Chapter 14 - Palpatine imperialistically executes order 66

Then Palpatine cackled in a very bourgeois manner whilst also OPPRESSING THE WORKERS OF THE GALAXY. Suddenly he dialed up a hologram of a clone comrade and said in a voice dripping with the monarchistic oppression of the people, "Execute Order 66."

"It will be done, my lord." To my great shock, the clone comrade acquiesced. I didn't understand what was going on. Why would my noble comrades be taking orders from such an imperialistic fascist?

"Make it so." added Palpatine in a spiteful voice.

"WHAT THE FUCK PALPATINE!" I roared in a voice of communistic outrage. "YOU'RE NOT JEAN-FUCKIN-LUC FUCKING PICARD AND HIS ISN'T THE FUCKING STARSHIP FUCKING ENTERPRISE! GET YOUR ASSFUCKING FANDOMS RIGHT YOU DAFT, USELESS EXCUSE FOR AN INBRED GOATFUCKER!"

Palpatine ended the hologramatic phone call, but not before I caught glimpse of a clone comrade shooting at my husband Obi Wan out of the corner of my eye. I gasped loudly in proletariat horror, but I was still quite quiet so Palpatine didn't hear me. My mind was racing, how could Palpatine have planted capitalist propaganda in the minds of the clone comrades? How could anyone have given them such high levels of false consciousness?

Suddenly, Palpatine whirled around and began to speak, adopting the oppressively imperialistic voice of Donald Trump. "I must go to the Senate and inform them that I am abolishing the Senate and establishing the GALACTIC EMPIRE!"

My mouth fell open in soviet shock. The only thing worse than the feeble veneer of equality provided by an elitist shill Senate was a fucking GALACTIC EMPIRE RUN BY THAT FUCKING DOUCHEBAGUETTE PALPATINE. Suddenly it all made sense, the capitalist shill that Comrade Qui Gon had sensed and the tyrannical Sith Lord who knew the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise were in fact one in the same.

"OH SHIT, PALPY IS THA BAD DUDE!" I exclaimed socialistically in the VOICE OF THE REVOLUTION, but Palpatine had already left for the Senate and that FUCKER HAD LOCKED ME IN. I paced around his office with the frustrated, harried steps of Stalin, wondering what would become of our REVOLUTION now that such a dire threat had emerged, and worrying about the safety my husband on Utapau.

Meanwhile...

"In order to ensure our security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire, for a safe and secure society which I assure you will last for ten thousand years..." lied Palpatine, the words pouring out of his shrivelled mouth.

All the fat and gluttonous Senators cheered misogynistically because their small brains were so corrupted by corporate deals and capitalist propaganda that they couldn't understand the threat Palpatine posed.

"An empire that will continue to be ruled by this august body, and a sovereign ruler chosen for life . . . An empire ruled by the majority . . . Ruled by a new constitution." Continued Palpatine in the voice of capitalist white supremacy.

"So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause . . ." said Padme. Her eyes had finally been opened and all the years of false consciousness and capitalist brainwashing begun to clear out of her mind, much like the way Fidel Castro had fucking cleared all the capitalist scum out of Cuba. Padme looked over at Bail Organa and she could see that he was also no longer infected by the FUCKING DISEASE of false consciousness. Like her, he could recognise capitalism for the disgusting lie that it was.

"Perhaps …. perhaps Anakin was right?" said Padme in a small, trembling voice that, for all its timidity, still sounded just like Chairman Mao.

"Yes Padme," Agreed Bail Organa, looking very much like Che Guevara, "I think Anakin and his comrades are the only ones who can restore peace to the galaxy through glorious Communist Revolution."

"I have to find him." declared Padme. In a single, glorious movement she ripped off her culturally appropriated, bourgeois blue dress that had been manufactured by oppressing workers of third world countries and instead pulled on a red Che Guevara T-shirt.

She had been liberated at last.