Buzzed 13/?

-

Gus slowly made his way to the seat Buzz had offered, still looking over his shoulder at Shawn.

"I told you, Shawn'll be fine. That's just the result of a process Carlton and I go through when his self-esteem deserts him a little and he starts spouting negative crud about himself. It's not easy to do, but he says it really helps him see the truth."

"Yeah, well, it hurt Shawn."

"No it didn't. That's not pain you're seeing, it's *relief* from pain." Buzz countered, placing a thick roast beef sandwich and a glass of milk in front of Gus. "C'mon. Turn back around here and eat. Carlton's been through the ritual a hundred times. He knows what to give Shawn... what to say to him."

Gus scowled heavily, but he complied with Buzz's request.

"Oh... oh my God. This is amazing! What did you put on it?"

"Garlic mustard, grilled onions and low-fat Monterey Jack."

"Low-fat's not supposed to taste this good."

"The secret is the other flavors. They make you forget."

"Yeah, but..."

"You need to start taking better care of yourself, Gus. While Shawn's learning to trust and rely on himself, he'll be depending on you."

"True." Gus conceded, taking another bite. "Anyway, this is too incredible to let go."

"All compliments gratefully accepted."

A few minutes later, Carlton led Shawn to the bar, a supporting arm around his waist. "Hey, guys. Ready for food, are we?"

Shawn merely nodded, but Buzz knew what he'd just endured and was more than willing to let him be. Sliding a large plate in front of the younger man, he announced the contents. "Deli ham on a bulkie with brown mustard, lettuce, onion and bread-and-butter pickles. Side of celery and carrot sticks and a cranberry juice and ginger ale combo to wash it down."

Shawn gazed at him in wonder.

"How did you... I mean, when did..."

"I pay attention, kiddo. And for the love of my life, roasted turkey, watercress and light mayo on pumpernickel, potato sticks on the side. Mineral water, not too much ice."

Carlton beamed.

"I should be terrified that he knows me so well, but for some reason I find it endearing." He commented dryly then took his first bite. "You having your usual as well?"

"Of course. Tuna salad on wheat, kettle chips and Diet Pepsi."

For a while all four men dedicated themselves to the food and gave conversation a pass, but eventually lunch drew to a close. Shawn pushed his plate back an inch or two and sighed.

"Thanks. I really needed that. All of it." he said quietly, glancing at Carlton surreptitiously.

"No problem. When you're ready for another session, I'll always be available."

"I hear a ten-foot high, unspoken but."

"Possible. I'll save it for tomorrow."

Shawn shook his head, grinned lightly and turned his gaze on Buzz.

"Anything else planned for me?"

"Not on my list."

"Am I allowed to take a walk outside?"

"Sure."

"Can I tag along?" Gus asked hesitantly. "If you wanna be alone, that's okay..."

"No. No, you can come. Just... no talking, alright? I've got a crapload of stuff to process. Talking... for once I think it might dump rubber cement in the gears."

"I'm good with silence."

The pair rose and moved off, Carlton trailing behind with the key to let them out. Once the door was closed, he drifted back to the bar and was embraced gently.

"You're amazing. Utterly, completely amazing." Buzz murmured in his ear. "You've never led the cleansing ritual before, but there was no hesitation... no doubt. You just opened your heart and offered him healing. I love you more every single day..."

"It's your love that made me confident enough to try."

"They should be gone for a while, don't you think?"

"Mmm. Could be."

"What do you say we go upstairs... and I'll show you just how proud I am?"

"You always have the best ideas..."

-

SBPD:

"But, Chief... Karen, you have to listen..."

"I have, Henry. You're wrong."

"I saw him!"

"And you admit that he bolted in the opposite direction. Even if it's not what Carlton told me they were going to do, that doesn't mean Shawn is in danger. I'd trust either Buzz or Carlton with my life in a heartbeat. They'd never hurt your son and from the way Shawn acted... I'd say he's fully on board and doesn't want you interfering. I can't say I blame him."

"Excuse me?"

"Not a chance. You assumed the worst and went over there guns blazing, throwing dire threats all over the place, when you had not the slightest clue what's really going on. I wouldn't have just refused to see you, I would've called the cops and had you drop-kicked into a cell until you were willing to shut up and listen."

"You're not serious. You know Shawn! Everything he does turns into trouble one way or another..."

Vick gazed at him intently, her expression dark and solemn.

"If a circus tiger lashes out at people, they don't necessarily blame the animal."

"I tried to show him the right way! The kid doesn't listen to anybody except Gus and the voices in his head!"

"Go home, Henry. I mean it, straight there and lock the door behind you. If I hear from anybody that you went back and caused trouble, you really *will* spend the night cooling your heels in a holding cell. Understood?"

"You wouldn't dare."

"Is that right? Push your luck and see how fast it runs out."

Henry attempted to glare her into submission, but when she didn't so much as flinch, he whipped around and left the station, mumbling to himself.

"I'll fix this, damn it. I'll drag the little brat home and lock him in the basement 'till he get his head on straight... however long it takes."

-

TEN MINUTES LATER: A WODDED TRAIL BEHIND THE BAR

As they crested a small hill, Shawn halted and lightly touched Gus' wrist so that the other man would stop as well. He then gestured to a fall of deadwood and they both carefully found seats.

"We can talk, now. Matter of fact... I think we really need to."

"Okay." Gus acceded quietly.

"What... did either one of them say you couldn't tell me what they've been saying to you?"

"Nah. If you wanna know, I guess I'm free and clear."

"I do. Have they... I mean, did they put an actual *name* to what they want you to do for me?"

"Yeah. Buzz said I'm supposed to be your Dom. Not that I really get what it means, yet though. Not totally. He talked about helping you with the training he has planned and being responsible for you. He made me admit stuff... everything I've been wanting to tell you for a long time, but didn't dare say out loud. Once I spoke up... I suddenly knew I had to at least try. I *will* try, Shawn. You deserve that."

"And the... kneeling thing?"

I just don't know. One of the things I love the most about you is your independent streak... the way you fight conformity tooth and nail. I've never had that in me. Makes me a little jealous, if you wanna know the truth."

Shawn took a deep breath, held it for several seconds and let it out slowly.

"I love it, too, but the flip-side's pretty damn ugly."

"The rejection, the contempt... I know. I've watched you have to deal with it."

"What else did he say?"

"That anybody who knows what they're lookin' at could see how bad you wanted somebody to pull you up short and take control... and he didn't want somebody on the dark an' dangerous end of all this Dom/sub stuff to get their hooks into you. He said he was gonna keep on bein' your Dom, to make sure you stayed safe... unless I gave him another option."

Shawn shuddered minutely and struggled not to turn his eyes down or walk away. What Buzz and Lassiter were holding out to him was, as Gus had said, the life Shawn had been running from full tilt for as long as he could remember. But had he only tried to escape because it was being forced on him and shoved down his throat every minute of every day? Was it only his father's callous, near-brutal methods that had sent Shawn screaming away from anything resembling discipline, restraint or authority?

"Introspection sucks, Gus." Shawn confessed plaintively. "I can't stand not knowing what I'll find if I look inside..."

"You remember what my dad used to tell us to repeat when he had to take splinters out of our fingers or clean up our cuts and scrapes?"

"Guts of steel, hurt to heal. I still say it."

"Me too."

"It still works."

"Yeah, it does."

"Gus..."

Unable to make anything more emerge from his tight throat, Shawn slid forward off the piled up wood and went to his knees in front of his best friend. Now it was Gus' turn to hold his breath.

-

TBC...