CHAPTER THIRTEEN: BEEN THERE, DONE THAT
Erin didn't take the next day off work, although she probably should have. Both Jay and Voight knew that she needed to take a step back and look after herself, but they also knew her well enough that she would never agree to leave behind the job that gave her a reason to keep going.
So she did. She worked her hardest, burying herself in alibis and leads and witness statements, scrolling through Facebook profile after Facebook profile and watching traffic cam video after traffic cam video, trying to find peace in another clue; Jay looked up at her every now and then and every single time, she seemed to be engrossed in the case, her whole body alert and poised in concentration and anticipation. But he knew her better than that: he knew that her eyes weren't focusing on the words on the screen in front of her, the license plates were jumbling and her suspects were blurring together.
She felt numb.
"How is she?" Burgess came up behind Jay's desk. The noise in the bullpen – keyboards typing and the coffee machine brewing and Ruzek's voice on the phone to some person of interest – was enough that Erin's ears didn't quite pick up on her friends' whispers behind her back.
Jay sighed. "She's devastated. She says she's fine, and I know that she's trying to be for me, but she's absolutely crushed."
"I'm sorry it didn't work out," Burgess rested a hand on Jay's shoulder. "But for what it's worth, she still has you. I know that having Adam there for me back when I was going through everything with Nicole made all the difference."
"Yeah, I know."
"Do you mind if I talk to her? I have an idea of how to cheer her up." A smile crept onto Burgess's face and her eyes began to light up at the idea that was formulating itself in her brain.
"By all means," Jay said.
Burgess grinned.
"Are you gonna be okay?" Jay asked Erin. A few days had gone by since Avery's rejection of her offer, and Erin was still upset. Hiding it, sure, but she wasn't quite back to her usual self. She was curled up on the couch, a pillow to her chest, flicking through television channels. Documentaries, to be precise, which was how Jay knew she needed comfort.
"Yeah! For the last time, Jay, I will be fine. Go out and have fun with your brother, for God's sake!"
He almost laughed at her tone of voice. "Okay. Fine. I'll be back around eleven, and I'll text you when I'm on my way home."
Just then, the doorbell rang.
"That's probably Will." He made his way to open the door. "Don't eat all the ice cream."
She looked mildly offended. "Shut up," she laughed, and lobbed the cushion at his head. He ducked, but a shocked looking Burgess got a face full.
"Well," she said, and Erin snorted, her hand jumping to her mouth in embarrassment. "Sorry…"
Burgess shifted slightly in the doorway and Erin strained her neck when she saw that there were more figures behind her: Gabby and Natalie.
"What are you guys doing here?" she asked.
"We are here to cheer you up, and to make you stop feeling guilty over what happened with Avery," Natalie said. She smiled. Her eyes were kind and her heart was warm, and Erin could feel the love radiating from her friends the second they stepped over the threshold, Jay gesturing for them to enter as he held the door open.
"It was Burgess's idea," Gabby explained. "She thought you could use a little pick me up, and since Matt is at a conference tonight and apparently I'm good at the whole 'tough love' thing, they brought me along, too."
Erin raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"
Gabby grinned. "Yes, really. You did everything you could, and that girl is stupid for not seeing that. Now move over," she tapped Erin's legs and flopped down onto the couch next to her, pulling her friend in for a hug.
Natalie followed, carrying two purses, from one of which she pulled out a six pack of beer. At Erin's baffled expression, Gabby snorted.
"I'm also here for the booze," she said. "I own a bar, you know. Molly's. You might have heard of it."
They laughed. "Yeah, come to think of it, that does ring a bell…" Natalie smiled at their friend's sense of humor.
"Wait, Nat, if you're here, and Jay and Will are going out, who's looking after Owen?" Erin frowned.
"Jay and Will are not going out, actually," came Jay's voice from behind the couch where the four girls had managed to squeeze into. "I'm just going over there to chill with Will for the evening."
Erin smiled up at him, reaching her hand to cover his, which he had laid on her shoulder. "You knew about this?" she asked.
"Yeah. You need cheering up. Spend time with your friends. They love you, and I love you, and we need you to be happy."
"Thank you," she whispered. Her eyes filled with tears. What had she done to deserve someone who loved her as much as Jay did?
"You girls have fun!" Jay said. "I'm gonna head out. And," he pointed at them in mock seriousness, "Don't eat all the ice cream."
They laughed. Jay grabbed his keys from the mantelpiece and disappeared into the hallway.
"I'm looking at you, Gabby!" he called.
"Not cool, babe!" Erin yelled back.
Gabby snorted. "Still too weird?" she asked.
"Just a bit," Erin nodded, screwing her nose up at the reminder that her boyfriend had dated one of her best friends.
Jay laughed from the other room, and they heard the door closing behind him.
"So," Burgess said. "Where do you keep the ice cream?"
Erin chuckled, and looked around at the three outstanding women around her. Burgess and Natalie clinked wine glasses while Gabby swigged from a beer bottle; heads tossed back in laughter, eyes creased with elation as they discussed the things that needed to be discussed and laughed away all the burdens that each woman had settled on her shoulders.
"So Kim," asked Gabby in her typical way.
"Mmm-hmm?" Burgess mumbled through a mouthful of the mint choc chip ice cream that Natalie had retrieved from the kitchen a few minutes previously.
"What's the deal with you and Ruzek?"
Burgess choked slightly on her ice cream at the suddenness of the question. "Uh," she said, when she had regained enough dignity despite her blushing cheeks to form a coherent sentence. "There is no deal. We're…"
"Girl, if you say you're 'just friends' right now I am going to punch you," Gabby raised an eyebrow, and Burgess blushed even harder. Erin and Natalie looked at each other and giggled slightly.
"Well, then. We're taking things slow," she said.
"That's good," said Natalie, "If it's what the both of you want. As long as you're being honest with each other, that is."
Burgess sighed. "I think we both want to get back together and make things official, but we also don't want to put any strain on our professional relationship, you know? After all the – no offense, Erin – relationship drama that Voight has had to put up with over the years, it isn't really fair."
Erin shrugged. "At least you don't have to deal with him acting like an overprotective father, too."
"Yeah, fair point," Burgess laughed.
"Anyway, Voight got over mine and Jay's split easy enough, and then he knew that we were both pretty broken up when I left for New York, and he was practically begging us to get back together by the time I made it back home."
Burgess just looked at her, an eyebrow raised. "Because Jay was having mental breakdowns and his PTSD was spiraling. You probably saved his life."
Erin took a deep, shuddery breath, remembering the circumstances that had brought her back to Chicago. They were terrifying circumstances that had her clenching her fists on the flight over so hard that her knuckles turned white and her fingernails pierced the palms of her hands and left scars. Every time she opened her hands she was reminded of Voight's voice down the phone, after he had gone to her apartment, just because he was her dad and he missed her, and had found Jay sitting in the middle of the floor with a gun in his hand and his face so pale he almost had to check him for a pulse, his forehead covered in beads of sweat so pristine they were like fresh dewdrops on an April's morning, his entire body shaking so hard that the sergeant had dropped to his knees in front of the detective and begged him to calm down. Every time Erin looked at her hands, she remembered the way they had stroked Jay's hair when he had been taken to the psychiatric ward of Chicago Med; the way they had wrapped around Will when he heard the news and came running to see his brother; the way they had held Jay together as they curled up on their couch together, watching David Attenborough all night, and how she watched him, without sleeping, for days on end.
Jay had his scars from Afghanistan, but some of them were on her body too.
Burgess seemed to have noticed the look that came over Erin's face when she had been reminded of what had happened to warrant Voight's blessing – for the second time – of their relationship. "I'm sorry, Erin. I didn't want to bring up old wounds."
Erin shook her head. "No, it's okay. But Burgess, Voight gave his blessing to you and Adam once, too. I'm sure he'd do the same again."
Burgess laughed at that. "I was shot. He didn't really have a choice. It was give his blessing or promote me – and he chose the former."
"As I seem to recall, he actually did both. You were the one who turned down the Intelligence offer."
Burgess shoved Erin's shoulder jokily. "Okay, fine. But I still don't think he'd be sold on the idea a second time around."
Gabby and Natalie had been quiet, but now it was their turn to speak up. "If it makes you feel better, it took me and Casey several near death experiences before we realized our feelings for each other."
Natalie looked slightly alarmed. "Okay, now I feel left out. Mine and Will's story seems a bit lukewarm in comparison. You guys should sell the movie rights, I would pay to watch some of those stories."
Gabby laughed. "Hmm, I'm not so sure. I think people would get a bit bored of just seeing Casey and I being rushed into hospital every two minutes. It's not quite as glamorous as you might think."
"Trust me," Natalie laughed. "I know."
"Well, at least neither me nor Jay has been shot, I guess," Erin offered, slowly regaining her usual banter, "Or been trapped inside a burning building…oh, no wait. My bad. Been there, done that."
"Shut up!" Natalie laughed.
"Also," Gabby raised a finger. "Jay has been shot."
Erin rolled her eyes. "Oh my God, don't remind me. Was this before or after you guys slept together?"
Gabby snorted. "Both, actually," she mumbled through a mouthful of ice cream, and then dodged to avoid the pillow that came hurtling through the air, aimed at her head. The girls laughed.
"Anyway," she continued when she had returned to an upright position. "You guys are only together because of me."
Erin scoffed. "Since when?!"
"Well, since I was the one who got Jay shot, and Jay was promoted to Intelligence because of it and because Antonio wanted to thank him for helping me out with the whole Molly's situation, and you guys met because of this promotion, you should really be thanking me."
In spite of herself, Erin laughed loudly. "Mmm. Well then. Thank you. Next time maybe you could try setting people up without bullets?"
Gabby shrugged. "It's not as dramatic, but sure."
"So changing the subject," Burgess tried, strategically steering the conversation towards some slightly more user-friendly topics that didn't involve PTSD, burning buildings, bullet wounds, or anything that could lead to death, "Have you got any wedding plans that you're willing to disclose yet, Natalie?"
"Ooh, yes!" Gabby squealed. "I love big white weddings! Tell us everything, Nat, pretty pleeeease." She batted her long eyelashes and pouted, gazing up at her friend with her big brown eyes. Natalie chuckled.
Erin raised an eyebrow at Gabby's enthusiasm. "You and Matt got married in your sweaty turnout gear."
Burgess snorted, and Natalie tried to stifle a giggle.
"Um. That is so not the point," Gabby said indignantly, but Erin was grinning.
Natalie reached over Gabby's legs, which were draped over her lap, and grabbed her purse, from which she drew a huge wedding scrapbook.
"No way!" Burgess's eyes lit up. "Hey guys, remember when Adam and I were engaged, and Platt gave me her old wedding planner?"
Erin laughed. "That old thing? Really?"
"Oh my God, I think she showed it to me as well. After her wedding, when me and Casey moved back in together," Gabby said too.
"Well, hopefully this is a bit more elegant than your Sergeant's?" Natalie chuckled, and handed her friends the book. They opened it and devoured it hungrily, letting out 'aw's and 'ah's and little gasps whenever they saw something gorgeous. Erin's eyes met Natalie's over Gabby and Burgess's heads, which were buried in the book, and they smiled at each other.
Thank you, Erin mouthed. She didn't say for what, but Natalie knew.
Just being there with her, being normal, being friends, was enough.