"RICKYYYYYY!" I shrieked, jumping off of the stage. I ran across the ceremonial red carpet towards my boyfriend as fast as I could and found him on the ground, rolling and coughing hysterically. A cold sweat glistened his forehead and his eyes were wide with fear. "CALL 911" I yelled as loud as I could as guests started to gather around us while I desperately tried to pry Ricky's hands away from his mouth. Grabbing ahold of his wrist and yanking it away from his face, I nearly fainted at the sight of the bright red blood sitting in the palm of his hand.
"Oh Ricky no" I mumbled inaudibly in disbelief. This wasn't happening!
"A-A-Amy!" Ricky seized, sputtering dark syrup from his cracked lips
"Its okay baby!" I whined, my vision starting to blur as I raked my fingers through Ricky's recently combed curls while keeping my right hand pressed firmly against his chin to catch his blood as he coughed.
"I-I'm s-so sorry!" He choked as a sharp cough erupted from his esophagus causing his knees to curl into his chest in response to the pain
"Amy!" I heard an unknown voice scream from somewhere in the room. Next thing I knew, Marshall was crouched down next to me, peeling Ricky's head away from the floor as he rambled into a cell phone "Prep OR 2 and see what you can do about another transplant! I'll be there in ten!" He said quickly before ending the call and dropping the phone to the floor "Amy, I'm here now. Everything is going to be alright!"
"I don't get it!" I cried, forcing Ricky's hands to his side as he instinctively balled his hands into two fists "Ricky! I know it hurts but stay with me okay!"
"I- can't- b-breath! He whispered, his eye lids starting to flutter as his lips faded into a pale shade of blue
"Yes you can! Just try!" I encouraged through tears, using the back of my hand to wipe away the disgusting snot and saliva that covered my face.
"We need to get him out of here!" Marshall stated, panicked
"I don't get it!" I said again "Why is this happening?"
"Typical organ rejection! His body is rejecting the lungs!"
"But he was on medication... you said he was doing fine!"
"I don't have time to discuss this right now Amy!" Marshall barked, unbuttoning Ricky's white flannel shirt that was now drenched in blood as a distant siren approached the school.
"A-A-Amy" Ricky wheezed, his face now a dark purple and his lips a cold blue "I-I can't..."
"No,No,No Ricky" I sobbed "You can't die! You can't leave me yet! I love you! I need you!" I grabbed Ricky's bloody hand and placed it against my graduation gown "We need you!"
"I-I love you!" He gasped, before another loud cough escaped his throat. He was dying.
"Out of the way!" A loud voice boomed as three paramedics sprinted into the large hall, gurney in hand. My dad stepped in and swooped me away from Ricky's side as the paramedics attacked him with machines and wires. As I sobbed into my mother's chest, parents and teachers began to clear the room until we were all that was left.
"Nooooo" I howled, my body starting to shake from anxiety. My mother soothed me by calmly rubbing her hands up and down my back as she cried silently, watching them fight to bring Ricky back to life. I could hear the paramedics shout out numbers for the crash cart they were using to revive him, and pressed my hands over my ears at the sound of Ricky's chest thumping against the floor over and over again.
"He's stable" Someone announced after what felt like an eternity. "Lets move!"
"Noo!" I screamed, breaking away from my mother and stopping short at the sight of my lifeless boyfriend laying shirtless on the gurney with an oxygen mask wrapped around his face and several bloody hand prints and bruises layering his chest. "I want to go with him!"
"No Amy!" Marshall shouted as him and his medical team began to push Ricky out of the room "I have to go with him! We're going to save him! I promise!"
Ignoring the strictness in Marshall's voice, I ran up beside the gurney to grab Ricky's hand hanging numbly off of the edge of his bed. "I love you!" I said sternly in Ricky's ear as more tears blurred my vision. Through my wet lashes, I saw Ricky's eyelids flutter and knew he was still in there. But for how long?
Suddenly two large hands were again wrapping themselves around my waist as I struggled to keep up with the paramedics, not inches away from their awaiting ambulance. "Amy!" My dad barked, struggling to get a hold of me as I tried to force myself away from his reach "Let him go Honey! Marshall can handle it!"
"No dad!" I cried "He needs me! Ricky needs me!"
"Bye dad!" A sweet voice called from behind me as Marshall climbed into the ambulance. I quickly turned my head to the right, realizing the farewell had come from my sister Grace. Had she been there the whole time?
"Ricky! I love you! We'll be together soon! I promise! You're going to be okay!" I shrieked hysterically in my boyfriend's direction as my dad yanked me up onto the curb of the parking lot and held me in place as I watched the ambulance doors close shut with a loud thud!. A second later, the engine started and I cried as Ricky, and the destiny I had no control over, drove out of sight.
"Can't this traffic move any faster?" I whined, beating my head against the window in the back seat of my dad's car. On my left sat my sister Grace and beside her was my sister Ashley; both who had decided to come to the hospital with me along with my mother who was sitting awfully still in the passenger seat next to my dad.
"What do you want me to do Amy?" My dad complained as he slammed his fists into the steering wheel "It's a busy road!"
"I don't know! Anything!" I muttered back as I began to chip away the dried blood settling on my finger tips and beneath my recently manicured nails "I need to be there for him!"
"Sweetie this surgery is going to take hours" My mom sniffled, turning in her seat to stretch back and look at me "Ricky won't even know if you are there or not"
"Yes he will mom. He knows I will do whatever it takes to be by his side. I love him!"
"I know you do Amy... I know you do. But you need to come to terms with the very strong possibility that you might never see Ricky again"
"DON'T MOM!" I snapped, trying to fight the lump in my throat "Just don't!"
"It's going to be okay Ames" Grace soothed, beginning to rub my back between my shoulder blades "No matter what happens. God is doing what is best for Ricky. You have to believe that"
"Well what if what's best for Ricky is not some place up in Heaven Grace?" My voice cracked and my eyes welled up with tears that were now drizzling down my face "What if what's best for him is here? With me and our - "
"Move you sonofabitch!" My father screamed at the red Honda in front of our car who was having issues making its way through the green light
"You what Ames?" Grace said, rolling her eyes at the back of my dad's head
"Just forget it" I mumbled, pushing away the tears rolling down my cheeks "How much longer dad?"
"Just a few more minutes Sweetie!" My dad called back as he sharply switched lanes "I promise!"
Hoping dearly that my father was right, I leaned again my car door and bounced my head against the window. Pulling my legs into my chest, I closed my eyes and allowed the remainder of my tears to slip through my mascara coated lashes. I opened my eyes again a minute later as the car suspiciously slowed. Peering through my window, my tear stained face erupted into a relieved smile as the hospital finally rolled into view.
I hopped out of the car along with my mother and sisters; allowing my father to pay for parking and eagerly ran into the emergency room, holding my dress by its waist to ensure I wouldn't trip and fall. Grabbing an elevator sliding closed, I rode up to the surgery wing with my family trailing behind.
"My name... is Amy.. Jeurgens.. my boyfriend.. Ricky.. Under.. wood.. came in here .. 10 minutes ago!" I cried out, out of breath from my sprint to the nurses station
"If he was brought here by ambulance, his surgery may not even be scheduled on the white board yet" A middle aged nurse in green scrubs frowned, pointing towards a large board decorated with black marker "Who's his physician?"
"Dr. Marshall Bowman" my voice cracked as I uncontrollably began to cry a new set of tears [ I blame my early pregnancy hormones more than the situation, but for now lets just say that I was a nervous wreck and about to pass out from fear ]
"Excuse me" The nurse called, swirling around to flag down an intern in a white lab coat who was flying by "Do you know where I can find Dr. Bowman?"
"He's in OR 2. Just came in with a transplant. He sent me to find out the waiting time on new lungs"
"That's him!" I screamed, both the nurse and the intern flashing me looks of concern "The transplant patient. That's my boyfriend. That's Ricky"
"Well then he is in good hands dear" The nurse replied, sending the intern on her way as my parents arrived on the floor with Ashley and Grace "Why don't you and your family take a seat in the waiting room. I will page Dr. Bowman's room to let him know you arrived"
"Thank you for your time" My mom interjected, drawing me away from the station in the fear that I would ask something else and waste more of this woman's time
"Maybe I should go back and ask her how long she thinks it will be" I sniffled as my family and I took our seats across from a young man with a broken leg and a neck brace
"It wouldn't make any difference Amy. My dad's here now" Grace replied "He knows how worried you are. He'll send someone out to see us. I'm sure of it"
I swallowed slowly, hoping Grace was right as a sudden wave of unexpected nausea overcame me, giving me the very violent urge to throw up "Umm.. Grace" I muttered, holding my stomach in my hands "Do you know where the closest... closest bathroom is?"
"Yea its down the hall and to the left... why?"
"Are you okay honey?" My mom asked concerned, moving my hair out of my face "You don't look so good. Grace, can you lead Amy to the bathroom. I think she just needs to cool down or something"
"Yea.. sureee" My sister said curiously "Follow me Ames"
Pushing myself out of my chair, determined not to keel over, I followed Grace out of the waiting room and lunged for the wooden railing on the closest wall once out of my parent's sight.
"Are you okay? You're not going to puke or anything like that right?"
"What?" I groaned "Dr. Grace can't handle a little vomit?"
"No it's not that... I just can't shake the feeling..."
With the door of the women's bathroom just a few feet away, a burning fire rose up my throat, forcing me to tune out my sister and sprint for the nearest stall. My sister entered the bathroom as I flung that morning's celebration breakfast into a dirty porcelain bowl.
Grunting, I wiped my mouth with a square of toilet paper and shuttered as I kicked down the lever to flush away the proof of the life growing inside of me. I yanked open my stall door and eagerly bee-lined for the shiny white sink next to Grace who was leaning against the marble counter with her arms drawn over her chest.
"How far along are you?" She snapped, watching me rinse out my mouth with my cupped hand
"W-what?" I sputtered water, almost whacking my chin against the automatic sink nozzle "What are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about! The baby! How far along are you?"
Shaking excess water droplets from my finger tips, I squared my posture and bit my lower lip "A couple months?" I squeaked, desperately avoiding eye contact
"Was it before or after his surgery?"
"It was the night before"
"Amy!" My sister cried, throwing her arms into the air in disbelief and horror
"What!?" I yelled back, kind of startled by my sister's expression
"He was sick Amy! You can't just go around sleeping with terminally ill patients!"
"Well excuse me if I didn't want my boyfriend to die without me at least getting to say goodbye!"
"And you had to say goodbye this way didn't you? Its so typical Amy! That's just so like you! You meet an amazing guy, get into an awesome college only to throw it all away on diapers and formula for the next eighteen years!"
"Getting pregnant didn't throw anything away okay? I love this baby and so does Ricky! He is standing by me in all of this! And I thought that of all people Grace, you were the one I could count on through all of this! But I guess I was wrong!" I said, ignoring my horrendous tears "You can yell at me all you want. Tomorrow! But right now, I have a boyfriend that needs a miracle and I would appreciate it if you could be there for him right now and not tell mom and dad about the baby. I'll tell them when I'm ready"
It took a long time for Grace to respond. She just stood there, crying and sniffling, clicking her feet against each other like she was waiting to return back to Kansas or something. "What are you going to do if he doesn't survive?" She asked quietly, as if she was scared to say those words out loud
"I've been worrying about that since the day I found out I was pregnant"
Exiting the bathroom, Grace and I walked back over towards the waiting room in silence. I had wiped away most of my smudged mascara and felt confident in my suspicion that my stomach was now too empty to send me back into that terrible bathroom that smelled of latex and window cleaner.
Turning back into the waiting area, I noticed my parents standing closely together; my mom's head buried into my father's chest with him rubbing his hands up and down her convulsing shoulders. A sick feeling erupted in the pit of my stomach as I terrifyingly made my way towards them.
"M-mom? D-dad?" I stuttered, tiny white dots dancing across my vision. I felt faint.
"Amy!" My mother sniffled, spinning away from my father to face me. Her face was swollen and her eyes were puffy. She looked just like my dad who instead, had blood shot eyes and a running nose. He only got this way when he cried.
"Amy?" A deeper, kinder voice whispered from behind me. I spun around to face Dr. Bowman in blue scrubs and a look of anguish shattering his face. The cap he often had tied around his head was in his hands, wrinkled and tear stained.
"W-w-wh-wheres Ricky, Ricky... Whe-where's Ricky?" I stammered "I-i-i- is- is Ricky, is, Ricky o-okay?" My heart was racing. Tears poured down my face. My breath was catching in my throat so badly I could barely breath. My stomach felt like it was about to explode. Ricky couldn't be dead! He just couldn't. This had to be some sort of mistake. Why wasn't anyone telling me this was some kind of mistake?
"No Amy. He's not. Unfortunately, despite the hospital's great efforts and the effort of my team, Richard Underwood died within minutes of surgery"
"NOOOHOOOOOO!"
"When we opened him up, the right lung was damaged beyond repair with the left one following shortly after. His body rejected the organ without any chance of reconstruction or transplant. He felt no pain. I am sorry for your loss. I'm so so sorry Amy"
"NOOOO!" I screamed again, tears continuously running down my face and neck. Gripping my stomach tightly, I collapsed onto my knees "RICKYYYYY!" I groaned, the sounds escaping my throat barely human "NOOOOHOOOO!"
"Amy!" My father yelled, lunging for me as I began to collapse. He grabbed me in my arms as I kicked and screamed with all my might
"RIIICCKKKYYYY!" I howled, unable to stop. Why was this happening? Why?
"Amy! That's enough! Let him go baby! He's gone! He's gone and there is nothing you can do about it!"
"I JUSTTT WANNTTTT RIICCCKKKY!" I roared into my father's chest as he wrapped his arms around me while I seized
"I know Angel. I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry"