What? An upload, 'but Nerd, you said hiatus' you cry, tis true. But, I had my dear friend Terrence Johnny Stanford do a little guest What If. I kinda like the idea of having Guest chapters while I'm on my summer hiatus, so if you guys want to do one, PM me. It's a What If, so anything goes. I'll just compile them in a big folder on my page. Anyways enough out of me, on with the Special!
What If? Terrence Edition
I'm just going to do what the nerd did. Pull a story right from my own ass.
Oh, dissing me before we start, no that's cool.
Ben's House of Horror and all its Retardedness n' Lots of Doors
Music que- Battle Cats POP OST track 10
"Ummm…. Ben, remind me why we are going to a horror house, AND ITS NOT EVEN HALLOWEEN!" shouted Tsukune.
"Because Tsukune I want to. I dunno why but just…" Ben made some very animated hand gestures to get his point across, "You know what I mean?"
Tuskune cocked an eyebrow in confusion, "No…no I don't."
Author's corner
*Snicker* boy oh boy I can't wait to see what Ben does next *Snicker* WHAT?! WHO ARE YOU? Oh, don't mind me I'm just watching. Besides how can you not know, you silly author? I'm Deadpool, Mercenary extraordinaire! God dammit…Aw don't be like that. Just continue your story and everything will be fine. (Can't believe the nerd puts up with you) Fine. And please GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY COOKIE JAR! You're no fun.
Back to the story
"And besides I heard some people never came out. Plus, sidenote, I heard that there is some Alice Cooper and Type O Negative stuff here!" Ben said with glee.
"Wait Alice Cooper?" Tsukune asked, "And what is Type O Negative?"
"You heard of him?" asked Ben, genuinely surprised Tsukune had heard of anyone that he listened to.
"I've heard the name, but I never actually listen to his music" Tsukune mentioned, "A little hard with, you know, language barriers." he helped exaggerated his point by pointing at his mouth.
"Don't need to understand the music to get into it… it's like K-Pop." Ben replied giving himself a comedic voice, "But still, pretty cool you've heard of him before. For Type O Negative they are a famous goth metal band in the U.S where I'm from." Ben said pointing his thumb proudly at his chest, "Plus I heard that one of Alice's cat girl background dancers may be there." he said with a sly smile as they walk over the haunted house.
"Wait, cat girl?" Tsukune asked, looking as if he lost some color in his face.
"Either that or they are just cat ears" said Ben "Why do you ask?" he asked teasingly
"Umm…no reason?" Tsukune replied with a nervous smile trying to convince Ben otherwise.
"Why? You worried Kurumu will get on your ass about it?" Ben questioned, "Or Moka, or Yukari." he began counting on his hand all the girls that seemed stricken for this lucky bastard.
"Shut up, I get it…" Tsukune sighed, "Not that many." he mumbled.
Ben rolled his eyes at his fellow human, "Now let's head into house!" he said excitedly.
"Why couldn't the other's come?" Tsukune asked, feeling it would be safer if the girls and Gin were with them for this.
Ben clicked his tongue, "Well, Gin is probably playing Peeping Tom again, and Moka wanted a girl's night out…for some reason." he said with a confused look on his face. Too bad to, he thought, Haunted house would be a good place to try and score points with I.M.
Author's corner
Great excuse you, lazy bastard. Shouldn't you be with that Parker guy? Or your little waifu? No, Wade has a point. Now I'm gonna have to make a "Girls Night Out" chapter. Oh, quit your bitching Nerd, shouldn't you be working right now anyways? Shut your mouth Terrance. Ha, Terrance. And, Hey! Neo and I are in the zone. And besides I got nothing better to do until September. You could wash my car. Ugh *facepalms* why did I agree to this?
Back to the story
"Alright then after you" Tsukune said as he gestured to the large wooden door of the haunted house.
"Don't be silly, the scaredy cats go in first." Ben laughed, "Or as we Americans call them, pussies."
"No, yeah, that's fine by me." Tsukune replied with a smile.
"Fine be that way…pussy." said Ben as he then enters the house without a single second thought "Tsukune it's safe to come in!" he called out. Then Tsukune, very slowly, walked through the door half expecting a jumpscare at any moment. "What are you waiting for?" Ben asked.
"Something scary." said Tsukune with a hand covering his face and only a slight slit between his fingers so that he could see.
"Dude chill out. 1) We are humans that go to a school for monsters, 2) The scary things don't usually happen until the person enters the next room or they wait in the entrance for at least 10 minutes." Ben explained.
"Which one is usually scarier?" said Tsukune
"Usually waiting in the entrance for too long, but it really depends on which version of Resident Evil you played." said Ben
"Ok, let's go." said Tsukune as he walks to the front door.
"Your wasting your time~" Ben said in a sing song voice.
"Why?' asked Tsukune
"'Cause, usually, when a person enters the haunted house the door locks itself after the person gets in. Or you open it and dogs attack you, again just depends on what version of Resident Evil you played." Ben said with a shrug.
Tsukune then tries to open the door but fails. "Ugh." Tsukune groaned in disappointment.
"See? I told you" said Ben as he walks down the hallway and then decides to open a drawer because he saw a sign that said: "Open the fucking drawer please" and it had a picture of a hand flipping the bird. Then Ben decides to punch right through the sign because he felt it looked annoying.
"Okay, but why though?" Tsukune asked only to receive no response.
"I know it's stupid of me to do this but ehh screw it." Said Ben opening the drawer.
"NO DON'T!" yelled Tsukune covering his eyes expecting something scary to happen only…
"Hey, this place got records of monsters in society let's see… child molesters, Child predators, dictators, video game designers, TV producers, actors and writers, musicians…. Wait what?" Ben asked with a chuckle, noticing the papers on TV producers, actors and writers, "Let's see…Hey they got Dan Schneider here." he mentioned with and amused smile.
"Who's Dan Schneider?" Tsukune asked.
"He's a somewhat famous tv producer. If you look at his history, you'll understand" Ben mentioned as he then puts the records in his jacket… at least the ones he finds interesting. George Lucas, who knew?
"C'mon lets go see what else they got." Ben said pushing Tsukune along as he continues to walk down the hallway "Now notice the paintings Tsukune, look at the eyes of each one." Tsukune then looks at the paintings and notices all the eyes were staring at him giving him the creeps. Ben then opens a door that leads to a kitchen, "Hmm…strange."
"What is it?" Tsukune asked worriedly as his eyes dart all over the room.
"Usually the kitchen is upstairs." said Ben in a tone that seemed to be one you'd give if you are complaining about something.
"Does this mean it's a bad thing?" Tsukune asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"Not necessarily. Unless something unexpected pops out of nowhere" said Ben "Like that." pointing to the bread that has came to life and is now tapping a couple jars with spoons with its little noodle arms.
"Fish n chips, steak and beef-" said the bread
"SHUT UP!" Ben interrupted, making the bread stop what's its doing and drop the spoons.
Then awkward silence for about a minute occurred of just Tsukune and Ben staring at the bread expecting it to do something…then Ben's Spider Sense went off. "Oh shit…" he mumbled. Suddenly the top drawer opened with a can coming to life and started singing "~Are you hungry to look to be a bit~-" Ben then slammed the drawer shut, "Lets hurry and leave before we start learning."
"About what exactly?" Tsukune asked, even more confused than ever.
"About healthy foods." Ben groaned as he then ran over to the door to leaven and he would have too, if he hadn't felt a hand on his shoulder. At first, he thought it was Tsukune trying to scare him, "Ha ha, very funny Tsukune—" 'thought' being the key word, until he turned around and saw that is was a giant steak with hair and a chef hat. Spider Sense! "Whoah….. a giant steak…. Why is this suddenly familiar?" Ben asked himself.
Then the steak then began to sing to Tsukune, "~That's your body. Hungry comes from your body~" sang the steak man.
"Doo doo doo doo dooooo" sang the Can that was suddenly behind Ben surprising him.
"OH FUCK!" Ben shouted in surprise, clutching his chest.
"Doo doo doo doo dooooo to be healthy" sang the Can and Steak man in unison. Then, suddenly, the phone rang and all five of them stared at the phone in awkward silence. Then Ben remembered what was so familiar to him and took this as an opportunity while the food's guard was down. Ben shot webs at the can, bread, steak man, and the fridge to the wall.
"Why did you web the fridge?" Tsukune asked.
"I don't know I am expecting something to come out of it." Ben replied, "Also, you're questioning why I webbed the fridge when food was singing?"
"Point taken." Tsukune replied. They both exited the kitchen while they heard the muffled voices of the can, steak man, and bread. "So, what next?"
"Well judging by the movies, (And Resident Evil 7) the bedroom is the best place to go." said Ben.
"How much horror movies did you even watch?" Tsukune asked.
"That…I will tell you later" said Ben ominously. They both enter a creepy bedroom.
"Whatever you do. Do not touch the bed." Ben warned.
"Why?"
"'Cause, usually there is a monster under the bed, someone's in the closet, or something comes to life when it isn't supposed to." said Ben as he walks to the closet and when he opened it he saw a really tall man about 7'2 who made a smile showing his metal teeth.
"Eep!" Tsukune screamed, intimidated by his height and his smile.
"Sorry pal there is no women here." said Ben. This made the tall man stop smiling as he then shuts the closet on himself, "Pfft. Rude. He didn't even say goodbye."
"What was he supposed to be?!" Tsukune yelled in utter confusion.
"He was supposed to be the horny giant. Horny giants are extremely durable, so bullets cannot kill them even if it was a headshot, fire, acid, or knifes. But usually they have clean brushed teeth instead of metal teeth." Ben mentioned. Then Tsukune decided he needed to collect his bearings and, without thinking, sat on the bed. "You idiot."
"What?" Tsukune asked defensively.
"I told you not to get on the bed. This isn't fun time with Kurumu, it's real!...Unlike her chest, did you get where I was going? I feel like I got a little off track." Tsukune nodded, "Okay, good." Then a lamp turned on and had eyes…for some reason. Ben immediately stuck to the ceiling in hopes of avoiding the lamp's vision and then…
"Well Well. Somebody's sleepy" said the lamp with a smile.
"Uhh…no?" replied Tsukune
"That's silly. I think you need to learn about dreams!" said the lamp as the word "dreams" pop out of nowhere and then a dark cloud starts to engulf Tsukune.
"Wait, what are you doing…. I feel sleeepyy…" said Tsukune groggily as the black smoke engulfed him.
Ben knocked over the lamp causing it to break and die when it hit the floor, "Huh. That was easy" said Ben as he then sees Tsukune sleeping on the bed. Ben then walks over to the bed and smiled at his friend's sleeping form, just before deciding to slap Tsukune's face really hard to wake him up.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" yelled Tsukune as he felt the slap and waking up from a nightmare.
"Good your awake. Now let's go to the next room" said Ben, pointing his thumb to the door.
"Can we leave now?" asked Tsukune.
"Dude there are more rooms to explore!" said Ben "Plus we can get souvenirs!" he said excitedly while handing Tsukune one of the papers he snagged.
"Umm…. It's in English." Said Tsukune handing back the paper.
"Oh yeah, I forgot." Ben chuckled taking back the paper and putting it in his jacket. Ben then gets an idea. "Hey tall dude you wanna join us?" said Ben opening the closet seeing that the giant is still in there.
"No" the giant replied.
"Ok." Said Ben closing the closet.
"Why would you ask him to join us?" said Tsukune
"I dunno. I just felt like it." said Ben as they both walk to the next door.
"Hey… is this a computer room?" Tsukune asked, looking at the computer on the table.
Then they suddenly heard a voice from another room, "Once when I was seven years old I sat on a banana and it of course, changed my life." Said the voice in English.
This made Ben snort trying to not burst out laughing
"What? What did it say?" said Tsukune genuinely curious why Ben is trying to hold down a laugh.
"The voice said he got…. Nevermind" said Ben believing it would be better to tell him later rather than let him believe that a dude was traumatized as a child
"He got what?" Tsukune asked with a slight whine.
"Well he got-" said Ben as he accidentally touches the computer.
The computer suddenly has black arms and red wire fingers, "DON'T TOUCH MEEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed the computer as everything starts to glitch out. The room went black and the two then find themselves in a digital world.
"What the-HUGH!?" said Ben as he looks at himself and he is all computery. And feels like he has extra depth for some reason, "Okay, what kind of Matrix bullshitery is going on?" He and Tsukune both walk through a door and see themselves in a dark room with dancing things and they both keep hearing the words "Digital Dancing". "Let's go before they start notice" said Ben as he and Tsukune hurried over to the door where they bump into a red monster.
"WHOAH!" the three of them yelled as they then exit the room and suddenly the three of them wake up off the table.
"What the fuck was that?" asked Tsukune getting extremely irritated.
"I have no idea." said Ben as the three of them get up from their seats while Ben and Tsukune head to door on the right the red thing follows the wire to the door on the left. As Ben closes the door behind them they them hear a "pop" coming from the room that the red thing entered
"Poor guy." said Tsukune assuming something bad happened to the red guy.
"Nevermind him, let's go to another room" said Ben as he then enters another room, "Uh oh… run" said Ben.
"What?" Tsukune asked just as he was about to enter the room.
"RUN!" said Ben as he then grab's Tsukune's hand and sprints towards the end of the hall.
"What is it?" Tsukune asked while being dragged along the floor.
"It's the extending hall! If we run fast, we may reach the door before it gets too far. Otherwise it will take over an hour of walking!" Ben yelled. Then a giant ball started rolling after them. "OH, FOR FUCK SAKE!" said Ben knowing that the house pulled an Indiana Jones trap on him
"AAAAAGH!" yelled Tsukune running as fast as he could with Ben hoping to god that he won't get crushed by the giant ball. Then Ben remembered something: He has webs. Thinking quickly, Ben then shoots webs at the ball until it came to a stop. And then he webbed the floor to make it keep its place, and to his surprise it worked. The ordeal was so much that when all was said and done Tsukune fell over from exhaustion.
"Ow. Couldn't you have done that earlier?" said Tsukune out of breath.
"Well I never thought of it earlier." said Ben walking to the door. This made Tsukune slightly frustrated at him for not thinking about using his powers earlier. "Holy crap," said Ben "look at all those doors" pointing to all the doors and suddenly they see a radio behind them playing the song "Monster Mash"
"Was that radio always there?" Tsukune asked, pointing at the machine.
"That, I do not know" said Ben "I wonder if it can play Korn or RED.. maybe even Breaking Benjamin" he said excitedly rubbing his hands.
"Who are they?" said Tsukune
"Oh, those are bands that are famous where I'm from. Korn did that song "Freak on a Leash" it's kinda memed these days, and Breaking Benjamin many will know best as the band that had one of the best fight songs played for Halo 2." Ben said seriously.
"Ok then," said Tsukune "where to next?"
"Simple, if there are this many doors… it only means either one of two things." Ben began.
"What's that?"
"Either it's a Scooby-Doo thing where we magically teleport through each door inconsistently, or this place genuinely has a lot of rooms in this particular hallway." Ben said with a shrug, "Stay there for a moment please" as he then opens a door and walks in.
Tsukune felt a bit scared now being alone and the fact that the radio was still playing "Monster Mash" behind him, "Please hurry Ben" Tsukune said to himself. Then ben opened a door of another door, "Ben how did you get over there?"
"That means these are Scooby-Doo doors." said Ben walking into more of the doors and appearing out of others. And then two doors opened, and Ben came out and saw… another Ben. "Hey…" said both Bens.
"Ben there are two of you now!" Tsukune yelled in confusion.
"I know how to fix this." both Bens said as they head to different doors. Then one door opened and out came single Ben. "There I fixed it" said Ben. He then wanted to mess with the doors some more only this time to be followed by Tsukune. This time when they both entered it there was no ground and they didn't fall. Ben's Spider Sense begins blaring and he looks down and then taps Tsukune's shoulder and points down. Tsukune decided to look down and they both started falling. Ben's Spider Sense blared again, waking him up from an illusion. "Hugh? Oh.. just an illusion" said Ben.
"AAAAAAAAGH!" screamed Tsukune.
"Quit being a baby." Ben mentioned.
"WHY?! WE ARE FALLIING TO OUR DOOM!" yelled Tsukune as he started to panic.
"Oh my god." Ben groaned pinching the bridge of his nose before smacking Tsukune in the back of the head, waking him up from an illusion; followed by Tsukune groaning pain. Then, suddenly a rock flew passed Tsukune's face hitting the wall, "Damn bro, you almost got a headshot" Ben whistled.
"Don't. Remind. Me." said Tsukune feeling insulted at that comment.
"Hehehe I did that on purpose" said another giant as he then enters the room with a rock in his hand. This giant was about 7'4, 2 inches taller than the one in the closet, "Hey….you're not masked man."
"Um did this 'masked man' happen to wear red?" Ben asked using air quiotes.
"No. He wore black" said the giant.
"You mean that guy over there?" said Tsukune pointing to the masked man in the corner making the giant then throw the rock at the masked man who dodged and made a run for it. While the giant chased after him. "I was expecting a fight." said Tsukune slightly disappointed.
"Me too but talking was much easier." Ben replied, "We should try that sometime." Ben chuckled causing Tsukune to growl over the last time they tried to talk things out with their opponent.
"What about the masked man?" Tsukune asked slightly worried.
Ben just waved his hand, "Ehh he'll be fine" he said as he heads towards the next door. Then when Ben opened the door to the next room it was just…really dark. "Hey, Tsukune you didn't happen to bring a flashlight, did you?"
"No." said Tsukune. Ben through his hands in the air in defeat as they both treaded the room through darkness, "Find the door yet?"
"Nope" said Ben
"Ow my foot!" Tsukune yelled as he felt something spikey when he stepped on something.
"Hey, Tsukune I found a… switch?" said Ben confused, Well, more like a lever really.
"Flip it." Tsukune suggested. Ben pulled it and the wall turned over with Ben in it. "Ben? Ben?...BEN!" said Tsukune when he realized that Ben was gone.
Ben suddenly found himself in what appears to be a room with a bunch of buttons. "Hmmmm…" he hummed as decided to press one button and it caused the lights in the room Tsukune was in to light up.
"Um…. Very funny Ben!" said Tsukune as he then looks down on the ground and realized he stepped on a toy which hurt his foot. He then looks around more and then he sees that he seems to be in a dinning room. Then, Ben pressed another button.
Suddenly the globe on the shelf came to life and said in a goofy manner "Hey!"
"AAGH!" yelled Tsukune, taken off guard and startled that a globe suddenly came to life. Ben then pressed another button, causing the globe turned into a clock and started…rapping?
"Time is a tool that you can put on the wall or wear it on your-"
"What the-" said Tsukune as suddenly the clock turned into the dancing computer he and Ben saw earlier.
"I'm a com-" the computer started before Ben pressed another button making the dancing computer turn into a duck eating a fish.
"Fish on my tray.-WAIT WHERE AM I!?" yelled the duck who looked around in a panic.
"OH MY GOD A TALKING DUCK!" Tsukune yelled in disbelief. Then a Ben pressed another this time summoning another creature….thing, it looked like a magnet of some sort. Then the magnet came to life and starts singing gibberish. "What is he singing?" asked Tsukune
"I don't know." Said the duck
And Ben continued to press the same button again, and again, and again, and again, and the singing being keeps changing into random things every time he pushed the button until he stops with the cigarette.
"Stinky Mouth~" the cigarette sang before Ben pressed another button as the it exploded into confetti.
"Glad that's over." Tsukune mumbled with a sigh of relief. Much to his dismay the ordeal was not over as two giant demonic cans came in through the door and started giggling like crazy. "AAAAAAGH!" yelled both the duck and Tsukune as they hugged each other at the same time. Thankfully the wall rotated again bringing Ben back into the room.
"Hey guys what did I miss? Oh cool, Howard the Duck." Ben said with a chuckle. It was not Howard the duck I want to make that clear. It's okay, that happens to me all the time. So does 'not editing'. Fuck you, I try dammit!
Then the duck and Tsukune point to the demonic cans that turned their attention to Ben. "Get them away! Those things eat organs!" yelled the duck. Ben then just looked at them blankly.
"Guys they are just giant cans. What's the worst thing that can happen?" Ben asked not seeing the danger of the situation.
"THEY TRIED EATING MY INSIDES!" yelled the duck.
"You seem fine to me" said Ben as the cans continuously approach the duck and Tsukune as they both take steps back.
"Ugh.. Fine" Ben groaned as punches the cans before shooting impact webbing to bind them together, followed by webbing them on the wall "See relax. Gotta admit, when I envisioned myself slapping around a large pair of cans, I figured it would be Moka's."
This made the duck and Tsukune calm down. Then Tsukune realized something, "Wait..what?"
"OH! Silver haired Moka, not the Moka you're infatuated with." Ben said, placing his hands up defensively.
"That doesn't exactly make me feel better." Tsukune sighed, "Well, glad that's over."
"Hey fellas any chance you've seen my friends?" the duck questioned.
"Are they also ducks?" Ben asked.
"No. one is a red thing and the other is a yellow boy." the duck explained.
"Didn't we see the red guy go in the computer room?" said Tsukune.
"I think so," said Ben with his thumb and index finger cupping his chin, "Oh well" and then suddenly the phone started ringing and there was awkward silence. The duck decided to walk over to the phone and answer it.
"Hello?" the duck asked before he suddenly disappears.
"Are phones in Hollywood horror movies supposed to do that?" said Tsukune
"Nope, but they do in the Matrix, and if you go passed the second one…well, that is kinda a horror, it's pretty terrifying to watch the directors destroy a cool idea and go a little…overboard." Ben mentioned with a smile. Walking to the next drawer he has seen in a while he hears.. multiple heavy metal bands? "Hmmm, lets see" said Ben opening each one "Let's see…. Metallica, Underoath, 10 Years, Demon Hunter, Soilwork, In Flames, and… ANBERLIN? But Anberlin is an Alt Rock band" Ben complained.
"I never heard of any of those bands… except Metallica" said Tsukune.
"That's because they are famous in the U.S… well except Soilwork and In Flames, they are famous in Sweden" said Ben "I'm surprised Ozzy Osbourne isn't in one of these drawers I'm sure he'd fit in."
Finally walking into another room, filled with trees, they see a note, "Ohh… now I recognize this" said Ben "RUN!" as he and Tsukune both sprinted to the other side in hopes of finding a door… then they see SLENDERMAN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
Author's Corner
Wait, wait, wait, seriously? Let it die, it's bad enough Sony is making a movie. IT'S A WHAT IF, NOTHING IS CANNON! Okay, point taken…
Back to story
"AAAGH! WHAT IS THAT ALBINO THING?!" Tsukune panicked when he saw the shadow tentacles of Slenderman's back. Luckily, Ben shot webs at Slenderman but they o,nly phased through the albino bastard.
"Uh OH." said Ben seeing as his web are useless against the slenderdude. Then Ben sees a paper on one of the trees and then sprays a web at it bring it to him.
"What's that?" Tsukune asked, still in full on panic mode.
"Watch," said Ben as he folds the paper into an airplane and throws it causing Slenderman to follow it.
"That was easy…I guess?" said Tsukune with a confused expression.
"Easy? you didn't do shit!" said Ben "Now let's hurry to that door before it comes back." then they both ran into a trapdoor which leads to a desert.
"How!?" questioned Tsukune genuinely surprised that one of the rooms is literally a desert. They then see a snake with a cowboy hat that Ben recognizes.
"Hey, look it's the rattlesnake Jake" said Ben
"Wait you know that snake?" said Tsukune
"It's a long story" said Ben
Author's corner
Yeah because Terry is too lazy to write a backstory for their meeting. Shut up or else I'll tell nerd to focus more on Spidey than you! Touché You guys act like I don't already do that… Whatever, that's a fanfic for another day. …I'm not doing it.
Back to the story
"Want to help me rough up some monsters?" said Ben holding out his arm and then the snake slithers up Ben's arm giving Tsukune a bit of chills and then they enter another trapdoor which leads to some sort of bakery.
Then Ben gets a Spider Sense tingle, "Stop" he commanded in a quiet but serious tone causing Tsukune to freeze in his tracks and look at Ben. Then Ben points to something on the floor, and he sees… blood.
"Um... is that a cookie jar?" Tsukune asked.
"Yes. And look at those knives. Knives are not used for cookies." said Ben. This gave Tsukune the chills not only because that made sense but definitely something edible is a killer
"Well, well, well what do we have here? A couple of kids hungry for a cookie?" said a voice in English. And since Ben knew that this monster was edible… why not tease it?
"Yes… in fact I'm in the mood for a gingerbread cookie." said Ben in English, with a grin, in hopes of pissing of the monster to lure it into attacking him or Tsukune.
"Grrrr RAAAAAAAAGH!" said the monster and when Ben turned around he saw a gingerbread cookie with a knife in its hand flying towards his face.
"Oops" said Ben sarcastically as he then shoots the gingerbread man with his web.
"What the? WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME YOU PIECE IF SHIT!" the gingerbread man yelled in English.
"What's it saying?" said Tsukune.
"It's just name calling" said Ben in Japanese.
"Simple… I am hungry," said Ben licking his lips in English, "I wonder what the baker's man did this time. I thought your kind were always cowards.. oh wait. That's right you don't have a kind."
"FUCK YOU!" said the ginger bread man feeling insulted on a personal level.
"But then again I'll leave you to Jake." said Ben as then Jake slithers out of Ben's sleeve onto the ground and over to where the Gingerbread man was tied up in Ben's webs.
"Hehehhe thirsty little cookie?" said Jake as he then shows his fangs and sprays on the gingerbread man's face.
"Ow!" yelled the gingerbread man as he riles in pain and then Jake constricts him choking him.
"Mm, mm, mm. Gingerbread… I think I'll eat you HAHAHAH!" said Jake as he constricts the gingerbread man harder and slithers into a little hole.
"AAAAAAAGH" yelled the gingerbread man as Ben and Tsukune hears his screams of being dragged away by Jake and getting eaten.
"Holy shit dude." Tsukune says with a blank face.
"Ah, the gingerbread man. This one was only threatening when he had a weapon. Without one he could only spout insults." said Ben smiling. And then Ben sees another monster paper and sees that Mark Zuckerberg is actually a lizard person, "Dear God…. So many things make much more sense… more than that one lady who tried to put a scandal on Hitman." he puts the paper in his jacket, "Come on we are almost there… At least I think so." he said trying to loosen his collar.
"Almost where?" said Tsukune.
"Dear god, you are very clueless today." Ben sighed, "But what I'm referring to is that we are almost at the end… I'm pretty sure."
"Really?" said Tsukune with tears streaming down his face. Ben pointed to a shiny door and then they both nodded at each other and sprinted towards the shiny door and then when they busted through they saw a little lair in a tree and they bumped into a pot of gold causing it to fall in a hole. "Well, shit." Tsukune pointed out.
Then they heard some humming and a door open, "*Gasp* ME GOLD YE' DAMN HUMANS STOLE ME GOLD!" yelled the voice to which when Ben and Tsukune got a good look at him they saw that it was a leprechaun… an ugly leprechaun.
"No we didn't, dumbass. It fell in there" said Ben pointing to the hole.
"I DON'T BELIVE YA! RAAAAAAGH!" the leprechaun yelled, and he jumps at Ben's face showing it's somewhat sharp teeth only to get webbed to the wall. I knew I should've brought that giant dude Ben thought to himself. "I hope you are happy because I spent centuries collecting those!" said the leprechaun.
"Wait… collecting?" Ben asked, "Then that would mean…." Ben realized something making him smirk, "If that was all collected then that would mean it wasn't originally yours."
"Um… I work?" said the leprechaun with a nervous smil.
"Don't lie. Leprechauns are too lazy to work for gold." said Ben with an even deeper smirk.
"..." said the leprechaun trying not to look guilty as fuck.
"Welp, see ya! Go join your gold" said Ben picking up the leprechaun.
"Wait what are you-whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaah!" the leprechaun yelled as Ben threw him into the hole the gold fell in.
Then, suddenly, a hallway appeared out of nowhere to which both Ben and Tsukune both walk through. This hallway led to a door to open, revealing another room with a chest.
"No… could it be?" said Ben as he runs over to the chest and then when he opened it and looked inside…. And grabbed something…
"Well?" Tsukune asked excitedly, practically gripping the air.
"TICKETS TO A FALL OUT BOY CONCERT!" said Ben holding out a couple tickets very excitedly, "Wait a minute… these tickets are for their 2007 tour… GOD DAMMIT!" he yelled, throwing the tickets down in anger before stomping on them, "Let's just go." They both walk out the door and it actually led outside the haunted house. "Holy shit, we actually made it…" said Ben.
"Next time we bring everyone else" said Tsukune as they both walk back to their dorms as they do not notice the two giants and rattlesnake Jake exit the house.
"Hey should we check the other rooms that we mi-" Ben began.
"NO!" Tsukune interrupted, feeling he had enough Hollywood horror clichés for a day, "Fuck your stupid horror shit, wait till October!"
Ben only chuckled as Tsukune walked off in anger, "I should show everyone else these." he said excitedly as he brings out the papers he snagged and starts reading them one by one, "Woah, Bill Cosby?! Actually, that makes sense."
THE FUCKING END
Trivia
1) this is filled with so many reference… Oh who am I kidding nearly the entire chapter is basically references
2) Can I have a cookie?
3) I listened to so much horror music despite writing this as more a comedy chapter
4) if it's bad then I'm sorry
5) I hope at least some of you like this what if chapter
6) CAN I GO HOME NOW!?
What are you doing? My Trivia section, I always have these. What, no shameless plug? Can I? No/NO. Awwwww….
*sigh* big thanks to Terrence Johnny Stanford for the short. And special thanks to you for the edit!
Laters Sheeple/Laters Sheeple!
You literally haven't said that in forever.