14) Smile

Shawn considered himself to be an expert of body language; not only of the 'tells' for when someone is lying, but just body language in general. He automatically analyzed everything he saw – every twitch, glance, or sigh.

But what fascinated him, what had always fascinated him, was smiles.

He had first become interested in them at the age of ten, when he sat in on a meeting between his father and the mayor. The smile on the mayor's face fascinated him; it seemed oily and looked as though the mayor was laughing at them to himself. Shawn couldn't look away, and even when they left he kept glancing back, fascinated.

Ever since then, he had watched smiles. He hadn't enjoyed a party with a clown because, although the clown's voice was merry, his smile was strained as though it took all his effort not to drop it and start yelling. He avoided a new kid in school, because, although he was charming and even Gus liked him, his smile was cunning and calculated, and sure enough, before the end of the week people began missing things. Shawn had been nice to a teacher at school because, though she frowned all the time and was quick to yell, one day he saw her smiling as she looked out the window, and her smile was so sad Shawn thought she might be about to cry.

His father's smiles were rare but when they graced his lips, Shawn valued them all the more because he could see the genuine pride that lurked in the upturned corners of his mouth.

His mother's smiles came often and Shawn never felt lucky to get one, because even when she smiled at him and told him she loved him there was something else there; along with the love there was a certain detached sadness and distance that frightened him.

As he grew older, Shawn remained fascinated with smiles, though he never told anyone so. He learned what it looked like when a girl smiled at a boy she liked, or when someone smiled at someone they completely despised, or when someone smiled from genuine amusement.

He watched sarcastic smiles, smug smiles, disturbed smiles, guilty smiles, angry smiles, superior smiles, sad smiles, lovesick smiles, flirting smiles, grateful smiles, pleased smiles, defeated smiles…

He watched them all, fascinated by the feelings someone could convey in a smile. And he never even thought about his own smiles – not until he saw his yearbook photograph. To any normal person, Shawn's smile was wide and happy – but Shawn himself, looking beyond the surface could see that it was just a façade; one that he enjoyed and to a certain extent believed – but deep under it lurked something sad and desperate, something that frightened him so much that he put his yearbooks away and didn't look directly at his face in the mirror for months.

So yes, Shawn had learned to analyze all smiles, even his own, and uncover things that perhaps even those smiling didn't know. He thought he could rightfully consider himself an expert on any and all smiles; he had seen them all, he had learned them all, and he had no reason to be confused by any smile now.

So why couldn't he get Juliet's smile out of his mind?

Each night, before he went to sleep, he would close his eyes and picture her smiles. Always, he could figure them all out – all but one. One smile that flicked up the corners of her lips almost whenever she watched him, whenever she saw him. It was small and fleeting – almost immediately making way to other smiles or expressions when someone began to speak, or she looked away – but it was always there, every single day.

And for the life of him, Shawn could not figure it out. He compared it to the millions of other smiles he had stored in his never-ending memory, but not one, not one was like that smile.

And each night, Shawn fell to sleep, bewildered still, and that smile haunted his dreams. Sometimes he felt like he almost had it – a feeling would rise up in him, and he would bite his lips hard, eyes closed…

But love wasn't it. No matter how much that called to him when he saw that smile, he knew it wasn't what the smile was telling him. Maybe, perhaps, it was lurking in there, in the subtle curve of her lips, the momentary shine of her eyes – but there were so many emotions there that Shawn could never hope to name them all.

But Juliet can, easily. Every single emotion that passes through her in an instant upon seeing Shawn – surprise, joy, affection, disappointment, attraction, confusion, longing, reluctance, fear, hope, sadness, and yes, love.

They are all there waiting for him in her smile, and if he ever manages to unlock its meaning, then…

Maybe then they will finally kiss.