Huge squishy hugs to Satyrykal! She beta-read this chapter, told me it was one of her favourites so far (cue me doing a happy dance that may or may not end in me doing a crummy version of the Robot.).

Correction: It definitely does end in me doing a terrible version of the Robot. :)

Plus, when I begged her this morning to look over some last-minute revisions, she answered me within minutes! She did what she she always does, pouring her Rumpelstiltskin magic into my story and making everything better. I'm beyond grateful.

Hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Chapter Fourteen: Still A Bad Idea

Lucy stared into pitch-black nothingness—the type of darkness that makes you question if your eyes are even open. She waved her own hand in front of her face, but couldn't see a thing. She could only feel course matted fur and smell the stench of the vulcan who held her.

Ugh, these things reek.

"Lucy! I think it's sirens luring the boys!" Erza called out from somewhere inside the cave.

Sirens. That made sense. The stuff of lore, but their music was supposed to seduce males and repulse females.

"I can save Natsu!" Happy cried out from somewhere behind her, his voice sharper while her other senses were dulled.

"Happy don't! Natsu is hypnotized, he'll fight you off if you try to stop him!" She yelled in warning. "He's under a spell and has no idea what's going on. In the state he's in, he can kill you!" She heard Happy's soft, blubbery sobs answer back, but she couldn't concentrate on him. She needed to think.

Lucy tried to remember everything she knew about the fabled sea creatures. They lived in almost any body of water—as long as they could lure enough men to feast upon—they were content. Their booming voices could cover vast distances to ensnare their victims. Once under the siren's spell, any man they held was enslaved.

Which was bad news for them, because although the siren couldn't use Gray's ice or Natsu's fire, the boys themselves were now enthralled and would fight until their last breath to be by the siren's side. They would walk straight off this mountain to the source of the music if they had to. Sirens didn't care what shape their quarry came in.

Lucy had read of men with fractured legs or ribs—oblivious to injury—dragging their broken, bleeding bodies toward their doom. Frantic. Frenzied. Fighting any who would dare try to stop them. The siren would lie wait, luring men to her side...

Only to drown them.

The noise of the creature's call grew slightly fainter. She must somehow have known the boys had been caught like fish on a hook. Now it was only a matter of reeling in the fresh meat.

Not on your life you're getting Natsu and Gray!

Lucy tried to struggle in the ape-like creature's grasp, but his hold was too strong. The vulcan started pawing at her backside.

"Let me go, you pervert!"

"Women! We have pretty women!" Its voice heavy and laced with lust. More hairy hands touched her – petting her blonde locks, her arm, her boot. Hemming her in from all sides.

"We need to get rid of these things, then we can deal with the sirens!" Erza cried out in the darkened depths of the cavern.

Lucy didn't need asking twice. She knew every gate key she owned by feel alone and the putrid beasts hadn't realized these were her weapons.

With only some reluctance, she peeled a hand away from one ear, pressing it further into the disgusting vulcan's shoulder to dampen out the noise, getting a good whiff of rank monkey. She gagged as she grabbed the key she needed.

"Open! Gate of the Lion – Leo!" She called out. A flash of light bounced crazily for an instant, illuminating the stalactites above them, the brown limestone walls… and the darker, more menacing forms of the vulcans.

"Hello, beautiful," Leo greeted as he appeared before her, a familiar smirk gracing his features.

"Not a good time, Leo," Lucy muttered at her flirtatious spirit. The smelly baboon holding her squished her ribcage even tighter, almost popping her lungs. His gorilla friends crowded around her. Loke gave off a hazy glow, illuminating a wide circle around him.

The yeti-like beasts started thumping their chests, jumping up and down at the newcomer male in their midst, their voices agitated.

"No man! Lake! Lake! You go lake! We keep women!" A vulcan next to her cried out. Lucy narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

Leo was pushing his periwinkle sunglasses up the tip of nose with his index finger, tilting his head to the side as he listened to the horrible wailing the sirens were still making.

"I hate to break it to you morons, but siren calls don't work on celestial spirits," Leo said smoothly, but he gave her a concerned glance. "You're running out of magic, Lucy. We need to do something fast."

The one holding her stroked her hair, she tried to shove his hand away, but it ignored her. Her squirming and struggling was about as effective as using a fly swatter to fend off a shark. The vulcan snorted, snot dripping down his face.

These things are disgusting! I need to get out of here.

"Loke, can you quit standing around and do something?" she begged.

"It would be easier if they were somehow distracted…" Loke mused, adjusting his tie.

"I doubt these perverts are going to get distracted! They didn't care at all about Natsu or Gray leaving. All they want is me and Erza and they have both of us right now, so whatever you're thinking of doing, hurry up!"

Lucy paused after the words left her mouth. That was weird. Why had the hairy gorillas let the boys go? But the creeps were only interested in women and sirens were only interested in men, so maybe somehow the water creatures and perverted beasts had struck up some sort of deal.

Her stomach twisted.

It would seem so.

Loke hummed for a moment before snapping his fingers. "Lucy...let's use you as bait."

"What?" She couldn't have heard him right.

"Well Gorgeous, something you and I have in common is our insane sex appeal," Loke preened a bit, brushing his knuckles against the lapel of his suit jacket.

Are we seriously talking about this right now? Lucy stared at him in disbelief, but her lion spirit was still jabbering away.

"We both have the gift of being able to infatuate the opposite sex. I'll get the vulcan that's holding you to release you, then you seduce the group. While they're watching you, Erza can cut them down."

"Are you kidding me?" She balked at the idea. It was so sick and twisted and just plain wrong.

Plus I'm too cute to be monster bait!

Then she took a second to consider it, blinking a few times. Loke was right; she was using way too much magic. And these things did seem pretty stupid and desperate for women.

But these things are so repulsive!

Then one of her captor's friends caressed her, a paw dragging up her rib cage, coming way too close to her breasts.

She let out an indignant yelp. This plan had better work! "Okay, I'll try it! Just get these dirty monkeys off of me!"

Loke started making strange noises. His voice came out harsh and animalistic, a series of grunts tumbling from his lips.

The rancid apes looked at the lion spirit in total shock. The one holding her chattered back to him. It sounded like it was asking a question. That's when it dawned on her that they were speaking a different language. Loke gave an affirming growl back.

Yeah, don't include me in this conversation! I'm only the bait!

Fucker.

But whatever Loke had said, it worked, because the pervert gorilla let her go. She floundered for an instant on wobbly legs, shambling to Loke's side.

"Mind telling me what's going on around here?"

"You're going to dance for them," Loke supplied, a shit-eating grin spitting his face in half. He was enjoying this way too much. She should've guessed it would be something like that.

"You better be right about this…" she warned, flexing her fingers in agitation. This was so humiliating!

The repugnant troop of baboons gathered in a tight circle around the gleaming spotlight that Loke's magic cast just by him standing near her. She unceremoniously dropped her jacket off her shoulders...which had the hairy beasts hooting and thumping their chests.

For a winter parka.

Yeah, Loke was definitely right about this.

She lifted her arms and started swaying her hips, closing her eyes to concentrate on her movements. Lucy shut out the sight of the salivating vulcans. She let a song fill her head and started moving more rhythmically. Her hands lifted to smooth back her hair, then she ran one hand from her neck straight down to her belly button.

The ugly apes started going nuts, jumping up and down in excitement, their boisterous voices chanting: "More women! More women! Show, show, show!"

What a bunch of perverts.

But Lucy tantalizingly played with the edge of her skirt, lifting it an inch, and even though she had on thick leggings so you couldn't see anything, the troops went wild.

She could see Erza behind the vulcans, now in her Black Wing Armor, slashing away at the besotted hairy creeps.

Even as their comrades fell around them, the dirty monkeys couldn't tear their eyes off the blonde mage writhing in front of them. She was more than happy to take advantage of their stupidity while her friend cut them down.

Lucy started using some of the moves Cana had taught her, rubber spine bending back, twisting and posing to show her assets at best advantage. Incoherent catcalls and grunted cheers filled the cavern. They didn't even try to fight or defend themselves when the requip wizard ran them through with her sword.

The remaining vulcans met their Maker with their eyes full of Lucy Heartfilia, their pea-sized brains full of lewd thoughts and lovesick smiles on their faces.

There are worse ways to go, if she said so herself.

Erza slaughtered them like spring lambs being led to slaughter. Soon, the stellar wizard, requip mage and crafty celestial spirit found themselves alone in the cave. The redhead made her way to Lucy's side, wiping her blade clean on a strip of cloth.

"I can't believe that actually worked," Erza said in utter shock as she stared at the circle of dead beasts surrounding them.

"Lucy has many gifts." Loke smiled in satisfaction.

Even though the ginger-haired spirit hadn't fought the vulcans, just holding his gate open was getting to be too much for her.

"Loke, you're brilliant. Now please promise me I never have to do that again," she pleaded, leaning her weight to one side.

"I certainly didn't mind watching," Loke waggled his eyebrows at her, his form wavering.

Her magic was burning up like a gasoline-soaked rag in a bonfire. She was running on embers. Loke knew it, too.

"I have to leave now, beautiful. I'll always be here for you, though. Your valiant knight." Loke's form flickered for a second, then vanished as he closed his gate.

"Thank you, Loke," she whispered.

I will always do as you bid, Lucy. Our love makes us stronger, Loke's mind-voice was dark and seductive inside her head. She could feel her cheeks heating up.

Please don't be creepy, she thought back to him. In her mind's eye, she could almost see him giving her a jaunty wink. She staggered forward, crumpling to her knees as a wave of exhaustion hit.

Erza was beside her in an instant – helping put her coat back on. She half-pulled, half-dragged the blonde alongside her. Lucy's head was ringing and she was nauseated.

"Excellent work, Lucy. I was unable to reach my weapons while the sirens were using their full strength. My focus was weak." Erza looked shamefaced for a moment but shook it off. "Very good work with distracting them. I must say, your unusual relationship with your spirit Loke surprised me. It's that type of creativity that makes you a good teammate," Erza praised. Lucy flushed with pleasure and embarrassment.

The redhead's face darkened. "Although I still can't believe that the boys were so easily defeated," Erza sniffed, "All it took was a bit of noise to capture them? Those morons really need to work on their defensive magic."

"Uh...thanks?" She wasn't really sure what to say, but it never hurt to thank The Titania.

She was starting to get her second wind and was able to walk without relying on Erza. The redhead requipped back into her Heaven's Wheel Armor with a grim look of determination on her face.

"I'm happy to help, but how do we get the boys back?" Lucy asked. The sooner they were out of this cave, the better.

Surely they had cleared Mt. Hakobe of pervert gorillas and had earned their reward. But who knew what other monsters were lurking around? Lucy didn't want to stick around and find out. They had more than enough on their plates already.

"The lake is to the East, but you should conserve your strength. I can fly for a short distance wearing this armor. I just have to hope it will be enough. Happy can carry you." Erza broke off to adjust a buckle on a boot then continued.

"But be warned, once the sirens realize we're trying to rescue the boys, they will get louder to force them into the water even faster. Natsu and Gray will attack anyone who tries to stand in their way. Once the sirens spot us, they will try to pull the pair of them in as fast as possible. We need to get to the lake before the boys do and take out the sirens from there. Once they are defeated, the spell holding those two idiots hostage will disappear."

Only Erza would call someone an idiot for being hexed against his will.

"Okay, but what happens to us when the sirens start singing full throttle again?" Lucy asked. Even with the sirens voices becoming fainter, it was still agony to talk to the requip wizard without her hands fastened over her ears.

And the noise was dimming. She assumed that the closer the boys got to the lake, the less strength the sea-witches needed to use to pull them in.

Not good. We need to act fast.

Erza glowed for a moment as she reached into the nether sphere. She was still wearing her Heaven's Wheel Armor when she returned, but with a pair of white earmuffs on her head. She held a second pair of pink earmuffs out to Lucy. The blonde plopped them over her ears just as they reached the cave's opening and sweet, sweet daylight.

I'm never coming back to Mt. Hakobe again, she vowed.

Erza started sprinting down the mountain. Happy grabbed Lucy by her coat's hood, lifting her into the air without a snarky comment about her weight. She grimaced. That's how she knew they were in dire straits.

"Those earmuffs will dampen the sound. Sirens never sing alone, so I suspect we will be facing two or three of these things. It's important that we take them out as quickly as possible. Got it?"

Erza stopped running, standing close to the mountain's edge. Happy had Lucy dangling two feet off the ground, giving her a clear view of the precipice below. The blonde looked down.

Sheer vertigo.

All she could see was snow, ice, rocks and certain death.

Erza spread the metallic wings of her armor.

"Ready?"

"Aye sir! – "

"– No!"

Lucy was trying to cycle her legs backward in the air. She didn't want to do this; she did not want to do this.

"I can smell the horrible singing fishies! I'll lead you to them!" Happy declared and without any warning whatsoever, dove off the mountain cliff with Lucy in his paws.

"I'm going to die!" Lucy screamed, as the rush of air hit her face like one of Erza's supposedly pulled punches. The hard beautiful ground was long gone behind her and only bone-shattering death awaited her now.

She scrunched her eyes closed. It was one thing to see Natsu being flown around by Happy, it was quite another to experience it for herself. She didn't like this. Not in the slightest.

"You worry too much," Happy sniffed. He zigzagged through the air, beating his wings fast.

"I'm so not ready for this," she confessed with a whimper. It wasn't what she wanted her last words to be, but she didn't have anything better. She covered her eyes with both hands, praying this would all be over soon.

After several minutes that felt like hours, she heard Erza give a sharp hiss. She reluctantly uncovered her eyes to see an expanse of water practically underneath them. They were almost at the lake.

The siren's call abruptly changed, the noise deafening—shrill and urgent. Lucy clamped her hands over her earmuffed ears.

"Uh oh, I think we've been spotted," Happy called.

Erza is flying with metal silver wings that span eight feet! So chances were pretty damn good we'd be seen! Lucy gnawed on her tongue to keep the words from coming out.

Not like her parachuting in on a flying blue cat was much better.

Stealth! Learn it, live it, love it!

Erza might be amazing in every other aspect, but they were definitely going to have to talk about mastering the fine art of subtlety when this mission was over.

Happy didn't seem to be affected at all by the siren's song. He was a cat, after all. Lucy was grateful for that, because she was having a hard time concentrating on anything. The noise was so repugnant that every fiber in her being was urging her to flee.

Run fast and run far.

"Since they've obviously spotted us, we might as well get as close as possible to take these bitches out!" She yelled to Erza.

"Good idea, Lucy! I'll take the one on the left, you take the one on the right!" The requip wizard commanded.

Now that Happy was flying closer, Lucy could make out two scrawny women sitting on a large boulder about a hundred feet away from the shoreline.

One had stringy blonde hair, the other was almost bald with a few wiry stands of black over her misshapen skull. Both were naked. It was not a good look on them. Saggy breasts and flabby stomachs.

As Happy got closer, Lucy could make out their features… glassy yellow eyes without eyelids, flat almost noseless faces. Their skin was bloated with sickly pale grayish blue scales covering their entire bodies.

Lucy was taken aback. She expected sirens to look almost like mermaids, but these things didn't even have fishtails for legs. They looked more like drowned corpses.

Lucy knew mermaids were beautiful and exceptionally kind, often rescuing sailors lost at sea. Her prior guild had picked a name that was as strong and as ethereal as the creatures whose guildmark they carried.

The duet of singing sirens, on the other hand, were like some mutant fish humanoid: ugly as sin.

"Kkkarrghhh!" The sirens bleated at them and Lucy thought her ears might start bleeding. The blonde siren ducked below the surface of the water as Erza instantly requipped into her Sea Empress Armor, diving in after her.

Happy landed with the stellar mage on the shore's edge. Lucy already had the golden gate key in her hand.

"Open, gate of the water bearer – Aquarius!" Lucy plunged the key into the lapping waves at the shore.

Only to have nothing happen. Her magic was burnt out. She didn't have anything left to call the celestial mermaid. She sat back on her heels in shock. She had never called so many of her friends in such rapid succession before, but she had been sure this would work.

"Please. Aquarius, I need you!" she begged, trying to find one spark of magical energy inside herself to open the celestial gate. But she felt nothing. Nothing!

She grabbed Horologuim's silver key since it required much less power to open his gate. He could keep the boys safe! But instead of feeling the familiar glowing warmth of her magic rippling down her arm, she felt only hollow and empty. A helpless sob escaped her throat. She didn't have a drop of energy left.

Why did I waste so much magic earlier? Summoning Horologuim because Gray flustered me? Choosing Virgo when she was no help whatsoever? In fact, if I had called Loke first and he suggested the dancing, maybe the sirens wouldn't have gotten Natsu and Gray to begin with!

She crumpled on the ground, sobbing. The siren seemed to realize she was helpless as a smirk twisted up the creature's ugly face, revealing long, razor-pointed teeth like an anglerfish.

"What's the matter, Lucy?" Happy asked.

"Ha…Hap...Happy. I can't do it. I can't...I can't open a gate," she confessed between sobs. But she didn't have time to dwell on it because the sea-bitch sent a tidal wave toward her. Happy latched onto her back, swinging her into the air to avoid the impact.

High in the sky, she could see Gray and Natsu in the distance. They were running through the shale and dirt, getting closer by the second. The siren redoubled her volume.

This stupid siren with her stupid fucking screaming that never stops!

It was like a slap on the face for her. She hadn't made the best choices for her spirits, but she was going to stand and fight. She refused to cower.

"Happy, let me down! We have to stop them from going into the water!"

The blue exceed dropped her too soon, about five feet above the ground, but Lucy stuck the landing.

Yoga, bitch!

She turned to the siren, wishing she had a spear to gut this hideous thing, just to get it to shut the hell up.

"Grab a rock or something! Try to knock the boys out! If they can't walk, they can't get to the water. We need to buy some time until Erza gets back!"

"Aye, sir!" Happy nodded his head firmly.

They both grabbed a rock and Lucy got her whip out. Worst case scenario, maybe she could bind one of the boys' legs together and tie them to a tree. She remembered something like that from The Odyssey, a book Levy had made her read.

Then quizzed her on.

Twice.

… Since she hadn't passed the first time.

Her thoughts dispelled as Gray and Natsu came running into view. Happy flew over his foster-father's head. That left her with the ice mage. He was coming up fast, running full-tilt. His sapphire eyes glazed over, unseeing as he charged up the sandbar. She stood fast, blocking his way to the water. She lashed out her whip, but upon seeing her attack, Gray was faster. Dozens of ice lances appeared in the air. They launched swiftly, ready to impale her.

Her whip fell from suddenly numb fingers – a soft, dull thud as the black leather hit wet sand. Lucy saw the multitude of frost lances speeding toward her with no way to dodge in time.

She closed her eyes, sending a last thought to Gray and Natsu.

I'm dead...and I couldn't save you guys. I'm sorry…

Only to open them a moment later when she realized she hadn't been killed.

"Juvia?" Lucy uttered in disbelief. The blunette was in front of her, the ice lances gone. She was holding Gray trapped in a raised water dome above them.

"Love rival or not, you are Juvia's friend. Gray-sama must be saved! Juvia heard what you said. My water lock contains no oxygen, Gray-sama will soon pass out," her friend assured her.

"What about Natsu?" Lucy asked anxiously, twisting around to try to spot him.

"I got 'im, Lucy! The rock worked!" Happy called cheerfully, dragging the inert body of the fire mage into view.

A blast of water hit them from all sides, just as Gray froze and shattered the liquid bubble he'd been trapped within. He landed with a splash in the lake and started swimming toward the screeching creature.

"Juvia, if Gray reaches the siren, she'll kill him!" Lucy called out while she plunged herself further into the waves.

The rain woman was ahead of her in seconds. This was the blunette's element, not hers. Juvia gave a low growl and two water cyclones formed a double helix, whirling toward the craggy rock the mutant fish freak sat upon.

Only Gray was too close to Juvia's spell – he was sucked up and lifted fifty feet high into the vortex.

A desperate, ragged cry tore from her throat.

"Gray!" Lucy helplessly reached out an arm.

"Gray-sama!" Juvia released the cyclones and Gray went into freefall, his back and shoulder blades hitting the edge of the boulder. The sea-bitch reached out a clawed hand, catching him by the wrist. A triumphant smile widened her predatory, fanged mouth.

"Ow! What? What the hell?" Gray yelped before he was plunged into the frigid depths by the creature.

Gray! He had talked!

Frosted sheets of film formed on the water. Gray jettisoned himself above the girls on his ice make slide.

"I don't know what the actual fuck is going on, but go to hell, you scaly bitch!" His magic swirled for a moment, then a large, frozen bow and arrow appeared. Gray slotted the arrow against the bowstring, nocking it quickly and aimed directly at the siren's chest. The released projectile blurred as it shot past, far faster than the eye could follow.

Only to be blocked by the siren's palm. The ice bolt shimmered in mid-air for a moment, then the scaly bitch flicked her hand and the weapon became droplets falling harmlessly into the lake around them.

Juvia resumed her attack in earnest, sending her water slicer at the siren, while Gray made two ice swords, lunging at the creature. Lucy watched as Gray and Juvia fought, seeming to coordinate their attacks effortlessly.

And what was she doing?

Doggy paddling in a grimy lake. Waiting on the sidelines. Utterly spent of magical energy and therefore completely useless.

Lucy dragged herself back to the water's edge, pulling herself onto the sand. Her friends were all fighting and she couldn't do anything to help them. She didn't even have Natsu's excuse of being knocked out.

I'm weak. Juvia should be part of Team Natsu, not me.

She barely registered when Erza exploded out of the lake like a cannon shot, joining the fray.

Somehow, between the three Fairy Tail wizards, the horrible shrieking finally stopped. She didn't even care who landed the final blow on the scaly-ass bitch. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that she was an incompetent wizard who probably didn't even deserve to be part of Fairy Tail.

Juvia collapsed to her knees when she reached the sandbar and Gray caught her before she fell over completely. His jacket and shirt were gone, his bare chest glistening with water droplets, the blue guild mark on his right pectoral muscle looking almost black in the hazy sunlight.

He bent over the blunette, his face showing concern as he helped her regain her footing.

Well, this is just perfect, Lucy thought. A shitty end to an even shittier day. Gray didn't look flirty, per se, but he was treating Juvia gently and far kinder than Lucy had seen in the past.

"Are you alright?" he asked the rain woman.

She glowed pink, but her smile of gratitude was unmistakable. "Thank you, Gray-sama. Juvia is just tired from the fight. It will take a few minutes to recover."

"You did a stupendous job," Erza praised, slapping a gauntlet-covered hand across Juvia's shoulders. The blunette winced. "I don't think we would've defeated the sirens without you."

"How did you even know we were here?" Lucy asked glumly. Not that she was ungrateful to Juvia for saving her life.

Her friend's face went scarlet. "Juvia...followed you. Juvia read the mission at the guild yesterday and wanted to keep an eye on Gray-sama."

"That's creepy," Lucy blurted out before she had a chance to think. Gray and Erza stared at her in astonishment.

It is creepy! She thought defensively.

Erza cleared her throat. "While I don't approve of you following us, there's no denying your help was needed."

Gray was rubbing the back of his neck, shifting from one foot to the other awkwardly. "Uh… yeah. I'm not entirely sure what happened, but I'm pretty sure you just saved my life back there. So… thanks."

Her cornflower eyes grew twice as big. "Does this mean Gray-sama is ready to return Juvia's love?"

"Can you please just stop acting like such a whack job?" he begged, absentmindedly patted his front pockets. "Man, I need a smoke."

"No, you don't. You gave up that disgusting habit seven months ago." Erza told him sternly. "And if I so much as catch a whiff of tobacco on you, I will personally come back here with your mutilated body in chum buckets and feed you to the sea."

Whoa, she doesn't mess around.

Turning Gray into fish food sounded gruesome. And a complete waste of a hot sexy man.

Gray turned out his empty pockets to show he wasn't hiding some soggy, ruined cigarettes and gave the redhead a sour look. "I know. I'm just saying it's been a tough day."

"Hey guys, I think Natsu is waking up," Happy called from a half dozen feet away. They turned immediately in his direction, taking in the shifting form lying on the sand.

The four wizards rushed over, the fire mage was shaking his head and groaning, his fingers carding through his ruffled locks.

"Lusshi," he slurred, his eyes half-opened, then rolled into the back of his head as he slumped back down.

"I'm here, Natsu," Lucy sat beside him, taking his right hand into both of hers and squeezing firmly.

The pinkette's eyes fluttered open once more and Lucy couldn't help but notice that, for a man, he had ridiculously long eyelashes. His emerald green eyes focused on her.

"Did we win?"

A barking laugh escaped her lips. Of course that's the first thing he'd ask.

"We sure did, Natsu," she smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners.

No thanks to me. The smile dropped from her face into a disappointed frown. Natsu cocked his head, squinting as he took in her expressions.

"Stop doing weird things to your face, weirdo. Makes me dizzy. So we won?"

"Yes, Natsu. We won," Erza confirmed.

"Alright! I'm all fired up now," Natsu gave his signature smile, all brilliant white teeth and flashing incisors. He sat up quickly, then stood, giving himself an all-over body shake like a wet dog. Sand flicked off in all directions and everyone stepped away to avoid getting pelted.

Natsu unwrapped his scarf from his neck, brushing it off. The grit and sand fell away, the white knit material gleaming in the sun. Beaming, the fire mage looped it back around his throat, fingering the scaly soft fabric in a habitual motion.

"I'm good to go!" he declared. Happy gave him an enthusiastic high five.

Lucy couldn't believe he recovered so fast. But killing the sirens had broke the spell, so maybe that's why he snapped out of it so quickly? Or maybe the bump on the head by Happy hadn't been as bad as she thought? Or maybe because he was a dragon slayer, he healed quickly?

Or maybe it doesn't matter, just as long as we can get out of here.

On their long walk back to the train station, Erza filled the boys and Juvia in on what had happened after the sirens had bewitched them, making sure to call Gray and Natsu 'idiots who lacked proper focus and discipline.'

Repeatedly.

Neither man looked pleased that they had been so easily captured, but Natsu took his irritation to the next level – personally affronted that he was spelled (when the girls weren't). But he was especially frustrated that he'd recovered after Gray.

Natsu let loose a huge fireball into the air and then punched a tree so hard it fell over, splintering as it crashed into the underbrush.

"I've never seen Natsu this upset before," Lucy commented to Erza as she shuffled her tired body along the bumpy path of overgrowth that the redhead claimed was the shortest way to get out of this godforsaken place.

"He's just mad he didn't get to fight the sirens himself," Erza explained. (Needlessly, as the fire wizard was directly ahead of them, venting loudly about 'scaly fish women and their dirty tricks'.)

"I can't believe I missed it!" Natsu growled, his canines still visible from beneath his lips as he grimaced. "I needed a good fight."

Sympathizing with the dragon slayer's malcontent, Lucy had hoped Gray might show a little restraint when talking about the battle. After all, he had been revived from the siren song by sheer dumb luck.

But apparently bugging the shit out of the fire wizard was just too much fun.

With a smug grin on his face, Gray went into extensive detail—apparently he had dealt the finishing blow—going through a play-by-play account with Juvia hanging off his arm like a rockstar's groupie.

"I used my ice blade, seven slice dance..."

"Gray-sama was so brave!" Juvia added with a look of total adoration on her face that Lucy could've done without. The water woman was hugging his bicep tightly, but it was doubtful he even noticed her suctioned to him like a barnacle – he was too preoccupied with taunting the pinkette.

Natsu's jaw was tight and his eyebrow twitched. He looked ready to explode.

"I could've taken her out in three seconds, ice dick!"

He stormed off with Happy flying behind him, cutting a burning wrath of destruction with every step, the earth literally scorching beneath his feet.

Lucy raised a quizzical brow at Erza, who just shrugged.

"Don't worry about it, Lucy. Natsu will be fine by the time we get back to Magnolia. He isn't the type to hold a grudge. He just needs to let off some steam. You know how men can get."

But Lucy didn't know how men could get. She was just now starting to learn. But she gave the expected nod back to Erza and kept on walking.

On the train ride home, Natsu's motion sickness got the best of him ten minutes in and he ended up puking his guts out in Erza's purse. Which was unfortunate.

Mainly for him.

The requip wizard took one look at her ruined bag and punched his lights out.

"That was a little harsh, don't you think?" Lucy took pity on the dragon slayer. Knocked out cold twice in one day…both times by your supposed teammates.

"Humph...I think it's the perfect solution to his motion sickness," Erza replied, acting like her destroyed purse had nothing to do with it.

Gray's voice was full of mirth. "You did the right thing, Erza." He stretched himself out on the bench, his long legs crossed at the ankles, his folded hands beneath his head.

"Thank you, Gray. It's nice to know someone can appreciate an elegant solution when they see it." Erza carefully picked up her soiled bag by the strap and threw it in the garbage.

"Erza is scary," Happy said in a small voice to Lucy. The blonde nodded quickly in agreement.

She managed with the exceed's help to get Natsu's prone body upright on a train seat. Unfortunately, he was floppy...the fast-moving train had him sliding forward. She grabbed his arm and pulled him toward her to stop him from face-planting on the floor.

Only to have the fire wizard's head land right on her breasts.

"Wow, Lucy. I didn't realize you really used those things for pillows," Happy said with wonder in his voice.

"You do seem to be getting close to Natsu." Erza observed slyly.

"Guys! It's not what it looks like!" Lucy protested her innocence, pushing Natsu's head off her chest…

… Only to have it fall face down in her lap.

Oh, this is so much better.

"Lucy-san is so bold!" Juvia exclaimed.

The celestial mage grabbed a fistful of Natsu's pink hair, angling him so he was still on her lap, but facing away from her. She tried to keep her voice steady as she spoke, but couldn't keep the squeak out of it entirely. "I'm just helping a friend, I'd do the same for any of you."

"I believe it," Gray said casually. Lucy caught his gaze, and he sent her a lopsided smile, causing butterflies to form in her stomach as her cheeks warmed.

Juvia gasped, but before she could start in on her 'love rival' tirade, Erza spoke, her words leaving no room for argument.

"Indeed. I believe you would help any friend in need, Lucy. Don't you agree, Juvia?"

The water woman turned her wide eyes to the requip wizard. Juvia brushed her blue hair back from her face and met Lucy's eyes.

"Lucy-san has been a good friend to Juvia, yes," she admitted, her head hanging down slightly as as she became preoccupied with her hands twisting in her lap.

"As you've always been a good friend to me, Juvia," Almost always. "Thank you for coming to save us back there. I owe you my life."

Juvia blushed and gave a slight nod. "You are welcome."

They all lapsed into silence after that, each preoccupied with their own thoughts for the rest of the train ride.

About fifteen minutes away from their station, a groaning and complaining Natsu came to. She had given him a small smile as she began shifting out from beneath him, only for him to complain loudly. He insisted he was too woozy to get off of her. Having seen his motion sickness firsthand, she wasn't the least bit surprised and let him lay still.

Besides, he'd had a rough day. Mavis knew they all had.

He wasn't very talkative, but there was something different about having him conscious, with his head lying on her lap.

All during the train ride, she had kept one steadying hand on his shoulder, just to make sure he didn't slide out of his seat. Now that he was awake, she preoccupied herself with looking at his thick salmon-pink hair.

What an unusual colour for a man.

She liked the way it spiked it all directions She wanted to run her fingers through it, combing through the tufts with her fingers from root to tip. It looked soft.

Did it feel that soft?

Her hand twitched on his shoulder, but stayed where it was.

Natsu angled his head slightly toward her, one of his jade eyes snagging her glance. His lips quirked up when he noticed her watching him...a different smile than she had ever seen on his face before.

She quickly averted her eyes to his spiky hair, bowing her head to shake her golden tresses so that they formed a curtain, concealing her face. She could feel heat colouring her cheeks pinker than the fire-mage's locks.

She knit her brows when her heart stuttered, reprimanding herself.

Don't be silly. You helped Levy when she was sick. You held her hair back, she chastised herself as if it was the same thing.

It wasn't the same, though.

Mercifully, the train let out its shrill whistle and they deboarded, parting ways at the train station, with the exception of Natsu and Happy following Lucy. Both of them started making noises about coming back to her apartment to eat leftovers and build a couch fort for another sleepover.

The idea was appealing and discomforting all at once.

"You can have dinner at my house, but I wanted to invite Levy over for a girl's night," she told them. It was a half-truth. She did want to talk to her best friend, but she hadn't thought of a sleepover until Natsu had given her the idea.

When they got back to her place, she let the exceed and the pinkette raid her fridge while she had a long shower to get off the rancid smell of vulcan and lake water, scrubbing herself down with a loofa until her skin was raw and pink.

She changed into fuzzy lavender pajama bottoms and a white tank top. She pulled white bunny slippers onto her feet—Gajeel must never see these—and went downstairs to invite Levy over while the boys were still eating.

Natsu looked disappointed when she returned and told him Levy loved the idea of a slumber party and was busy packing her overnight bag. (Books. She was packing books. And a toothbrush. Probably.)

"Can I bring home another fish, Lucy?" Happy asked.

"Of course you can." Silly cat. Happy vanished back inside her kitchen. Natsu watched him go, and then moved toward her.

"Aw, are you sure we can't stay?" Natsu gave her the big puppy dog eyes… or in his case, big baby dragon eyes. She giggled at him, shaking her head.

Natsu dropped the act, his face turning serious. She hadn't noticed before how when his face stilled, he looked darker, less carefree. It sent heat coiling inside the pit of her stomach.

He came closer, his arm pressed into the wall above her head. She took an involuntary step back, finding herself pressed against the whitewashed brick of her hallway.

Natsu hovered, pupils widening until only the smallest circle of jade remained. His breath fanned her face, smelling both sweet and spicy… like cinnamon red hots.

"You sure, Luce?" The words were smooth, but his voice was rough, like it was caught on the edge of a cough.

Suddenly she wasn't sure of anything.

Lucy felt all the air leave her lungs and a nervous jump inside her heart. Natsu's eyes had turned forest green with gold flecks. There was wilderness in them. Something snarled and untamed in those lush depths.

Beckoning her.

Those dark eyes flickered across her face, sending sparks shooting down her veins; heating up parts of her even the hot shower hadn't reached. He angled his head down slightly, his full lips parting just a bit.

Her eyes tracked his movements, heart thundering inside her chest. She could feel herself tense up. What was happening? She felt a blush blooming on her cheeks and she twisted her head to the side, slamming her eyes shut.

She let out a small, helpless bleat...the lamb caught in front of the dragon.

She felt the rapid signs of withdrawal. The heat that had gathered so close to her disappeared as Natsu straightened, leaving behind chill air and a sense of loss on her overheated body.

Lucy opened her eyes in time to see Natsu flashing her a crooked grin, but his emerald eyes had closed off...a secret grove.

Her heart fluttered for a moment before resuming its normal beat. Well, close enough. It felt like her pulse was racing for some strange reason. She shook her head and stepped away from him.

That was weird.

The words were on the tip of her tongue to ask him what was happening, but the fire dragon slayer spoke first.

"Nevermind, Luce. Have fun with Levy." He gave her an easy smile, his sharp canines peeking out, but the tightly corded muscles of his shoulders looked tense.

He pushed himself off the wall. Before she could gather the wherewithal to ask him to stay, he called to Happy, who flew out of her kitchen.

Then they were gone.

She nibbled at her bottom lip, her brain as scattered as the stars.

This day has been way too long.

She left her door ajar to let Levy know she could just walk right in. She went into her kitchen cupboard to dig out her best chocolate selection.

"Hey, LuLu! I'm here!" The script mage called, dropping her overnight bag to the floor with a sharp thud.

"Be right there!" Lucy gathered several boxes of chocolate. She balanced two quarts of ice cream on top of the boxes along with a package of cookies, two teaspoons and a white paper bag filled with brownies. She brought the spread to her living room. Levy was already sitting on the couch with a novel in her hand. She dumped the whole lot on the coffee table in front of the blunette.

Levy took one glance at the confectionery cavalry in front of her and knew her best friend was calling in the reinforcements.

"Uh oh... Lu-chan, what happened?"

Lucy heaved a long sigh, grabbing a box of Swiss handmade-in-small-batches chocolate, plopping on the couch beside her friend as she ripped off the lid.

"Levy… I have a lot to tell you."

Note – Band or troop is the name for a group of gorillas. I realize I portrayed vulcans and sirens differently in these chapters than how they are in Fairy Tail (especially the sirens), but I hope in spite of that you enjoyed the chapters anyway!

So…what did everyone think of the Lucy and Natsu moments? (Everyone hurls rotten veg, beer bottles and insults at me.) I duck and hide, but secretly? I don't even blame you!

A/N - I have now moved this story into an 'M' rating. I have changed Chapter 1 to warn of this. I have been skirting the edges of T, but I feel as though the T rating is restricting where this story can and should go. It will still stay light and fluffy and I will put a warning on top of future chapters that are 18+ for those that don't want to read anything potentially jarring. I hope I don't lose you readers because of this, but I understand fully if I do.

Shout-outs to last chapter's reviewers! noseinabook145, stranger1999, Slash2104, Celistastar, TheJSmooth, ligerscool, ShanaHollows, AzmariaMinohi, Bakers28, MasterGildarts, theycallmebridge JAKEDSNAKE, artistofthemind, DreamWeaver2121, Animeisheaven, Graciewashere33, quite-a-riot, Satyryrkal, Avalanche65, and wordsaremyspeels1331 (x2!)

You guys are awesome!