.
…Chapter Fourteen…
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"Are you going, or what?"
Sai jolted out of his thoughts, turning away from his work; a paintbrush hung half betwixt his fingers and dripped a dollop of blue pain into the floor. He looked at it momentarily before turning his gaze back to his brother where he stood in the door.
"To?"
"There's a party at Shino's tonight again. Are you going?"
"I suppose."
"Then get ready," he muttered. "I've got to pick up Karin in a half hour."
Sai nodded and placed his paint brush a cup, tip up. He took the jar and moved across the room to the sink. He could feel his brother's eyes on his back. "Is there something you want?" he asked with a sigh.
Sasuke stepped into the room hands stuffed into his pockets. Slowly, he pulled his eyes away from Sai and towards the piece he'd been working on. "Still working on it, huh?"
"Yes. There's perhaps a few days work left in it."
He pointed up slightly at it, motioning. "I noticed you changed the hair… it has a pink tint to it now." He glanced over at him and then back at the painting.
Sai shrugged. "I felt like changing it."
Sasuke nodded, still looking at it. "You do know that muse of yours is going to be there tonight, right?"
"I'm not sure I understand you." His fingers gently rolled over bristles as he cleaned them with untainted turpentine, pushing the oil paint out of them.
"Sure you do, dipshit. Sakura Haruno? The blonde queen of the school? You've only been spending every free moment this week you have with her."
The artist sighed. "We've been collaborating on a project. Nothing more."
"Is that story you're going with?"
Sai rolled his eyes and set a brush aside; he moved onto the next one.
"Word is her little friend Ino was chewing her out this afternoon about spending too much time with you."
Sai didn't reply.
Sasuke sighed after a monetary pass of neither saying a word. "Look I can laugh about this all I want with you, idiot. But in the end, do you think she's honestly going to give up everything for you? Even if she loves you, which I doubt, she's not going to leave the soccer space cadet." He pulled the keys from his pocket, tossing them up in the air idly. "And if you go tonight you're going to end up talking to her; you're going to end up hurt because of that nosey friend of hers. It won't be much for her. She'll move on with her life, go back to her friends when they forgive her overnight, graduate. But you?" Sasuke narrowed his eyes, his jaw tight. "You've never experienced loss like this, idiot.
"Truth me when I tell you it's not worth it. Forget about Sakura Haruno. Eventually, you won't love her anymore at all."
Sai continued cleaning his brushes with same lack of motivation and lethargic focus as before. He set a few aside on a paper towel, the wood parts of them clicking together quietly. Then he turned the sink on, washed his hands clean with soap and grabbed a towel to dry them off. He turned to Sasuke as he did so. "Are you referring to me, or, to yourself?"
Sasuke stopped tossing the keys.
"I'm not in love with her. As a friend I find her company comforting, her advice sound and her work ethic above what I expected of her originally. I have no interest in getting closer to her and therefore you have nothing to worry about."
"Sai—."
Sai's eyes narrowed as he locked eyes with his brother. "Quit comparing my relationship with Sakura to what you have yet to figure out with Naruto."
"Excuse me?"
"You spend so much time trying to convince yourself with drugs, sex with nameless partners and alcohol; who are you trying to convince, Sasuke? Yourself? No matter how much you drink yourself stupid, waste yourself in oblivion, or how many women you torment your pride with… it won't solve anything.
"I don't have the answer for you. But, I do know when you hit a wall… you go around it." And then he walked out, ignoring the shout and the sound of fist smashing into drywall.
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The soft sounds of a woman's voice echoed out from the radio, filling car in the background. Darkness pervaded outside and dim lights flitted across the passenger window, lighting up her face and casting shadow across the cabin every so often.
Naruto was quiet next to her, focused on driving as she fell into her thoughts. Her cheek pressed into the glass, her chin half resting on the door. Ino… Tenten's conversation was weighing on her slightly. The drawings she found in Sai's studio weighed on her. The guidance counselor's words weighed on her. She resisted the urge to sigh and instead closed her eyes.
She didn't want to go tonight. In some part she would have been perfectly happy to stay home and think it all out. Calling it off would have just made things worse with Ino though, and, she still wasn't sure what to do about that situation.
Right now she didn't want to think about it. She just wanted to be happy and try to make something of the night.
"We're here."
"Huh?"
Naruto looked over at her and smiled softly. "The party. We're here."
"Oh, cool." Sakura smiled and pulled herself up into a sitting position. She unbuckled her belt and turned to open her door, only to find Naruto there opening it for her. She smiled again. "Thank you."
He shut it. "You're welcome."
She moved to walk up to the driveway.
"Sakura?"
She turned back to him, brows raised. "Yes?"
His brow furrowed. "Are you alright?"
She smiled again, forcing it to be bright. "I'm fine. Let's go." He didn't look convinced to her, but after a moment he followed after her, moving in step.
Blasts of rock music hit them as they entered through the open door. Sakura stepped out of the way of some leaving partiers. Naruto shut the door as she glanced about; it looked louder and more crowded than usual. She turned as she felt a tap on her shoulder.
"I need to take care of something, alright?" he shouted so she could hear. "I'll meet up with you later. Sound good?"
She nodded, blonde curls bouncing.
"Sakura!"
In a moment she found herself wrapped in Ino's embrace. She put on a smile again as the young woman pulled away.
"Come on, I'll get you a drink," she shouted as she took her hand and drug her through the crowd towards the bar. There was someone new serving drinks, but, that came as no surprise. It's not as if anyone cared what was being served. Beverages were poured into cups mixed with juice or something more severe.
"Easy on the vodka," she told the guy on the other side of the table. He nodded, mixed and handed it off to her. She hid a frown and decided she wouldn't drink much of it. Sakura had made an art out of looking like she drank a lot when she usually drank very little. And unfortunately for her, the drink probably had eighty percent Russian kiss of death and about twenty percent juice.
"Oh look, there's Hina and Tenny playing beer pong. Well, Hinata is probably watching." Ino rolled her eyes and smiled.
Sakura refrained from frowning as she and the blonde walked towards the watching crowd. Hinata made it very clear she wasn't going to get drunk at any of these events very early on in their relationship as friends; it was the keystone reason her father let her attend and allowed her to continue to attend them. Ino had been trying to get to fudge that rule ever since; Sakura wasn't sure if she was just trying to get the girl to have some fun… or get her into trouble.
"Winning?" Sakura asked Tenten as she waited for her opponent to toss.
"Trying. Neji's pretty good at this," she admitted with a grin. She winked. "But, I'm almost positive it has something to do with the fact that he can't handle his booze." She leaned over, whispering, "He was out like a light that last time he had more than a cup."
"I'm not deaf," the aforementioned bit of from across the table.
Tenten laughed, as did much of the crowd. Thankfully, the music wasn't as loud over here, so, for the most part everyone could talk without shouting.
Hinata waved from across the room where she sat on a small couch or bench; Sakura couldn't be too sure. It looked like a fainting couch. She smiled at her as the girl grinned shyly and pointed to Kiba next to her.
"She's going to get her heart broken."
Sakura glanced over at Ino who was looking in the direction of Hinata and Kiba as they talked and laughed.
"He can't keep it in his pants. I told her that. That's why I never took him seriously when we dated. And when he did move on I didn't let it bother me."
Sakura wanted to argue with her, that yes, it did bother her. She'd called and all-girl sleep over and cried for hours about it. What she also failed to mention her verbal reverie was that she'd been the one to fudge things up with Kiba by avoiding his calls and leading him on; all this because she'd wanted to 'save him the trouble' of doing it first.
She couldn't exactly argue with her logic despite that though. Kiba was known for cheating on women. Naruto had commented on more than one occasion about him flippantly saying, 'what she doesn't know won't hurt her'. Sakura just prayed it wouldn't be like that for Hinata. Ino didn't exactly make it any easier by pushing the issue that, in her opinion, he would inevitably do something to hurt the Hyuuga.
"He's such a player," she said with distaste in her voice, bitter distaste. "Do you know before Hinata he'd been playing around with that skank Karin? I think they still were when she started dating Sasuke. Not that he's serious about her, or anything. But, she's such a whore that she would have kept sleeping with them both if he hadn't started spending all of his time Hinata."
"That's good then, right?"
"What?" Blue orbs flashed to Sakura's.
"That he's spending all of his time with her. It's a good sign."
Ino rolled her eyes. "Oh please, this is just the honeymoon phase of their relationship; you know that. Eventually he'll get bored because that's how he is and do something to fuck it up. And poor Hinata will be left with the broken pieces."
Sakura didn't say anything and turned back to watch the couple in the corner.
"Alright, let's switch!" Tenten shouted. "Here Ino, you have a go at it." The brunette handed the two ping pong balls off to her as Ino passed her cup to Sakura.
"I'm game." She grinned and switched places with Tenten. Across the table Chouji met her, taking Neji's place.
"That was fun," she admitted next to her, taking a swig from a bottle of water.
Tenten drank water when she drank alcohol because, according to her, it helped with the hangover the next day. Which is why she had the clear liquid resting between her hands while she leaned against the same table as Sakura, half sitting on the edge.
"I wasn't paying attention. Did you win?"
"Nope." She grinned. "I let Neji win. I don't really enjoy carrying him through his own house after he passes out. Plus," she said, elongating the word characteristically in way that was leading to some snippet of info, "the people who keep the house working awesome tend to hate his black mood the next morning."
Sakura chuckled. "I can imagine."
Tenten laughed too. "Yeah." She nodded her head a few times and watched the game. "So… did you want to sneak off while she's distracted?"
"Huh?"
Tenten thumbed in the direction of Ino. "I know you don't want to be glued to her hip all night. And if she has it her way… you will."
Sakura thought about it for a moment, her eyes scrutinizing on the girl playing beer pong. She sighed. "You don't mind dealing with her?"
Tenten shook her head and waved her hand. "I'll just tell her you want off the find Naruto."
"Thanks."
"Anytime." Sakura turned to go.
"Oh, Sak!" She jogged up to the faux blonde as she turned back around.
"Before you go…" she began, whispering close, "If she says all of that to you about Hinata… imagine what she says about you when you're not in earshot…"
Sakura's eyes narrowed.
"Just think about it." She gave her shoulder a pat and shoved her off as she turned around and went back to the gaming crowd. Someone shouted and Tenten cheered louder. "I do think that's what they call kicking your ass Yamanaka!"
Sakura turned and left before she heard the rest. She set her cup down on a nearby table and decided a bathroom visit was in order.
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"Here." Sasuke tossed the keys as they entered the house.
Sai caught them and shoved them into his pocket.
"I'm going to go find Karin; you can take car home when you feel like it. Turns out her friend is taking us home."
Sai narrowed his eyes.
Sasuke frowned. "It's Temari. The dirty blonde with huge tits dating Shika. She doesn't drink or toss pills. Remember?"
Sai nodded begrudgingly.
"Catch you later." He disappeared in the crowd.
Sai turned to look out at the people, idly drawing his gaze from one person to the next. Regardless of what Sasuke said he'd still have to check on him, or, at the very least catch up with Temari somewhere to make sure she did that for him. Out of all his brother's friends, at least those two were fairly good at staying out of trouble.
"Sai, right?"
The dark-haired boy turned to his left, still standing at the top of the door's exit platform-like stairway. Just a step or two down he found twin pools of cobalt blue meeting his gaze. "Yes."
Naruto smiled warmly. "Is Sasuke with you tonight?" He scratched the back of his neck, one hand set on his hip.
"Looking for him?"
"Kinda. I need to talk to him."
Sai pointed in the direction of the crowd he'd seen him wander off in. "I'd go that way. He's at the bar right now. If you go now you might catch him before he heads to the basement and floods what brain matter he has left with illegal substances…"
"Uh… thanks."
Sai watched as he left into the crowd, following Sasuke's trail. He stood there a moment longer, musing over just what was going on between his brother and blonde before he too wandered through the mass of party-goers. He adjusted the bag on his shoulder as he headed towards the bar table. Once there he eyed the bottles strewn across the table. With a curious inspection he moved to the other side and glanced under where a chord made a path. A mini-fridge sat at the end of that; he opened it, hoping there was something besides wine coolers. He swiped a coke and popped the tab.
He watched the crowd again, looking for a place to take a seat. It didn't need to be quiet; it just needed to be available and relatively vacant. The island bar that separated the kitchen from the dining room was filled and boisterous with people. The dining room table was full of people talking and playing a game he couldn't place. He turned to the stairs; no it was never a good idea to sit where people could trip drunk over you.
He stilled.
He heard her voice first; she was laughing at someone who passed her by, commenting. Her face lit up.
Her long legs took graceful steps down two or three more levels; she had dancer's calves; her hand gripped the wooden railing loosely. Her shorts hugged her hips nicely, accenting her hips, her Betty Page curves. Her breasts, while he wasn't mesmerized by their form, he noted—not for the first time—that they met her hip to breast ratio perfectly. The bone structure of her face wasn't easy to draw, but, he liked a challenge. The laugh lines she hid behind a chaste smile brought her face to life when she grinned. Her eyes crinkled and the green exploded.
She was looking at him, smiling still and gave a little wave with her fingers only.
He remained where he was as she made her trek across the room to him. "Hey," she said, speaking loudly. "It's hard to talk in here. Do you want to come out on the pool deck with me?"
He nodded following her as she stepped out the open glass doors people were congregating near and passing through. There we're a lot of them on the deck, but, not nearly as many as there were in the house. They both easily found a bench to sit down on.
"I'm surprised you're here," she said first.
Sai set his bag and his drink down, unzipping the former; he withdrew his sketchbook and pulled a pencil from another pocket before sliding it under the bench. "I have to come because of Sasuke. Although, there are some rare occasions when some other poor soul becomes responsible for him."
"You're a good brother," she replied, smiling over at him as he flipped open to a page.
"Thank you… I think."
Sakura chuckled as she reached out and gently rubbed his arm in a friendly gesture.
His pencil stilled over the clean white expanse. Warmth seeped in even through the material of his shirt. He found himself looking at it, her hand. It was silly to be mesmerized by a hand; he wasn't. It was more that he was mesmerized by the gesture; understanding why was an entirely different process. His mind couldn't seem to wrap around the breathy loss of air in his lungs, nor the tightening in his chest that sent a burst of heat to the rest of his body.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, pulling her hand away once she saw him staring at it.
And then he felt bereft.
"To be honest I didn't want to be here tonight either."
He tried to focus on an object, something to sketch, as he looked out at the back yard. There were people everywhere and thankfully, most of them were sitting still. "Ino's doing?"
"Yeah…" she drug the word out with a sigh. "But, I don't want to talk about that right now. It feels like I'm always talking to you about problems I can't talk to other people about. It can't be fair."
"I was under the impression that was what friends did." He forced his mind to lock on a duo of girls standing and laughing together with cigarettes and cups in their hands. "Or, was I wrong to assume we were?"
At first she frowned, blinking and wondering if she'd insulted him. She eyed him, as if trying to gage his seriousness. Was he? He sounded so… A moment later she was smiling again, a grin daring to crack across her face. "Was…Was that a joke?"
The corner of his lips tugged up slightly. "Perhaps."
"It was, wasn't it?" She laughed softly and bent over, trying to see his face. She reached out, poking his cheek. "Are you smiling?"
He turned and looked over at her, ebony catching emerald briefly. The expression broadened across his face, but not enough to look silly. He didn't reply or nod as she grinned back. Eventually he just returned to his work, opting to verbally admit nothing.
She sat back then, her soft laughter fading out quietly as he turned back to the girls and began again. She watched his careful, quick, concise strokes across the pad in silence. The figures came first, the basics and the outline. Shading only started after he had the core of it done. He treated the act as a baker would icing a cake.
She adjusted her position, turning slightly so her front faced him; her right leg crossed over her left and her free arm came to rest on her lap, hand hanging while her other held up her head. This way she could watch him quietly.
She wanted to tell him it was lovely, amazing to just sit there and watch him bring a scene to life on paper with nothing more than a number two pencil. But, she was sure hundreds of people had told him that. "I'm surprised you don't have an ego."
"About what?" he asked, still working intently.
"From everyone telling you how amazing your work is."
Sai shrugged. "I don't show my work to many people. Not unless they ask to see."
"Why?"
"Who would I show it to?"
He didn't have many friends; it was something she easily forgot having so many people around that always claimed to be friends, her friends.
"I draw for me. If someone else gets pleasure out of it than that's more than I expected."
"I enjoy watching you draw," she admitted, not thinking anything of it. "Everything you do looks ready to pop off the page."
He stopped and looked over at her, staring, contemplating; about what she wasn't sure. It was never easy to read him, to understand what was going on in his head before he spoke. "Then that's more than I expected."
She was quiet again, her eyes locked on his. That feeling, the one she'd been pushing down and fighting off since day one of the project, it came back; that warmth coiled in her belly and swam through her blood. She was breathing, she was there, and yet… she felt heady just looking at him. It wasn't his tone of voice, his words; the impact wasn't in any of that … it was the way he was looking at her. His eyes…
He looked at her as if… the way he looked at her made her feel beautiful. Naruto never looked at her that way. No one ever had. All over again she was feeling the same thing she felt that day in his studio when she came across his sketches.
"Sai… I…"
"Sakura! What in the hell are you doing?"
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"Sasuke."
Dark, wavering eyes turned to Naruto. They scrutinized him. Karin laughed at something a girl said to her right, his right. Both; he couldn't be sure.
"I need to talk to you."
"Naruto," he muttered in realization. "You always need to talk to me," he said idly before finishing his cup, crumbling in hand and tossing it somewhere.
"Are you drunk?" Blue eyes narrowed on Sasuke, looking serious.
"That is what you do at these parties, isn't it?"
The blonde shook his head. "Look, I need to talk to you. Can we go somewhere for a while."
He sighed. "Sure, why not." He turned to Karin. "I'll be back," he managed to get out without slurring.
"Don't take long," she hummed as he followed Naruto out of the dining room and across the living room; they walked down into the semi-crowded hallway, the same one he'd stumbled out of a week ago. Yeah, that had been the night the idiot in front of him and driven him home.
Eventually, although he wasn't sure how, Naruto found and empty guest room and shut the door behind him.
"Do you need to sit down?" he asked.
"Maybe." A short moment later he found himself in a chair. The blonde was a few feet ahead of him, pacing. Either that or he was dizzy. "Are you pacing?"
"Sorry." He stopped. Paused and looked at Sasuke. "We need to talk."
"You've already said that. I think I got it the first time." He rubbed his eyes and sighed. "Speak."
"Why is so hard for you to admit we could be friends again? I really don't understand where all of this hate comes from. You don't just hate someone. Aside from growing up a little bit I haven't really changed that much from grade school. I like sports then and it didn't seem to bother you. And you can't hate me for my friends; that's ridiculous. It's not like I am the people I hang out with. If that were true I get stoned everyday with Shikamaru."
Sasuke sighed long and with irritation in his voice. "Why the fuck are you so hung up on this, dropout? I just hate you. I do. It's that simple. Let it go.
"Can I leave now? I have a willing girl waiting on me just three shots away from a good time. And this room won't be free for much longer." He stood up, frowning as the blond blocked his path to the door. He was close; too close.
"No. We're not leaving this room until you tell me why you hate me so much."
A headache was brewing. He was always less likely to hit something when he was drunk, but, Naruto was slowly… agonizing slowly… making him rethink his position on that. "Naruto…"
"I'm not moving."
Sasuke's jaw tightened. He was in no mood now; and he knew he was in no condition to take on Naruto. That just made it worse; drugs made it worse. "Move, Naruto. Move if you know what's good for you."
"I won't." His hands set on his hips as Sasuke took a step closer to him.
Then Sasuke pushed him, pressed his hands into his chest and thrust him back. The force was enough to slam him against the door. The movement was enough to unbalance Sasuke and force him to place his hands to either side of Naruto and place himself far too close to him for his own liking.
"God, you fucking piss me off." He closed his eyes, pulling away. Somehow, stumbling as he did, he managed to make it back to his chair. His head swam and he kept his eyes closed, trying to regain clarity and failing miserably. Laughter escaped his lips and he bent forward, holding his head with one hand, elbow on his knee. "Do you really want to know why hate you?" Words he usually held in check slipped from his lips; drugs and alcohol made him feel things he usually forced down.
"Why?" Naruto's voice was quiet.
Was he frightened? It would be fitting, wouldn't it?
Sasuke sighed through another chuckle. "Because I want you."
"What…?"
Sasuke looked up at him. "Do I have to repeat myself? I want 's why I fucking hate you, dipshit. Because I want you. Because every time you walk down the hall I get fucking hard on for you, because every time you feel like laying your fucking hands on me the desire to take you over a table flashes in my fucking mind, because the memory of feeling you lips on mine won't burn itself out of my god damned brain!"
Naruto said nothing. He stood there. Staring at him as if he'd grown a third eye.
Good.
"Yeah, that's the reaction I fucking imagined," he bit off sarcastically. "Of course the one I'd get from my god damned father would be much worse. Your parents I'm sure would find my little confession worthy of fucking daytime TV.
"Good enough? Are you satisfied or do I need to explain it a little more for you, jackass?" when the blonde did nothing, still staring stupidly in shock and confusion Sasuke somehow found the sobriety within himself to stand and move to the door. He reached for the knob and turned to Naruto one final time. "No? Good. If you'll fucking excuse me I'm going to go get my sorry excuse for a girlfriend and bring her back here to fuck her brains out. I'd appreciate it if you weren't in here when I did. Of course if you want to stay around and watch, well, that gets her going too." His smile was tight before he left, slamming the door behind him.
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"Ino…"
The blonde stood before her, hands on her hips as she bore down on her loudly. Already, people were gathering, slowly coming out of the woodwork and onto the pool deck to watch whatever was going on.
"Have you lost your mind? Do you even know who you are anymore? What the hell are you doing out here with him?"
Sakura didn't have a reply for her.
"I thought you were with Naruto. Does he know you're out here with this fag?" She didn't wait for her to say anything this time. "You're supposed to be here with your friends. You do remember us, right?" she snapped off, pointing to herself. "Me, Hinata, Tenten. Your friends. Not the local circus freak.
"Have you completely forgotten who you are because of one lousy fucking school project? You know what hanging out with him anymore than what you need to for a grade will do to you. You know what everyone will say about you. Do you want to be known as the school slummer? Is all of that worth hanging out with him?
"What the fuck, Sakura? Pretty soon they're going to start saying you're a lesbian goth. Why not just dye your hair black and start wearing Tripp pants? Is that what you want?"
"I amazed you actually know what Tripp pants are, Ino. Closet goth?"
"Excuse me?" she snapped, looking over at Sai as he stood up, his things gathered and his bag over his shoulder. "Like I would ever be caught dead in anything you wear."
"I think I would have to change my wardrobe choices if you did." There was some laughter after that statement; some ohhs and someone muttering 'burn' in the crowd.
"I bet you think you're funny, emotastic. Don't you?" She turned her attention solely on him, arms crossing over her chest. "Well, you can laugh it up all you want. I think it's great that you're in love with her. But, honestly, isn't every guy in the school? I hate to break it to you, but you're not special." Ino moved her fingers in a circular pattern in front of her separately. "This whole thing you guys have going? Whatever it is, it's probably the world to you. But for her?" Ino smiled and crossed her arms over her chest again, cocking a hip out. "It's fun; that's all. Everyone of us does it, but, none of us takes it seriously. Guys like you are like a Ferris wheel; it's fun the first time, but then you realize it's just a giant wheel going around in a fucking circle."
Sai turned narrowed eyes from Ino to Sakura. "Does she speak for you?"
"Of course I do; that's because she's too nice to tell you the truth."
"Sakura…?"
She didn't look at him; she didn't move.
"Are you done?" Ino bit off.
Sai watched her a bit longer, holding onto something… he didn't know what, but, something. She didn't look up. She wouldn't… "Yeah," he muttered; he turned, striding away and towards the doors.
He could feel green eyes on his back, but, by then he couldn't find the will to look back.
Sai!
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"Sakura! Wait, Sak!"
Sakura turned around. Her hand was on the open door to the cab she'd called.
"Are you going home?" Tenten asked as she caught up with her a few cars away from the driveway.
"Yeah. I'm sorry. I need to… I can't be here right now. I would have left earlier, but, I didn't want to make a scene…"
Tenten frowned. "Sakura…"
She looked at her.
"…Why in the hell did you let her talk to you like that?"
Sakura took in a deep breath; she could feel the tears wanting to start, but, she pushed them back down again. "I don't want to talk about it right now. Not here. Maybe not for a while."
"Sakura—."
"Will you tell Naruto I left? I couldn't find him and I'm kinda glad for that. I don't want him asking me what's wrong. And if he hasn't already then he probably missed the scene outside. Just let him know I didn't feel well and needed to get home."
Tenten's eyes softened. "Let me go with you. Please. Hinata drove me and—."
"I need to be by myself for a while." She smiled, forcing and not hiding that fact for once. "I'll call you tomorrow. I promise. Besides, Hinata's having a good time with Kiba. I don't want to worry her by having you come with me. She'll want to come out and then Ino will find her way there too.
"No, it's better if I just go home by myself."
Tenten sighed in defeat. "Alright. But, call me tomorrow."
"I will." She gave her a hug before slipping into the cab. Tenten shut the door behind her.
Sakura refrained from thinking the entire ride home. The driver must have sensed her mood because he didn't even bother trying to start a conversation. Her chest hurt; her head hurt; her body ached and she just wanted to fall into her mattress and think about it all tomorrow. She wanted to cry, to cry at the look he left with on his face. She did that to him; she did. Why did it ache so much? Oh god, why did it hurt so much?
Stop, stop thinking about it, she told herself. Wait, wait until you're in your room. Don't cry in cab, she told herself.
As if by some miracle the driver stopped. "We're here, hun. That's twenty-five."
"Here, keep the change." She handed him a fifty. He deserved it, not saying anything.
"Have a good night, hun. Don't forget how to smile."
She did, for him she pulled one up. "You too," she replied before turning and walking up the drive to her house. Unlocking the door felt like a punishment; somehow though, she managed to get into her own house. Shut it behind her and sound echoed around her. She moved towards the stairs.
"Sakura?"
"Mother?" She turned, halfway up and surprised to find her there at all. Light from the library bathed out into the dark home; it shined across her mother's back. She swallowed. "You're home." She put on her best face, hoping she looked alright.
"I need to talk to you."
Sakura closed her eyes. Whatever it was she didn't want to deal with it now. "Yes?"
"You're school counselor called me today, Sakura." Her voice was soft.
"I see." Her voice felt hollow, she felt hollow. She wasn't really responding, but trying to all the same. What was this all about?
"Sakura, why didn't you tell me about your grades?"
Oh… that. "Mom… I'm really tired… can we do this tomorrow?"
"Do you realize you could go to any school in country? I had no idea."
"I didn't think it mattered," she muttered, wishing she didn't have to do this now. She was so… so…
"Of course it matters. I had no idea you so smart… Why didn't you tell me?"
…angry. Sakura smiled, bitterly and the dam broke. "I dunno… because you never asked. Maybe that's why. Or maybe because you tell me you don't want to know. Of course you never actually say it, not with your words. You do it with your eyes. You tell me, follow in my footsteps, Sakura; be what I gave everything up for you for; be perfect always, Sakura; never be late, Sakura; never disappoint anyone, Sakura, especially me." With each statement her voice rose until she was yelling; not screaming, but it was loud. The anger poured out of her.
All of it.
"Do you know how hard that is? Every day? All the damned time? Do you know how hard it is to not be myself to make you happy? To make everyone happy? I hate it," she whispered, her breath ragged. "I hate pretending so I don't upset anyone. I hate hiding Byron and Hemingway in my closet. I hate acting like an idiot when my geometry teacher wants someone to answer a question and no one knows it but me. I hate it," she whispered, voice bitter, worn and ragged. "I hate it," she stated again, knees not buckling but breaking under her as she fell to sit on the stairs. Her purse dropped from her shoulder, tumbling down the stairs and spilling cosmetics, candy, change everywhere in a way that was almost instrumentally final.
"I hate it…" she whispered again, crying into her mother's embrace, soaking her shirt, staining it as her mother rubbed her back and rocked her gently.
…
.
…
All he could hear was the engine, it poured from the car and into the cabin, roaring into his ears and screaming like a banshee on adrenalin. He slipped past cars, wove in and out of traffic. People honked at him and he couldn't hear them.
All he could hear was her laughter; all he could see was her face; all he could feel was her hand on his arm. Her smile wouldn't go away. He could draw her image in his sleep. He could still see her bent over, refusing to look at him. He could still feel the burn of her eyes scorching into his back, screaming for him to look at her.
His chest ached; his heart hammered against the wall of his ribcage, relentless.
He was losing his mind.
Lights flashed in front of him.
"Fuck." Her turned the wheel; dirt and rock alike crunched under the car and it bounced before finally coming to a stop. He inhaled deeply, sucking on air as he put the car in park, turned it off and dropped his head on the steering wheel.
He was numb.
He didn't want to move.
Why did it matter so much? Why did it hurt so much? Was it Ino, was it that she didn't even bother defending herself, or, was it that she couldn't manage to look at him when he needed her to?
No, he could care less about Ino. She'd never bothered him before; she wasn't worth being bothered over. Her words meant less to him than the shit coating his brother's engine.
"Fuck." He sat up and stared out beyond the glass barrier in front of him. Lights from passing cars flitted by in the dark; the sound of them swishing past danced in the back of his ear.
He was mess. There wasn't a person alive who could pay him to find his center… that point of reason and logic, the state of Zen he obtained while focused on a piece of work. It wasn't there; everything was in a haze on the insides; chaos ran rampant in his mind and he could really form words.
He was… he was angry.
Sai closed his eyes and allowed his body to relax, somehow.
Why?
He turned, hearing the fall of a page. In the passenger seat sat his sketchbook. His bag was on the floorboard; likely due to his earlier dirving. But, he wasn't looking at that. The book was open to a page that was dated for less than a week ago with his signature.
In pencil, even here, he couldn't seem to escape her face.
Sai leaned forward; he pressed the side of his face into the top of the steering wheel and rested his arms around where it attached to the dash.
It was then he came to realization as the full effect of the night, the week, hit him. Somehow, it all managed to come together in that one moment.
"… I'm in love with her."
AN :: So…. Yeah, I got a few reviews telling me they wanted more SaiSak in the last chapter… I didn't feel guilty, mind you. That chapter had to happen the way it did, but, I decided I should make everyone a little happier with a surprise update. ^,^ Hope you enjoyed it.