Chapter 14: Then The Morning Comes

Murphy woke to sunlight hitting his closed eyelids, and the sounds of a bird chirping happily somewhere in the distance. He blinked his eyes open as he came into full awareness, and he immediately looked to his side, making sure Torrey was still beside him.

The redhead was still nestled in slumber, turned on her side facing the window, though her face bore the countenance of someone in a nightmare. Murphy didn't know what to do in this situation. Should he wake her, or let her sleep? Connor would have known what to do. Connor probably would have just woken her right away; either that or he would have wrapped an arm around her, whispered sweet nothings in her ear, see if that helped. But Murphy was more hesitant than Connor. He didn't want to wake her up, because he figured she'd be mad at him for making her lose sleep. So he sat there, biting his lip, wishing he could something to help her.

He stared down at her, taking in how beautiful she looked with the sun filtering over her the way it was now. Her skin was smooth like porcelain, not as pale as his but not as tan as Connor; her hair burned bright in the natural light, and he could swear the strands had really turned into flames which were now engulfing her pillow and flowing over her back. He loved her hair, and he couldn't keep himself from reaching down and gently running his fingers over the loose tendrils.

His mind played through the events of the night before, and he smiled at the memories. She had been perfect, everything he ever needed or wanted, and he didn't feel guilty after they'd finished, as he often did with Connor.

Connor. Murphy loved Connor with his entire being, his whole heart and soul and then some, and he could never refuse Connor anything he wanted. But something in the back of his mind always remembered just how wrong it was for them to be together. They were brothers, twins even, and they weren't supposed to be intimate with each other in the ways that they were.

Murphy didn't really care about the taboo they'd entered into, but when they finished and laid together, curling into the warmth of the other and absorbing all the love and adoration the other was putting forth, Murphy would feel almost like he was tainted. He'd think to himself we're brothers; why are we doing this?, but then he'd stare at Connor's beautiful face, his eyes taking in the special smile Connor used only with him, and he would brush those feelings aside.

Because as wrong as it was, Murphy could never give Connor up.

That didn't mean he didn't sometimes feel weird about their situation, though. But it wasn't that way with Torrey, because he had no attachments to her prior to the night before. She was just another person passing through their lives, a little bit like Rocco, though in a much prettier package.

But that wasn't entirely true. She wasn't like Rocco, save for the face that she had become their new apprentice to their mission. And it wasn't just the fact that she was female and looked nothing like Rocco that made her different; there was something else, too, something Murphy couldn't quite put his finger on. He cared for her in a way that differed from how he'd cared for Rocco.

Rocco was a friend, someone almost as close as a brother to Murphy, and Murphy loved him in that way. Torrey was something else, something special; if Murphy didn't know better he'd say he was in love with the girl beside him.

Murphy's eyes widened as that thought crossed his mind. He looked down at Torrey once more, seeing her with new eyes. Was he in love with her? They'd fucked once, and it had been pretty damn great, but that was all. How could he love someone he barely knew and had only slept with once?

It was something in her eyes. There was a spark there, ever since the first time he saw her, something he wanted to explore. Some would say it was "love at first sight", but Murphy didn't believe in that kind of bullshit. Even so, there was an attraction to her, something deeper than just sex. Murphy didn't want to just fuck her at night and then pretend they were just business acquaintances during the day; he wanted to get to know her, every part of her.

Murphy wanted to find out everything about her past, wanted to hear her hopes for the future, wanted to be beside her through the entirety of her present. He wanted to know what scared her, what made her happy, what made her cry, what made her angry, all of it. He wanted to see who she was, right down to her core, and love her all the more for being that person. Murphy wanted to love Torrey, and have Torrey love him back.

He bit his lip as his eyes roved over the parts of her body that were exposed to him, taking every little detail into account: the freckles that dotted her shoulders and peppered her arms, her almost blond eyebrows, the way the strands of hair closest to her face were shot through with gold.

He trailed his gaze across her right shoulder and down that arm, crossing over to where her two hands rested beside each other, and then stopped when he came to her left wrist. Her arm was stretched out beneath her, her fingertips clearing the bed, and the sunlight was hitting her wrist at such an angle that he could just make out the slightly raised scars that resided there. He could see dozens of them, some of them small and short, some of them long, running from one side of her wrist to the other.

As he stared at the scars he wondered just what had upset her enough to take a blade to her skin, wondered if those long marks were from suicide attempts.

Without thinking he reached over Torrey, his fingertips gently brushing against her wrist. He smoothed his thumb over a few of the longest marks a few times, his thumbnail grazing her skin.

Suddenly Torrey snatched her arm away, trying to hide her wrist from view. She turned onto her back and pulled herself into a sitting position, knocking Murphy back onto his side of the bed in the process.

Murphy stared at her, the expression on her face stunning him into silence. She was staring at him, her eyes as hard as the gems they resembled, the tears she was trying to hold in pooling at the brim of her lower lids. She glared at him, her eyes sparking fury, her lips pressed into a hard line.

"Torrey, I…" He mumbled, unsure of what to say to make things better. He averted his eyes from hers, but her stare still pierced through him, and he could swear his chest was burning because of it.

"What the fuck were you doing, Murphy?" She asked, her words coming out flat and monotone as she tried to control herself.

"Was just lookin' at ye, 'cause ye looked so beautiful 'n the sunlight, an' I happened to see yer wrist." Murphy whispered.

Torrey sighed; she knew what came next. He would tell her she was a freak, or an idiot, tell her she should value her life more, probably give her some lecture about God's opinion on suicide. He knew now that she was damaged goods, and he wouldn't even want to look at her anymore.

"I think you should leave, Murphy." She said, pulling the sheets up tighter around herself.

Murphy looked up at her, but she'd already averted her eyes; she was now staring at the sheets she'd pulled to her chest. He didn't move to leave, though, because even though he knew she wanted him to, he also knew that wasn't the right thing to do in this situation.

Slowly, he crawled towards her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his chest. "Do ye think 'm gonna judge ye, lass?"

Torrey couldn't speak, the sobs in her throat cutting off her words. The tears flowed from her eyes, and she couldn't resist pressing her face into Murphy's chest for comfort.

He took that gesture for the answer it was: yes.

"Well, 'm not gonna judge ye. Never would judge ye, Tor, fer anythin'. I've done enough in me own life, made enough bad decisions, that I couldn't ever say a word against ye; wouldn't want to anyway.

"An' I won't pry 'bout 'em, if ye don't wanna say anything about 'em t'me. But I was wonderin' how many of 'em are from suicide attempts, an' how many were just for release. That's what I was thinkin' when I was touchin' yer wrist. An' I was askin' m'self how such a lovely girl could hate herself or her life enough t' wanna do that t' herself." Murphy stroked her hair as he spoke, tilting his face downward to press kisses against her head.

Torrey took a deep, shuddering breath, making sure her voice was under control, before she told Murphy her story. "I was a stupid kid back then. I thought death would be better than the shitty life I had to go through. I hated my parents, and I thought they hated me. I didn't have many friends; in fact, it was only Monica back then. And everything seemed to just be going downhill for me.

"So one night when everyone was asleep I broke apart a shaving razor and cut myself way too many times. Only problem was the blade was too small and dull to actually cut anything useful. I was getting frustrated, wondering why I wasn't dead yet, and started crying. And I guess I was crying too loudly, because next thing I know my mom's in my room, clutching me to her chest and crying with me.

"Long story short my parents got me the help I needed, and Monica slapped some sense into me, and I realized my life was worth living. And I realize it even more now, because if I'd died that night I never would have met you, or Connor."

The gravity of her last statement slapped Murphy right in the face, and he realized that in some way Torrey did love him, and Connor. They had all moved too fast, and seemed to have fallen too hard, but it felt right. Murphy felt it, and now he knew Torrey felt it, too.

"M sorry ye had such a bad time back then, lass. But I'm so glad yer here now. We ain't known each other for more'n a few days, but there's just… somethin' special 'bout ye. Feels like I've known ye damn near forever."

Murphy looked down at the same time Torrey looked up, their eyes locking on one another and their gazes holding steady. They leaned in at the same time, their lips forcefully crashing down on each other and molding into one being.

The kiss was frantic and passionate, but it was also tender and caring. Something changed in both of them with that kiss, something that would alter them completely for the rest of their lives.