AN: Wow, record! Longest chapter ever lol. Wasn't supposed to get so outta hand but there's a lot of interaction between people here so I hope you enjoy :-)
Also, people wished for more violence so your wish is my command! :-D /adding violence

"Creed givin' ya a hard time kid? Need your old man to decapitate him for ya?"

It's Logan and I can see where he's coming from: he finds me on the couch of the living room, my head resting in my hands whilst staring into nothing.

He joins me and awkwardly puts his arm around my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me I guess.

"No he's not really… just… well yeah a little but… I just got back from Hank and he showed me some test results. Not too happy about those"

"Yeah fur ball told me. Tis why I came lookin' for ya"

Oh now you come looking for me...

"Wanna talk about it Phoebes?"

"No not really"

We both stay quiet as I sit up and stare at the turned-off flat-screen.

"Was Kayla your mate Logan?" I ask after some time.

He hesitates before answering.

"No I don't think she was. But… I did care a lot about her. Loved her and all that"

"Does it feel different when it's not your mate?"

"Dunno kid, never met another feral woman except for you. Kayla was… I was attracted to her, she was caring, amazing... ya know, beautiful"

"Do you think it would be different if you'd meet your feral mate?"

"I don't really buy into all that mate bullshit. You're the only female feral I know and I see you as my daughter ya know?"

"Yeah I know. But Logan what if…"

"How come ya never call me 'dad' anymore Phoebes?"

Ouch. Trick questions coming in.

How should I answer this one?

Truthfully I guess. Telling the truth is always best.

"Everything feels different nowadays… I do still see you that way but... We've been apart for so long and a few nights back I learned why you left... It really hurts… I can't call you 'dad' anymore. Not right now… it's too soon"

He nods.

"I understand"

"Logan, can we just not talk about it anymore? "

"Sure kiddo. No problem"

He squeezes my shoulder and I lean back into the couch with closed eyes, resting my head on his shoulder. Like the old days when I used to snuggle up on the couch between Logan and Kayla. When we all lived together in Canada, my own little family.

Canada… I miss Canada and its Rocky Mountains.

"Remember when we used to have movie nights when you were little?"

"Yeah I remember. Kayla and I would send you to the store for ice cream so that we got to pick out the movie"

"Yeah… why was that always my job?"

"You had the worst taste ever Logan… You used to pick some chick flick movie, thinking we liked them. But really, we just wanted to watch action movies with gangsters and stuff"

He snickers and I feel his shoulders shake lightly under my resting head.

"Damn, I thought all women liked that sorta crap"

"You know nothing of women Logan. But we didn't want to hurt your feelings" I chuckle at him.

He scoffs out a laugh and I maintain my relaxing position nuzzled against his shoulder.

"How ya really feeling Phoebes? Ya holdin' up around here?"

"I like it here, I miss Canada but I like it here"

"That's good… Cuz… I aint seen ya around a lot kid… "

"Been working"

"Yeah but… at night ya know… You're always in that lab with fur ball"

"We're working on something. I'm not avoiding you if that's what you mean. If anything I'm avoiding your brother. But we truly are working on something, Hank and me"

"Wanna lemme in on it?"

"I can't yet Logan, but when it's finished okay?"

"Kay. But you've been working way too much Phoebes"

"I know… I'm tired. I feel it now that I'm all relaxed"

"So close ya eyes for a bit. I'll be here"

Whenever he says he'll be here, it makes me a little angry.

But fuck it, closing my eyes is tempting and he's trying you know. I should start forgiving people for mistakes. God knows I'm not perfect.

Slowly, I start drifting off to sleep, listening to Logan's breathing and feeling secure with a father's arm around me.

When out of nowhere:

"HANDS OFF MY MATE JIMMY!"

Before I know it, Victor attacks Logan and they go crashing through the window, ending up in the back yard.

Seriously guys,,, a pissing contest again?! How much more am I supposed to endure from these men…

I dropped off the couch and woke up in instant awareness. Rapidly, I follow them outside and watch them having a go at each other.

Growling.

Roaring.

Slashing at each other with their feral claws.

I guess ferals really are animals...

Now, I know they can take perfectly good care of themselves so I am NOT getting in between this time.

Ever noticed how the person trying to get in between is the one getting beat up? Well so did I. And I refuse to be that foolish person.

I'll just stand here and watch with open eyes, still a little in shock at what just happened. Victor is jealous because the guy who is practically my father, was having his arm around me?

Guess so, because they are really going at each other. Claws out, scratching, throwing, kicking and punching one another.

And what the fuck for!?

"Are you fucking crazy Victor!" Logan screams as he tries to stand up from the grass but Victor bring him down instantly.

"Do not ever touch my mate again Jimmy boy!"

With one swift move he kicks out all the air in Logan's lunges. Logan coughs frantically, takes in a deep breath and lounges himself at Victor once more. Taking him down and impaling his chest with his adamantium claws.

"She's practically my daughter you sick fuck!"

"But she's not your daughter Jimmy… so hands off! "

"You're fucking insane Victor!"

Logan withdraws his claws and punches Victor hard in the face. The sound of his metal fists breaking some bones is horrendous…

Then he stands up and so does Victor. Logan moves a few feet away from his brother and now they're both staring at me. Covered in each other's blood and sweat.

What do they expect from me now? Some kind of final verdict on who won?

I just stare back at them. Meeting Victor's grey eyes filled with rage and then changing my view to Logan's brown eyes.

They're both panting heavily and not saying a word.

Neither am I.

I think about what I just witnessed as I change my gaze from Logan to Victor, back to Logan and back to Victor again...

"Right then…" I finally speak up "…If you'll excuse me now, I'm just gonna find a way to kill myself"

And with that, I turn around and walk away.

Bloody men.

"She's not serious right?" I hear Victor grunting at Logan.

"Mon dieu chéri! You look like you're in need of a friend to talk to"

I don't have to turn around to know who's French accent that is: Gambit. Or as I like to call him: Remy, since that's his actual name.

Logan refers to him as 'Swamp Rat' or 'Cajun'.

Remy blows up stuff with his charged poker cards and he can read people's feelings. Which is quite annoying when you prefer to keep those inside, like me.

"Nah I'm fine Remy"

"Are you really cher? Is that why you are sitting here on your own, in front of a lake, throwing rocks in the water?"

"It's a scientific experiment really. I'm testing the density of the water. And I'm not alone" I point out as I nod my head at Darwin who's chilling in my lap.

"Mais oui, your ugly cat friend, I don't know what you see in him" he makes a funny face at my cat.

"Her! And Darwin is beautiful" I reply remotely insulted as I turn my head to look at Darwin again. "Don't you listen to him, he's a guy, he doesn't know shit about beauty"

Darwin just purrs and Remy cocks his eyebrow, waiting for me to fess up.

"I had a long day okay? Lot of sick animals at the clinic and four classes to teach"

"And the big bad Saber trying to sweep you off your feet, non?"

LOL. Gotta laugh at that!

"Sweep me off my feet you say? Wow Remy, you have a way with words, I'll give you that. Sweeping me off my feet is hardly one of Victor's specialty's. More like picking me up, throwing me over his shoulder or dragging me by my hair back to his cave"

"You think him primitive?" he asks me mockingly.

"Primitive's too nice for him Remy"

"Mais… are his attentions unwanted then?"

"It's just the way he goes about it. He's all like 'I'm your mate! You must submit to me! I've come to claim you, ROAWR!' How am I supposed to find that attractive? I mean… seriously, how?"

"So what is it you want then? Romance? A knight in shining armor? Someone like… let's say… moi?"

"No… I just don't want to be forced into something I don't want to be a part off"

"But, you are attracted to him, non?"

Oh, how I hate people who can read feelings or thoughts.

"Yes I am bloody attracted to him, is it that obvious?"

"Only to me cher. And to Victor probably"

Guess Victor can smell it like I smell it on him... Crap.

Remy moves closer and sits down in the grass to join me.

"Tell me what's really bothering you Phoebe" he says as we both stare at the lake.

"The results"

"The results?"

"Yes. I came back from the lab yesterday and Hank had the results of my tests. Turns out Magneto screwed with my DNA and now I'm like two mutants in one. But only on one condition: when I go mental on my telepathic powers, my body might shut down. It's random so I can never know when it will happen. Then he starts explaining about the whole mate thing and how I probably won't live to see 25 if I don't accept Victor Creed as my mate. But I don't even know the guy!"

"And the problem is?"

"I've never… you know… I'm not very experienced in that territory and all. But I do know you can't just claim a person Remy! And he just seems like such a brute. And I hate the fact that… I actually…"

"Like that about him?"

Yes

"No!" I gasp in horror "Well, I mean… at first I didn't cuz I was scared after I was kidnapped. But then he shows up here and he's all charming in his own forceful kinda way… And his smell… this whole feral scent thing, makes it impossible for us to stay away from each other!"

"You don't like the fact that you are attracted to him do you? You just can't stand it chéri. And it's not just your inner wolf… It's you too chéri!"

"I'm a rational person Remy, so no, I can't stand it. How can I be attracted to someone this possessive, brutal, aggressive, murderous even!? Seriously, how!?"

"But you said you didn't know him Phoebe. What is that saying again? Ah, Oui: do not judge a book by its cover. There is more than meets the eyes with the big Saber, trust me."

"How would you know?"

"Believe me. If you think you grew up a messed up kid, you'd consider yourself pretty privileged comparing to his childhood"

"Really?… He just seems so cruel Remy… Some serious shit must have fucked him up"

"Some serious shit did fuck him up. You see, the Saber grew up somewhere around 1830. It's a very different time from our own cher. He was different, a mutant, and his parents treated him cruelly. His pa was a notorious drunk and his mom blamed it all on Victor. He's never been wanted and for a kid that is just... there are no words for that. You see, Logan has been brought up in a wealthy and privileged family. When Logan and Victor found out they were brothers, they ran away together. Looked after each other for almost 200 years. Then Logan left also"

I can't help but almost feel sorry for Victor Creed. I can just imagine the pain Victor must have felt when Logan walked out on him... I know all too well how it feels to be left by Logan after growing an attachment to him. Imagine being together for almost 200 years, looking after each other. And then POOF: gone.

"You see cher, if that's your life… From the start never any affection or unconditional love; Then you are bound to grow up as one messed up kid. Then it's hard not to be angry with the world non?"

"Don't I know it" I reply as I roll my eyes.

"Feral mates are extremely attracted to each other but you know this already. It's something you won't be able to experience with anyone else. A feral male doesn't want anything else than protect, care for and mate with the female. But the thing is: No feral ever expects to find their mate Phoebe, it's a mysterious and rare happening. It is almost like magic!"

He brings it home by letting a deck of cards fly from his hand creating a perfect heart in the air. I giggle slightly as Darwin hisses hostilely at the card deck .

"But when they do…" he continues "…and the one person who is supposed to want you unconditionally, does not… Well… I can only imagine what mind blowing stab through the heart that must be"

"You make me feel guilty Remy… It's not that I don't want him… there is just something I want more"

"Like?"

"Being on my own… I think"

"But why would you want that cher? You have been so lonely for so many years, non? It was just you and this silly cat?"

"It's safe and familiar. Nice and quiet. Just the way I like it. Just me and Darwin who is not silly"

He laughs at me mockingly

"Aaaah mais oui, we mustn't let our hearts be set on fire!" he sarcastically replies in his so-starting-to-tick-me-off-French-accent.

"You know what they say Remy: Where there's a flame… someone's bound to get burned"

"That is one lovely one liner chéri. Now let me share one of my own: Your biggest fear is being left on your own again by someone you unconditionally love and want to have around. There is one other feral who knows exactly how that feels. And feral mates never leave each other. Ever. So get laid with the big Saber or you WILL die a virgin"

"Uhm… Remy... that's not exactly the definition of a one liner"

"But it is true, non?"

I'm startled for a bit. And insulted.

"Who says I'm a virgin!?"

"You're a 23 year old workaholic with an ugly cat"

I glance at him and cock my eyebrow. Does he think me that naïve?

"Okay… so… Rogue told me… We're pretty close like that" he confesses.

O yes, I happen to know everything about the closeness between Rogue and Gambit.

"Well, I could… 'fuck' someone else, right?"

He laughs at me as he throws another rock in the lake and takes the card deck back in his hand. Darwin significantly eases down with the cards gone.

"As a professional womanizer and mentor in the art of love, I can tell you that there is not one man on this planet brave enough to dare even look at you with the big Saber alive"

"So your advice is… to kill him?"

"Merde! Non! You know my advice… Let him pop you chéri!"

I almost choke on my own saliva after hearing him say that.

Let him pop you?! What the fuck is wrong with the male participants of this X-team?

"Pfff that's such… manly advice. You're just helping a brother out! And you're trying to help him get into my pants. You're supposed to be my friend, not his you know…"

"Chéri, I am your friend and not his. And as your friend I will be truthful with you. You are extremely sexually frustrated"

My mouth practically drops to the floor as he continues.

"You've been snappy cher"

"I have not!"

He just chuckles at me. "Phoebe, I did not mean to upset you"

"Don't worry about it. Anyway I gotta go. I have feral training"

"Aaaah that explains why you were sitting here, mentally preparing yourself, non?"

"Yaaaaaa riiiiiiiiiiight…. No. See you Gambit. Oh and by the way: Rogue was looking for you"

"Was she really?!"

"No, but the desperation in your voice just made my day"

He narrows his eyes but chuckles nonetheless.

"You are evil cher"

"That's what you get for teasing me. Just go and see her anyway. And here, take Darwin with you" I reply as I put her in his lap. "It's about time you two bonded. And you can show Rogue your caring side" I wink at him as I get up from the grass.

Feral training goes by quickly. Time flies when you're having fun? We train by running, fighting, climbing. It's quite nice to be this capable. I finally manage to run up those stupid trees and buildings like he does. And besides being a massive smooth talker and trying to get laid with me, he really did teach me some proper self-defense... My telepathy is quite unstable so relying on my feral powers wouldn't be the worst idea in the world. I do feel a little awkard around him though. Because of what happened in the bath tub and he definitely doesn't let a chance slip by to remind me of when I let down my guard.

"You're making progress quickly kitten" he tells me when we are done and resting in the living room.

"Do you think you could call me by my real name some time?"

"Some time? Sure. No problem baby"

I clench my teeth in frustration.

"So you really think I'm progressing quickly?"

I fidget with my hands nervously. Why do I care what he thinks…

"Yes, you are progressing quickly Phoebe. You're running as fast as me and…"

"When will I be as strong as you?" I quickly interrupt him.

He smirks.

"Never"

"Why not?"

Wow that sounded desperate.

"Because I am the Alpha male and therefore superior in strength. I will always be stronger than you baby"

I frown at him.

"Lame… a serious flaw in evolution if you ask me"

He smirks but doesn't reply. He just sits there, his arms leaning on the back of the couch, obviously showing off while eying me up and down. He knows all too well how to make me uncomfortable. I'm not usually shy but him looking at me like I'm the most delicious piece of chocolate fudge cake is making me nervous.

I look him over from my side of the couch. Why can't he stop smelling so fucking good?!

And WHY does he look like that... like... just too bloody perfect, too fucking beautiful.

I'm feral too you know, my inner wolf can only do so much, how much longer am I supposed to resist these thoughts and feelings of our bodies melting together?

It's no fair that he gets to look like that! He doesn't even work out and shit, he's just more animal than other's and therefore gets better looks.

Mother nature really doesn't discriminate by character.

Fucking hell... Look at those pectorals... those biceps...

All this reminds me of that scene from the Phantom of the Opera...

Past the point of no return, no going back now
Our passion play has now at last begun
Past all thought of right or wrong, one final question
How long should we two wait before we're one?
When will the blood begin to race
The sleeping bud burst into bloom?
When will the flames at last consume us?
Past the point of no return, the final threshold
The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn
We've passed the point of no return

"So…" he breaks the silence and my angry thoughts about his god-like body "How's your telepathy training with the great professor X going?"

"It's okay. Learning to control it. Me being all angry inside doesn't help so I'm learning to relax more, that turns out to be the key"

"Relaxation is the key mhm? Allow me to help you relax a bit baby"

Suddenly he pulls me flush against him. Before I can even consider anything, we're already kissing.

I can feel his huge hands sliding down my back, grabbing my behind and pressing me against him even more as I slide my arms around his neck.

I love this smell, these lips, his big hands, the tickling of his mutton chops, his hard chest, the growling sound inside him when he kisses me.

I inhale sharply once more as his lips are still claiming mine forcefully.

The forcefulness is so confusing. I hate it but I want it so badly at the same time.

I can't do this anymore. Attracting, repelling, attracting again. Against my body's will, against the will of my wolf, I violently push myself away from him.

"I'm so fucking sick of this confusion" I gasp, my eyes closed and my hands still pressed against his chest so his lips are no longer able to reach out to mine. The items in the rooms that started to tremble around us, victims off my telepathic curse, drop to the floor.

"Why does this keep happening?" I ask in confusion as I open my eyes to look at him.

He growls at my mood change and tries to pull me back against him but I resist.

"You know god damn well why Phoebe! This happens because it's supposed to happen"

He growls again as he takes in a deep breath, trying to control his anger "Curse you Phoebe, I don't wanna hurt you but know this: I am not a patient man and I will have you"

I narrow my eyes at his implicit threat.

"You know Victor, maybe I don't want any of this"

"Well you sure as hell give some mixed signals kitten!" he snaps as he squeezes my butt and presses me against his hard groin. I pissed him off.

I run my hands through my hair and sigh "I know… I know… I'm sorry… I dunno why…"

"Make up your mind already. What is it you really want Phoebe?"

I think about it for a little while… but I already know.

"I don't want to be biologically programmed into enforced monogamy with you! I won't just accept that. I can make up my own mind and maybe I want to like… I dunno… fall in love or sumthing, someday? Like a normal person? According to everyone around me it's supposed to be amazing"

He scoffs. The idea itself must disgust him to the bone.

Then again, I've never been a sucker for love and all that shit so I don't know why I said that.

"You know better than that Phoebe, people always leave. Love lasts… how long? One, maybe two years? Ferals are loyal, they stick together, have each other's back and will never want anything else"

He moves in on me and forcefully grabs my upper arms. "I'd crawl to the gates of hell and back for you, on my bare knees" he hisses angrily in my ear, pushes me away and then stalks off in a random direction.

I just sit there, leaning back into the pillows again. Blinking rapidly.

So... that's what rejection feels like...

I wonder though…

The idea is absolutely absurd.

Maddening even.

But…

Can ferals fall in love?

Like…

With each other and shit?