Chapter 14

A Growing Understanding

Summary:

Cloud opens up to Zack, and Roxas learns more about Sora and his friends.

Cloud had been incredibly tense up until the phone had rung. With every mile they drove further away from Roxas Cloud swore he began feeling sicker and sicker. Then added to that watching the minutes tick past. One minute past five - two minutes past five. "You sure the clock in the van is right?"

But Zack had been the voice of reason. "Just give him a couple more minutes. I'm sure he'll call. He knows how important this is to you."

Cloud had reached for the dial pad after two more minutes of waiting but Zack anticipating the move covered the pad with his own hand before Cloud could get to it. "Learn to trust in your younger brother, Cloud. If you can't trust me, at least trust in your own flesh and blood. Kids can't learn to be responsible if they are never given any." Zack said as gently as he could.

And then the phone had rung, much to everyone's relief in the van.

"Talk to ya later, kiddo!"

Zack hit the disconnect button on the hands free set.

"See, you can relax now. He called, and is having a great time with his friends."

Zack shot Cloud a glance before returning his attention to the road in front.

"Trust is something you earn." Cloud said after a while of just the quiet hum of the vans A/C and the sound of the tires on the road.

"How's he ever supposed to earn your trust if you don't let him off the short leash you've got him on?"

Cloud didn't want to hear how to take care of his own family from someone who had no idea. Sure, it increasingly looked like Roxas and Zack were bonding but that just meant that Zack got Roxas' skewed sense of the world.

"I can hear the gears ticking over in your head, Cloud. Care to share?" Zack threw him a soft smile after another prolonged silence.

"Roxas only sees things from his perspective. He doesn't know the full picture."

"From what I've gathered, you make it kind of hard on him - on everyone - to actually get the full picture. And there's nothing wrong with that Cloud. We are all the products of our upbringing. But I think we have to be more accommodating and understanding towards each other."

"Like, I know I can be too overbearing, and pushy, and expect people to put up with all my talking. But, I'm coming to accept that you are different. And hey, I'm quite happy to sit in silence with you this entire trip if that's what you want." Zack flashed Cloud another smile before turning back to the road.

Was Zack really ok with that?

"Alright… I'll test you on that then." Cloud gave Zack a sidelong look.

"Can I just ask one question before we get into this?"

"Sure." Cloud was somewhat amused.

"Can I turn on the radio? Or do you want complete silence?"

Cloud thought about it for a moment.

"As long as I get to choose the station, I'm fine with it."

They drove on for many more quiet hours. Roxas had called two more times, right on the dot and at 9pm the two brothers said their goodnight's.

Cloud appeared increasingly pensive after that, leaning his head against the window and gazing out into the darkness. The occasional oncoming traffic would pass by but it had become very sparse the further they drove out into the rural country.

Cloud listened to Zack singing softly to himself when familiar songs came on the radio. He really did like Zack's voice. It held a soothing timbre that comforted Cloud for some reason.

"This will be the first night that Roxas and I haven't slept together in the same place since -," Cloud's voice drifted as he remembered the emptiness of their house when Roxas had landed in hospital. Cloud had berated himself and nothing his mother did or said made the guilt go away. It had been an excruciating three weeks.

Zack had quit his singing and was paying close attention.

"Did he ever tell you how he ended up in hospital?" Cloud glanced over at Zack who nodded.

"Of course he did. He's an open book to the world," Cloud said with a sigh.

"I never realized how much I loved him till he wasn't there anymore. We've been living in each others pockets for so long… sometimes I forget what it's like to miss him."

Cloud lay his head back against the window and thought about the words he had just shared with Zack. It hadn't been that hard… or that painful.

Cloud heard Zack start to rummage around the box in the center console and then felt something fall into his lap. He looked down and then over at Zack who had started singing again.

"Just blow, blow, blow it uuuup. And go, go, go, to sleeeeeep!

I... Don't know the words to this soooooong…. but it's all riiiiiiight. Get some sleep, you silly sheep, get some sleeeeeep!"

Cloud laughed quietly. Zack was kind of cute in a really dorky kind of a way. He blew up the travel pillow that Zack had given him and leaned his head against it and the window, while drifting off to the sound of Zack's made up lyrics.

It was getting quite late. Dinner had been delicious, fun and also exhausting. Sora's parents were really nice. They had all played a party game together in which Sora's parents whooped their asses. After that they had all retired back to Sora's flat. Kairi started yawning and Roxas was having trouble keeping his eyes open. Riku gave Sora a look and the brunette nodded.

"Time to call it a night" announced Sora.

"C'mon Kairi, I'll take you home" Riku said as he gathered his car keys off the coffee table.

"I hope Axel's quit his moping," she said between yawns and quickly heading down the hall to relieve herself.

Roxas had been having such a fun time that he had completely forgotten about Axel's plight, and he wasn't too thrilled about being reminded.

"I hope so too, Kairi," Sora quietly shouted to her. "We need you well rested for tomorrow. That goes for you too, Riku."

Sora sprang up and began tidying things up while Kairi was occupied.

"Hey Sora… where's all your toilet paper gone?" Came her voice from down the hall.

"Ahhh! Thanks for reminding me, I'll be right back with some," he shouted back and dashed out his doors to head into his parents house.

Roxas had begun helping to tidy Sora's living room up when Riku sat back down next to him.

"Hey Roxas…"

"Yeah?" Roxas wasn't paying much attention as he tried to match the game discs with their correct cases.

"Can I ask a favor of you?"

Roxas gave him his full attention and stopped what he was doing. Riku didn't make a habit of asking Roxas for anything.

"I know this might sound weird… but… if Sora asks you whether you want to sleep on the fold out bed or in his bed… can you insist on the fold out bed?" Riku seemed a little uncomfortable, judging by the way his eyes kept flickering between the rubbish on the table and Roxas' face.

"Uh… yeah.. That's fine. I was going to sleep on the fold out anyway…"

"Thanks Rox." He gave him a generous smile and gave him a pat on the shoulder as he got back up.

Sora ran back into the flat and headed down the hallway to rescue Kairi.

They all said goodnight and went their separate ways, leaving Roxas to his night time routine of showering and brushing his teeth.

He looked at himself in the mirror. He wore baggy pants and an old tired sleep shirt he owned for the last three years. Black hair all drooped from having washed it. He thought of what Axel had said about liking blondes, and wished he still had his natural hair color. He pulled gently at his hair again, like he had done so long ago in that grimy bathroom at that no name pit stop. The way he felt about himself hadn't changed much, even though his circumstances had vastly improved. He still wished his past belonged to someone else but he was more optimistic about where his future might lead now.

Roxas walked into Sora's room to see his friend leaning back while atop his big bed, looking up at the ceiling as if in thought. When he heard Roxas approach he gave him his attention and smiled. "Hey Rox, you wanna sleep on my bed or the fold out?"

Riku had been right after all.

"The fold out is fine."

"You sure? My bed's big enough for the two of us to be quite comfortable on." Sora bounced a bit to emphasize the springy-ness of the mattress.

Roxas laughed a little. How did Sora still have so much energy at this time of night? It was nearly midnight, and it did dawn on Roxas that when he made a phone call to his brother several hours ago he had promised him that he was all tucked up and ready for his sleep. He didn't like all the dishonesty within himself that was flying around lately.

"The fold out is fine, really. I like to sleep on my own." Oh look… another lie. Ugh.

"Suit yourself then. But if you change your mind in the middle of the night you are still more than welcome to hop in."

Sora left Roxas to his thoughts while he went to shower and change. His mind puzzled over Riku's request. Why would he not want them to share a bed together? Granted it was probably a bit weird for two boys in their mid teens to be sleeping together anyway but still. What should it really matter? Maybe Sora kicked or bit in his sleep and Riku was looking out for Roxas? It could be anything really.

Having made peace with himself on that debate his mind drifted back to the pantry and Axel. He felt like the revelation that Axel was a nut-job should have changed something but - It really hadn't. If Axel was so upset because he couldn't have a kiss - well it just endeared him more to Roxas. Roxas never thought he was important to anyone, but Cloud. The idea that he could be important to someone else made his heart flutter a little.

Sora returned in shorts and smelling like a sea breeze. He hopped into his bed and turned out the lights.

"Still got room for you," Sora teased.

"I just got really comfy here."

"That's a shame," Sora laughed.

They bantered a bit about their day, and Roxas gloated over his racing high score. But Sora reminded him of how he got his ass handed to him competing against Kairi.

"She is the street fighting master."

"And I bow to her with all the respect she deserves."

They both laughed and drifted off into silence.

"Sora…"

"Hmm?"

"Why do you keep asking me to hop into bed with you?"

"I don't much like sleeping alone." Sora stated.

Roxas could hear Sora shifting and saw his faint outline turn towards him.

"When we were younger Riku and I always shared a bed for sleepovers."

"You two grew up together?"

"Yeah. We used to be neighbors until his folks moved away. We were always at each others houses before that, having sleepovers and adventures. We were the best of friends."

"But you guys still seem like best friends to me."

Roxas gave Sora space to think and tell his story.

"I was so angry at his parents for moving. They didn't move very far but I was like eight, so everything was a big deal back then. We were still in the same school but because I was angry and too young I let it out on Riku. I'm not very proud of that."

Roxas knew about misguided anger all too well, and he hated himself that it still took control of him sometimes.

"But you guys seem ok now."

"It's all water under the bridge now. But at the time it was a massive falling out. We didn't speak to each other for the remainder of primary school. We only started talking again in high school… thanks to Kairi."

"How did you guys meet Kairi?"

"We met Kairi at our first year in high school. We both wanted to win her heart as soon as we saw her." Sora laughed. "We made bets with each other around who would marry her first. We were really competitive but then that competition grew back into fun and we made up."

"The three of us started hanging out together. Her parents are rich, so they would always take Kairi on amazing island holidays. Kairi would come back and show us photos and then we'd all pretend that we were on our own secret island, even though we were just playing down by the river near the Imperial Garden after school."

"Her family is really rich?"

"Yeah. They own like half of this city. Big business tycoon of a father. That's why keeping her older brother under control is so important. Bad for publicity to have a pyromaniac in the family. Kairi told us that Axel got shipped off to the military for a while. She doesn't think it did him much good though. He just came back setting more things on fire, or something like that."

Roxas felt sorry for Axel.

"Anyway, Riku and I continued to have sleepovers for a really long time once we became friends again… but then we just sort of stopped a couple of years ago. He said we were getting too old for it and that I needed to also stop sleeping with a night light."

"You had a night light too?"

"Yeah, until I was thirteen. Then Riku left - And ... well I guess I did grow out of it. Still don't like sleeping alone though."

"Cloud loves sleeping in complete darkness, so he banished my night light years ago." Roxas lamented.

"It's just not fair Roxas. Everyone else gets to control what we do and how we sleep," Sora said with the same sentiment.

They grew quiet again.

"How did you know that you liked Kairi?" Roxas' heart began beating a little faster as he was getting nervous.

"Uh, I... don't really know? It's… just a feeling you have?" Sora thought about it a little more.

"Maybe it's like… you want to be around that person all the time. They make you happy, and you know that you make them happy - Oh... I did get butterflies in my tummy and things like that when we first started dating."

"You guys dated?"

"Yeah.. for a really short time. But then we saw less and less of Riku and I decided if I couldn't have them both in my life it wasn't worth dating Kairi. Lucky for me she agreed with it," he laughed with relief.

"And now we're all the best of friends again."

"Wow, Sora. You must really love Riku to give up dating someone for him."

"My friends are the most important thing in the world to me." Sora said solemnly.

"I like that about you, Sora. You are a really good friend."

"Thanks, Roxas. The bed's still free."

Roxas just laughed and wished Sora a good night.