XII Ashling

It was that same night when the girl appeared in Rainbow's dreams once more. This time however it was a bit different, she was dreaming about a romantic date on the beach with her dream boyfriend. The dream couple was laughing and smiling when she had shown up behind them.

"You've gotta be kidding me." She said as she facepalmed.

"What?" Rainbow turned around bright red, and saw her standing there calmly while sighing and shaking her head.

"...Should I leave?" She asked, not wanting to stick around if it was suddenly going to get all mature.

"Who are you?" She got to her feet, noticing her "boyfriend" disappear from the dream. "Or are just a part of my dreams?"

"Remember me from before? I woke you up when Rain was fighting Jivana. Thanks for helping."

She nodded. "Yes, I remember you..." She tilted her head as she looked at her once more, once again seeing that she looked so much like Rain... "What's your name?"

"Ashling...Ashling Estheim."

"You're Rain's sister right?"

It made sense now there, but what was she doing in her dreams?

"I was..." Ashling said softly.

"Was...?"

"Honestly you can't figure it out?" she asked as she folded her arms. "I'm dead, just a wandering spirit."

She flinched, not having heard a word of Rain and Faith's sister being dead, but yet here she was telling her that...

"What? But... How? If I can know..."

"It's not my place to say. No one else even knows I'm here right now...And as far as mom knows I'm still alive. I want to keep it that way until someone tells her, alright? Not a word about me."

"Okay, I understand, but..." She just had to ask..."You and Rain look so much alike...Are you twins?"

She nodded.

"I'm sorry..."

To die and leave the other twin behind...It was just like Nora and Claire. She may have grown up an only child, but it still sounded awful.

"He's the one who's sorry...Blaming himself for my death, it's part of the reason I haven't moved on. And you are the other part."

She flinched at the accusing finger that was now pointed at her. Her gaze was cold for a moment, but then it softened.

"The other part?"

"Yes." She said folding her arms. "If mom doesn't go back with my dad and siblings to our world...I'll never make it to the other side, my family must be complete once more before I do, I need to be sure that they'll be alright...But you're my sister, too…So, if she does go back, are you going to be alright? That's why I came to check on you..."

Rainbow sighed, but then looked at her with a smile.

"Yes, don't worry about me. Someday I'm sure I'll find a way to see her again."

"Good."

She smiled back, relieved, but then she flinched and covered the side of her head in pain. Blood had slowly began to flow from underneath her hand.

"Ashling!"

"My time's up...I can't stay here any longer..."

"But-"

"I'll be ok, it's not the first time this has happened." She said with a forced smile trying to assure her that she was going to be alright as she began to fade away.

"Don't go..."

"Don't worry, I'll come visit you in another dream soon..."

"Alright..."

"Do me a favor and keep an eye on Rain...I can't anymore..." Then she was gone as quickly as she came.

Lightning was alert the whole way back from Academia. She knew their actions had probably affected the timeline immediately, thus resulting in a pissed off Caius. As she rode on the back of Fenrir, her arms gently wrapped around Cloud while Hope rode in the side car. She kept her eyes peeled for Caius, often glancing around in the night sky for him in his Chaos Bahamut form. There was no sign of him…until New Bodhum was finally in sight.

Caius stood a few yards in front of the village gate, eyes burning furiously. Cloud pulled over immediately, and the three of them drew their respective weapons at once.

"You're in no condition to fight him Hope." Lightning whispered harshly as she took a step in front of him protectively.

"I know that, but I can at least offer some support."

She nodded, but had a feeling that Caius was going to go after him the most so she would have to be careful to protect him in this fight.

"Your actions have changed the future..." Caius said as he slowly drew his sword, barely heard a word of what they were saying. "Because of that another Yeul has died!"

Caius charged at them at once, and Cloud took action immediately by drawing the attention on himself instead of Lightning and Hope...

Hope hurried inside with Lightning in his arms, slowly bleeding from a few scratches. He had to cast cura to slow most of the bleeding, but she still needed to be bandaged.

Everything had been fine for a while, Lightning and Cloud holding off Caius while he had throwing spells on the side, both attack Caius with them, and protection spells on the two of them. But then Caius had found an opening, and gone right for him. Lightning had gotten to him just in time, taking the blow for him, which naturally resulted in her current wound. Cloud told him to get her inside and take care of her, while he finished the fight, so he did.

"You'll be ok, Light."

He gently set her down on the couch, then turned to go get some rubbing alcohol and bandages.

"Hope, I'm fine."

She tried to stand up, but he turned back to her with a worried look. He knew she was stubborn and liked to push herself in situations like this, often writing off minor wounds like nothing, but he didn't like it one bit.

"Light, don't move! At least not until I tend to your wounds."

"What's going on?"

Hope paled as he heard his son's voice, guessing that he had woken up at the noise they had made coming in. He knew Rain's fears, there weren't many, but blood was one of them.

"Rain don't look!" He stepped in front of Light as he turned to him, hoping he could block the view in time, but he saw that it was to late. Rain took a few steps back, pale, and hands trembling.

"Blood..."

He knew what was coming for Rain, and it wasn't pretty.

"Rain calm down!"

He quickly stepped towards him trying to calm his son, but he screamed when he touched him and roughly shoved him away.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" He backed into the wall immediately, eyes wide with fear, his whole body shaking as he slowly slid along the walls and back to his room.

He then began whispering apologies, then turned and ran into his room at once, locking the door behind him.

"Rain! Damn it..."

"What the hell was that about?" Lightning asked worriedly as she forced herself up.

"I've seen him like this before..." Hope muttered as he gathered the supplies. "He'll stay locked in a room until he calms down."

"Rain..."

She made her way to the door, frustrated that he had locked it from the inside. They could both hear him whispering to himself between soft sobs.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry Ashling..."

"I need to see my son."

She looked ready to break the door knob off at this point.

"Let me bandage you first."

She sighed, but didn't protest further as she sat back down and removed the blood stained parts of her clothes. They were both silent as Hope cleaned and bandaged her wounds, then cast regen for an extra measure. Then without warning, she got up again and moved towards the guest room.

"Light, wait!"

He followed her, noticing that she already had her hand on the doorknob now, but paused when they heard Rain continue to talk to himself.

"I'm sorry..." he repeated. "I didn't mean to kill him!"

She froze at once, eyes widening. Hope bit his lip, knowing full well that Rain was probably huddled in a corner with his knees to his chest, his face buried in his hands.

"I couldn't save Ashling either..."

It was then when Hope stiffened, and he watched Lightning pale. She slowly turned to him, confusion and worry written all over her face. He had been fearing this for five years; having to tell his wife what happened to Ashling. Before she could say anything, he sighed and gently took her hand and led her back to the living room. They sat side by side on the couch, still holding and gently stroking her hand as he tried to find the words. This wasn't at all how he wanted to break the terrible news to her, he had always wanted to try and break it to her lightly if possible, not while she was injured and Rain was in the middle of a breakdown...

"Hope..." She finally spoke, breaking the silence. "What happened to Ashling? Where is she?"

He winced a bit, then closed his eyes as he gulped nervously.

"Five years ago...They were all kidnapped and held for ransom. When we got to them...Ashling was already dead, as was one of their captors..."

He couldn't bear to look at her as he spoke, he hung his head in shame the whole time. Silence returned for a few moments, but he could feel Lightning's hand tense up and begin to tremble.

"Ashling..."

He closed his eyes, his heart filling with dread, but he snapped out of it whens she pulled away and leapt up without warning.

"Ashling!"

She reached out as if she was there, she could see her. It wasn't hard to guess that she was hallucinating, her mind breaking down as tears began to fall.

"Light, please calm down!"

He stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders. That seemed to snap her out of it, but then she slumped down in tears.

"My baby!"

"I know..." he whispered, sitting down with her and gently pulling her into a hug.

Seeing her break down like this was just as bad as losing their dear Ash to begin with, and she didn't know about Serah yet either...

"My baby..."

"I'm sorry Noel and I couldn't rescue them sooner...Even a minute sooner and she would still be alive..." He rested Lightning's head on his shoulder, and gently began stroking her hair.

"I'll never be able to forgive myself..."

"It's not your fault, Light, please don't blame yourself. Rain already has the guilt of it on his shoulders."

"I'm a terrible mother!"

"No you're not! Don't say that!"

"Ashling..."

"I'm sure she's in a peaceful place..."

She shook her head as he continued to try and comfort her.

"I don't know why, but I don't think that she is…It doesn't feel right..."

"We have to have some faith that she is..."

"Faith..."

"She's safe with us now." He reminded her. "Caius can't hurt our children as long as we're here to protect them."

"I need to get my mind clear...I think... I need to rest...'

Her message was clear: 'Just leave me alone right now'. He frowned at this, but nodded and took a step back as she stood up and silently headed towards her bedroom, and softly closed the door behind her.

Rain sat in the dark corner of the guest room, curled up with his knees to his chest as he softly sobbed, his mind stuck in the past...

The three of them stood side by side, Faith nervously clinging to him and trembling slightly from fear. He stood strong though, gently stroking her hair to try and calm her a bit, while Ashling stood on the other side of him holding his free hand.

None of them were sure how many days it had been since they were first kidnapped, but they all had a feeling it was coming to an end now. Both of their captors were tall, burly, muscular, middle aged men, and hadn't spoken much. At the moment one of them was no where to be seen in the small shady apartment that they had been held in for the past few days. The other one however, sat in front of them at the kitchen table, cleaning his two black 9mm handguns.

This was the one who hadn't spoken a word to them the whole time, just glared at the three of them. The other one had assured the three of them that they wouldn't be harmed as long as they behaved, they just wanted the ransom money they were requesting from their father and they would be set free after. But this one had other plans, and he stated them as he slowly began putting his weapons back together.

He didn't give his name, but according to him their mother had gotten him put away for quite some time. Now that he was free, he wanted pay back. He knew that she had been MIA for the past three years, but wouldn't it be nice and tragic for her if she came back and found out that her three children had been murdered?

Faith had whimpered and buried her face into Rain's shirt once he had revealed his plans, while he gently squeezed his twin's hand, trying to assure her that it would all be alright some how. As the oldest siblings, they had been the ones to be strong and hold it together for Faith's sake, telling her that they were all going to be rescued safe and sound pretty soon. Even now they were trying to remain calm, but that was tested when their captor began spouting crap about their mother.

"I bet she left your father because he's a workaholic and a wuss."

His words bothered Rain extremely, and made his anger flare up. Hell no! She loved Hope, she would never abandon any of them like that! Grr, he had half a mind to tell this bastard that no matter the consequences, but Ashling snapped before he did.

"Shut up!"

They all flinched, and Rain tried to harshly whisper her to be quiet.

"Heck I bet she's sleeping with another man right now..."

"I said shut-up!"

She banged her fists on the table right beside the man, a fire spell unexpectedly exploding from her fists. Surprised, Rain yanked himself and Faith down to the floor for cover, not even knowing that she could use magic, but she was probably just as surprised as he was. Faith had fallen silent, and he saw that it was because she had hit her head hard on the floor and was now unconscious. He was about to look to see that Ashling too was ok when he heard her scream.

"You little brat!"

Fear settled in at once. He heard a few things get knocked over, and turned to see Ashling caught and struggling in their captor's grasp.

"You'll be the first to go then!"

His eyes widened in horror as the gun was placed to the side of her head. He could see her pale and stiffen in fear as she looked to him, eyes full of terror and fear.

"Rain, help me!" She pleaded as she continued to pointlessly struggle against the man.

He was frozen with fear, but his hand brushed against something cold and metal. His eyes turned to see it was the other gun, likely one of the things that was knocked off the table. And now it was within his reach. Without hesitation he snatched it up and got to his feet, steady aiming and pointing it right at the man's head.

"Let her go!"

He wasn't planning to pull the trigger, just scare him into letting his twin go. But that didn't happen. The man smirked as he called his bluff, and went to pull the trigger on her head. Two gun shots rang out, one right after the other. Two bodies silently fell to the floor after, both of them bleeding from their gunshot wounds to the head.

He didn't notice that the front door burst open moments later, that Hope, Noel and a handful of soldiers had come to rescue them. He didn't hear any of their voices, he didn't see Noel pick up Faith and take her away before she woke up. He didn't even feel his father's warm comforting hand on his shoulder as the other gently pried the gun out of his hands, softly talking to him to try to snap out of his dazed state.

He only silently stared at the corpses on the floor, and the slowly growing pool of blood that was forming around them. He had killed a man. Ashling was dead. He had killed a man and Ashling was dead. He had killed a man for nothing, there was blood on his hands for nothing.

Only when he saw the body bags come into view, and them reach for Ashling, did he snap out of it. He screamed and tore himself away from his father, running towards his fallen twin and knelt by her corpse, picking her up by her shoulders and gently shaking her, begging and crying for her to open her eyes and wake up, to prove that she was ok.

Eventually she was pried away from him, and his father gently hugged him and began stroking his hair as he continued to sob. He continued to sob, and stared his now blood stained hands. Bloodstained from touching her, from failing to save her...

"Rain...? Are you ok?"

A soft touch on his shoulder brought him back to the present, back in the corner of the dark room. Rainbow sat in front of him, but he was only barely aware of her. Hadn't he locked the door? How'd she get in? He had to be seeing things...

"I couldn't save her..."

In his hands he had Ashling's old tear drop pendent, one of the only things he had left of her. At once she moved to hug him, making him stiffen immediately.

"She's fine, she doesn't like to see you cry..."

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" He screamed, shoving her away at once and crawling back as far as he could go.

"Rain..."

"It was all my fault...Oh Etro, I'm so sorry..."

"Don't blame yourself!"

"But if I had killed that man sooner then she would still be alive!" He flinched at the memory. "All that blood..." His hands trembled. "You don't know what it's like to kill someone...And all for nothing..."

She once again tried to hug him, and was repeatedly shoved away, but gently this time.

"I'm pathetic...A horrible older brother..."

"No you're not, she still loves you."

"I've only been holding it together believing she's in a better place now...I would hate it if she could see me like this right now..."

"Then, please don't cry, and stop blaming yourself."

"You don't know how it feels! I swear part of me died with her! Ever since then I've had this terrible feeling of emptiness..."

"You think I don't know? I lost people that were important to me...You're not the only one..."

"...Claire..." He whispered, reminding himself of that recently, slowly coming out of his unstable broken state and back to normal.

"Yes..."

"I talked to Nora earlier...Since I know how it feels." He sighed, wiping his tears as he continued to calm down. "Mom's probably devastated now that she's found out about Ashling...And she doesn't know about Serah yet..."

"Don't worry, I'm here with you, I'm your sister too."

He nodded silently.

"And I promise I'll protect both you and Faith...If I have to see either of you get seriously hurt I'm going to break..."

"Don't worry about me, I will protect you too."

"Just promise me you'll be ok when we leave this world for good. I have to know my little sister's gonna be ok."

She nodded, her cheerful smile returning.

"I promise, we are Farron, we are strong."

That was right, he needed to be strong. He reminded himself of that, strong for Faith, to protect her so something like Ashling never happened again. Already, he was starting to rebuild the mental and emotional walls that had crumbled, the walls that kept his breakdowns in, shutting in those emotions. It wasn't healthy, but it was how he knew how to deal with it. Just take life one day at a time...

"Thanks...For talking to me I mean. I think I'm ok now..."

"We are brethren, remember that."

He nodded, then sighed as he stood up. "I think I'm gonna try and get some sleep..."

"Yeah I think you should rest..."

He had guessed that his breakdown had woken her up, so she needed some as well...But he was still pretty damn sure he had locked the door. Yet when he looked, it was indeed unlocked and cracked open.

"Goodnight then."

He shrugged it off. Whatever then, his thoughts were all messed up when he was unstable like that...

"See you in the morning..."

As Rainbow left the room and saw Rain nod and close the door behind her, she turned and saw that Ashling briefly appeared in front of her transparent and smiled.

"Thank you." She whispered.

She had even unlocked the door for her, though before Rainbow could respond, she faded from her sight.

Author's Notes

*Sighs* Reasons for why this took so long? *Guiltly points at my tumblr RP blogs* That's pretty much the only thing I've really felt like writing for...But yeah I'm still here, but school and work are starting to slap me in the face, and I'm also having computer problems -_-