligned with his movement, and for a moment, his heart hummed. "...There." He whispered, settling out. "...I got it."

Red purred.

"...We're ready for whatever the outside has to throw at us." Lance said as he gently rubbed her nose.

There was almost nothing here now. Just Lance, with his cat and his other cat, on rocks. Sometimes, he'd let Red go at a meteor for no reason other than training, let her smash it to pieces with whatever weapons she chose.

Which just meant a lot of time with Lance, and his thoughts.

"So like, there's gotta be someone out there for me, right?" Lance muttered with a smirk. "You can see into my head Red. What's my future, c'mon..."

Red rolled her eyes with a huff.

"Don't be like that, sweetheart!" He laughed. Red chuffed slightly as he pushed forward, diving under a large chunk without issue. Navigating in this meteor pit was a mess, but he was willing. "Or what, is it unclear?"

The Lion only made a growl, bumping up slightly against a smaller meteor.

"Fair enough. So, what are we gonna do when we get back? Think Keith's home too?" Lance asked. He felt a little... Hopeful. Something he hadn't let himself feel since landing in Sector Space. "That'd be nice. See him again, huh?"

Red chuckled, and agreed, but then a different feeling came about. Possessiveness. Over Lance.

I had another. Now, my Paladin is you.

He blinked. "...Thanks." He said softly, running a hand over her dashboard. She purred.

Ascua made a soft cry, like a joyful howl. Red growled and then roared along with her.

With a smile, Lance took a look inside himself and found that he didn't miss Blue. Not anymore. Blue had Allura, and Allura was a great pilot.

If you can hear me Blue? Lance thought out to her. ...Thanks. For choosing Allura.

Lance lay on the meteoroid, staring up at Red, who had settled into that nice cat-loaf shape with him between her paws. It had been a rough day, and Lance felt oddly pained, in his chest.

"...What if they really didn't need me?" He asked softly. "...What if I really was just the seventh wheel?"

Red told him that was absurd. Not one without us.

He knew what she meant. Voltron couldn't function without it's right arm.

"What if they're dead?"

Falling oddly silent, Red's head turned away from him. She seemed just as bitter as he was.

Neither of them wanted to think of a world where his teammates, his family, were gone.

He stepped up to the log table, hand reaching out to touch the camera, when he stilled. He didn't feel the necessity anymore.

Did his teammates even know he lived? Had they ever gotten one of his logs?

His hand fell to the table, then his head did. "...This place is Hell." He muttered. Hell with a few good places. But still Hell.

When Red stomped down on the Galra patrol, Lance felt nothing. He saw nothing, not until blood welled up between her claws, flowing over her arms. Their broken bodies crawled toward him, groaning as claws tore apart his clothes, burned hands and broken fingers smearing blood across his arms.

The commander, a hole in his chest that crawled with maggots and dripped with fluids, some kind of gaping, toothed maw, staggered forward, mouth open in a silent scream.

Lance shoved them away, unable to see Red any longer. Catching sight of his own hands, he noted the blood, still dripping, warm and fresh from his fingers.

Please! I'm trying! I'm trying! Lance screamed, backing away as several with holes through their skulls, brains cored out by single laser blasts, crept forward. I just want this war to be over! I just want to go home!

He kicked and fought, but in the end they pulled him to the bloodstained dust, the taste of iron and sweat filling his mouth, making him wish he could throw it up, cough, scream.

Please no! I'm trying! I'm sorr-

Lance shot upright with a gasp. He was panting, heart like a scared rabbit, Ascua staring at him in concern.

Raising a shaking hand, Lance stared at his palm, wondering briefly where the blood had gone.

He clasped his hands, then slowly slumped forward, face hidden in the space between his knees, arms wrapped around his shins. He stayed that way until the alarm went off.

Sitting against the glass of Red's cockpit with his eyes shut, head leaned to rock against he window, had become his nights. It left him with odd kinks in his back, but now his nightmares felt brutally aggressive.

Before, at the start of all this, he had them. But now...

Now he just felt 'on', all the time, like someone had flipped his switch. He felt like he was watching at nights again, when that ship had been chasing them, the fear in the leader's eyes, his horror as Red's paw came down, bodies crunching as-

Christ, stop! He ordered himself, abruptly squeezing the sides of his head.

It took another varga before he could uncoil. "Fuck, what's wrong with me?" He hissed, angry. Nothing could stay normal and alright for more than a few movements.

"...sorry for keeping you up, Red." Lance said softly as they took off again. "I don't know... what's going on." He muttered.

He fell asleep the next night, and thankfully, didn't dream.

Lance felt alert. Hyper-vigilant, built to go but with nothing to go on.

"They're the enemy. The fight isn't over until the enemy is down or dead." He told himself, shaking his head out. Getting up, Lance went to the navigating box that Ru'al had packed him. She had told him it would help him when he reached past the Hewin zone, and before the last planet.

All it contained was a note, and beneath that, a pile of money.

'Lance.

These are the things I couldn't tell you aloud, while on my homeworld. I am not a good person. I understand you, as Grey understands Red. We were once separated. I, alone in a jet, once flew through the empty zone. The zone you flew through a few phoebs ago. I'm sorry that you had to be truly alone. I nearly went insane, just me there.

So, I give you this. A philosopher once went to war and told me this quote afterward. It's the reason I'm still alive to write this, and why I didn't use my Shin'shi to take my own life.

'Chaos destroys, then brings order, like war destroys, then brings peace. The weak murder, the strong kill only for battle. May you never lose yourself to the insanity of murder, but keep yourself with the strength and knowledge that you may one day never spill blood again'.

Long, I know, but the 'chaos brings order' part helps me. Repeating it, 'chaos brings order' is kind of like a mental help for me. Breathe deep, relax, settle in and accept what's happening

I'll see you on the outside one day.

-Ru'al.'

Chaos brings order. Lance tried. It felt weird, but he was willing to attempt.

The other side was a whole list of things to do when he reached the way out, how to stabilize himself and Ascua, how to get Red through, where to go.

'If you focus on where you want to go, it'll launch you there. Focus on your team with all your heart and soul.'

Lance smiled softly. "Thanks Ru'al."

Some nights he woke up feeling like he had just come back out of that Galra ship, tormented and yet smiling, mildly crazed.

Other nights, he could just taste the blood.

It felt too real.

"I'm going crazy. Aren't I?" Lance whispered, mostly to Red. "...I'm actually losing my mind." He hissed.

Finally, he took a deep breath, settled back against the wall, and whispered, "Chaos brings order."

It took only a few breaths, and something like empty stole over his chest.

Chaos brings order.

Bethilao was maybe the second most technological hub in Sector Space, that Lance could tell at a distance. Ships, Galra and otherwise, swirled around it's dusty tan surface.

"Unidentified craft number 5093, please identify yourself and state entry or exit." A clear, cool voice said through the comm system.

"This is Lance McClain, Voltron Red Paladin." Lance stated as they slowed slightly. "I'm here on exit."

"Alright, since this is your first time down here, I'll go over the rules with you real quick. No fighting with any craft or crew while in the airspace or on the surface, general flightspeed needs to be less than 1000 knots while in the airspace, land only where the ground crew tells you to, no docking for longer than three haranshis or two quintants."

"Understood, ground control." Lance nodded. "My ship is a V-TOL, with one passenger." He said, and got up, putting Ascua in her box with a few food packs. She seemed to understand as he slid her into a hidden drawer.

"Passenger species?"

"Human. From Earth."

There was a pause. "You're a long way from home." The guy on the mic chuckled.

"Sector Space is a long way from anywhere." Lance commented back.

The guy laughed. "Fair enough! Landing pad 153, to the port side of the wall and tower."

Red, as ordered, did only 900 knots as they entered the atmosphere, finding the pad with '153' written in huge numbers. She touched down, and settled out. "Perfect." Lance smiled. "Red, baby, I'll be back in a bit. Stay here." He smiled, sliding on his helmet as he strapped on his Shin'shi, put his Bayard away and headed out.

Several Galra by ships close to him glared, but even they would obey neutral airspace laws. They probably can't afford to lose this as a landing point. Lance thought as another ship warped into the sky above, this one more similarly shaped to some of the Creeminian ships he had seen.

He saw several of them, and then even some B'hra. Several other species he didn't recognize from Sector Space also walked around as Lance made his way toward the marketplace.

He used Ru'al's money, which she must've given to him for exactly this purpose.

After he had his food, he simply trotted around, examining each stall with muted curiosity.

Until he came across a B'hra with a slight, pale orange D'haku behind him. They were both examining some kind of gemstone in the B'hra's hand, his golden scales glittering off the smoky, silver-blue streaked inside. Like the wisps of smoke from within the-

Hewin zone.

Lance stepped toward the table, prompting the B'hra to glance up with a small smile that turned to a gasp when he saw Lance.

"Pardon me..." He stood up, glaring at Lance slightly. "...But where did you get that?" Pointing accusingly to the Shin'shi, the B'hra glared.

"Uh... It's um... It's mine?" Lance said warily.

"...Prove it. Pull it out." The B'hra ordered.

Lance slowly pulled it from it's sheath, the black blade turning silver-white in the light, and immediately the B'hra relaxed. "I... apologize." He said softly. "I've seen people steal them from..."

"Other B'hra." Lance filled in with a nod. "It's alright." He said as he sheathed it again.

He hummed sadly. "Yes. My name's Quin'quer." He smiled.

"Lance." The Paladin offered a hand to shake, and Quin'quer gave him a rather vigorous one. "So, I was actually curious, what are these?"

The smoky crystals seemed way too similar to the Hewin zone to be anything normal.

"These? These are Ran'junlankir'ho crystals, or just Ran'jun crystals. Made in the Hewin zone." Quin'quer smiled. "Most think the Hewin zone is a place of horror, but actually, if you can show the Ran'junlankir'ho that you mean them no harm, they're quite pleasant."

"...huh. What do they do?" Lance asked, gently touching one. It seemed to gleam with a soft inner light, the silver and blue lines moving and mixing at his touch. "Whoa."

"You survived an encounter with a Ran'junlankir'ho." Quin'quer chuckled. "...They're sometimes bought by warriors who experience the horrors of war. It's known to give off a glow at night. Some keep it as a reminder, as a way to feel like they're not alone."

Lance lifted his finger from the one he was touching. "...I'll buy one." He said softly, pulling out some money, but then groaning when he was just a few pieces short.

Quin'quer wrapped it up and put it in a container regardless. "I'll spot you for those pieces. It's a joy just to see a Shin'shi again."

With a soft bow, Lance grinned. "It's peace of mind to see a B'hra again." Then he paused. "...Hey, if a B'hra named 'Ru'al' passes through here at some point in time... Can you tell her and her team I said hi?"

"I can do that. Best of luck on the way out of here, Lance!" Quin'quer waved to him.

"I don't care if it hurts... I wanna have control... I wanna perfect body... I wanna perfect, soul..." Lance sang as they continued going, the Ran'jun crystal gleaming from it's spot on his desk. "I want you to notice... When I'm not around... Oh you're so very, special. I wish I was, special..."

Another phoeb, come and gone.

According to his maps, he was getting close. The pulsars were messing with his scanners, but not enough to be bad. They were powerful, but not strong enough.

"Looks like we're almost there." Lance murmured. Ru'al's note had warned it could take a quintant or two to find the exit, a blue pulsar. Most were white, but not this one.

Lance crested a planetoid, devoid of anything but stone, and blue light shone upon his face, temporarily blinding him.

Then Red darkened her glass, and he could look.

A blue pulsar. Two black holes, far away. He could just fly into the funnel.

"...Happy fucking birthday to me." Lance chuckled, being entirely literal. Maybe for once, I get a birthday present that's exactly what I want. He thought, positioning himself and Red at the front. He switched on the full power thrusters, and got Ascua into her box, bolting it down.

He put everything into covered, hidden, tied down areas, even the Ran'jun crystal. He turned off his comm, his radio, doublechecked everything, turned on his radar scrambler... If he landed in hostile airspace, then he was being smart about it.

Then he put on his armour.

"...Alright Red." He murmured, sitting back in his seat and using a long belt to keep his chest tied back. "...You ready?"

She growled. She was more than ready.

"...Here we go." Lance whispered, and slowly eased forward on the throttle.

Their speed gradually grew, increasing constantly as they got faster, blowing past the black holes, straight toward the Pulsar. Lance could feel his heart beating in time with it's spinning, it's thud, his blood in his ears. Red let out a roar, a howl.

Lance focused.

Allura's smile. Pidge's look of realization when she figured something out. Coran's unending joy. Hunk's look when he cooked. Shiro's leadership. Keith's... Keith. Just Keith. Keith was something he couldn't describe.

Take me to them. He thought, eyes squeezed shut. Take me to my team.

Everything when blue, bright as the sun itself, light and warmth bathing them, making them feel eternally free, eternally flying, time passing without them even thinking, into something bigger, more important, more vicious than themselves, right before-