I'm going to do a double update today (four chapters, including the first of a new story) as I have a busy day tomorrow and I don't know if I will have time. My last update until after 16th February will be on Monday (possibly Tuesday depending on how my packing goes!) I hope you enjoy the chapter. Love, IJKS xxx
Chapter Fourteen
Monday 1st September 2008
21:03
Home
Well, it was back to the grindstone today. And back with Angelo. Jack was at work – I don't know why I keep getting partnered with Angelo instead. Maybe he's having a word with the boss. He seems to be elated every time I work with him. And he's absolutely constant with the compliments and well, basically hitting on me. He has no regard for Roman and says that he's not good enough for me. Maybe he isn't. Angelo is convinced that he's perfect for me. Maybe he is. I don't know. He's sweet and very charming. And he is pretty good looking, I must admit. Part of me wonders if I should give him a chance.
But I do still like Roman, as casual as our 'relationship' is and it would be wrong of me to mess Angelo around. Plus, I don't want to wreck any potential whirlwind romance with Roman.
I sound really pathetic, don't I? I feel really pathetic. If Roman was that into me, he wouldn't go days without so much as texting. I think he forgets I exist when I'm not around. It doesn't say much for us, does it?
Tuesday 2nd September
22:00
Home
It's been another long day at work, although I did have a nice dinner with Ruby. We got another postcard from Dad and Morag. They sound like they're having a good time. I kind of miss them, which is weird considering I barely know Morag and Dad has pretty much never been around for me. But I do. Ruby does too. She said so tonight. But she also said that it was 'super cool' to be living with me the way we are. That made me feel good. I love that girl.
Thursday 4th September
00:32
Home
I went on a date with Angelo. And he really was the perfect man. He was so sweet. But all I could think about was Roman.
It all started when we were partnered together at work again. He continued to make passes at me and I continued to reject him. And then I saw Roman. It just felt so... awkward. Either I'm really starting to resent his lack of interest in me, or his lack of interest is getting worse. Maybe it's both.
Nicole appears to have forgiven and forgotten everything between us since I helped rescue her from the island. She actually invited me to join them. I might have if Roman hadn't looked so horrified. Is my company that awful? At least Angelo doesn't seem to think so. Maybe he does now.
We had a pretty funny moment today, actually. This homeless guy called Earl, someone Miles appears to know, was in the sea, completely in the nude. He totally freaked some girls out and we got called in. He wouldn't put his clothes on or come out of the water so Angelo stripped off and got him. It was so funny! He handled it really well actually, although I was too busy laughing. He's convinced that I was glad to see him in his underwear. Well, maybe I looked a little bit. He's quite attractive really.
I kind of wish I'd met him first, before I met Roman. Maybe if I didn't feel I had such a connection with Roman – him being the first person who was nice to me here, a guy I've kissed, a guy I've slept with... maybe if I didn't feel that connection, I would have be able to start something up with Angelo. Or maybe I'm supposed to be a bitter old spinster. Relationships with men just don't work out for me. It's a shame I'm not into women, really. Although, who's to say that wouldn't just double the chances of disaster?
Well, the beach thing totally cheered me up but then Roman completely brought me down again. Colleen invited Roman to a memorial for the baby Martha lost. And as his girlfriend (ha!), she invited me along too. I would have gone. I would have been there to support Roman, Jack and Martha. But as soon as Colleen had gone, Roman pretty much told me not to come. He said it was a private thing. Obviously I'm not entitled to be part of that. If I've ever felt shut out of his world, it's now.
That's how I ended up on my date with Angelo. We were chatting in the Diner later and I complimented him on how he handled Earl. He really did do a good job. He started teasing me, saying that I was impressed with his body.
I played with him a bit, I must admit. I came over suddenly serious and accused him of sexual harassment in the work place. Seriously, he looked like he was going to wet himself. He was so panicked. Hehe. It really made me giggle.
Anyway, all joking aside, Angelo told me very seriously that Roman will treat me as badly as he likes and I'll keep going back. I guess he was trying to say I was worth more than that. He certainly made me feel worth more than that tonight. He was lovely. He continued to ask me out, the way he does and suddenly I found myself saying yes. Roman and I are allowed to see other people after all. I mean, it's not against the rules.
Anyway, Angelo looked elated and surprised. He said that he would treat me exactly how I deserve to be treated. I personally think he treated me better. He's such a nice guy. I get the feeling he'd move Heaven and earth for me. Why do I have to be so hung up on Roman? I drive myself crazy sometimes.
The date didn't start too well. I nearly bottled it, to be honest. Ruby helped me get all dressed up and openly hoped that I'd 'see the light' and dump Roman who doesn't treat me well and start dating Angelo who seems to adore me. She doesn't mince her words.
Anyway, I'd arranged to meet Angelo at the Surf Club but while I was waiting for him, I bumped into Roman. He said he was just buying a bottle of wine to bring over to me and looked sufficiently disappointed when I told him I had a date. I shot him down but I felt really bad about it and was about to cry off home – and undoubtedly call Roman – when Angelo arrived.
He was just adorable. I wish I felt that way about him. He drove us over the beach where he'd set up a romantic picnic by the sea. The food wasn't anything special but the effort was remarkable. He even toned down his usual abrasive personality and he was actually really sweet. He really seems to like about me, which is touching and surprising.
I don't know what he sees when he looks at me but I don't think it's who I am. I'm not the nice girl that he seems to adore. I'm damaged goods for starters. And I mess up everything. And tonight just proves it.
I was on a romantic date with a lovely guy who had gone to so much effort and he basically ended up counselling me over the Roman situation. How awful is that? How horrible am I? He did help though. He basically said I needed to make or break it with Roman. I need to lay all my cards on the table and tell him he has to be with me or without me. And then he added that if Roman didn't choose to be with me then I should go out with him instead. I wish it was that simple.
Thursday 4th September
13:42
The Beach
Well, Roman and I are over. At long last, I woke up and dumped him. He doesn't deserve me.
I told Ruby everything about my date. She was kind of disappointed, I think. She pretty much told me that Roman was using me for sex, which made me feel so good. Not. Especially as I think it might be true. Not that I haven't been there before. I just wish one day I might meet someone who would love me.
I'd love to meet someone who loves me for who I am, not what they want me to be. I want someone to look into my eyes and think that I'm beautiful and worth something. I don't get that from Roman. I feel like I'm cheapening myself hanging around waiting for it.
Ruby said I was a beautiful person today. She loves me. But even that makes me sad in its way. I wish she loved me as a mother. I wish I'd been able to stand up and be the person she needed me to be when she was born. I wish I hadn't left her, run away and let her down. Then maybe she wouldn't love me as a sister now. Maybe she'd be my daughter.
But anyway, that's something I could chase around in circles for the rest of my life. I mean, I'm never going to solve it. Ruby will never know the truth and I will always be her older sister. At least that makes her think I'm cool. That's a plus, I guess.
Anyway, it was my day off so I walked round to Roman's and handed his book back. Things were pretty awkward. He asked about my date and then didn't seem fussed that I'd seen another guy. It made me angry and I snapped at him and then broke up with him. And then I was rude about the book because I didn't like it. Then I stormed out.
The book was about a commitment-phobe. Really, it's something I would get, something I would understand. I don't handle commitment very well. I never have. Not since... I don't like people to get too close to me. But it hit too close to home and the character reminded me a lot of Roman. It pissed me off and I told him so.
Friday 5th September
11:11
Home
So, Roman and I are back together. And it's official and exclusive this time. I take back everything I said about him being a jerk. Well, no, I don't. He was a jerk. But thankfully he has now seen the error of his ways and is preparing to treat me the way Angelo says I deserve. Hooray.
After I wrote my last entry, I went for a walk along the surf. Roman caught up with me there and said he was jealous about me going on a date. That made me feel kind of smug, I must admit. And it gave me the hope that maybe he did like me after all. He then said Ruby told him I was off on another date at the weekend. Little minx.
I told him about Angelo and said it was nice to be adored for a change. This prompted him to tell me that he adored me! He actually said he adored me! You could have knocked me over with a feather.
Anyway, then he said that keeping things casual was a mistake. He apologised for how he'd treated me and asked me to be with him for real this time. I said yes. We kissed a bit. And then in the evening we went for a drink together.
I saw Angelo in the corner all along and felt a pang of regret. He said that everything was cool and we had a bit of a joke. But I'm worried that I've hurt him. That's why I didn't want to go out with him in the first place. But anyway, he said he was happy for me so I'll just accept that. Second guessing people's behaviour and words doesn't help anyone.
Roman and I had a great evening and I spent the night with him. Somehow it was more special last night than any of the other times. Maybe it's because I know for sure that he really feels something for me now. They say that it's better when you love someone. I'm certainly not at that stage yet and nor is Roman but we care for each other. That's something, right?
Friday 5th September
23:12
Home
Ruby was mugged tonight. I was beside myself when she told me. It was that homeless guy, Earl. She said she didn't want to press charges or anything but I swear, if he steps into my line of vision again, I'll have him. Nobody attacks or frightens my Ruby like that. Nobody. Ugh, I could actually go and hunt him down now. I really could.
Miles saved her. She was really grateful. I don't know Miles that well but I'll have to thank him when I see him next. Rubes seems to think the world of him and it's good to see a teacher making such a difference in her life. But yeah, I must thank him. Tonight could have been so much worse if he hadn't been there. Poor Ruby. She was really shaken up.
Saturday 6th September
14:08
The Diner
Well, I had a nice day off today. I hung out with Ruby in the morning and now I'm at the Diner, busying myself with this diary while I wait for Roman to finish his shift. It's all a bit hectic with a lot of customers so he's hanging around a bit so as not to leave his colleagues in the lurch. I saw Miles a minute ago and I thanked him for helping Ruby last night. He's a sweet guy.
Sunday 7th September
20:13
Home
I had a great weekend. It was a nice mix of time with Ruby and with Roman.
Rubes is still a bit shaken over what happened on Friday. She's much less eager to go out late at night by herself. I think Summer Bay provides a false sense of security. It's such a little town where pretty much everyone knows each other. You forget that crime still happens. Well, I don't. Obviously. A cop never forgets something like that! But I get that it's easy to forget if that's not your world. Hopefully Ruby will keep hold of this lesson for a while.
I had a nice time with Roman. It feels nice to be with him again, and properly this time. I'm still feeling a little cautious. I always do. But I like him. He's nice. And it feels good to be spoilt a little bit. I think he's trying to make things up to me. And so he should!
Next time... Melody goes missing, Angelo starts dating Belle and Ross and Morag return from their honeymoon…