The Promise

AN: So…I clearly didn't get this one up as soon as I wanted to. Blame my life. Blame all the crap that seems to be going on right now. But I'm not going to talk about that. I have to written. It's here and hopefully the next one will be up shortly after this one.

Anyway. The response to the last chapter was amazing you guys. Thank you so much for your wonderful support. This story means a lot to me and I'm so glad that you guys are enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it.

With that said, again, your amazing support helped me get this chapter written through the madness. Thank you all for that. I really appreciate it.

I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the last…all the encouragement has definitely helped me keep this going.

Chapter 13: Day 200

Almost two weeks had passed since she had admitted her love to Booth. They hadn't spoken of it again. It wasn't that she wasn't willing to talk about it, and it wasn't that she didn't want to. It was that they both knew that right now, neither of them could do a thing about it. They couldn't touch each other. They couldn't go on a date. They couldn't do all the normal things that a budding relationship would require. So, it became something that lurked in the shadows, haunting them.

After the fourth day had passed without Booth talking about her admission, she couldn't help the fear that crept inside of her. Did he regret his own admission of love? Did he no longer feel the same way? Had he met someone else? The questions hounded her, making her anxious and on edge. She knew that there was an easy solution. She knew that she could ask him, but the anxiety and fear that seemed to have taken up residence inside of her made it hard for her to say a word. So she fell silent. She spoke to him daily as if everything was normal, except it wasn't. She was confused. She was scared. And she felt alone… still.

The wall that had surrounded her heart for years was gone. The emotions stirred inside of her like ingredients in a mixing bowl. Some days different ingredients were heavier than others. Some days she could handle Booth's apparent reluctance to discuss the matter further. And other days she felt as if it were going to rip her to shreds.

This was one of the days where she felt like she was being torn apart.

XXXXXX

Her fingers settled onto the keyboard of her laptop. Her "For Booth" document was open on the screen. She had been staring at it for the last five minutes, not reading a word of what was written inside. She needed to write. She hadn't written in the document for days. Thoughts were building up inside of her and she needed to purge them before they became too much and overwhelmed her. But she didn't know where to start. So she waited. She waited for the place to start to find her.

The cursor blinked on the screen. Her fingers tapped lightly on the keys impatiently waiting for her to make up her mind. Minutes continued to pass. She continued to stare idly at the screen.

Her phone buzzed beside her. She turned her head away from the computer. Booth's name flashed across the screen. She didn't hesitate to answer it.

"Brennan."

"Hi, Bones," Booth responded softly. "How's it going today?"

With a firm hand, she closed her laptop, unwilling to look at the document in front of her any longer. "We had another successful day for the project."

"That's great, Bones."

"Yes, I'm quite pleased with the amount of work that we've been able to accomplish over the past few days."

What she wasn't saying was that she was doing most of the work. She was doing it to distract herself. To occupy her mind so that she didn't spend more time worrying about Booth and their relationship than she already was.

"That must be nice," Booth said distractedly.

Brennan frowned. Seeds of anxiety began to boom inside of her. "Is there something wrong, Booth?"

"Everything's great here, Bones. Why?"

"You just…" She stopped for a second before continuing. "You don't seem like yourself today."

Booth sighed heavily into the phone. "Things have been more challenging over the last few days."

Anxiety sparked inside of her, traveling through her veins.

"Is it because of what I said?" She asked softly.

"What?" Booth stammered. "Bones, no. It isn't because of what you said." He took a deep breath. "To tell you the truth that's the only thing that's been keeping me going the past few days."

"I don't understand."

"You're the only thing that's been keeping me afloat the past few days, Bones. You're the reason why I'm able to get through the day, why I'm able to keep going even when I get twenty wrong answers and an absolute no."

"Booth, I don't understand – "

"What I'm trying to say here is that the funk I've been in has nothing to do with you," Booth interrupted. "You keep me going."

She thought about the last few days. She thought about her fears, about her varying emotions. And she knew it all made sense. There was a part of her that knew something was wrong. She knew the scale was tipped.

"Is that why you haven't been talking about my admission?"

"Bones…"

"No, Booth. I said things to you. I let my walls come crumbling down for you and we haven't talked about it since that moment. You haven't…" She choked on her words, emotions overflowing inside of her. Tears pooled in her eyes. "You haven't said anything about it since that night, Booth. Nothing. I didn't know what to think. I still don't know what to think."

"I'm sorry," Booth breathed. "I'm sorry. You should have said something, Bones. You should have told me how you were feeling."

Brennan remained quiet, unsure of herself. Unsure if there was anything more in this moment that she wanted to say.

"This isn't how I planned for this to happen, Bones."

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean I didn't plan on this happening while we're separated. While we're in two different countries," Booth admitted sadly. "I didn't plan for this to happen after being separated for over half a year." He swallowed thickly into the phone. "I always thought that we'd be together. That I would get to take you out and kiss you goodnight. That I would get to slowly date you, to show you the differences between your partner and your lover."

Brennan frowned. "But we can still have that, Booth. It will just be delayed."

"That's just it. I didn't want it to happen this way. I didn't want to not be able to pull you into my arms and kiss you immediately. I didn't want to be stuck on the phone telling you that I love you too."

"Booth…"

"I know it's foolish. I know that life doesn't always happen the way we want it to. But damn it I wanted to be next to you when you finally said those words to me. I wanted to be able to take you out the next night and kiss you goodnight at your door. I wanted to show you that this could work."

"Booth, we can still have all those things," she reasoned. "We can still have a first date and we can kiss goodnight, even though it's foolish to think that nothing more than kissing will happen. You can still show me the differences between the man I work with and the man I get to sleep beside. It will just come later."

"I don't want it to come later. I don't want to wait."

She couldn't stop the small smile from spreading across her face. And the anxiety that had been flowing through her veins like an electric charge finally simmered. He didn't regret it. He wasn't ignoring it. He was trying to get by. Just like she was.

"I tried to get leave to see you," Booth blurted suddenly. "In fact, I've tried repeatedly but they aren't having it. I'm sorry, Bones. I wanted to come to Maluku. I wanted to see you."

Brennan noted that this was the first time that Booth had said "Maluku" correctly, and because she knew him, she knew why he did. He was serious. This wasn't a joke. This wasn't something that he wanted to laugh off or brush aside. This had been bothering him ever since she had asked, and probably even more after she had finally admitted her love to him. And because she knew him, she knew how to help him. She knew exactly what he needed to hear.

"Booth, this isn't your fault." She said the words clearly and slowly, hesitating for only a second before continuing. "We both chose this. We did this. And if anything I played more a role in this than you did. I'm the one that wasn't sure. I'm the one that needed the break, the time, the space. I'm the one that needed to figure it out. You knew and I made you wait. This isn't your fault, Booth. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine."

"This is not your fault, Bones," he said emphatically. "None of this is your fault."

"Then, it can't be your fault either," Brennan said logically.

Booth sighed heavily into the phone. "Bones…"

"It can't be your fault and not my fault as well. That isn't how this is going to work."

"Bones," he repeated.

"No, Booth. We're not going to start whatever this is between us out that way. You think that us not being together is your fault. It isn't. Yes, I understand that it is unfortunate that we are not together in this moment, but we can make up for it. There is time."

"But what if there isn't time? What if the time we're spending apart is all the time we've got?" He paused for a second, and then added, "What if something happens to you? What if something happens to me? What if we never get the chance - "

"Stop," Brennan snapped. "You have to stop."

Her heart jumped inside of her chest. Her eyes slammed shut. She tried to keep the thoughts out. She tried to keep the "what ifs" from slipping inside of her already crammed brain, but some of them made it through. Some of them swam with her already darkened thoughts. Panic seized her. What if something did happen? What if one of them didn't make it through this separation? She felt the darkness pulling her under.

"Bones? Are you okay?" Booth asked with concern.

She couldn't open her mouth. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't speak. Her eyes opened in fear. The panic that swirled inside of her like a tornado was growing. Her thoughts were scrambled inside of her aching mind. The damage of the storm inside of her was spreading.

"Bones?"

A strangled cry fell from her mouth. She brought her free hand up, covering her mouth, embarrassed that she had allowed the cry to slip out. She hadn't wanted him to know. She hadn't wanted him to be aware of how his words had hurt her, how they had been the humidity on a warm day, causing the storm to appear.

"Bones, come on. Talk to me," Booth begged.

Free tears dripped from her eyes. She didn't bother to swipe them away. No one could see her now. She was alone. She was protected from judgment. The image of Booth lying in the sand on the desert floor, bleeding, filled her mind, assaulting her already under siege brain. It was too much. Her hands trembled. The room around her began to shake. Her breaths were wrapped and weak. She needed oxygen.

"Bones," Booth said urgently. "Bones, you have to listen to me. You have to listen to the sound of my voice. You have to focus on that, okay? Just, focus on me. Focus on what I'm saying, baby. Take slow, deep breaths. I shouldn't have said what I said. I'm sorry. Nothing is going to happen to me, Bones. Or to you. We're going to make it out of this and when we do, I'm going to take you on the best damn date of your life."

She took a long, steady breath. The red of Booth's blood from the image continued to seep through her thoughts.

"Good, Bones. Good. Take another one for me."

She took another deep breath. She felt her body relax. She felt her tears begin to dry.

"I'm sorry, Bones. I didn't mean to – "

"It's fine," she interrupted. "I know you didn't know."

"Is it always that bad?" Booth asked gently.

"Is what always that bad?"

"When you think about that, when you have dreams about me dying, is your reaction always that bad?"

"Sometimes," she admitted softly. "Sometimes they are worse."

"Bones…"

"It isn't your fault, Booth."

"Maybe you should talk to someone – "

"No." Brennan denied him instantly. "I'm already taking measures to help myself work through them. I'll be fine. It'll be better once we're together again. It'll be better when you're not over there, when you're not in a war zone."

"Bones, you don't know that. You don't know if they'll go away. They started before we left."

"I know that, Booth."

"I'm just trying to help."

"I just need you to do what you promised, Booth. I need you to follow through on that, and I'll follow through on mine."

"I don't break my promises, Temperance. Especially to you."

"I know," she swallowed. "Just promise me one more time. Promise me that you won't be you, that you'll be safe."

"I promise, Bones," Booth said tenderly. "I promise you that and so much more."

"Okay," she breathed. "Okay."

"I love you, Bones. You now that, right?"

Her heart skipped a beat. A jolt of happiness spread across her body. The panic from earlier easily replaced by three little words. I love you. It was that simple. That was all he had to say and she felt better. She felt safe. She felt protected. She felt alive.

She didn't hesitate before responding, before declaring her own love to him.

She knew what the truth was now. She knew that her life was tied to his.

She knew that he was the one she didn't want to let go. The one that she didn't want to lose.

The one for the rest of her life.

Still enjoying this one? If you have a second, I'd love to hear from you.