A/N: Sorry about the long wait. The last couple of weeks have been filled with all manner of traveling and crazies, and I only arrived back in the States last week. Anyhow, thank you SO much for the overwhelming response from last chapter. I know I left you all hanging, but at least the true Cloud/Tifa fun can begin now! :)

Warning: Cloud is a bit of a jerk in this chapter, but I promise there's a reason for it. Just hang with me for a little longer. Also, there are a couple of F-bombs and some vulgarity in this chapter. I don't think it warrants an M, but I just wanted to throw the heads-up out there.

Anyhow, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

THE KILLING HAND

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Zac—Cloud, whoever the hell he was—held his body so still that he could have passed for a statue if not for the faint flickering of his eyes. They did nothing but stare at each other for the longest time.

"Why are you calling me that?" he finally asked.

She shook her head, and gestured to his camp—more specifically, to the giant sword that was propped up against the wall. "We never went back to pick up the Buster sword. We couldn't have. The path down was blocked. Yet somehow you have it now?"

Tifa wondered how she could have believed that Zac and Cloud were different people. True, Zac had a complete history, but whatever lies he'd told could not take away the truth of him. He was Cloud; he'd always been Cloud.

He didn't say anything, and that made her angrier than anything. "That's it? You have nothing to say? How long were you going to fuck with my head, Cloud?"

He lowered his head, and his whole body tensed as if his muscles were coiling for a strike. Then he raised his head back, and he speared her with a viciously amused look from out of bright blue eyes. The kind of clear blue that only one person in the world had.

She barely swallowed the unintelligible sound that escaped her lips, but she couldn't stop her hand from slapping over her mouth in alarm. She'd already suspected, but to see it…She felt like he'd shoved his hand into her soul and wrenched.

There he was. After two years of guilt and longing and self-hatred, he was here. Alive.

"Hello Tifa." His voice was the same. He'd never tried to change it, but where Zac had always addressed her with kindness, all she could hear from Cloud was a barely-veiled resentment. "I'm impressed. I didn't think you'd look here."

"Why? Why would you do this to me, Cloud?" She knew that she sounded devastated and she didn't care. She was devastated.

"You should know better than anyone why. You're the one who betrayed me first."

"I didn't betray you; I saved you!"

"Huh. Interesting concept of saving you have there. I didn't think turning my own sword on me qualified."

"Yes! I had to save you from yourself!"

"Bullshit. Lie to yourself all you want, but you know you feel guilt because you are guilty."

Strange as the logic was, Cloud had a point. She wondered if she'd been burdened with so much guilt these two years because subconsciously, she knew that she'd been responsible.

She quivered inside, and the pain, oh gods the pain!

Clenching her fists, she ground out, "I feel guilty because I wish I'd been strong enough to help you fight it—because I plain wasn't enough for you."

"Pretty words. So do they help when you see yourself betray me in your nightmares?"

Tifa's breath caught because the truth was that no. They didn't help. They didn't help at all.

She wanted to sink to the floor and just lie there. Lose herself in a fantasy world where Cloud didn't think she'd betrayed him and where she truly hadn't. But life was not a fantasy. Not even close. And the only thing she could do was force herself to keep pushing through.

Tifa's heart was torn between anger and disbelief. Had he come back just so he could take this twisted vengeance on her? Was he even himself anymore? A smaller voice wondered if he ever had been himself.

She shook her head. "So what now, Cloud? Does nothing else matter but revenge?"

Do I matter, even a little? The words were unspoken, but filled the space between them heavily.

Cloud scoffed. "What else should I care about? The last time I tried love, it stabbed me in the back."

The deliberate pun did not escape her. At one point, she would have been ecstatic to hear the word "love" come from his lips in reference to her, but now…now it was just a tragedy. And she was so weary of tragedies. She was weary of it all.

"You don't have to keep bringing it up."

"Feeling guilty?"

No, just tired, she thought.

Tifa's eyes narrowed as she thought of something. "I know you don't care about me anymore, or if you do, it's tainted by this hatred, but what about Denzel? Was your concern about Denzel a lie too?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Tifa relished the flood of anger that burned off the guilt and filled her with strength. She would have been concerned for the ecstasy that her anger sparked in her, but she couldn't care right now. All she knew was that her world had come crashing down on her all over again.

"You left Denzel with me, but you obviously don't trust me. So did you even care one bit for him if you were willing to leave him in the hands of your 'enemy'?"

It was gratifying to see Cloud momentarily stumped, even if it was an empty victory. So maybe he still believed that she wouldn't harm a child, but what did it matter when he refused to see, to remember why she'd done what she did?

Driven by frustration, she relentlessly continued her verbal assault. "For that matter, is there even a real Zac Taylor?"

Cloud stilled, then shrugged nonchalantly. "Sure there was. Convenient how his name was Zac, wasn't it? I thought you'd appreciate that."

She could feel herself shaking, but whether it was from anger, or desolation or any combination of them, she couldn't say.

Cloud continued, "His history is mostly true. The only difference is that he met with an…unfortunate accident before he arrived in Edge."

Tifa felt her stomach drop to her toes. "Accident? Did you kill him?"

She thought she saw the very edge of Cloud's eye tic, but she couldn't tell why. He relaxed his shoulders. "And if I did?"

Tifa suddenly felt like crying. It was stupid because the Zac Taylor she knew had obviously been a lie all along, but she couldn't help but mourn his loss.

"I don't know who you are." Her voice was soft, but it resonated loudy within the walls of the church.

For once, his expression cleared of that hurtful mocking until there was just this confused sadness. "Apparently, I didn't know you either."

They stared at each other and in those timeless minutes, a sea of love, hate, and everything in between thickening the air. It was strange. Tifa had dreamed of Cloud coming back so many times even though she hadn't thought it would ever happen. But now that it had…It felt like he was further away than he'd ever been before.

"I regret the way I had to…," she couldn't bring herself to say the actual words, "…the way I had to do it, and I can even understand why you'd think I betrayed you. But, Cloud, understand that I don't regret what I did. I can't regret it." She paused for a long time before adding, "Do what you will with me, but I will warn you: if you dare hurt Marlene or Denzel, I don't care if you think I owe you a life, I won't let you get away with it."

Then, for the first time in her life, she walked out on him.

…

Tifa wondered if it was better to have a bleeding heart or none at all.

Right now, she was leaning towards the latter. At least with no heart, she wouldn't be dying from the inside out.

Should she thank Aerith for showing her that Cloud lived? Or should she hate her for shattering the few good memories she had of him with the reality of his hate?

Even worse, Tifa realized that nothing really changed since the last two years. Sephiroth was dead—supposed to be just like he was supposed to be last time—but who knew what was going on in Cloud's head? Other than those moments in the Lifestream when she'd seen his innermost thoughts and memories, she was finally coming to the understanding that she'd never really known him.

She'd known many different faces of him, but which one was real? Were any of them real? All of them? None?

Maybe Aerith had been on the right track the time she'd mentioned that she wanted to meet the real Cloud Strife. Maybe Tifa had been the one who'd been too distracted by the name "Cloud" that she'd failed to look past appearances.

Maybe, maybe, maybe. Sometimes she felt like all she knew were maybe's and what if's.

The problem was she didn't know what her next step should be. Did she tell everyone that Cloud was alive?

Well of course she had to, but that would mean confessing something she'd buried in the deepest parts of her heart all these years. The thought was frightening.

And then what about Denzel? What was she supposed to tell him? That the cousin he so obviously loved and respected and practically hero-worshipped was nothing but an illusion? God, that would break the little man's heart, and she didn't want to be responsible for shattering another's dreams. It was one thing to have her own expectations thrown in her face; she couldn't do that to Denzel.

By the time she returned to the Seventh Heaven, she still had no answers. She didn't think she'd ever get any.

However, the moment she stepped through her doors, she knew that something is not quite right. There were no signs of danger, but the goosebumps on her arms rose.

She knew why a second later when she spotted Vincent's trademark red cape. He was sitting at her bar, his body still as a statue. Of course, statue-like was Vincent's way.

Regardless, as Tifa approached him, she knew enough to worry about his presence now.

He turned his profile toward her when she was about five feet away. "Tifa," he nodded.

Tifa took a seat next to him and returned the short greeting. "Vincent." Then, because neither of them were really interested in prevaricating, "You know you're always welcome here, but something tells me you have news I don't want to hear."

His lips twitched the slightest bit. "Astute as always. As you may be aware, Yuffie has been researching into Zac's background."

Actually, she hadn't been aware, but she wasn't surprised to hear it. It was good to know that not all of them had fallen into complacency. Or maybe she'd been the only one.

She nodded for Vincent to continue.

"She recently made the trip to Wutai to hear from her contact in person."

Well, that solved the mystery of where she'd gone. Then she sighed, "It's not like you to drag out the moment like this Vincent."

He inclined his head in acknowledgement. Then he let the bomb drop. "The real Zac Taylor is dead."

Well, it was obvious why Yuffie wasn't the one telling her this. She probably figured Tifa would have had her head, and so she'd recruited Vincent for the job. Typical Yuffie. Smart, but typical.

Unfortunately, this information would have been a lot more useful two hours ago.

Tifa sighed deeply, feeling the tiredness weighing down the marrow of her bones. "I know."

At this, even Vincent raised an eyebrow.

"I ran into him earlier today. At the church." She paused before saying, "He has the Buster sword."

That was all she had to say, and she knew it'd stunned even Vincent into speechlessness. Not that he spoke a lot anyway, but that was beside the point.

"So Cloud lives." It was a statement, a question, and an inquisition all at once.

Tifa knew what he was asking, and even more disturbing, it seemed like he'd already deduced what had happened. "Give me some time, Vincent. If possible, I'd like to do this only once."

He nodded in acquiesce. "Very well. Shall I gather everyone?"

She blew out a long breath. "Yes."

She wanted to add something else, but realized that Vincent was nothing if not tactful. He knew how to go about things without saying too much yet just enough. All that was left for her was to wait. And prepare.

They sat in companionable quiet for a while. Tifa appreciated that she'd never had to put on a façade for Vincent. She enjoyed the honesty of his silence. If anyone could understand the burdens she carried, it'd be Vincent.

Maybe that's what made her ask, "Vincent, are sins ever forgiven?"

"I've never tried."

"Hn. Never tried…" She thought about that for a moment and didn't think it was right. "You should, you know. Try, I mean."

"As should you."

Of course Vincent would call her out on her hypocrisy. She shook her head. Forgiveness at this moment seemed too much like a foreign concept.

In any case, she had to figure out the mystery that was Cloud Strife. If she could find a way to save his soul, then maybe…maybe that could be her true forgiveness.

…

If Tifa thought to have a moment to compose herself before having to face her friends, she would have hoped in vain. Fortunately, Tifa had long ago ceased to trust in the deceptively innocuous notion of hope.

Thus when she heard the familiar rumble of Zac's—Cloud's—motorcycle outside her doors, she wasn't all that upset.

Well, she was, but more so because she had yet to come up with a good way to break it to Denzel that his cousin, his hero, wasn't who he thought he was. And God knows that Tifa knew all about false heros and broken promises and the pain that remains.

Life didn't give her time to contemplate the dilemma because Cloud was coming through her doors, and in the five seconds she took to compose herself, he was suddenly standing right in front of her.

His presence was so right and yet so wrong.

"I'm taking Denzel," he stated without preamble, and his tone told her that he expected no arguments.

No greetings, no derision even. Just…a command. As if that she wasn't worth his time. It grated on her in all the wrong ways.

"No, you're not," she replied immediately and she knew that her body had subtly shifted itself to a more defensive stance.

His eyes narrowed and a part of her was so grateful to see the pure ice blue of them again. "Yes I am. You have no right to keep him here."

She snorted at that. "Like you have any more right to take him with you? You're not Zac, so it's not like you're really family."

His jaw tightened just a fraction, and she wondered incredulously whether he'd thought he could take Denzel away without a second thought and a single argument. "I'd think you know better than anyone that blood only does not a family make."

"True, but you're the one who lied to him from the start. You're going to break his heart and that's all on you."

Surprisingly, he actually smirked at that. "Ah, so by your logic, you really don't deserve to have any 'family' considering all the lies you've told."

She couldn't help physically recoiling. That was a low blow and one she hadn't thought he'd take, especially considering the circumstances. But then again, current circumstances were that he was filled with this misguided self-righteous fury.

Even still, she couldn't deny his words. And the truth of that was humbling. "Maybe I don't," she finally replied softly.

Her response visibly confused him, and she could have sworn that his muscles tensed as if he were about to wrap his arms around her to comfort her. Wishful thinking, she knew, and the moment was gone in the next instance, if it had ever been there at all.

Maybe Cloud felt bad for touching a nerve, but whatever the case, he changed the subject back to Denzel. "I'm taking him. He knows me."

"That's a terrible argument if you're trying to convince me, Cloud. He knows this beautiful illusion of you, but he doesn't know you."

He must have found something seriously offending in that because his lips sneered in a way she hadn't expected to see on him. "You would know, wouldn't you? How much this 'beautiful illusion' of mine isn't me? But of course perfect Zac Taylor would be the perfect man for perfect miss Tifa Lockhart, wouldn't he? Nothing at all like the real Cloud Strife."

Too many underlying insinuations layered his words and by the time she finished navigating through them, she wondered if it was possible she'd come to the right conclusion. Because logic claimed that Cloud's response was one of jealousy.

Cloud took her silence completely the wrong way because his sneer just deepened and the contempt in his voice grew more prominent. "He was convenient though, wasn't he? Such a perfect hero, running into burning buildings and saving children and sacrificing himself so that he wouldn't infect you with the Geostigma."

Tifa's confusion grew. He talked about Zac as if he were actually a different person. But even more than that, it made her see, hope—no, don't hope—that maybe Cloud wasn't as far gone as she'd thought him to be. She couldn't believe that those actions had all been planned beforehand. She refused to believe that.

Then the truth remained that Cloud's core was still as good as before, still untouched. Despite herself, she began to hope.

"—a real life hero. And since I was dead, you could just move on to the next idiot to make a hero out of. You could forget the real me ever existed. All you ever wanted was a pretty-boy hero, wasn't it? Did it excite you to make up stories about him? Did you touch yourself thinking about how your made-up hero would take you?"

Tifa drew back a hand and punched him hard enough across the jaw that it sent him stumbling back against a table. "You bastard," she seethed, her voice trembling with a combination of restrained wrath and bitter, bitter pain. So much for hope. Stupid, stupid fool. How many times would she let her heart get ripped out of her chest before she learned? Hope was for dreamers who could afford to have their heads in the air. Not her. Never her. "You fucking bastard. Did it ever occur to you that the reason I fell so easily for Zac was because he reminded me of you?"

Apparently, the thought never had occurred to Cloud because his eyes widened in surprise. He began to reach for her—maybe it was an unconscious move, or maybe even he realized that he'd gone too far—but she stepped out of his reach.

"Get out."

Get out now before I start crying and I can't stop, she begged him in her mind.

"Tifa…"

"Get out! Leave! What don't you understand? I want you out of my house!"

Everything froze in that moment, and even in her desperation to keep the tears at bay, Tifa recognized that she'd done something she'd never done before. She'd denied him, banned him from her home. She'd erected a barrier between them when she'd spent so much of her life trying to bring it down.

She'd drawn a line and her heart felt colder than ever.

A/N: And yes, I know I hijacked ACC lines that were supposed to be Cloud's, but Tifa is my central character that I have going through unresolved guilt, so I felt it more appropriate to give them to her.