Chapter 14

Jane's mind was racing and her head was spinning as she rode the elevator down to the morgue. She didn't know what to expect and felt like everything she had thought or planned to that point was wrong or incomplete. Rondo said it was O'Donnell but Cavanaugh said it was O'Rourke. All of this was giving her a headache. She couldn't shake the feeling that Maura was going to be in play sooner than she was ready. So she needed to be ready faster.

It was time to make her move. One, she needed Frost and Korsak's help. She felt guilty for what she was about to ask but it was time to admit she wasn't able to do this all on her own. It was time to start really trusting some of the people in her life. And she trusted both Frost and Korsak with the one thing that meant the most to her. Maura. She had absolutely no doubt that they would do anything she asked of them. She just hated that she was going to have to ask.

And two, it was time to see Doyle. Jane knew it was inevitable. She was hoping to know more about what threat his territory faced before she saw him. She didn't want to walk into a room with him not fully understanding the variables of what was happening. But speaking with Cavanaugh made Jane suddenly realize that there would always be variables she didn't understand with this. She wasn't an insider with the Mob. She didn't fully understand the dynamics and culture of that lifestyle. And she never would. So it didn't seem to matter that she didn't have the answers. She had the questions. Or at least the one question she knew she would have to ask and only Doyle was in a position to answer.

She got off the elevator and started to look for Maura. She had promised to come down and see her plus given the shift in what was happening Jane just really, really needed to see her. To hold her. To touch her knowing that for the moment she was safe. She peaked into the morgue and didn't see her so she headed to her office. Thankfully, Maura was sitting at her desk reading a report. Again, the sight of her had a magical effect on Jane's all too rapidly beating heart.

She leaned up against the doorframe of Maura's office just watching her read what was in front of her. She didn't want to announce her presence. She was happy to just look at Maura for a minute. To simply admire the beauty that radiated from her. It took only a few seconds though for Maura to feel a set of eyes staring at her. She looked up and was more than happy to see it was Jane. She noted, however, the haunted look that was on Jane's face and she knew something was wrong. "Are you ok?" she asked knowing the actual answer was bound to be different from what she was going to be told.

"Enjoying the view," she stated and walked into Maura's office.

"Anything happen yet?" throwing out a soft question to gauge a reaction.

Jane shook her head and didn't speak immediately. She walked closer to Maura and took a seat in one of Maura's chairs. She didn't even make a comment about how uncomfortable the chair was. Maura know something was really wrong. If the missing comment about the chair and Jane's facial expressions hadn't done it, Maura zoned in on Jane's hands and found her fiancée was absentmindedly rubbing the scar on her left hand. Her one signature tell.

Jane, sensing Maura was now staring at her, shifted around in the chair trying to buy some time. She wanted to see Maura and spend time with her but she was afraid to really even try to speak. Fear of giving away too much. She was fighting herself hard on the urge to just break down and tell Maura everything. It was killing her not to.

Needing something to do with her hands she reached over and picked up the framed photograph of Frankie, her Ma and herself. She looked at it and smiled. Who would have thought the weekend after a deranged cop tried to kill Maura would now be considered 'better times' but yet that had turned into a really good moment for both ladies.

"Jane?" Jane was slowly registering Maura's voice. She now had a feeling that wasn't the first time Maura had said her name. She lowered the photo into her lap and looked up to see the very panicked look on Maura's face. "Tell me what's going on Jane. What's really happening?"

Maura stood up and walked to her office door. She closed it and walked back to where Jane was sitting. She knelt down in front of Jane and placed her hands on Jane's knees. "Talk to me."

Jane tried to look at her but couldn't maintain eye contact. The internal battle between her mind and her heart was raging and it was causing her to freeze up.

"Jane," and Maura leaned in and tilted Jane's chin up towards her ensuring that their eyes met. "Don't do this again. Don't make the same mistakes you made 24 years ago. I won't let this be something that 20 years from now you have another list of numbered mistakes you blame yourself for. I won't be part of some box you keep in your closet. I want the truth. All of it and I want it now."

It was an awful thing to say and to do. Maura felt terrible about having to go there. But she was done being patient. And for now, done protecting Jane's feelings. She knew it was hitting below the belt to pull what she knew about Ben into this but ever since Jane had given her half answers the night before it was all Maura could think about. Jane spent years blaming herself for making too many mistakes around not talking to people about what was going on with Ben. She was in a position to repeat that all over again by keeping too many things from Maura and she was determined to not let history repeat itself. Even if it meant taking a cheap shot at the woman she loved.

Flashes of emotions flew across Jane's face. Shock. Anger. Hurt. And then defeat. Quietly she spoke, "I don't want that either."

"Then tell me what you've been afraid of telling me for almost a month now. Talk to me about whatever threat has come from my father that involves me." Maura was imploring Jane to talk to her.

Jane only let the shock that Maura was pretty close to knowing what she hadn't said flash across her face for a second. She should have known. She was in love with a genius after all. Maura connected the dots rather quickly. In a way, Jane was proud of her. She really was quite amazing.

"I was trying to protect you. You've been through too much. I'm sorry," her hands were trembling.

Maura took Jane's hands into hers, "Well, we've been through too much together for you to try to do this on your own. I understand your need to protect me, I do. But we are partners. We have to start dealing with things together. From the beginning. That's the way I intend for us to be going forward, so you might as well get used to it. Now, tell me what is really going on."

Jane took a deep breath and she started telling Maura everything. All the details of her conversation with Cavanaugh and his request to keep things quiet. About both their fears of being watched via computer, cell phone and email. His request to keep things confidential and her agreement to not tell her, Frost or Korsak. She went through the details of the newspaper searches and why she bought the iPad and Jet Pack.

She told her about Rondo and what she was asking from him and what she was still hoping to get from him later that night. She talked about how she took what he had said to heart and had tried to figure out how it would all play out if it was O'Donnell and she didn't hold back about her concern that O'Donnell would target Maura to get Doyle to yield control of his territory. Then she told Maura that Cavanaugh's sources were saying it was O'Rourke and how that also put Maura in danger and more simply because Jane was worried about a straight up retaliation hit on Maura to get even for Doyle killing O'Rourke two years ago.

She told her about the mole in BPD and what she feared it could mean to both Maura and Jane if the person wasn't exposed and stopped. She then explained about what she asked from Messier and what she had asked from Black. She told her that she put tracers on both her own car and Maura's. She told her she added a tracer to Maura's cell phone. She detailed what she had done to the three computers at the station including the thumb drive sitting in the machine across from them. She explained to Maura that she took her off the grid to help keep the mole from monitoring her and getting an edge on what she was working on or where she was going. She explained her concerns about Connors and what his thumb drive was doing for her and why she placed the one she did on a Command Center computer.

Then she told Maura she had asked for help from Frost and Korsak. She explained what her plan was for the rest of the day and what she was hoping to have answers for by the end of the day. She detailed what she thought she was going to find and even told Maura she suspicions on who she thought the mole was. And before she stopped talking, she explained one more thing. She even told Maura about what Cavanaugh was working on for her. The meeting with Doyle at Cedar Junction. She told her everything. When she done, there was silence.

Silence. That wasn't a good sign. Maura hadn't said a word from the moment Jane started talking. She didn't even flinch. She had stayed knelt down by Jane's side holding her hands and taking it all in. But now, when it finally felt like it was her turn to say something. There was nothing. Nothing for what Jane felt like was an eternity.

Finally the eternity came to an end. "Jane I don't know what to say here. You have tried to deal with so much. If someone finds about the computers it will cost you your career."

"I don't care about that. I care about keeping you safe."

"You'd sacrifice your career to do it?"

"Maura, I'd sacrifice my life for you." The resolve behind that comment made Maura tear up.

Maura was flooded with emotions in that moment. There were things she wanted to tell Jane. To explain what she meant in her life. How much she loved her. How she, too, would sacrifice everything for her. But it was too much to get out the way she wanted it. So instead, she leaned into Jane and kissed her. Strong, slow and full of love. Maura used that kiss to convey what she couldn't quite put into words yet.

"So, our next step is to meet with Frost and Korsak," Maura stated breaking away from the kiss finally.

"No, that's my next step. Your next step is staying inside this station until the end of the day and then Cavanaugh is escorting you home."

"No," she stated and finally stood up straightening out her skirt. The finality of her tone was impressive. "I'm going with you to meet with Frost and Korsak." She walked behind her desk and picked up her phone. Jane just stared at her. "Suzie, I'll be stepping out of the lab for the rest of day. I will be available on my cell phone if there is an emergency." And she hung up the phone.

Jane hadn't moved from her chair. She was going through several lines of internal dialogue trying to find the best way to convince Maura to stay at the station but Maura had, by the time she even could come up with anything, her purse in one hand and her keys out. And Jane simply admitted defeat. There really was no arguing with this woman when she decided on something. "We need to drive separately. You are NOT coming to my meeting with Rondo later," it was a small stance but Jane was determined to make at least that one.

Maura nodded. "Agreed. Plus it will look better if we drive in separate cars. That is our normal routine. I assume you want to follow me."

Jane nodded. She told her where to drive to and park the car. "We will walk to where we are going after we park the cars. I'll be right behind you." And they both made their way to the parking garage to meet up with Frost and Korsak.