Author's Note: We survived the apocalypse! We're going to have a Christmas after all!

Anyway, there's this famous Christmas movie called Holiday Inn. There's a famous hotel chain called Holiday Inn. I decided to make a parody of the movie where the Capricorns stay at a Holiday Inn hotel. And, this is the end result. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or Holiday Inn. I have also never stayed at a Holiday Inn Hotel before, so I can't make a comment or use this oneshot to tell the world about the service of a hotel I stayed at.

It all started on the morning of Christmas Eve as Molly woke up.

"Hey, Molly! I'm watching you through this hole in the wall!"

Molly looked to the source of the voice, and she saw a gaping hole in the wall. Kazuma was sitting inside of the hole.

"Son of a –" Molly said to herself before fangirlish screams cut her off.

"OMG! There's a giant crack in my bedroom wall! The Doctor's coming!" Hana shouted from her room. A few minutes later, the Capricorns were standing outside of the Hyperion, which was covered by a fumigation tent.

"Why did it have to be termites?! My ship!" Kartik sobbed as he curled up into the fetal position.

"Looks like we need to stay in a hotel for the night," Enlai said.

"It's December 24th. All the hotels are going to be booked for Christmas," Wolfgang explained.

"Not this island's Holiday Inn," Yuki-Rin said.

"Why Holiday Inn? Can we not afford the Four Seasons or something?" Hana asked Yuki-Rin.

"Arthur and Eames told me to stay at a Holiday Inn while I was in a dream within a dream within a dream," Yuki-Rin explained.

"Okay, may we take away your Inception DVD?" Aki asked Yuki-Rin.

"Before you ask, no I am NOT watching Breakfast at Tiffany's. There's a word for girls who get paid to date men, and it is not 'Audrey Hepburn' or 'glamorous lady'," Yuki-Rin explained.

"It begins with 'P' and ends with '-rostitute'," Yulia said.

"In other words, Audrey Hepburn plays a prostitute in that movie," Hana explained. Yuki-Rin silently high-fived Hana.

"You sit on a throne of lies," Aki told Yuki-Rin.

A few minutes later, the Capricorns were getting ready to check in at the island's Holiday Inn. And, so did the Straw Hats.

"Can we go to the pool now?! Can we go to the pool now?!" Chopper asked Sanji.

"No! Shut up and let me fill out these shitty forms!" Sanji yelled before he turned back to the receptionist, who was Baby 5. "Yeah, what's this 'While you collect rewards, we steal your money' promotion?"

The Capricorns sighed.

"This is going to take a while. Who wants to camp out here?" Yuki-Rin asked everyone.

"Challenge accepted," Wolfgang said as he got his Macbook out. "Now, let's play 'who the fuck has this hotel's wi-fi passcode?'"

Later that evening, Sanji was still filling out forms. The Straw Hats left to go do other stuff.

"Wait… Why do you need to know my address, cell phone number, credit card numbers, and if I can tie cherry stems with my tongue?" Sanji asked Baby 5.

"For safety and protocol reasons," Baby 5 answered.

"Why would 'having John Mayer on my iPod' or 'past experience cosplaying as a character from Sherlock' be for safety and protocol reasons?" Sanji asked Baby 5.

"It's better to be safe than sorry," Baby 5 explained. A few feet away, several of the Capricorns were doing stuff to keep them busy until they could check in – Yuki-Rin, Molly, Hana, and Kazuma were playing canasta against Nami and Chopper, Heathcliffe was sitting in a bubble bath while wearing only his black skinny jeans, Soren was on the phone with Teru, Wolfgang was watching cat videos on his laptop, Enlai was cooking a full-course Chinese meal, Kartik and Matsu were reading, Yulia, Daisuke, Gareth, and Rubio were looking at snacks at the minibar, and everyone else was watching T.V.

"…And hopefully, just knowing that I love you and I care makes you feel a little better… Or creeped out... Either way, you're feeling something," Heathcliffe explained as Holden shampooed his hair into funny shapes. Holden glared at his brother.

"You're no longer allowed to use Aki's shampoo to wash your hair," Holden explained. A few feet away, at the minibar…

"Is this what we seriously have to do when we check-in?" Daisuke asked his friends as they watched Sanji sign papers and question the things Baby 5 put on the forms.

"You're not the one checking us in. Wolfgang is," Gareth explained.

"How much do you want to bet that Wolfgang loses his mind when he does this?" Daisuke asked.

"Ten bucks," Yulia said.

"No, I bet twenty," Daisuke said.

"You're on!" Yulia said.

"Fifty dollars to reserve a table at the on-site sports bar?! What is this, a Motel 6?!" Sanji cried. "I just need a space for Christmas dinner tomorrow night! Is that too much to ask?!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but Christmas is tomorrow, and many people are going to spend it with their families," Baby 5 explained. Sanji sighed.

"How many more of these shitty forms do I have to fill out? I just want a room," Sanji asked.

"Just this one. It's our annual Christmas survey," Baby 5 explained as she handed Sanji another form, which Sanji scanned.

"How many laptop chargers did I buy over the last three years? Have I read the book Snow Flower and the Secret Fan? What the hell are these questions?! They have nothing to do with Christmas!" Sanji yelled before he tore up the survey. Baby 5 sweatdropped as she handed Sanji a room key.

"Your room is ready, sir. Our on-site bathhouse is closed for the night and will re-open tomorrow," Baby 5 explained.

"Thank Arceus!" Sanji yelled before he walked away.

"Hey, Wolfgang, you'd better check in before – oh, I don't know – the Libras take our rooms!" Gareth yelled to Wolfgang, who closed his laptop.

"Well, cut a bitch and call me Stacey's mom. Homestuck just updated," Wolfgang remarked as he walked to the check-in counter.

"Not yet, Wolfgang! Holden's not finished washing my hair!" Heathcliffe yelled from across the room.

"Yes, I'd like to check in," Wolfgang told Baby 5, who shoved a form in his direction.

"Sign here, here, and here, print your name right here, and put your initials right here," Baby 5 instructed.

"Wait, you have a right to take a kidney from me?" Wolfgang asked as he read the form. "Wait a second – This is the terms and conditions for iTunes."

"It's the spirit of the season," Baby 5 explained as she filed her sword-nails. The phone then rang. "Holiday Inn, this is Baby 5. How may I help you? Yes, we have your room. Come by to get it." (1)

Baby 5 hung up.

"We're sorry, but we had to give your room away to somebody else," Baby 5 explained. "Oh, and there are no more rooms left, so don't bother asking, even though it's Christmas."

"Who took our room?" Wolfgang asked. Then, the Libra Pirates entered.

"Excuse me, but is our room ready?" Alto asked Baby 5. Outside, Zoro was taking a leashed Chopper out for a walk, when they heard Wolfgang's screams.

"Oh, no! We need to call 911!" Chopper yelled. "Zoro, what's the number for 911?!"

Zoro facepalmed. Back inside, the Capricorns were discussing where to go next.

"Where are we going to go now that the fucking Libras stole our rooms?!" Enlai asked everyone.

"Don't say Motel 6. There is no way I'm living in filth and squalor and getting lice again," Heathcliffe explained. Matsu sighed.

"Let's go try again at the Hyatt," Matsu suggested.

"We should. We deserve a better hotel for Christmas," Wolfgang said.

"What did this oneshot have to do with the movie Holiday Inn?" Hana asked everyone.

"I think it's because we tried to stay at a Holiday Inn hotel," Yuki-Rin explained.

(1) - Since Baby 5's Devil Fruit makes her body made out of weapons, I think we can all assume that her fingernails are fingernail-shaped sword blades.

Review if you want to see parodies of Elf, Scrooged, or even Bad Santa!