Chapter 14: Dirty Dirty Boy

Falman, Fury, and Breda conferenced quietly outside of Riza's apartment door. "How about we break up this job?" said Falman. "I don't think it's necessary for all three of us to follow her."

"Good thinkin' Falman. It can save on time too" said Breda.

Fury piped in and said "Whoever stays behind today can stand behind that staircase over there and keep an eye on when she comes in and out. We should be able to keep track of her anti-Sila movements from there."

"Right." "Right." "Right." The three men agreed. Then they stood around looking at each other realizing no one wanted to be the first to stay behind. They each ran through the possible outcomes in their minds.

Fury haltingly said "So…uh…who's going to stay behind, first?"

Falman thought about what would happen if he stayed behind…

'I'd have to crouch under the staircase since I'm taller than the other two and probably bang my head on the steps.' Falman then visualized the thud catching Riza's attention as she came out of her apartment dressed for work. Her pale brown eyes narrowed in concern. When no other sounds came she became suspicious.

"Who's there?" she demanded to know.

Falman's throat dried up from fear and was unable to reply. Riza slid out her gun from her holster and lifted it to the ready. Falman could hear her quiet steps as she approached the dark shadow under the stairs. Riza then extended the gun and swirled around the corner. The barrel of Hawekeye's gun was the last thing Falman saw before he yelped with a screechy voice "I can't stay behind!"

Fury and Breda looked at him a bit oddly as the outburst was out of his character. Then they too began to imagine what might happen if they were caught under the stairs by First Lieutenant Hawkeye.

Breda imagined leaning comfortably on the wall under the stairs doodling in the notebook, just waiting for something to happen for him to record. He heard a small squeaking noise and peered around the edge of the staircase. He didn't see Lieutenant Hawkeye, nor was the door open.

Breda leaned back against the wall confused, but then shook off his confusion and went back to adding to a doodle that Fury had started. Then he felt a tug on his pants and heard a little growl. 'It must have been the doggie door I heard.—The doggie door!' Breda had been afraid of dogs all his life, but being an officer in the military didn't want to admit his fear. Later on he developed an allergy which gave him an excuse to avoid dogs. He was a man after all and a small fuzzy creature shouldn't frighten him.

Breda looked down and saw Black Hayate, Riza's puppy, tearing away at his uniform pants. Breda froze with fear when the dog clamped onto his pants. "I-I-I don't want to have shoddy uniform pants! C'mon Hayate! Quit it!"

The little dog was persistent and the more Breda resisted the harder the puppy held the cloth in his needle like teeth. The little dog's growl frightened Breda and he nearly yelped. He caught himself, not wanting to catch the Lieutenant's attention and kneeled down trying to whisper harshly to the puppy while extracting his teeth from his pants. Breda imagined successfully prying the little puppy off and giving the poor pup a good kick.

The dog yelped and ran back towards the door, which at this point was open and in its frame was standing First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. She had her favorite handgun at the ready. "Second Lieutenant Breda, by what right did you kick my puppy?" she asked sternly.

"Lieutenant? Lieutenant! I-I-I" 'I've been caught! I'm done for!'

"You appear to have no excuse." Riza cocked the gun.

Even though there was a gun in his face he would rather take the bullet than admit he was afraid of something. The barrel of Hawekeye's gun was the last thing Breda saw before he blurted out "I'm allergic to dogs!" then remembering he was in the present.

Fury said "What?"

Then Falman said "I don't think that is going to preclude you on this assignment, Breda." Breda replied and Falman began to contest.

As the other two officers began to argue Fury then began to think about the outcome if he stayed behind. The color drained from his imagination creating a black and white scene. He imagined being slick and stealthy and hiding in the dark underneath the stairs…

He lit a cigarette and the flare of the match revealed him standing not in his uniform, but a tan suit, a fedora hat, with an overcoat hung on his shoulders. He was a stealthy sleuth, there to find out the truth about this fiery dame. He shook out the match and pulled out the notebook. He leaned on the wall, waiting for the Lieutenant to give away her plans. One of the neighbors played the blues on their piano and Fury listened thinking 'This can't be all her fault. There's another side to this story, and it's got Mustang written all over it.'

Riza opened up her door, and stepped into the hallway touching her hair. Fury made a note of the form fitting red dress she was wearing. The dress hugged her body down to her knees and the collar stood straight up, emphasizing the deep plunging neckline. Her hair was tied back, severely, as usual. Her evening bag was small, but not too small that it couldn't hold her favorite piece.

Fury stepped out from under the stairs and addressed her, coolly, calmly. "So Lieutenant, where to in that get up?" Fury shot a stream of smoke from his cigarette into the air.

"Fury, I should have known you were here" said Riza, in a desperate voice. She took a few steps towards him in her high red heals and Fury noted the red lipstick made her lips look more kissable than usual.

The cigarette Fury was smoking came to an end and he pulled it from his mouth, throwing the unlit stub to the ground. He looked down at the butt and up through his brow at her. "Ya know baby, ya don't have to do this."

She came close to him and with passion said "What do you know? Ya don't know him like I do Fury, I tell ya, he's a good man. Deep down inside. I see that side of him and ya can't tell me otherwise."

Fury found himself looking down his nose at her saying "I know what ya think Riza, and you're blinded by passion. Someday you'll see the Colonel for the womanizing clod he is and you'll wish you chose someone else. Someone who wouldn't dress you up like such a floozy and someone who'll love your dog."

Black Hayate hopped out of his doggie door and barked, almost as if he agreed with Fury. "Like you, Fury?" Riza turned around and took a few steps back to her apartment. Fury watched her hips swaying as she did so. She whirled around to face him once more and stuck her hand in her bag. Her eyes were full of tears that refused to drop "I'm sorry Fury, but I can't let ya stand in the way of my happiness!"

Fury stood his ground and put his hands on his hips. "You don't scare me Riza. Ya don't scare me at all. Someday you'll come to your senses and see I am your happiness." Riza pulled out and fired her gun, but the bullet pinged off Fury's belt buckle, dropping his pants to the ground.

Riza shook her head and her hair tumbled down. When she pushed it aside she saw Fury, standing there with his pants down. "Oh, Fury! How could I be so foolish? I coulda…I coulda…"

"You're not foolish, Riza, just confused. You really are a crack shot. C'mere, baby" he said.

She ran over to him and planted a big kiss on his lips. "Now" he said with the ultimate confidence "let's take this inside."

"Sure thing" said Riza.

Fury then, back in the present, enthusiastically blurted out "I'LL STAY!"

The other two officers stopped their bickering and looked at him with a bit of confusion then the color drained from their faces.

Fury turned around and saw First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye standing in her door. Black Hayate was at her feet wagging his tail. Falman and Breda both yelled outloud "AH!" and clung to each other while Fury dove behind them and screamed in a high pitched voice "Don't shoot! Please, I'm not wearing a belt!"

Then Black Hayate ran over and began to tug on Breda's pant leg. Tears came spurting out of Breda's eyes as he became hysterically afraid his daydream might come true. "Please no! I really am allergic to dogs! Please no! Don't shoot!"

Falman's fear of Hawekeye's marksmanship overtook him as well and he clung to a sneezing Breda.

Riza pursed her lips and shook her head. "Black Hayate!" she commanded the dog. "Here! Now!" The dog let go of Breda's pants and was at his mistress's side in a second. She reached down and attached a leash to her dog's collar and took one more look at the three officers she knew. She said "I hope we never need any real reconnaissance done by you. The three of you are hopeless."

Fury stuttered "D-d-d-did you know?" pushing up his glasses by the bridge.

Falman finished "All along?"
Breda sneezed.

Riza nodded her head. "You're a group of loud, bumbling, awkward men. You're not quite subtle enough to follow a highly trained officer. Then you stood here and argued right outside my door. If I hadn't heard your plans, I'm sure the rest of the building has. Why are you doing this?"

Falman sighed and stepped forward, pushing Breda onto Fury. He explained why they were following her. With shame and embarrassment he stepped back closer to his buddies. After he said it out loud he realized how silly it was. "We're sorry First Lieutenant, for doubting your integrity. We…uh…"

Breda said "I guess we just got carried away" and then he sneezed again.

"I see" she said. She walked towards the head of the stairs to go outside and said before she took the first step "It must be because you have too much time on your hands. I'll make sure to let the Colonel know you're getting bored."

The three officers cursed themselves and all three said "Yes ma'am" in defeat and then let their imaginations run wild with what horrid dreadful tasks that Mustang would think up for them.

Jean and Sila ran back towards the center of the base. Sila slowed down and Havoc turned back to look at her. "What's wrong?" He panted.

Sila slowed to a stop and Havoc jogged back. "I, I, I think I hurt my ankle back there" she said with heavy breathing. She leaned over and winced from the pain "Ah" she gripped her side.

Havoc said "You've got a pain from running. That Archer isn't letting you out enough" quipped Havoc. When Sila didn't respond he knew she was really hurting. "C'mon" he said and scooped her off her feet.

She pounded his chest with her small fists and yelled "Put me down you…you…Moron!"

He laughed at her anger and ran off with her back to the infirmary. Havoc surprised the nurse on call as he burst through the door. The nurse instructed him to lay her down on a cot nearby then ran to wake a doctor.

This left Sila and Havoc alone. "So, now we're even" he said sitting at the foot of the cot.

"I guess" said Sila thinking of when they first met. Havoc pulled out a cigarette but didn't light it. He looked down at the box and said "You scared me Sila." He flipped the box over in his hand and said "I hope he isn't putting you in any kind of serious danger."

Sila knew Havoc meant Frank and said "I'm in the military. I signed up for danger."

"I meant extra danger." He turned his bright blue eyes on her with irritated concern. "You know what I meant, Sila."

"I know."

The doctor came around to look at her rapidly swelling ankle. "It's sprained. You will need to stay off of it for about a week. Keep it elevated and use cold compresses."

Sila sighed then said "Lieutenant Colonel won't be happy about this. He said he had a special project for me. I can't take care of work laid up in a hospital."

The doctor laughed and said "Treat it as a vacation" then walked away. Sila stayed in the hospital over night for observation.

The next day Zolf Kimbley, Shou Tucker, Archer, and the Fuhrer had a meeting to introduce some ideas and to clarify who should know what about these ideas. Shou and Kimbley were escorted to the Fuhrer's office shrouded in mystery. Archer would join them later keeping his distance from the two infamous men. It was the first meeting Archer and the Fuhrer were going to have since the Fuhrer confronted Frank about his dancing.

Fuhrer Bradley sat looking at the two freaks in front of him before Frank had arrived.

Kimbley mewed "Where's the other Lieutenant Colonel?" alluding to his own new title.

Fuhrer said "He's on his way…" At the thought of Frank combing his hair and primping himself the Fuhrer thought 'Probably just to torture me…' "That faggot" he mumbled.

Shou didn't make out what the Fuhrer had said, but Kimbley picked it up. 'A homo, eh? Frank the Fag?' "Hmf"

Archer arrived, not a hair out of place, and conducted the meeting as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened with the Fuhrer. When the gentlemen agreed the meeting was over the Fuhrer allowed Frank and Kimbley to finish up a few documents in his office while Bradley tended other business elsewhere.

Shou returned to his lab.

Frank sat at the head of the meeting table and Kimbley leaned back tipping his chair. Frank neatly slid documents across the table one by one for Zolf's signature. Kimbley leaned forward on each one and lazily scribbled his name.

Archer noted the poor handwriting. When they completed the papers Archer nodded at Kimbley and noted a strange look in the Crimson Alchemist's eye. Zolf still sat smirking at Archer. Archer cocked an eyebrow wondering what was so interesting.

Frank told Kimbley good night and passed the sitting Alchemist on his way out the door. In one motion Kimbley grabbed Archer's belt and quickly stood behind him. When Frank saw the chair that had held Kimbley was empty he also noticed a strong masculine hand digging into his pants and taking hold of his member.

Frank held back the girlish yelp that rose in his throat.

Kimbley held Archer and whispered into the Lieutenant Colonel's ear "I learned a few things while I was in prison," he began to stroke Archer's privates "...that only a man can do for another man."

Archer kept in mind the man currently holding his penis could easily make a bomb out of it. 'Any insult to Kimbley could leave me less of a man…' "Please let go, I…I have things to attend."

Kimbley held Archer a little tighter, antagonizing him with the answer "No."

'Shit. Shit Shit Shit! How do I get out of his hold?' A single bead of sweat formed on Archer's brow and slid down his face. His anxiety otherwise did not reflect on his face. "I need to file your papers."

Kimbey licked Archer's neck from the base under his collar all the way up to his ear lobe.

Frank closed his eyes and weighed his options. 'Damn. Should I chance it?' Archer chanced it. He elbowed Kimbley and was able to put some distance between him and the Crimson Alchemist.

Frank grabbed the chance to get a few steps away and defiantly turned to face Kimbley. The alchemist only laughed.

Archer feared the worst.

"Don't worry" said Kimbley. "I don't blow up anything I'd like to play with."

Archer was relieved and said nothing as he straightened his uniform and left.

Archer walked to his car and told his driver to take him home just like every other evening. The driver saw nothing unusual and did as he was told.

The urge Frank had to wring his hands with anxiety was nearly unbearable. He refused to show any sign of anxiety, but still felt it.

What Kinbley had done to him had rattled him. 'What is wrong with everyone? Why do they all feel the need to have me?' Frank could barely wait to jump in the shower when he got home.

He abandoned his normal routine and ran into the bathroom, dropping his satchel randomly in the hallway. Instead of carefully placing his garments on their appropriate hangers as he usually did he frantically pulled off his uniform and dropped it messily on the floor. His face could no longer hide his disgust. He turned on the hot water and jumped into a scaling hot shower. He had to wash away the filth.

Frank Archer was back in the shower again trying to scrub away the dirty feeling. He was near panic mode as the water scorched his pale skin. 'Why do they all think I'm gay?! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!'

He got out of the shower and dried himself off. He looked in the mirror, checking his teeth, his eyes, and cleaning out his ears. He began to brush his teeth when the events of the afternoon replayed in his mind. He closed his eyes tight and gritted his teeth, trying to forget what Kimbley's hand felt like.

Rolling his eyes and growling with frustration he could feel it all again. He dropped his towel and hopped back into the shower. He picked up his loofah and scrubbed half the night away.

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