Chapter Fourteen – Hermione's Decisions
February 29, 1984
"Hi, it's been a long time." Hermione smiled gently at the young wizard standing in front of her.
Before she could move one single step, she found herself wrapped tightly in Remus' strong arms.
"Is it really you Hermione?" Hermione's knees weakened as she heard his raspy voice whispered in her ears.
"Yes Remus, it's me. It's me…" Blinking away her tears, Hermione took a deep breath, and remembered the day after she read his letters…
Flash back (or forward, depending on how you interpret the concept of time) to October 31, 2002
"Good morning Hermione! Fancy seeing you so early!" Sirius Black greeted Hermione cheerfully on the doorsteps of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, "I thought I would see you at the party tonight but..."
Sirius stopped in mid-sentence as he paid more attention to her face, "have you been crying? Come on in!"
Hermione nodded without a word and followed Sirius quietly into his living-room. She was still getting over the fact that Sirius was alive, and recovering from the realization that Remus had returned to the past, and changed its future. For some reason after she read Remus' letters the night before, the first person she could think of was Sirius, Remus' best friend. Hermione was convinced that if anyone knew more about Remus life after he left her, it would have been Sirius.
Watching her with great concern, Sirius offered Hermione a cup coffee. He waited patiently for a while and finally asked gently, "do you want to tell me what happened Hermione?"
Barely audible, she said, "I found his letters."
"Letters?"
"Letters from Remus." Her words full of sadness.
"Ah… I see." Sirius nodded, suddenly seemed to grasp the entire situation.
"You knew?" Hermione narrowed her eyes and looked up at him curiously. She wasn't sure how much Remus had share with his best friend about what happened between the two of them.
"Yes I did. I also promised him I would not say a word about it." Sirius let out a sigh, "but…" he looked up, eyes twinkling, "I didn't say anything about showing it to you."
Sirius got up and gestured her to follow him. They came into his study, from the top of a very old bookshelf, he pulled out a large stone basin, which Hermione immediately recognized as a pensieve. Sirius gently set the pensieve down on his desk, pulled out his wand, touched his temple with the tip of the wand and pulled out a silvery substance. He then dropped it into the basin, and poked it gently with his wand.
"This is what he told me." Sirius gestured towards the basin and stepped aside.
Hesitantly Hermione walked next to the pensieve. She looked carefully into the center of the silvery cloud in the basin, and instantly felt the world swirling around her. She closed her eyes and braced herself. Seconds later, her feet were firmly on the ground again.
When she opened her eyes, she found herself standing by the windows in a quiet room. It was a moonless night. The only thing she could hear was the frogs croaking in the distant fields. Not far from the windows, a lamp on a table was giving out a silent glow. A man with greying brown hair sat behind the table, with his face buried in his hands.
Remus! Hermione felt a sudden pain in her chest. She quickly walked over to him. But right before she reached out to touch his shoulders, she realized she was in Sirius' memories. No matter what she did, Remus would not see or feel her. Saddened by the reality, Hermione looked over his shoulders and saw the letter that he had just finished. The words looked painfully familiar, "I will always be there for your Hermione, because I will always love you."
Both Hermione and Remus jumped when a soft knock on the door interrupted the quietness. Hermione watched as Remus quickly folded the letter, before pulling out his wand and walked over to the door. "Who is it?" He asked in a low voice.
"It's me Moony. Open the door." Sirius answered in an equally quiet low voice.
Remus opened the door and there stood Sirius, beaming at Remus, holding a case of butterbeer under his arms.
"What are you doing here?" Remus asked surprisingly.
"What? What am I… Well is it okay that I come and visit an old friend?" Sirius chuckled and pushed Remus aside as he made his way into the small cottage. "Didn't the Ministry clear my name long ago? Am I allowed to ever leave that big old house?"
"Of course Padfoot. It's just that isn't it kind of late and with the war going on and… I thought..." Remus watched in amusement as Sirius made himself comfortable on the couch.
"Right, you thought, Mr. Prefect… you thought we should all listen to good old Dumbledore and stay home after dark, like all the well-behaved school children." Sirius handed Remus a butterbeer and leaned back into the couch.
"There is nothing wrong with being a little cautious these days." Remus took the drink from Sirius and settled down in a chair close by.
"I have been too cautious these days." Sirius took a sip of his butterbeer and looked at Remus, "I have been spending too much time following orders and have been ignoring the well being of my friend. What's going on with you Moony?"
"What do you mean?" Remus stared back with an innocent look on his face.
"Merlin! Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?" Sirius shook his head, "I haven't looked at you properly until at the Order meeting last night. You look terrible! What have you done to yourself, mate?"
Sirius' comments turned Hermione's attention to Remus. If she understood it correctly, this had to be sometime in the early summer of 1998. Remus looked much older than the last time she saw him, when he was still in his twenties. He was not too different from how she remembered him during the war. He looked thin and tired in his shabby jacket. There was much more grey in his hair, and his handsome face looked exhausted. However, it was his eyes that were haunting her. They looked hollowed and gloomy, weary and depressed.
"There is nothing wrong with me." Remus murmured, "probably just the full moon."
"You can't fool me Moony." Sirius waved his free hand at his friend, "I've known you for too long. And after all those full moons I spent with you? No way, this had nothing to do with the moon!" Sirius took a long drink, and spoke with great confidence, "you, my friend, are love sick!"
Sirius couldn't hold back his smirk as Remus' face slowly turned pink.
"I recognize those symptoms of yours Moony. James had it bad before Lily finally agreed to go out with him." Sirius went on with a softened tone, trying to encourage the conversation, "so tell me, who is she? Do I know her?"
Remus let out a heavy sigh. After a long pause, he answered, "Yes, as a matter of fact, you do know her. It's Hermione. I can't keep her out of my mind."
"Granger?" Sirius sounded very surprised. "Wow, I didn't see that coming. You did spend quite a bit of time together last summer I guess." He thought for a while and asked, "Did you ask her out? Did you tell her how you feel about her?"
"No!" Remus answered immediately, "I can't do that. I shouldn't. I am too old for her. She has a great future ahead of her. I'm a werewolf for Merlin's sake! I can't be her burden. You know all the reasons!"
It was an uncomfortable silence. "Well, Moony, if I didn't know you better, I would have tried to convince you to talk to her about it. But I know I would be wasting my breath. So fine, you can't have her. So here is another solution. And I'm speaking from experience." Sirius offered with a big smile, "You can't be having these feelings for that long, and a little crush can be easily cured. Let me introduce you to a couple of lady friends. You will forget about her before you know it…"
"No you don't understand!" Remus shook his head, sounding annoyed, "I have been in love with her for too long."
"Oh come on Moony," Sirius laughed, "how can that possibly be? You call a few months too long?"
"What made you think it's a few months? It's been over ten years Padfoot."
Hermione watched Sirius' eyes widened, his mouth opened and closed, finally he said, "Moony! That is sick! Over ten years? She was a child when you…"
"Oh no, nothing like that!" Remus laughed uneasily. "You are terrible Padfoot. Alright I will tell you. But you will have to promise that you will never say a word about this conversation to anyone. Otherwise I will have to erase your memory." Remus pointed to his wand in his pocket as he spoke.
"I will not let you touch my head, thank you very much." Sirius answered, "Alright I promise I won't say a word. So tell me what's going on."
Hermione watched as Sirius listened quietly. Remus told his best friend the day when he first met Hermione Granger on that special day in the future, their two weeks together, and her success with her career. He told Sirius the loss of her friends because of his own journey through time.
"You can't be serious!" Sirius exclaimed after Remus finally finished his story.
"Of course I'm not. You are the one and only Sirius." Remus chuckled. Remembering the time he spent with Hermione seemed to have lightened up his mood.
"Oh get a grip. You know what I mean. But there has to be a way to get you back together right?"
"There is no other way Padfoot." Remus sighed, "She will have a very bright future. And her future doesn't include me."
"But how do you know that she won't be in love with you? The Hermione from the future?" Sirius asked, "what was she going to do after you ran out of her life like you did?"
"I am not sure if that future even exists." Remus' brows furrowed, lost in thought. "It was one single wish that connected us at the first place. I doubt the wish could be powerful enough to connect us through multiple timelines."
"So let's pretend that it does Lupin," Sirius sat up straight and looked at his friend sincerely, "tell me what you would do if this Hermione Granger that you met in the future is standing here right now, in this room, telling you that she wants you. What would you do?"
Hermione watched Remus intently. She was confused by the mixed emotions in his eyes. After thinking for a long moment, he finally said, "I will have to lie to her, because telling her that I love her would only hurt her more. She will have to leave this timeline, because there cannot be two version of the same person exist in the same time. I cannot leave with her, because me leaving my own timeline only means more deaths and who knows what other terrible outcome." Remus took another deep breath, as if trying to ease the pain that was preventing him from speaking, "I will have to lie Padfoot, and tell her that I don't feel that way about her."
The two friends sat in silence as Hermione watched. Tear drops rolled down her cheeks when a strong hand finally pulled her out of the room and back to Sirius Black's study.
"Thank you Sirius." Hermione wiped her tears and sat down by the desk.
"Ever since Remus died in the war, I have never doubted for a moment that this day will come Hermione, that you will be sitting in front of me asking about him." Sirius said gently, "Remus was probably right though. It would be very difficult to change what had happened. There had to be a lot more powerful magic involved and I can't say I know much about it. But, I am also not the smartest witch of her time."
He paused and studied Hermione for a moment. Then, with a mischievous smile in his eyes, he said, "I am not going to ask you what you decide to do. Just remember, certain things cannot be changed, such as the prophecy; and there are always other ways to solve one problem, and I have heard that the leap year is just the time to do it."
Back to February 29, 1984
For the entire evening Remus Lupin was constantly by Hermione's side, as if worrying that she would disappear when he was not paying attention. When they finally finished dinner and settled down in the sofa, he held her in his arms while placing gentle kisses on her soft brown curls. After sitting in a comfortable silence for a while, he finally sighed and asked, "so, when do you need to go back home?"
Hermione turned and looked at him straight in the eye and smiled, "I'm not going anywhere Remus. I AM home as long as I'm with you."
"But... your future! Your work, your career, it had just started!" Remus raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
"It means nothing to me if you are not there Remus. I can still make that happen, with you, in this life time." Hermione smiled.
"What about your friends? Harry? Ron?" He frowned.
"Well I actually think that I can help Harry more this way. With Sirius on the run, maybe we can talk to Harry's aunt and uncle as his parents' friends, and maybe, with some help from Dumbledore, we can have him over every summer to stay away from the Dursleys for a change." Hermione explained calmly as if she was prepared to answer all these questions from him. "And we will both be there to help Harry and Ron, when they are older, when they are in Hogwarts."
"And your family?"
"Oh Remus, if I didn't know better, I would have been really frustrated by your thoroughness. I did a little bit of research… well okay, quite a bit, on this, and found a solution. You see, when I realized that the only way to settle this circular time traveling problem was to terminate all the other alternative timelines, my only regret was seeing my parents without a child. But I have that taken cared of as well, with a little bit of magic of course."
Remus stared at Hermione, suddenly remembered the large bouquet that he delivered in the morning and the little girl with clear blue eyes.
"Are you sure about this?" He asked.
"Oh yes Remus. You are running out of excuses. So please stop looking for reasons for me to leave!" She placed a gentle kiss on his lips and looked at him with a widening smile.
"Yes ma'am." He held her close once more and murmured, "Merlin knows I can never argue with you."
"And mister," Hermione suddenly broke his embrace and looked straight into his eyes, "you've got it wrong."
"Got what wrong Hermione?" surprised by her declaration, Remus was not sure what he had done to offend her.
"Well sorry... technically you haven't gotten it wrong, yet. But you will! If I don't tell you now, you may... you may get it wrong in the future."
Remus stared at the blabbering witch in front of him in amusement.
"In the other timeline, well, you thought the reason why I wanted to see you again with the time turner was because I was wondering if you had any feelings for me." Hermione said the whole sentence with one single breath, "but the reality is," she paused and looked at Remus with her beautiful honey brown eyes, "the reality is that I am in love with YOU Remus. I love you!"
"I love you too Hermione!" Remus smiled as tears welled up in his eyes. "I love you Hermione! You have no idea how much I love you!" He gather her in his tight embrace one more time and whispered in her ears.
"Oh yes, I think I know..." was all Hermione said in reply.