Chapter 14 Notes: Dean and Jess work toward their goals. This chapter includes a minor deviation from the show in regards to Jess' car. Thank you to everyone who is still reading and to everyone who has left me reviews on this story. They keep me going! :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.
Trigger Warning: Homelessness. Mentions of 'off camera' domestic violence.
Dean pushed his way through the revolving door and exited the lobby of the sky scraper that housed the law firm. It wasn't quite spring, but Dean could tell it was just around the corner. He was still wearing his winter jacket, but without a hat, scarf or gloves. Pretty soon his jacket would be too much, and he would need something lighter. Even though he was making decent money now, the best he had ever made in his life, working in the mailroom, he hated the idea of taking anything out of savings to buy clothes or anything else for himself. He was proud of how much he had saved and very careful about how he spent it. Taking Clara to a movie or a museum on Sundays? Money well spent. Buying groceries or bringing home the occasional cheap takeout dinner for himself and Jess? Totally acceptable. Buying himself a new jacket? Not so much. Maybe he could hit up the Goodwill and see if he could get something really cheap. As it was, he was still making do with what Luke had bought him with very little in the way of wardrobe upgrades. He had invested in a cheap second dress shirt after Nicole and Raina had hired him to work in their mailroom. He wore the chinos from his shopping trip with Luke to work every day, along with one of his two dress shirts. He felt like he could get two or three days out of each shirt as long as he wore a fresh undershirt every day. Then every Saturday, he washed all of it and started over on Monday.
Even though he was still vigilantly watching his money and was not yet in possession of what most people would consider a complete wardrobe, the penny-pinching and sacrifice felt good now. Instead of feeling sorry for himself, he felt empowered. Having his own income again felt amazing. He knew he had lucked into this job. That the offer had likely come from a mix of Nicole and Raina feeling sorry for him and wanting him to have what he needed so that they could beat his uncle in court. But, Dean didn't mind. He wasn't stupid enough to look a gift horse in the mouth. No sir. He may have gotten this job by chance and he may not be able to keep it after he got custody of Clara, but he was determined to make the most of it and have as positive an experience as possible. He worked hard every day, sorting mail, delivering it throughout the office, volunteering to run errands or clean up or do anything else that his co-workers seemed less than enthused about, and greeting everyone he ran across at the office with the cheerful smile of someone grateful to be working and saving money toward his goal. He heard some of the other guys in the mailroom and even some of the attorneys complaining about their jobs or the hours they worked, and while Dean realized he was new to the labor force in general and may someday become that jaded himself, he knew it would be a long time until he would complain about any job he worked. He had only to remember the long, lonely and frightening nights he had spent on a cot at St. Sebastian's or the days of trying to look inconspicuous as he huddled in the library for warmth to feel a swell of gratitude at being able to work and take care of himself. Even though Jess had warned Dean away from ever saying it out loud at work, Dean loved his job. To top it off, they had television screens mounted in the elevators and every Friday, one of the attorneys brought in a box of fancy donuts for the guys in the mailroom. Dean smiled remembering the maple donut he had had that morning, with actual bits of bacon in the frosting. They had everything in this city.
Dean entered the subway station and after several stops and one line transfer, he exited in the neighborhood near Jess' apartment and headed into the cheapest nearby market. And after spending one Saturday morning going into all the markets in close proximity to the apartment with a pen and notebook and conducting some serious comparison shopping research, Dean felt confident that he knew which was the cheapest as opposed to just being the most convenient. Every dollar counted. Dean had recently checked out a new cookbook from the library, one whose cover advertised that it contained fifty cheap and easy stove top recipes. He had spent a few hours the previous night, paging through it, and copying down the recipes for things that looked cheap and easy enough for him. He needed to pick up the ingredients for a pumpkin chili he wanted to make. Dean smiled to himself as he picked up a shopping basket and headed down the first aisle.
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Jess was sitting at the table in his apartment, laptop open in front of him. He had to admit that Luke had been right about them needing a table. He had gotten a lot of writing done sitting at this thing. He felt more productive, that he could focus on his writing for longer stretches of time when he was sitting at the table as opposed to curling up with his laptop on his mattress. Not today, though. Nothing seemed to be getting done today. Not that it was the table's fault. It was all Jess. He sat in front of his laptop, staring at the blue 'Submit' button in front of him, but too immobilized by fear to actually click on it.
He knew his story was done and as close to publishable as he could get it on his own. He had settled for describing it as a novella because of its length. After his final go at editing it a few weeks ago, he had set himself the goal of researching potential publishing houses to send it to. And he had. He had looked at some of the large companies that published the majority of what was read in this country. He had looked at newer, smaller companies that were just starting up and seemed to focus on niche markets. He had scoured the internet for resources on how to best approach this and where to send his manuscript. He felt ridiculous even calling it a manuscript. He had no idea if it was anywhere near worthy of being published. He had decided to start with a small, independent publishing house located in Philadelphia. Mostly because of the young and edgy feel of their website, where they claimed they were proud to publish work that you wouldn't find put out by Penguin or Random House. He had sought out some of the novels the company had already published and had liked what he had read. He had also had a small freak-out about whether his writing was of the same caliber. If nothing else, the company was only a little over a year old. Jess hoped this meant that they couldn't be too picky just yet, and that maybe they had time to work with aspiring authors on getting their novels up to publishable standards. His finger hovered over the keyboard.
He wished he had someone else who could read it and weigh in on its merits and failings before he sent it off. Luke would read it for him if he asked him to. He knew Luke would be more than happy to do that even though he had never actually seen Luke read anything else. He also knew that Luke's critique would be based more on his love for Jess than the actual quality of his writing, and that Luke would lavish praise on him whether his writing deserved it or not, making Luke a better parent than literary critic in Jess' opinion. He knew Dean would be willing to read it, too, and again be happy to do so, but since he and Dean didn't seem to agree on anything else they read, he worried that Dean might honestly dislike it, and he didn't want to put the guy in an awkward spot of having to tell him that. He couldn't help thinking he would like to have Rory's thoughts on his story, no matter how unrealistic that idea was. He sighed. He needed to be a grown up and just send it out already. He had done harder things on his own in his life than hitting one little 'Submit' button. He could do this.
Jess was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of a key in the door. He quickly hit the X in the corner of the screen to close out of the website and slammed his laptop shut without bothering to turn it off. He knew he was acting like a spaz. Dean saw him on his laptop all the time. It's not like he would have known what Jess had been up to and thought he was a coward for not being able to go through with it.
"Hey, Jess!" Dean entered, cheerful as usual, loaded down with two grocery bags. His expression turned quizzical as he looked at Jess, who realized too late that he was leaning forward on the table, his forearms crossed protectively over the lid of his closed laptop, painting the overall suspicious picture of a kid who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "What's with you? Did I interrupt your porn time or something?" Dean laughed at his own joke.
"Haha." Jess said, recovering from his surprise. "No, but now that you mention it, I've been meaning to talk to you about all the gay-midget-bondage-porn you've been looking at on the computer. Now I'm not judging. To each his own and all that. But, if you wouldn't mind going forward, could you please close out of the website when you're done getting your rocks off so that I don't get an unwanted surprise the next time I start it up? It's only good roommate etiquette after all."
"You're ridiculous." Dean laughed and set the shopping bags down on the kitchen floor. "I picked up some groceries." Jess watched in amusement as Dean pulled a bag of cereal out of one of the shopping bags. Dean had learned it was cheaper to buy it in bags than in boxes, and for some reason that cracked Jess up.
"I see that. How much was it?" Jess stood up and walked over to the little plastic bin that he used as a bureau, grabbing his wallet off the top.
Dean looked back over his shoulder toward Jess as he placed a can of beans in the cabinet. "Oh, no, Jess. That's not what I meant. Don't worry about it. I got it."
Jess removed the sole contents of his wallet, a ten and a twenty, and walked over to Dean. "Here you go." He held the money out toward Dean.
Dean turned to face him now, can of pumpkin in one hand, making no move to take the money. "Really, Jess. I'm good. I want to get it this time."
Jess gave Dean his sternest look, the one he usually reserved for Luke when the man was going overboard with his nagging. "Dean, our agreement when you started working was that we would split the groceries, not that you'd buy them all."
"We can split it next time. We'll go together."
"You keep saying that, but you also keep going to the grocery store without me and then telling me that we can split it next time. So, you can see why you have no credibility at this point, right?"
Dean huffed out a laugh. "I can see what you're saying, yes. But, seriously, Jess. You're paying the rent and the bills. I want to get the groceries. I know it's nowhere near even, but it makes me feel like I'm at least paying a little bit of my own way and still helping you out. I want you to feel like you're getting some benefit from me being here, too." Dean smiled. "Other than the pleasure of my company, obviously."
"Dean-" Jess got ready to start scolding in earnest as he lowered the hand holding the money to his side.
"I'm serious, Jess." Dean said, smile gone, replaced by a stern look of his own. "I need to feel like I'm contributing here. I'm keeping a list of the rent and bills and stuff. And once Clara and I are settled, I'll start paying you back for half, like we talked about. I have a running list of what I owe Luke, too, for all the stuff he bought me. And I plan to make good on that, too, down the road. But, I need to feel like I'm doing something right now. Ok? I'm still saving money. I'm doing all right, I promise. You letting me pay for groceries isn't going to make it so I can't get custody of Clara. I swear."
Jess sighed. "I get what you're saying." Jess slid his money back into his wallet as he thought about not graduating high school because it had felt so important to prove his independence by working as many hours at Walmart as he could get, the goal of taking care of himself looming large in his mind. He knew now that it hadn't been the right path to independence for him then, but, maybe this was the right path for Dean now. Maybe he felt the need to contribute to their little household as strongly as Jess had felt the need to earn his own money, away from Luke and the diner. Maybe the feeling of paying his own way was more important to his survival than the money spent to earn it. And if Dean said paying for groceries wasn't going to impact his chances of getting custody of his sister, Jess felt like he had to believe him. "I would probably feel the same way in your shoes."
"You would, Jess. Trust me."
Jess thought for a minute. He knew the cost of monthly groceries was much lower than what he paid for rent and utilities, but it wasn't insubstantial either. Now that Dean was working and in better spirits, the guy could really eat. "How about this? I won't give you money when you buy groceries? But, I'll buy them sometimes, too, and you won't give me money then."
"Jess, that defeats the whole purpose-"
Jess turned and walked away to put his wallet back on top of the storage container. "Maybe I like going grocery shopping sometimes. Why would you want to take that joy away from me?"
"Oh, c'mon." Dean laughed. "You do not!"
"I do too. It's peaceful there…" Jess trailed off as he walked back over to the kitchen area and took in Dean's suspicious expression. "And, you never buy the peanut butter cookies I like."
Dean smiled as he put a bag of apples in the fridge. "Are you serious? Those things will rot your teeth!"
"Says the guy whose only luggage when he moved in was a bag full of gummy bears and Pop-tarts."
Dean was laughing now. "You know Lorelai sent that stuff! And if I remember correctly, you ate more of it than I did. I haven't been buying sugary stuff since we're both trying to save money and that kind of stuff not only doesn't add anything to your health, but sugar can also interfere with your body's ability to absorb and use the vitamins and minerals you take in from other food. Did you know that? It's insane how bad it is for you! I just learned that in the cookbook I'm reading. And I don't know about you, but I don't have dental insurance."
"Yes, Luke." Jess smirked, as he started to poke through the second bag. "Whatever you say, Luke." He grabbed a container of milk and took the two steps over to the fridge. "Let's just live off spinach and tree bark, Luke."
Dean shook his head, smile on his face. "You're such an ass…."
"But seriously." Jess went on, pulling a head of garlic and an onion from the grocery bag and setting them aside on the counter. "You should keep a list of what you spend on groceries, too, and deduct half of what you spend from what you owe me for your half of rent and bills. Sound fair?"
Dean watched his friend crouch down to pull the next items out of the grocery bag, wanting to be stubborn and push back, but aware that Jess was only looking out for his best interests. Dean felt a warm rush of appreciation that after everyone he had lost he still had someone in his life who was. "Ok, Jess. If that makes you feel better. I'll keep track of that, too." Dean figured he could always fudge his numbers later so that he could pay Jess whatever he felt was appropriate.
Jess nodded. "Ok, good. See, now it's fair and everybody's happy."
Dean smiled. "But, you're on your own for your peanut butter cookies. I can't in good conscience support your dirty little habit."
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"All right." Dean turned to face Clara and Jess. "I'm going to run to the bathroom before we get back on the train. Clara, do you need to go? It's a long train ride back to Aunt Gretchen's." It was Sunday afternoon and they were about to exit the American Museum of Natural History. Dean had invited Jess to join him and his sister on their weekly outing, and since Jess had the day off and no plans apart from finishing up the book he was reading and since he was trying to get better about actually leaving the apartment once in a while, he had agreed. A few hours later, he had been reminded of both how impressive and how crowded the natural history museum was. Liz had briefly dated a grammar school science teacher when Jess had been little, maybe six or seven. He had taken Jess to a children's program at the museum where a group of kids and parents got to sleep overnight in the museum and get an up-close and personal tour of everything after the crowds had gone. He could still remember being allowed to spend as much time as he wanted staring at the dinosaur skeletons in awe. Jess couldn't remember the teacher's name, but he remembered how much he had appreciated not being rushed. The few times Liz had bothered to take him to museums or zoos or aquariums because she felt like she should, she had always rushed him along to get the experience over and done with. The museum sleepover was one of the coolest things Jess had gotten to do in his childhood.
Clara rolled her eyes. "I'm twelve, Dean. Not six. You don't need to ask me if I need to go to the bathroom."
Dean put his hands up, palms facing out. "Sorry. You're right. Wasn't thinking." He smiled as he turned his attention to his roommate. "What about you, Jess? Do you need to go to the bathroom?" Clara giggled.
Jess cocked an eye brow and feigned serious concentration as he thought over Dean's question. "Nah, I'm good, too. Thanks for checking, though." Clara giggled again.
"All right, you two. I'll be right back. Meet you at that bench over there?" Dean pointed to a long bench near the exit door.
"Ok." Clara said as she started to head towards the bench.
"And, Clara?" The girl turned back toward her brother. "You're in charge while I'm gone. Keep an eye on Jess and make sure he doesn't wander off." Dean nodded seriously at his sister, then broke into a grin and walked away.
Clara rolled her eyes with a smile and sat down on the bench with Jess. "Dean makes really lame jokes. My dad did, too. I think it runs in our family, for boys at least."
Jess thought about the things Luke often passed off as wit. "I'm pretty sure it runs in every family."
Clara giggled. "But, Dean's really great. My parents were, too."
Jess nodded seriously, hoping the topic would quickly shift from Clara's deceased parents. He barely knew what to say when Dean spoke about their parents. He felt in no way qualified to talk to a twelve-year old about that kind of loss, but he knew he needed to listen if that's what she chose to talk about. "That's pretty special. Being really great is definitely not something that runs in every family."
Clara smiled at that, and Jess gave himself a mental pat on the back for not making things worse. "Did Dean tell you that he's trying to get custody of me?"
Jess nodded. "He did."
"I hope he gets it. I hate being separated from him. Do you think he'll get it?" The serious and concerned look on Clara's face was tugging at something in Jess' chest. He wanted to tell her that everything would work out, but he didn't want to say more than he really knew to be true.
"I know he has two very good attorneys working with him. I think he has a good shot."
Clara nodded, taking that in. "If he gets custody, we're going to move back to Stars Hollow. But, in an apartment, not our old house. The house belonged to our grandmother and now it's half ours and half our uncle's, but we don't get our half until Dean is twenty-one."
Jess had heard all this before from Dean, but still nodded respectfully as he listened.
"I really miss Stars Hollow. My school and all my friends. Don't you miss it?"
Jess considered her question. What came to mind was a bought of food poisoning he had had before Dean had moved in. He had attributed it to eating expired yogurt, not realizing it had gone bad. He remembered being up all night by himself, dragging himself to the toilet to vomit or have diarrhea, holding a damp washcloth to his head and shaking with chills, feeling sorry for himself and longing for Luke. "Sometimes I do."
"Are you going to move back when we move? Maybe we could all get an apartment together." Clara gave Jess the same shy, hopeful smile he was accustomed to seeing on Dean. The one that made him agree to stuff he didn't really want to do. For a split second he considered saying yes.
"I don't think I'll ever move back there, but I go back sometimes to visit Luke. And, I bet I'll go back more often once you and Dean are there, too."
Clara frowned.
"What's the matter?" Jess prodded gently. "Are you worried about something?"
"What if Dean changes his mind? And decides he doesn't want me to move in with him? What if he likes it better living with you, where he doesn't have to take care of a kid?"
Jess was shaking his head before Clara had even finished her questions. "That's not going to happen, Clara. Ok. Listen to me. Dean loves you and wants to be with you more than he wants anything else. He's not going to change his mind about that. Trust me, ok?"
Clara's eyes were filling with tears. Christ, how did this day go to shit so quickly while Dean was in the bathroom?
"I know he's scared." She whispered.
Jess wasn't sure how to respond. Of course, Dean was scared. Taking on the responsibility of being a child's legal guardian, even a good kid like Clara, seemed scary as hell to Jess. He had a flash of memory of Luke welcoming the nephew he had barely recognized as he got off the bus on his first day in Stars Hollow. Luke had to have been scared out of his mind with what he was taking on. "Why do you think he's scared?"
Clara wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Jess wished he had a tissue to offer her. "I could tell. He acted like he wasn't when he told me he was going to try to get custody, but I could tell he was."
Jess didn't know how to respond, so he asked another question. "How could you tell?"
"Because it felt like the time in Chicago before we moved when Dean was supposed to be watching me while my parents were out of town. He wasn't supposed to have friends over, but he did, and they broke something of my dad's and Dean was scared about telling my parents. He tried to convince me he wasn't scared to tell them, but he was."
Jess reflected on this. "I would be scared in that situation, too. Did he tell your parents the truth even though he was scared?" Jess was putting his faith in sixteen-year old Dean's morality, knowing he wouldn't be able to make his point if Clara said no.
The girl sniffed and nodded. "Yeah, he told them what happened as soon as they got home."
"Well, there you go." Jess gave her a warm smile, happy with the conclusion of this conversation.
"What do you mean?" Her brow was furrowed.
"He was scared, but he did it anyway because it was the right thing to do. He'll do the same thing now, even if he is scared. Dean's a good guy like that."
Clara was smiling at Jess as Dean walked up to their bench. "You guys stay out of trouble while I was gone?"
"Jeez, Dean, what did you fall in or something?" Jess snapped, and Clara giggled.
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A few days later Jess got a call as he and Dean were finishing up dinner. He got up to check the screen and saw Clara's name lighting up as the phone buzzed. He hit accept and handed the phone to Dean. "It's your sister." He started to clear their plates to give Dean some semblance of privacy for his call in the tiny apartment. He couldn't help overhearing anyway.
"Hey Clara, what's up?...Oh, no. I'm sorry to hear that. How did it happen?...Is she ok?...Ok. Good. I hope you're helping her out while she's hurt…..Oh, right, Sabrina's party…I know you're really looking forward to it…I know she's your best friend…Yes, I'll take you…." Jess watched Dean break into a grin. "What? No way! That is such a coincidence because you're the best sister in the world!…It's no problem. I know how much this means to you….and you ran this by Aunt Gretchen, right?….Ok, we're on.…..What time is the party?... Ok. I'll look up the bus schedule and call you back tomorrow after I get out of work, but we're definitely doing it, ok? Don't worry about anything. You will be at that party….." Jess saw Dean shoot a furtive glace his way. "I don't know. Maybe. I'll ask him….ok, yes, you better finish that homework….ok…I love you, too.….Bye, Clara."
Jess pretended to wash a dish as he waited for Dean to end his call. "Everything ok?"
Dean pushed a stray lock of hair behind his ears and looked over at Jess from where he still sat at the table. "I'm not sure. My aunt has a broken wrist."
Jess started hesitantly. "And do you think your uncle…."
Dean shrugged. "I don't know. It was my first thought, definitely. Clara spent the night at a friend's house last night and when she got home after school today, Aunt Gretchen had a cast on her wrist. She told Clara that she fell while she was out running yesterday, put out a hand to catch herself and broke it that way."
"But, you don't believe that?" Jess asked, abandoning all pretense of washing dishes and turning around at the counter to face Dean.
"I don't know. Aunt Gretchen is a pretty serious runner. She goes out almost every day. It's certainly something that could have happened. I don't know what I can do about it, either way. Part of me is at least grateful that if it happened while they were fighting, that they at least waited for Clara to be out of the house."
"What does Clara think? She must be worried if she called to tell you about it."
"Oh, well, she actually called because this weekend is her best friend Sabrina's slumber party for her thirteenth birthday, back in Stars Hollow."
"Oh, yeah." Jess nodded in recognition. "I remember her saying something about that at lunch on Sunday. She seemed really excited for it."
"Yeah, she is. And tonight, she was flipping out because Aunt Gretchen had promised to drive her there. She was going to stay in a hotel and drive her back the next day. But, she can't now because of her wrist, and she doesn't want Clara to go by herself. I don't really want her to either. So, I said I'd take her."
"Oh."
"Do you want to come with us? You could visit Luke."
"Maybe." Jess hadn't planned on a trip to Stars Hollow anytime soon, but he thought it might be fun to go with Dean. And Luke was always asking him to come visit. "You going Saturday to Sunday?"
"Yeah, the sleepover is on Saturday night."
"I'm scheduled to work Saturday, but I'll ask around tomorrow and see if I can get someone to switch with me."
"Cool. And you think Luke will let me crash on your couch or something, right? Do you think that's ok for me to ask?"
Jess rolled his eyes and spoke slowly as if stating the very obvious to someone very slow. "Yes, Dean. We'll stay with Luke. If I can't switch my schedule and go with you, Luke will still let you stay with him anyway. I think he'd be pretty offended if you went to Stars Hollow and rented a room for the night instead of staying with him. I'll call him tomorrow and give him a heads up."
Dean huffed out a breath. "Ok, thanks. I hope you can come, too."
"Me too. I'll see what I can do."
"And it's probably good for me to go back anyway. Even if it's too early to rent an apartment, I feel like I should start looking around and getting an idea of how much they cost, and maybe start talking to Taylor about whether he has any job openings coming up, or any openings in the apartments he owns. Stuff like that." Dean sat back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair. "Shit! You know what I just realized?"
"That Taylor's a jerk and he really shouldn't play such a large role in planning your future?"
"No." Dean frowned at Jess. "That I'm going to need a car when I move to Stars Hollow. We're probably going to end up out where the cheaper apartments are, like out by the Walmart, nowhere near the center of town. I'm going to need a car to get around if I live out there and work for Taylor in town. And I'll need a car to take Clara places, like to Sabrina's house or to pick her up from tennis practice. I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner." The money Dean was so proud of saving was starting to feel less adequate as he thought about a car and the associated expenses like insurance and maintenance and gas. He couldn't believe this was only dawning on him now. His list of expenses looming just around the corner kept growing. He had had a mini-panic when he had given notice at the convenience store and realized he would need his own phone and phone plan and maybe even one for Clara so he would always know where she was. He hadn't thought about the phone until he had been saying goodbye to Angela on his last day and almost asked for her number to stay in touch. He had really liked her and she had mentioned that he should come out with her and her friends one time when he had said he was new to town and didn't know anyone except his roommate. He had caught himself before asking when it hit him that she might ask for his as well and the idea of telling her that he didn't have a phone and that she would need to call him on Jess' had seemed too embarrassing to contend with. He had gone home and added phone expenses to his projected budget that night. Now, he needed to add a car, too, and a car was huge.
"You can use mine if you want."
"You have a car? I thought your car was stolen. I remember hearing Babette and Miss Patty talking about it. Babette thought it served you right for stealing her lawn gnome. I had never seen her so mad before."
Jess snorted. "Yeah, she was never my biggest fan. Even after I returned that stupid looking thing."
"So, it wasn't stolen?"
"Only temporarily. Pierpont the gnome was returned unharmed to Babette's yard the very same day of his disappearance."
"I meant your car, not the gnome."
"Oh, that was only stolen temporarily, too. And only by Luke. He put it in storage and let me think it was stolen so that I couldn't drive out to Walmart for work. He thought being carless would make me go to school instead. He was worried that I wasn't going to graduate because I was skipping too much school to work." Jess shrugged. "And I guess he was right in the end about me skipping too much. Not that stealing the car helped anything. But, yeah, when I learned that he had it I left it with him. Having a car in the city would have been way too expensive and too much hassle. If it's still running, you're welcome to use it."
Dean was giving Jess an incredulous look. "If he wanted you to stop skipping school to work at Walmart, why didn't he just ground you and take away your car keys? Wouldn't that have been easier, and you know, more normal?" Dean smirked. "Or does your whole family just have a penchant for creating fake crime scenes?"
Jess laughed. "Taking away my keys does sound more reasonable now, but I don't think it would have occurred to either of us then for him to just ground me like that. He nagged me about shit all the time when I lived with him, told me I had to finish school, made me return stuff I stole. Stuff like that. But, he never once actually punished me for doing something he told me not to. I don't know. I think he always tried to kind of treat me like an adult. Maybe it didn't work as well as he'd planned since I did end up getting kicked out of school." Jess reflected on whether Luke hadn't just grounded him and taken his keys like most parents would have because he didn't trust Jess to not steal his keys back, or even to hand them over to begin with. He felt the same twinge of guilt he always got when he thought about what a little shit he had been to Luke when he had lived with him. "Anyway, when I call Luke tomorrow, I'll ask about the car. I know he checks on it and starts it every once in a while so I'm guessing he would have mentioned it if it ever didn't start for him."
"That would be great. Thanks, Jess. I really appreciate that."
Jess was about to say it was nothing, but then his memory flashed back to their conversation at the pizza place a few weeks ago and a small smile formed on his face as he remembered what he had promised to work on just in time. "You're welcome, Dean. I'm happy to do it."
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Later that night, Jess was lying on his mattress in the dark apartment, wide awake despite his best efforts to fall asleep, his mind still stuck on his conversation with Clara at the museum last weekend. He looked over at Dean, already sleeping soundly on his roll up mattress, and thought about how scared he had to be. About taking on the responsibility of caring for another human being. And a small and sensitive one, at that. Jess couldn't imagine doing that at their age, maybe ever. Most days he felt like he could barely take care of himself. Even though Dean didn't talk about his fears, Jess knew he had to have them. This was a big deal. By far the biggest thing either of them had ever done. Taking care of a child may be the biggest thing anyone could possibly do. Dean had to be scared, Jess reasoned. That he wouldn't be good enough. That he would mess up and make things worse. He was too smart not to be. Only a fool would have no fear about something as huge as this.
Jess churned that thought over in mind. Dean had to be scared, but he was doing it anyway. Luke had to have been scared when he had taken in his teenaged punk of a nephew, but he had done it anyway. Jess booted up his computer in the dark. He was scared, but he was going to hit 'Submit' anyway.