Yeah, after all the crazy days,
I made it through
I can't picture myself with no one but you
And I think I got it right this time
Meredith let Derek choose the place for their date. So far, he had done exactly what she'd expected him to do. He told her to wear something nice and he took her to dinner. Derek thought himself the traditional kind of romantic—he could dress debonair when he wanted, he could buy flowers, he could sweep her off her feet. But as far as grand gestures went, he wasn't and had never been a man right out of a romantic comedy. All of the things he'd ever done that brought her right to her knees had happened off the cuff—words, not gestures, unplanned and tumbling out of his mouth one after the other, bubbling up and out from a very full heart.
I've been in love with you for…ever.
I want to die when I'm 110 years old, in your arms.
Marry me.
He told her once that he wished he had done something more elaborate in proposing to her, something more dramatic than waking up in her arms in an on-call room bunk bed and simply asking. But the fact was that he never seemed like he planned much.
This, though—when, following a dinner at Seattle's best steakhouse, he turned their car down a quiet street and headed towards the water—it looked like he had thought about this for awhile. Recognition flickered across her face, and she offered a small, sated smile.
I know this place where there's an amazing view of the sunrise over the ferryboats.
He remembered.
The dock had already been abandoned for the day, some ferryboats lined up at the harbor, waiting to be used again for the next day's morning commute. It wasn't raining now and she didn't expect to stay until sunrise. The night cast a shadow over the dingy dock, and trash overflowed out of a nearby can, but she looked around at a scene that wasn't particularly beautiful, or romantic, and took it in.
"Wine?" Derek asked, reaching to the backseat for a bottle of red and two glasses.
She unbuckled her seatbelt and turned her body towards him. Looking him up and down with a smirk on her face, she took the glass he offered her.
"I know it's not right out of the bottle, but I figured that, hey, we're evolving. We've come this far. We can drink out of glasses."
"Out of everywhere in Seattle, this is where you wanted to go on our date?" she asked, and took a sip.
"This is the only place I wanted to go on our date," he said with so much certainty that she had to wonder how long he had been thinking about this, hoping for this moment. "I figured I should feed you first," he grinned. "But this is the only place I wanted to go."
"You realize that we'll be playing catch up at work for weeks," she said seriously.
"Yes."
"And we have a kid who needs a lot of attention and can take or leave sleeping in her own bed," she continued.
"Yes," he replied again. "Meredith, what's wrong?"
"I'm just saying that it might be awhile before we get out again."
"You don't like it," he sighed.
"No," she interjected quickly, enthusiastically. "I love it. I love that you brought me here. I just thought you might have wanted something more."
"Meredith, there isn't anything more," he smiled and touched her hand. "This was the beginning."
"The details of the beginning after my fourth shot of tequila are a little fuzzy to me," she said.
She remembered him approaching her in the bar, all of the initial conversation and the blur of laughter and alcohol and raw sexual tension. She remembered pulling him into her house, his lips on her neck and then her chest, and she remembered somehow winding up naked on her living room floor. Later, after they started having sex in her bed, and after they had realized there was more to this than just sex, they established that she hadn't forgotten his name, but had simply never asked for it. And they tried to piece together that first night.
"I mostly remember the morning after," she grinned.
"No, the real beginning," he tried to clarify.
"This was the real beginning for you?"
"It was."
She smiled. If this was the real beginning for him, it meant that it was an empty bottle of red wine and the rain beating down on the windshield. It meant falling asleep in the backseat of Derek's car, slumped nearly on top of him, and him waking her up the next morning lest she forget the sunrise she promised.
"The sunrise the next morning," she murmured after a moment or two.
"What about it?" he asked.
Hungover on red wine, in the clothes she wore the night before, wondering how she was going to explain to Izzie and George where she had been all night. Wrapped in Derek's arms with a crick in her neck, watching orange streak the sky—and thinking that this could be the real thing.
You're falling for him.
"The sunrise. That was the real beginning for me."
He smiled, and his gaze softened. She loved him from that moment in the backseat of his car, and despite everything they had put each other through over the years, that one fundamental had never changed. It was the one thing that she could say 'always' to. Even when they hurt each other. Even when she couldn't say the actual words right to him. Even when she didn't feel adored in the way she did in this moment, her hand clasped firmly in his. It was always an always.
"Richard called and asked if I could come in a little early tomorrow," Derek said after awhile. "He has a patient with a vestibular schwannoma and with the location of the tumor, they're concerned about possible hearing loss if they don't operate quickly. The patient plays tenor sax, so he wanted the best doctor he could find."
"And you're the best?" she asked sarcastically.
"Oh, yes," he smirked, before turning serious again. "Will you be ok getting Emily ready and out the door by yourself?"
"Yeah," she replied. "We'll be ok."
She glanced at the clock. After a whirlwind weekend of getting themselves ready for their lives again, Mary had ushered them out. Mary promised that Emily would be fine, and Derek told her to put on something gorgeous, and they went out. One last moment away from reality before the new real beginning.
"What time is your mother's flight?" she asked.
"She's catching the midnight redeye," Derek sighed, looking at the clock himself, "So she wanted to leave for the airport at 10."
"Ok."
"I'm sorry we can't stay until sunrise this time," he murmured.
She looked him, locking his eyes with hers. "This is still good," she sighed blissfully.
She set her wine aside and hoisted herself up, climbing gingerly over the console separating them and straddling his lap. She kissed him once, then twice, longer the second time. She took the lead this time, trailing her fingertips up and down his chest, and kissing the sensitive spot by his ear, then the spot under his jaw. Her hands traveled down his body when he reciprocated, kissing her back with such intensity, and moaning into her mouth as her hands dipped lower and he grew hard under her.
His hands came up, over her ribs, under her breasts, and then across her nipples. She sucked in a breath, and smiled, making quick work of the buttons on his shirt. "I love you."
"Enough to still risk a public indecency citation?" he asked playfully.
"Shut up," she moaned, her head dipping back when his lips found the sensitive skin between her breasts and his hand reached behind her to start to unzip her dress.
"I'm just saying," he said between staccato nipping and kissing, undoing her bra clasp, "It wasn't an issue back then. I mean," he sucked in a breath, "We could just go home."
"Not a chance," she countered, gasping as his hands left her breasts, trailing down and under her dress. It had been too long; it was an empty threat, and he knew it just as much as she did. "I'm ready, Derek."
* * *
The next morning, Derek tiptoed quietly out and off to work, just a few hours after he had dropped his mother off at the airport. Before she left, Mary had pulled Meredith into a hug, held her close for a moment, and asked her to call if she needed anything. Meredith nodded and promised that they would see everyone at Christmas.
That morning, Meredith bustled around the house getting herself and Emily ready for the day, slipping easily back into the routine of rushing. What had been light drizzling when she first woke up had turned into a downpour as she drove to work, Emily singing quietly to herself in the backseat.
When they got there, Meredith opened her door and promptly stepped into a puddle barely an inch or two deep but still enough to soak her shoe through to the sock. She grumbled, and slung her bag over her shoulder, then went to the backseat to get Emily.
"We are here, Mommy!" Emily exclaimed, and let her juice cup loll to the side and settle in her car seat with her while Meredith unbuckled her. Emily climbed out and, standing in the doorway of the car, allowed Meredith to pull her sweatshirt hood up over her hair. Emily reached for Meredith's hand and smiled. "I can jump."
Meredith laughed and looked down at the puddles. "I don't think so, Em." She took Emily into her arms, balancing her bag on her left arm and Emily in her right. "Here, take your juice," she said, handing Emily the cup from her car seat. "Come on, I'll carry you."
"I can walk myself," Emily said indignantly, squinting as she looked up at the rain and stretched her hands out.
"No, I don't want you to get all wet," Meredith answered. She shut the car door and walked briskly towards the lobby, ducking her head down like it would actually help to block out the rain. "Are you excited to see Miss Brenda today? And all your friends?" Meredith asked, pausing briefly to thank the nurse just a few feet in front of her who stopped to hold the door for her. "I bet Ashley will be happy to see you."
"Ashwee is my friend," Emily said while Meredith lowered her down, letting her walk for herself now that they were inside.
"What button do we push? Where does Mommy go?" Meredith asked when the elevator doors opened and they stepped inside along with two other people. A brief phone call from Derek and a page from the nurses' station about an hour before let her know that she had paperwork waiting for her at the nurses' station to sign before getting to anything else.
"Four," Emily announced.
"That's right, good job!" Meredith praised, pressing the button before Emily could get to it and press them all.
"Where's Daddy?" Emily asked.
"Daddy is already here because he had some things to do early in the morning," Meredith replied, "But he's going to pick you up today."
"When it's time to eat dinner?"
"Yep, that's when we come get you."
The elevator doors opened at three, and then again at four, and Meredith and Emily stepped off, walking down the hall hand in hand and towards the nurse's station.
"Dr. Grey, welcome back. Hi, Emily," Tyler smiled from behind the desk, standing up and peeking over so he could see the child. "HR sent some papers down for you to sign," he said, handing Meredith a clipboard and a pen. "They just basically says that you'll be reinstated to the staff today following a leave of absence, you have surgical privileges again, that kind of thing. Some have to go down to payroll too. The chief has already signed them."
"Oh, ok," Meredith said. She dropped her bag to the floor picked Emily up. Taking the clipboard from him, she set Emily down briefly on the counter. She kept one hand on Emily's stomach, holding her steady, while she flipped quickly through the papers.
"Mommy, how come it's rainin' outside?" Emily asked, looking behind her at the large windowpane with rivulets of rain streaming down it.
"Because we live in Seattle, Em," Meredith replied, barely looking up as her eyes scanned the page in front of her. "It rains here a lot."
"Why?" she pressed on, pulling her hood off her head.
"Because we live near a lot of water."
"Rain is the same as water?" she continued curiously.
"Yes, it's water that falls down from the sky," Meredith answered, pointing towards the window and pausing for a moment to watch the droplets stream down. "We need it for all the grass and flowers."
"They drink water too?"
"Yes, everyone needs water."
"Oh," Emily sighed. "Mommy? Remember when I goed in the ocean and I swimmed?"
"Yes, Emily," she said, her fingers glossing lightly, briefly, over Emily's midsection while she signed the first paper.
"That water is not good for me to drink though," Emily continued seriously.
"You're right," Meredith agreed. She looked over at Emily, who had taken to staring at her while she filled everything out. "It has salt in it."
"Why?"
"Because that's how oceans are," she replied simply. "Their water has salt in it, and salt just makes you thirstier and thirstier." She initialed the second and third paper and signed at the bottom where she was instructed to do so. "These all go down to HR?" she asked Tyler, motioning to the clipboard.
"Oh, I can send them for you," he said hastily, taking the paperwork back from her and stowing it on the desk before he rushed off to tend to a page.
Meredith picked up her bag and slung it back over her shoulder. Just as she was about to help Emily down, she heard a familiar voice call her name from a few paces down the hall.
She whipped her head around and saw Cristina walking briskly toward her. Her curly black hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail and her white jacket, with 'Chief Resident' newly embroidered under her name, covered pristine light blue scrubs.
"Cwistina!" Emily squealed delightedly.
"Hey," Meredith smiled, Cristina standing in front of her. She was one of the good things about being back, if not the best thing. When Cristina had stopped by the house briefly on Saturday afternoon—though, being on call, she was called away early—they'd easily slipped in to old conversation. Cristina told her about the about the hospital, and about the heart transplant she had assisted on the day before. Meredith nodded enthusiastically, and asked about this year's interns, though she wouldn't be taking any of her own this year.
"Welcome back."
"It's good to be back," Meredith sighed. Damp shoe aside, the fact that she hadn't actually practiced medicine yet aside, confidence coursed through her like she could take on the world if she wanted to—like she'd faced the worst and come back from it and now anything was possible. She could take a new real beginning if she wanted.
"Cwistina, I had summer at the beach," Emily announced happily, still seated on the counter.
Of all the people Cristina Yang intimidated on a daily basis, Emily was never one of them. If anything, it was the opposite. Emily saw how much Meredith loved Cristina, and actually found her to be quite funny in all her seriousness and dry humor. Cristina wasn't affectionate the way Izzie was; she was simply clueless as to how to behave around a child. Emily, from the very beginning, entirely disregarded Cristina's wariness, and treated her with the same affection she did anyone else. Cristina was her mother's friend, so why shouldn't she be her friend as well?
"I heard about that," Cristina replied. "Your mom said you had fun."
Meredith smiled. Cristina had never been a kid person. She could relate to them on a doctor-patient level, but the smaller they were, the less she knew what to do with them. Meredith had seen her difficulty in relating to the parents of patients even more, but hadn't experienced much of it herself once she had had Emily. Cristina had been the fourth to hold Emily after she was born, after she and Derek did of course, and after Izzie. She told Meredith when Emily was a few months old that if she had to go and have a kid, Emily was a pretty good one.
"I swimmed," Emily nodded. "But now I back at the hosital."
"Yes, you are," Cristina agreed. "Your mom is probably excited, huh?"
"She is," Meredith replied. "I just had to fill out these forms and then I'm going to take her up to daycare, and then I'm back. Oh, crap," she muttered, rifling quickly through her bag. "I had a check for daycare for this month. It must still be in the car. Can you watch her for a second while I run down to the parking lot and get it?"
"Oh, uh," Cristina looked around, hesitant at the idea of being left alone with Emily. "Can't you just pay them later today?"
"I could but I'd rather just pay them now and get it done," Meredith sighed. "Cristina, I'll be back up here in five minutes, it'll be fine," she promised. "Come on, it's raining and I don't want her to get wet. Em, stay with Cristina, ok?"
"Meredith," Cristina started, before Meredith interrupted the protest that was about to spill out of her mouth.
"Do you have a patient you need to see?"
"No, but," Cristina interjected.
"Five minutes," Meredith promised. "Please, Cristina?"
"Hey, I got one of those," Emily cut in, tugging on the sleeve of Cristina's lab coat and pointing to the stethoscope around her neck.
Cristina turned towards Emily and Meredith smiled, darting toward the elevator while she had an out.
A few minutes later, Meredith had returned to the fourth floor nurses' station with the check in her hand. Cristina stood in front of Emily, who was still seated on the counter. Emily had the ear buds of Cristina's stethoscope firmly in her ears and she pressed the chestpieceagainst her own heart, staring at her body and knitting her brow in concentration.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"If she's going to hear anything, she needs a real stethoscope," Cristina replied seriously.
"Not for two hundred dollars she doesn't."
Emily removed the ear buds from her ears and set the stethoscope down in her lap. "Mommy, my heart is loud."
"Yeah? Is it like what Daddy told you it would sound like?"
"Uh huh," Emily nodded, "Boom boom boom."
"Daddy is so smart, isn't he?" Meredith teased.
Cristina scoffed. "Oh, give me a break," she said, "I know you're back and everything's all smiley and happy now but—"
"Ok," Meredith smiled brightly, cutting her off. "Em, give Cristina back her stethoscope."
"I need it," Emily frowned, tracing around the circular chestpiece with one finger.
"You have one at home," Meredith reminded her. "Come on, let's go see Miss Brenda."
"Meredith!" Izzie called cheerfully, once from just own the hall and then again when she was next to her.
"Hey, Iz." Meredith returned her smile.
"I saw Derek earlier and he said you would be in around eight and here you are," Izzie beamed. "I'm glad you're back."
"Thanks, Iz."
"Hi, Emily," Izzie exclaimed, bubbly as she swept Emily into her arms for a hug. "I'm glad you're back too." Emily wrapped her legs around Izzie's waist, Izzie supporting her with both hands on her back as she held her face to face. "Oh, you look so much older!"
"That's cause I three years old now," Emily said matter-of-factly, holding up three fingers.
"Oh, that must be why!" Izzie replied incredulously. "You look very grown-up." She reached for the stethoscope in Emily's hands, resting in the space between them. "What's this? Are you working with us today?"
"Cristina let her borrow it momentarily," Meredith supplied.
"She's showing an interest, Meredith," Cristina countered somewhat defensively.
Meredith turned to Emily. "Tell Cristina that you're very curious and you show an interest in everything."
"I am curious," Emily repeated, looking behind her to Cristina and finally passing the stethoscope back to its owner.
"When are you going to come to my house, buddy?" Izzie asked as she shifted Emily to her right hip and tapped her on the nose.
"I not know," Emily shrugged.
"We'll have to talk to your mommy about it."
"Mommy?" Emily asked hopefully, deferring back to Meredith.
"Maybe one day this week," Meredith offered noncommittally.
Before Meredith could take Emily back from Izzie so she could finally drop her off upstairs and try to get back into the swing of being a surgical resident, Dr. Bailey rushed down the hall, towards the nurses' station. She reached for the phone, about to page someone, but stopped when she saw Meredith.
"Grey," she said pointedly, hanging up the phone and heading right to her. "I need a neuro consult on a four-month-old down in the clinic presenting with severe arm weakness."
"Oh," Meredith replied a bit hesitantly. Oh. I actually have a case. I have a patient to see. "Ok. I'll be right down."
"I'm headed down to the pit but, Grey?" Bailey paused for a moment before she breezed by them, "Welcome back. You too, Miss Emily."
"Thanks, Dr. Bailey," Meredith replied. "Ok, I better go do that consult. Izzie, can I have my kid back?"
Izzie gently eased Emily down to the floor, and Meredith reached for Emily's hand.
"Mer, I was thinking we could all have lunch later?" Izzie offered, motioning to the three of them. "Alex, George, and Lexie too. Just as like a welcome home thing?"
"One o'clock?"
Izzie smiled brightly. "I'll let them know."
"Em, are you ready to see Miss Brenda now?" Meredith asked, with Emily's hand firmly clasped in hers, as she started towards the elevator.
Cristina followed, pulling Meredith aside, sarcasm flavoring every word she spoke. "She's been planning some kind of excursion with your kid for like a week now," she said. "She probably wouldn't mind if Em moved in."
"I thought she'd be concentrating on the wedding," Meredith said with some surprise as she pushed the elevator button again.
"You have no idea," Cristina muttered sarcastically. "That's another beast entirely. I'm glad you're back."
"Me too."
Cristina's pager beeped loudly as the elevator lights blinked, indicating that it was descending from the fifth floor to the fourth. Cristina groaned as she looked at the screen of her pager. "That's the pit," she grumbled before entreating Meredith. "Hope that this is actually a case for me rather than me having to go save some intern from killing someone again. I'll introduce you to the new group later."
"Here's to hoping," Meredith grinned as Cristina pressed the down button to wait for the second elevator while the first opened and Meredith and Emily stepped inside.
The daycare on the fifth floor opened several years before, though Meredith had never taken much notice of it until she had to. She loved Brenda though, and if she had to leave Emily with anyone, she'd want it to be her. The center had been converted from four gutted patient rooms, marked by a sign next to the only door that remained and decorated with paper cut-outs of summer suns and sailboats taped to the door.
Meredith pushed open the door and turned immediately to the high counter and desk to her left. The daycare had about two dozen regular attendees, all of whom were the children of doctors, nurses, or other hospital employees. Most of the other children, ranging in ages from infancy to four years old, had already been dropped off for the day to be tended to by Brenda and five other early childhood educators or child life specialists.
"Emily!" Brenda cried, springing up from behind the desk when she saw Meredith. She came out from behind the desk and squatted down to Emily's level. "Hi, sweetie! We missed you!"
"We missed you too," Meredith replied in tune. "Right, Em?"
"Miss Brenda, I was at the beach," Emily said excitedly.
"That's what your mom and dad said," Brenda replied. "Did you have fun?"
Emily nodded.
"That's great! But we're happy to have you back here with us. Your friends have been excited to see you!"
"Emily!" another woman, Jackie, who was in charge of the two- and three-year-olds, came in from one of the other rooms. "Hi, cutie! Ashley and Tessa are here already; wanna come play?" she asked, extending her hand.
"Are you ok?" Meredith asked, joining Brenda in kneeling down to meet Emily's eyes. Emily nodded, a little hesitant but not afraid. "Ok, Em," she said, cupping the back of Emily's head with her palm and pressing her lips to Emily's forehead. "I'll see you when it's time for dinner."
"Ok, Mommy," Emily replied, taking Jackie's hand and disappearing with a wave into the other room.
"How was your trip, Dr. Grey?" Brenda asked as they both stood up.
"It was really nice. A little hectic getting back," she laughed a little, shaking her head, "But it's good to be here. I have your check for the month, and her stuff here," she added, rummaging through her bag.
"Ok, great," Brenda replied, returning to the desk to take care of the business side of things. She didn't sit down, but merely leaned over her chair and entered some information in to her computer while she was still standing, and looked up. "So how is Emily? Has anything changed since we last had her here?"
Meredith cocked her head to the side and thought for a second. "She still needs her nap in the afternoon, but if she doesn't sleep as long, don't worry," she said. "Lately, she's only been napping for about an hour and a half. Oh," she said with a flourish, "She might give you a hard time about doing everything herself. Just, you know, she might freak out if you put the straw in her juice box for her or something. She's going through this independent thing," Meredith smiled, cautioning, "So if she cries about it, don't think that it's you."
"Noted," Brenda grinned. "We're glad to have her back. We did miss her while she was gone."
"She's excited to be back too."
"Is there anything else you need?" Brenda asked.
"No, just," Meredith paused for a moment and looked to the door Emily had disappeared into a few minutes before. "Page me if there's anything. I've been concerned about going from having her with us every minute of the day to being separated again. I wasn't sure how she would handle it. I mean, she seems fine," she sighed, taking a breath before she continued. "Derek said she would be, his mother said the same thing, and she looks fine. Can you just page me if she's not?"
"Of course, Dr. Grey," Brenda replied comfortingly.
* * *
It took her no time at all to go to the residents' lounge and change into scrubs, and when she draped her stethoscope around her neck and got on the elevator to go down to the clinic, for a moment she forgot that she had ever been away.
Once in the clinic, she asked where the neuro consult was needed and scanned quickly through the patient's chart as she walked down to his curtained-off area.
"Good morning, Mrs. Hoffman?" Meredith said softly, peering around the curtain before stepping into the enclosed area. She shook hands with a petite woman about her age, dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt with her blonde hair pulled loosely back and off her face. She sat on the bed with her son in her arms. "I'm Dr. Grey, I'm a neurosurgeon."
"Surgeon?" the woman asked worriedly.
"Just a precaution," Meredith assured her quickly. "Dr. Bailey asked me to come in and talk to you about the weakness your son's experiencing in his arm."
Meredith smiled, taking a look at the baby who sat comfortably in his mother's arms, holding a toy in his right hand. The child was chubby, with stubby arms and legs and a round belly. His wispy blonde hair was combed over to the side, and he looked up at Meredith with big brown eyes and an open mouth with a little drool dripping down.
"He's trying to push himself up," Mrs. Hoffman began, "He tries to hold himself up, but it seems like his arms just give out and he falls. When he falls, he cries, and…" she trailed off. "I was worried so I brought him in."
"You did the right thing," Meredith smiled comfortingly. "Mrs. Hoffman, has Brennan had any health problems we should know about?"
"He had a heart murmur when he was born," she said carefully, "But the doctors said it was benign, and at his last checkup, it had completely disappeared."
Meredith took her stethoscope and pressed it against the baby's chest and then his back, listening intently. The murmur had in fact cleared up.
"Your pediatrician was right; the murmur is gone. Which is a good thing," she assured her. "Is there anything else? Any trauma? An accident?"
"No, nothing."
"What about his delivery?"
"Brennan was a big baby," Mrs. Hoffman laughed a little. "Nine pounds, eight ounces."
"Wow," Meredith replied, wincing a little. "And is he your first?"
Mrs. Hoffman nodded. "Five days late. His shoulder got stuck, but I mean," she breathed anxiously, trying to downplay what had probably been one of the scariest moments of her life. "They got him out really quickly, and they said there was no oxygen deprivation or anything. He hasn't shown any signs of brain damage."
"Ok," Meredith said, taking down some notes on his chart. "I'm going to do a basic neurological check, just to see if there is any apparent damage that I can tell from that, and then we'll go from there."
Mrs. Hoffman nodded and helped Meredith lay the boy down on the bed. He whimpered at the disturbance, and looked up and almost behind him while his mother held him steady.
"Hey, buddy," Meredith said soothingly. "I'm just going to check you out, ok? Mrs. Hoffman, first I'm going to see how Brennan responds to stimuli."
She nodded again and watched while Meredith rolled a pinwheel up his left foot and then his right, making some notes on his chart and noting that he had sensation in his lower extremities. When she did it to his arms however, only the right seemed to respond. When she rolled the pinwheel over his left arm, he laid there, whimpering and looking up at his mother, but seemingly unresponsive to the sensation at all.
She marked everything down on his chart and smiled reassuringly at Mrs. Hoffman before she proceeded. "You're a good boy, Brennan. You're doing so well," she murmured, gathering his arms in both hands and pressing them to his chest, bent at the elbow. She held them there briefly, but frowned when she let them go and only the right arm bent again and drew up to his chest on its own. She frowned at the left arm, which hung limply at his side. She repeated the same motions, and Brennan's arms reacted exactly the same way. "Have you noticed limpness in his left arm before?" Meredith asked.
Mrs. Hoffman nodded as her eyes filled with tears. "They told me it would go away but it just didn't seem right to just keep waiting for it to get better."
"You did the right thing by bringing him in, Mrs. Hoffman," Meredith said quietly. "We're going to figure out what's wrong."
She took his left arm in her hands and tried to rotate his wrist. It moved with good range of motion, but when she tried to repeat the maneuver with his elbow and shoulder, she was met with much more resistance. His elbow flexed but only with difficulty, and his shoulder fell limp in her hands, stiff when she tried to rotate it.
Brennan cried indignantly at the disturbance, rolling his head to the side with fat tears rolling down his face. "It's ok," Meredith soothed. "We're almost done."
"It's ok, Brenny," Mrs. Hoffman whispered, leaning down to him, keeping one hand on his stomach but pressing the other against his cheek. She kissed the crown of his head and murmured over and over, "It's ok."
Meredith straightened up, and nodded comfortingly at the woman seated across from her on the bed. Mrs. Hoffman scooped the baby up into her arms, kissed him and held him close. She fumbled through the bag she brought with her and offered him his pacifier. After a moment of maneuvering, he took it and sucked greedily.
"Mrs. Hoffman," Meredith began gently, "I'd like to get an x-ray and run a few other tests just to get a better idea of what's going on internally. Brennan is exhibiting some signs of nerve damage in his left arm. It is possible it could be a complication from his delivery."
"Why didn't they tell me this could keep going on?" Mrs. Hoffman demanded.
"Most injuries of this kind resolve themselves on their own," Meredith said. "My best guess is that the doctors were most immediately concerned with the heart murmur, but now that this is affecting his mobility and its not getting better, it is a cause for concern."
"Is he going to be ok?" she asked tearfully.
"We're going to get you some answers," Meredith promised.
* * *
Upstairs, a few hours later, Meredith leaned against the nurses' station, reading through the results of the tests she had ordered on Brennan Hoffman earlier that day. His EMG and NCS tests were problematic at face value, and the results difficult to obtain when the patient was a terrified four-month-old who squirmed and cried for his mother. Mrs. Hoffman sat with him the entire time, and Meredith knew from the extent of the nerve damage that the prick of the needle itself hadn't hurt him, but in such a stressful environment, surrounded by medical equipment, Brennan cried and cried. Mrs. Hoffman had been distraught, tearful herself, bent down with both hands on the baby and her lips pressed to the crown of his head. She offered him his pacifier and he alternated between taking it and spitting it out to cry.
The x-ray was more successful. Meredith gave Brennan a mild sedative and offered Mrs. Hoffman a few words of reassurance before walking her out to the waiting room herself. She promised that they were almost finished, but now, reading the full report of his EMG results, and holding his x-rays up to the light, she frowned at the extent of the damage. She sighed, marked the information down on his chart, and passed the paperwork and films back to the nurse to file away. Before she could turn to the waiting room, Derek came up behind her, ran the fingertips of his left hand lightly across her hip and spoke low, with warm breath on her neck and the words rushing by her ear.
"Dr. Grey," he said. "Welcome back."
"Welcome back, Dr. Shepherd," she replied, turning around to face him. "How did your vestibular schwannoma case go?"
"We got everything and the patient still has his hearing," he nodded proudly. "How is your day going?"
"Actually, I need a consult," she sighed. "I have a baby down in the clinic with a severe brachial plexus injury. He's going to need surgery, and I figured since you've done the procedure before--"
"Yeah, of course," Derek responded immediately. He tilted his head just slightly to the right, looked at her with concern in his eyes. "How old is the baby?"
"Four months," Meredith breathed. "Shoulder dystocia during delivery and now he's trying to push himself up but he can't."
"They didn't test for a brachial plexus injury at birth?" he frowned.
"They did but he also had what turned out to be a benign heart murmur," Meredith began. "They were probably more concerned with that at first and thought this would resolve on its own. I was just about to go tell his mother and then I wanted to call his pediatrician."
"Ok," Derek nodded, "And he's in the clinic?"
"Yes."
"Let me just check on this patient," he said, holding up the chart he held in his right hand. "I'll be down in a few minutes."
"Ok, I'm going to go tell his mother," Meredith sighed. Before she could turn back towards the elevators, Derek stopped her once more.
"Meredith?" he asked, "How was Emily this morning?"
"Good," Meredith smiled, nodding confidently. "Happy to see everybody. Although," she laughed, "She might be requiring more professional medical equipment than the things she has."
"Why is that?" Derek asked, delighted amusement lacing every inflection.
"Cristina let her use her stethoscope to listen to her own heart this morning," Meredith supplied. "She was very impressed with herself."
"Yeah, well she's very impressive," he countered, drawing her in a little closer for a moment. "How are you?"
Meredith sighed. Our daughter is healthy. She's upstairs playing right now. And you're here. And you will be here, all the time, saying things.
"I'm good too."
* * *
Back in the clinic, Meredith slipped quietly into the sectioned off area where Mrs. Hoffman and Brennan had returned to following the x-ray. The baby slept peacefully in her arms, curled up and molded to her with his hand on her chest. Mrs. Hoffman smoothed the baby's hair back, slowly and over and over again when he stirred and almost woke, and then returned her hand, palm outstretched, to rest on his chest.
"He's missing his nap," Mrs. Hoffman said quietly, taking her eyes off Brennan to look up expectantly at Meredith. "We're making do."
"Mrs. Hoffman," Meredith said softly, "Brennan's tests and x-rays were indicative of a brachial plexus injury, which is a birth injury that can happen with a shoulder dystocia. There can be nerve damage when the doctor tugs on the baby's head and neck to try to get him out," she explained. "The idea is to get the baby out with as little oxygen deprivation as possible, but in doing that, brachial plexus injury can happen. The baby's shoulder gets stuck behind the pubic bone and the nerves from the spinal cord can be strained or separated, which is what happened in Brennan's case. In a lot of cases, brachial plexus injuries can resolve on their own, but since Brennan's case is more severe and it's affecting his development, I'm going to recommend surgery," she finished gently.
"Surgery?" Mrs. Hoffman sucked in a breath, tears filling her eyes at the mere utterance of the word.
"I've spoken with Dr. Shepherd—he's the head of neurosurgery here," Meredith began. "He's performed the procedure before with a high success rate. Brennan would be in excellent hands. I've asked him to come down and speak with you about the procedure."
"He's so little," Mrs. Hoffman choked out, looking down at her son and wiping a few tears off her face as they fell.
"I know this is scary," Meredith said quietly, taking a seat on the bed next to Mrs. Hoffman and laying a hand gently on her back, "But the surgery can correct the problem. If Dr. Shepherd is successful, Brennan will go on to have a normal life."
"It's just," the woman breathed, touching the sleeping baby's hair and then his face, "He's my kid."
"I know," Meredith smiled, meeting Mrs. Hoffman's worried gaze. "Is there anyone you'd like to call?"
"My husband," she breathed immediately.
"I'll take you to a phone when you're ready," Meredith offered, "And then I can admit Brennan. We can get him into surgery tomorrow."
"Is this Dr. Shepherd good?" she asked anxiously.
"He's the best," Meredith assured her with a confident yet reserved smile. "He should be here in a few minutes to talk to you about everything and answer any other questions you might have."
"Dr. Grey, is he going to be ok?" Mrs. Hoffman asked as Meredith stood up to leave.
"That's why we need to do the surgery," she replied. "To fix that separation and make him ok." Her expression softened. "Dr. Shepherd has been very successful with this procedure in the past. We're very hopeful."
* * *
That evening, after a full, hectic day at the hospital, Meredith returned home. There had been no surgery today—five patients, but no cutting. That would come later in the week; the day's diagnoses led to one surgery after another, scheduled for almost every day in the coming week. Not all of the procedures got assigned to her, but enough of them did, and she eagerly anticipated seeing her name on the OR board again.
Derek pulled her aside earlier that afternoon, after he did the consult on her patient, and told her that he was leaving an hour early. He had two surgeries scheduled for the next day, and with no post-op patients to see, he was finished for the day. If it was ok, he thought he'd take Emily home early.
A few hours later, Meredith's shift ended and, climbing into her car, she felt a vague sense of success, despite the day's lack of OR time. It had stopped raining, and the warm summer air seemed like it had left with the rain. There was a definite chill to the air, not a breath of coldness exactly, but an unmistakable indication that the seasons were changing.
The gravel crunched underneath her tires as she pulled into the driveway beside the house and parked her car. Though it wasn't dark yet, barely even dusk, the light that streamed out of the kitchen windows wrapped around her heart. She could hear Emily and Derek talking when she opened the front door, and smiled when she heard Emily call for her in a high, sing-song voice almost immediately. She dropped her bag at the door and went to her.
Emily knelt on one of the dining room chairs, hunched over the table with a sloppy ponytail bobbing in the air as she colored vigorously. Her paper was set between her napkin and silverware, and two other empty place settings were already out and on the table.
Derek stood at the stove, conjuring up a savory aroma, poking at a pot of rice as fat dripped from the Foreman grill. He turned when he heard her come in, smiling and saying hello as she leaned over Emily first.
"Hey, Em," Meredith said, leaning over Emily from behind to take a look at her artwork. She kissed the top of Emily's head and ran a hand lightly over Emily's hair.
"Mommy!" Emily cried happily. She stood up on her chair, abandoning her picture, and turned around to face Meredith. She reached for her and pulled her closer. "You comed back."
"Of course I did," Meredith answered, tilting her head to the side as she smoothed Emily's hair back once more. "Did you have a good day today?"
"Mommy, we played all day," Emily nodded contentedly.
"You did? That sounds like a great day," she replied enthusiastically. "Where's your chair?"
She didn't see the booster seat they used at the dining room table to bring Emily up higher. Emily was sitting in her usual seat now while she waited for dinner to be finished, but the seat was nowhere to be found.
"Someone has decided that she doesn't need it," Derek sighed, indicating that there must have been a tantrum earlier that afternoon. "She's a big girl," he laughed. "This three years old thing is going to take some adjustment, isn't it, Bean?"
Meredith went to Derek next, the heel of her palm against his hip. He turned the stove off, and turned into her, caressing her for a moment. "What about you?" she asked between two short kisses. "How was the first day back?"
"Surgery," he grinned. "I can't complain."
Meredith helped Emily gather up her art supplies and set them aside while Derek finished the meal and put the food on the table.
"Did you have a good day?" Derek asked as he slid into his seat across from Meredith and Emily.
"I did."
"We admitted Brennan Hoffman this afternoon," he informed her while he spooned rice and a few green beans onto Emily's plate.
"I know," Meredith replied. She took two of the chicken breasts off the larger plate in front of her, transferring them both to her own plate. She cut up the smaller of the two into tiny bite-sized pieces and scooped them all onto Emily's plate for her. "I stopped by his room before I left."
After she rounded on her own patients, but before she left the hospital, Meredith stopped in peds. She wasn't technically on the Hoffman case anymore, having officially transferred primary care over to Derek earlier that day. She came by anyway, just in case either parent had questions or if there was anything else she could do. Mrs. Hoffman sat in a rocking chair, cuddling close with Brennan, but shook her hand and thanked her for everything. After answering a few new questions for Mr. Hoffman, Meredith quietly let herself out and promised reassuringly that she would check in on them in the morning.
"You did?" he asked.
She shrugged, and started to cut her own food. When she glanced up again, she found Derek looking at her with a curious sort of gleam in his eyes. "His parents were freaking out," she supplied.
"He's on the schedule for tomorrow afternoon," he assured her. "I'll be sure to speak with them tomorrow morning to see if they have any more questions."
"Do you think you can repair the nerves?" she asked.
Derek nodded, a gesture that was somewhat hesitant, though definitely there regardless. "Yeah, I think I can."
He took a few bite of his food. So did she. She reminded Emily to use her fork as the child ate heartily, chewing contentedly bite after bite.
"Do you want to scrub in?" Derek asked after a moment.
"Yeah," she sighed, a slow smile spreading across her face. "I do."