Master Chief
A Stasis Pod
The Rear End of Dawn
Deep Space
CH2 6NH
31/08/2554
Dear Bungie,
I'm glad you've finally decided think about waking me up, but if you think that wench screaming in my ear is going to get me out of bed then you've got another think coming. Sorry, I want another five minutes, some coffee, a dippy egg with some soldiers. That's the toast kind, not the useless marine kind.
Oh and what the hell have you done with my threads. I'm definitely not moving from this pod without my Calvin Klein cod piece. Have you ever been shot down there? Well it hurts, and its kind of embarrasing. That's how Johnson got his nickname. His real name is George Burnstein, so personally I think we did him a favour that night we pinned him down and shot him in the groin with a Needler. It swelled up to six times its normal size and with all the blood rushing down there he fainted, well that and the pain.
Anyway Bungie, you get the picture, I'm not saving the universe from funny coloured aliens unless I'm fully dressed. Plus I don't trust Cortana with me being all half naked. She'll be all vulnerable since I've just dumped her, and she can get kind of crazy.
Oh and what ever happened to that idea about making a movie of my high school years. I loved She's All That and I've got a letter from Zac Efron that says he would totally play me. I'll post you my high school year book and then we can talk terms.
Yours sincerely
Master chief Petty Officer John 117