A/N: So it turns out internet at my flat will take up to two weeks to get connected. This is inconvenient, for me, because I can't perve over Matt Smith on the iplayer whenever I get bored, and for you, because updates will stop for a bit. However, it means I'll probably get lots of writing done, if I'm not too busy enjoying the lovely Rob on the Great British Bake Off. He's hot and he bakes. Yum yum. Anyway, tv crushes aside, this will be it for a week or two. Thanks to the two of you who reviewed the last chapter (and special thanks because both of you have reviewed every chapter). Nice to know people are still reading. =]
One by One.
by Flaignhan.
He stays close to her now. All the time, like he thinks she might break at any minute.
Maybe he thinks he can protect her from the things that have already happened.
Either way, it's endearing.
"Merlin, he's sticking to you like a wartcap plaster, isn't he?" Lily says, raking her fingers through her dark red hair and checking her reflection in the mirror of the girls' bathroom. "Don't you get sick of it?"
"Not really," Hermione replies quietly, her arms folded, her eyes focused on the cracked floor tiles. "I don't feel lonely when he's around."
Lily turns her attention away from the mirror and onto Hermione. "You mean to say you feel lonely when he's not?"
"I..." she trails off, not knowing what to say. She spends a good portion of her time with Lily, and it's not that she feels lonely when she's with her, it's that she feels alone. There is a difference, in her mind at least. Lily has no idea what she's been through, no idea that Hermione's brain is heavy with the knowledge of what's to come. Sirius knows, however, and Sirius looks after her in a way that Lily never could.
Sirius is keeping his promise.
"Did you tell him where you got that?" Lily nods towards her cheek and Hermione inspects it in the mirror. It's finally knitted together, and is now just a tender pink scar marring a good four inches of her face.
She hates it. It'll probably be with her forever. She was never that pretty anyway, but now...now she feels ugly. And she's never felt like that before.
As though she can read her mind, Lily says, "At least it's healed up a bit now. You might be able to put a Concealing Charm on it if it doesn't fade completely."
"Tried it," Hermione whispers. "I even tried a Disillusionment Charm on it."
Lily sighs, her green eyes filled with sadness. "Maybe some muggle make up, if it really bothers you?"
Hermione shakes her head. It'd be too obvious, and she can't hide it properly she'd rather not do it at all.
"Well Sirius doesn't care about it, clearly," Lily says briskly. "And I think you'll get used to it in time. It doesn't look half as bad as you think."
Hermione watches as a fourth year Ravenclaw leaves the bathroom, the door slamming behind her.
They're alone.
"I'm from the future, Lily."
Lily laughs nervously. "What?"
"I'm not mad. And I'm not joking. Why d'you think I gave Sirius a chance?"
"Because he's good looking and charming and you're vulnerable?"
"He's going to be a really good man one day. I know. And I know we're together until...well...until the end. That's why."
"The end?" Lily's face is even paler than usual, and Hermione almost regrets telling her anything at all. But Lily needs to know.
When Hermione says nothing, Lily continues. "So all those injuries...you got those in the future?"
She nods.
"From...from You-Know-Who? He's still around in the future?"
"He goes away," she says, "But he comes back again. Worse than ever."
"Shit."
It's the first time she's ever heard Lily swear, and Lily sags against the wall, her hand clutching her hair.
"Dumbledore knows?" she asks.
"Of course."
"And Sirius too?"
"Yeah."
There is a squeak and a bang as the door to the bathroom swings open and hits the adjacent wall. A Slytherin girl with dark eyes and a permanent scowl stalks in, regards the two of them suspiciously and enters one of the cubicles.
"Come on," Lily says. "Dinner."
When they arrive at the Great Hall, Sirius pushes Peter along the bench, and gestures for Hermione to sit down. She closes her eyes and takes the seat, trying to ignore the sound of Peter's laboured, slightly asthmatic breathing.
"You all right?" Sirius asks, pouring some pumpkin juice into her goblet.
"Fine," she lies, looking at the various dishes on offer and trying to decide what to have. She's not hungry at all, and her stomach feels tight and small. If she has to eat, she'd like to have some of the cod a little way up the table on the right, but that would involve asking Peter to pass it to her, and she has avoided talking to him as best she can. She doesn't trust herself to not curse him into a million pieces.
Instead she has pasta, and when she sets her fork down after a few hard going mouthfuls, Sirius arches one dark eyebrow in a way that looks far too mature for his young face.
"What's the matter?"
"Not hungry," Hermione shrugs.
"You're sitting weirdly," he says, ignoring her excuse. "You're stiff as a board." He prods her back gently with his index finger and she steadies herself with her elbow against the table, wanting nothing less than to accidentally brush against Peter. The sound of him eating makes her feel just as sick as the sight of him does.
"I know about Remus by the way," she says as they dawdle down the corridor late at night. "So you can stop talking about it all in code."
"It doesn't bother you?" Sirius asks, stopping and turning to face her.
"Of course not," she says softly. "D'you really think I'm that sort of person?"
"It's not an unreasonable viewpoint," Sirius says awkwardly, his eyes looking towards the arched ceiling. "I mean, I know he's my mate and everything and I don't care, but you can't expect everyone to be happy about being so close to him, with the way he is."
"Dumbledore wouldn't have let him come here if he was a risk to anyone."
"True," Sirius says as they start walking again.
"Besides," she says, her tone more matter-of-fact than it's been for a long time. She's starting to feel more like her old self again. "I know him. Where I'm from. He's a friend."
"Really?" Sirius sounds surprised. "And what about me? Am I a friend?"
Hermione smirks and says nothing, but Sirius' hand finds hers, and she allows him to interlace their fingers.
"Is it Peter?" he asks after a few minutes of quiet, aimless walking.
"Is what Peter?" she asks, panicked. She has to fight to keep her voice level, but Sirius seems too caught up in his thoughts to notice.
"You don't talk to him. You don't even look at him. I just wondered if you didn't like him."
"He's not my friend. Remus is, and you are..."
"And James and Lily?"
She can't lie to him.
But she can't very well tell him the truth.
"Promise you won't tell?" she asks, biting her lip.
"Promise," he says, his expression serious.
"They're my best friend's parents."
Sirius stares at her for a good long while before reacting. Then he laughs loudly, whoops, and lifts Hermione up into the air and spins her around.
"Shush!" she says, trying to place a hand over his mouth as he continues to make noise in the darkened corridor. "You know Filch'll try and use any excuse to put us in detention!"
"This is brilliant! I can't believe it!" he babbles. "Lily and James!"
"Be quiet!" Hermione says, dragging him into Professor McGonagall's deserted classroom. It'll be bad enough if Filch hears them making noise this close to curfew, but if anyone hears that Lily and James are going to get married and have a child before the two of them have even considered such things...she'll be knee deep in trouble, that's for sure.
"And what about me and you?" he asks, calming down slightly now, though his face is still split by a gleaming, joyous smile. When she doesn't answer straight away, it fades, and slowly turns into a look of concern. The forehead lines she knows so well on his older face form with his frown, and it makes her breath catch in her chest, because he looks so much like the Sirius she knew.
"Hermione..."
"It's complicated," she tells him. "What with my situation."
"But we're together, right?"
She doesn't know what to tell him, and so she settles on what she told Lily.
"We're together until the end."
"The end?"
She nods.
"What does that mean?"
She doesn't say anything. She finds it difficult to meet his eye. She's going to die for him eventually, and she can't even look at him.
"If I could tell you everything I would," she whispers. "But I can't. You know I can't. I've told you far too much already. If Dumbledore knew..."
"You deserve to be happy, after everything you've been through," he says softly, moving close to her. He runs his thumb over her scar and shivers. It doesn't hurt when he touches it, but she doesn't like him looking at it.
"Don't," she says, pulling his hand away. "Don't look at it."
"Why? Because it shows how brave you are? Because it shows you stand up for what's right? Because -"
"Because it's ugly."
His eyes flash, his lips press together into a thin line, and he cups her face firmly.
"You listen to me," he says, a slight growl in his voice, reminding her even more forcefully of the broken man he will one day become. "You are beautiful. Do you understand?"
She bites her lip. She understands what he's saying but she doesn't believe it for a second.
And then she sees the way he's looking at her, and she knows exactly why she'll wait for him. She knows exactly why she's going to fall even further than she already has. She knows exactly why she'll lay down her life for him.
All he sees is her, and he's closer than ever. She lets her eyelids flicker shut.
The curfew passes unnoticed.