*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter they were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much*
ROMAN:
I ring the doorbell to Shea's parents' home as I stand on the porch after leaving Hayden back at the apartment. She had a rough day and she fell asleep as a result of it. I didn't want to disturb her or wake her up before I came to pick up the girls. I know she hasn't been sleeping well so I want her to get as much sleep as she can. Shea's mom answers the door and I give her a soft smile. "I'm here for Nova and Kylynn," I say.
"You know you can't keep them from their mother forever," she says. "Shea is their mother and you have no right to keep them from her. I am not going to keep lying to my daughter," she says.
"Well, I am suspended indefinitely so I probably won't need you to babysit the girls for me to work," I say, "and besides I am not keeping the girls from Shea. She has every right to see them but she is choosing to ruin her life. I went to see her and she was drunk as hell," I say. "I can't keep my girls in that environment."
"Yet you choose to take them into an environment where you are shacking up with your mistress. That's not a good environment for them either you rip them from their Mama and take them to another woman's house if you even want to call her a woman," she scoffs. "She is a homewrecker."
"She's not a homewrecker," I argue.
"Then what would you call a woman that comes in and destroys a family by sleeping with another woman's husband ? That's a homewrecker."
"Shea and I were headed this way whether Hayden and I slept together or not. I have been indifferent to Shea for years it just took a bit of time for me to get the courage to leave her."
"For another woman," she says, "one of your students," she shakes her head. "You're pathetic Roman. I always told Shea how you weren't good enough for her and she deserved better than you. I hope she realizes that now and takes you for everything you got."
"Yeah well that's the joy of having a prenup she can't take everything," I say with a smug smile.
"Right but that prenup was no and void the moment you stuck your dick into another woman. You screwed up Roman and I hope everything you are about to lose was worth it."
"Can I please have my girls now?" I ask. "I really have to get going."
"Hold on," she says shutting the door in my face while she goes to get my children. Shea's mom and I never really did get along. We never really saw eye to eye much like Shea and my mom. If we had both just listened to our mothers that marrying someone because you have kids isn't the best idea this entire thing would have been avoided. I thought I did the right thing 4 years ago but it couldn't have been more wrong.
I wait patiently as she gets the girls together and finally the door opens after about 15 minutes of waiting. "Daddy!" yells Nova as she runs into my arms, her curly hair blowing in the slight breeze as she's dressed in planet leggings and a planet shirt.
"Hey, Nova," I say with a smile as I hug her tight. "How was school today?" I ask.
"Good," she says with a smile as Shea's mom hands me Kylynn. "My teacher loved my outfit today."
"I'm glad to hear it," I say with a smile. I thank Shea's mom before we step off the porch after she hands me Ky's diaper bag. "Did you learn anything new?"
"Not really some kids were talking about you and mama. They said you did something bad to mama. Did you, Daddy?" she asks.
"Don't worry about what kids are saying. I didn't do anything bad to your mama, I just made a different choice that no one seems to like but this choice is making me happy."
"Oh," she says as I open the car door for her. "When can I see Mama again?"
"I don't know we need to work on that," I answer truthfully because I don't know when I will allow Shea to see the kids again. She's not exactly in the best mindset right now and I don't want her to do anything to hurt one of the girls because then I would never forgive her. "I promise it won't be long before you can see her again."
"Okay, Daddy," she says with a smile. I kiss her cheek as I buckle her into the booster seat before putting Kylynn into her carseat securing her safely rearfacing. I kiss her cheek also before I shut the door before getting into the driver's seat. I sync Nova's playlist on my phone to my car and start my drive back to the apartment making a couple quick stops one to the flower shop to pick up a dozen red roses for Hayden and then stopping at a pizza place for dinner ordering a pepperoni pizza to take home since neither of us really feel like cooking tonight after our days.
"Honey, I'm home," I say as I walk into the apartment with my hands full. I smile as Hayden comes to the door greeting me with a soft kiss. "Hello, Beautiful."
"Hey," she says with a smile. "What's all this?" she asks taking Kylynn from my arms and the diaper bag from Nova as I hold the pizza and flowers.
"I thought that we could have pizza for dinner tonight. I know you probably don't feel like cooking and I don't feel like cooking so I thought we could just relax tonight, eat some pizza, hang out with the girls and then hang out with each other after they go to bed," I smile.
"Sounds good but I'm really not in the mood to eat or in the mood to have pizza for dinner so I will pass. Thank-you anyway, Baby," she smiles.
"You have to eat something, Hayden. You haven't been eating much of anything the last week or so. Come on, have some pizza."
"I'm just not that hungry and I am just not feeling up to eating," she says. "I'm sorry," she says.
"All right," I say, "but I got us plenty of pizza so if you change your mind," I say with a smile as I carry it to the kitchen of the apartment. I put the roses down on the counter while Nova sits down at the table and Hayden gets Kylynn into the high chair so she can eat. I cut up Ky's pizza onto a plate and get her a cup of water before handing it to Hayden so she can put it on Ky's tray. I get Nova her slice of pizza and a cup of water before taking it over to the table. "And these are for you," I say to Hayden as I hand her the roses before I get my pizza.
"They're beautiful, Baby," she says with a smile before she wraps her arms around me, hugging me tight. "Thank-you."
"You're welcome," I say with a smile before I kiss her lips softly. "We're going to get through all of this. I know it's a little hard right now but we are going to get through this. Everything will be worth it in the end," I smile giving her reassurance.
"I saw the video," she blurts out as I see the tears forming in her eyes.
"You watched it?" I ask. I hug her tighter. "I'm so sorry," I say not knowing what else to say. I know it had to be hard for her to watch and I know it's even harder for her to know that other people in the world have seen it and other people on campus have seen it along with pictures that she showed me earlier.
"Stop apologizing," she says. "It's not your fault. I should have never gone to that party and I should have never taken that drink from Mack. It's my fault so stop apologizing to me," she says.
"Hayden, it is not your fault, it was never your fault. It's not fair that you can't go to a party and have fun without having to fear someone doing harm to you. It was never your fault and it will never be your fault," I say. "Don't blame yourself and I will never let you blame yourself."
"It feels like it was my fault and there were so many guys," she says with tears in her eyes. "I don't even know some of them, Roman," she says.
"Turn it over to your lawyer it is evidence," I suggest.
"I can't," she says, "I don't want people to see that. I don't want you to see it," she says. "Promise me you'll never watch it."
"I will never watch it but this will help get Mack and Jordan behind bars," I say. "You need to show your lawyer everything."
"I can't," she says. "I have to go make a phone call," she says. "Enjoy your dinner. I will be right back."
"All right," I say. I kiss her forehead before she steps out of my arms and leaves the kitchen to make her phone call.
I get my pizza after putting Hayden's roses into a vase and sit down with my girls to eat dinner. Nova and I talk about her day at school and talk about her playing soccer this season. She feels the same way about soccer as I do about football it's her thing. She was never into ballet or gymnastics as much as Shea had hoped but soccer was and is everything to her. I promise her now that I am not coaching for the time being that I will be able to attend more of her soccer games on Saturday mornings which makes her very happy. I love seeing the smile on my baby girl's face. I will be the first to admit with coaching football and teaching I have lacked a bit in being her father missing soccer games and school events. I am going to enjoy my time off to be with my kids, spend as much time with them as I can before I get another job because I know they are going to end up firing me for my actions. I'm not even worried about it I can always coach and teach somewhere else. I am ready to start my life new. I don't need Georgia Tech.
After dinner I give the girls a bath, wash their hair and then put Ky to bed after reading her a story and giving her a cup of milk to help her sleep better before Nova and I sit down to play a game of Candy Land before she goes to bed for the night. "What are you two playing?" asks Hayden fresh out of the shower with her hair pulled up into a messy bun dressed in tank top and a pair of shorts.
"Candy Land!" says Nova with a smile. "Do you want to play?" she asks.
"I love Candy Land of course I will play," she smiles as she sits down with us to play the game.
"Hayden, she's good. She's won at least 5 times now," I say with a smile.
"I keep getting Queen Frostine," she says with a smile, "and Daddy keeps getting Mr. Mint and Plumpy."
"Oh no," she says with a smile. We start the game over again shuffling the cards and putting our pieces back at the beginning while Nova gets the yellow guy out for Hayden. "It sounds like you're too good at Candy Land."
"I never get stuck," she says, "and never get Plumpy except at the beginning."
"And always Queen Frostine," I wink at Hayden letting her know I plan it that way for Nova to win the game. "Did you make your phone call?" I ask as we start the game.
"Yes, I'm probably going to miss school tomorrow. I know I have been missing too much lately but I have something to do with Grace," she says. "And I emailed my professors telling them I would probably be out the rest of the week."
"What's going on?" I ask.
"I just have something I need to take care of everything will be better after that," she says. I nod and get back to the game with Hayden and Nova. I am still worried about Hayden knowing she's hiding something from me. I don't know what it is but I wish she would let me in, let me know what's going on tomorrow but she obviously doesn't want me to know about it. I keep looking at her as we play the game but she is avoiding all eye contact and focusing completely on Nova which I am okay with but I wish she would open up to me. I know this whole thing with Mack and Jordan has been difficult for her.
After the 6th game I look at the clock and see it's time for Nova to go to bed. "All right, Nova Bear it's bedtime," I say.
"I don't want to go to bed, Daddy," she says.
"You have school in the morning," I say, "It's time for bed."
"No fair," she says, "You and Hayden don't have to go to bed," she says as Hayden starts cleaning up the game.
"Hayden and me are adults and who says we aren't going to bed?" I ask. "We are going to bed just like you," I say.
"No you aren't," she argues. She definitely has her mom's sassiness. "You are tricking me."
"No tricks Hayden and I are going to bed too. We have to wake up early too because you have school," I explain, "so we are going to bed just like you."
"I don't think so," she says crossing her arms.
"I promise," I say. "We are going to tuck you into bed and then head to bed ourselves."
"I don't know," she says, "it sounds like a trick."
"No trick," says Hayden. "I'm really tired. I'm going to bed just like you. If it helps I will read you a bedtime story would you like that?"
"Okay," she says.
"Thank-you," I say to Hayden before I scoop Nova up into my arms to carry her into the guest bedroom she's staying in with her sister.
"You're welcome," she smiles as we walk into the bedroom together. I put Nova down in the bed while Hayden puts Candy Land away while I tuck Nova into bed and pick up her book of Dinosaur stories. Hayden joins us and I begin to read her a story about dinosaurs before she falls asleep before I can finish. "She's asleep," Hayden whispers.
"I knew she was tired," I say before I close the book quietly. We carefully get out of her bed each giving her a soft kiss on the cheek whispering goodnight to her. I turn off the light and close the door. I wrap my arm around Hayden's waist as we walk to the living room. "You're awesome with them," I say before kissing her temple.
"Thanks," she says with a soft smile.
"You're going to make a great mom someday," I say as we get to the living room. "I can't wait to share that with you."
"Oh," she says.
"You don't want kids?" I ask as I pull her into my lap as I sit on the couch. She wraps her arms around my neck as I wrap my arms around her waist. "You'll make a great mother."
"It's not that," she says. "I like kids and I want kids of my own someday," she says. "I'm just really too young to think about being a mother right now. I am almost 22 in a couple months. I want to be able to live my life a little bit. I have to graduate college which is becoming more of a hassle every day so hopefully after this week I can get focused on school again. I'm doing well it's just I'm not as focused as I want to be. I'm distracted with everything going on. This is never going to be simple is it?" she asks.
"Not really," I say stroking her back.
"And I need to find a job. I always wanted my life in order before I thought about kids and marriage. I don't want my own kids until I am 25 years old at least maybe 28 at the latest 30. I want to be stable in my career before I become someone's mom and I'm not into playing house, Roman. I don't want to play house," she says. "I understand Ky and Nova are a packaged deal when it comes to you and I accept that because I don't want to lose you but I do want some freedom too," she says. "I'm only 21, Roman."
"I know," I say, "we are at different stages in our lives. I am 33," I say, "and you're only 21. I understand. I'm not trying to rush you into anything. I just need Nova and Ky to stay with us for a little bit until Shea gets her shit together then we will share custody and they will be with her more of the time and less of the time with me."
"I don't want you to give your time up with them. I think they are amazing kids and I do love them. I'm just not sure how ready I am for all this commitment you know what I mean? I met you in a bar."
"I am aware of that fact," I say with a smile. "Are you trying to break up with me?"
"I thought about it," she says honestly, "but I don't want that. I want you. I just want to adjust to all this commitment and still be in my early 20's. Tell me you understand what I'm saying."
"I get it," I say. "You want time to live your life and I get that you are in your early 20's so we won't have kids until you're ready and we won't get married until you're ready. I love you, Hayden. I will wait for you to be ready. If you want me to break this off I will," I say.
"I thought about it, Roman. I really did but I don't want that. I love you too much to let you go. I just want to slow it down a bit. I like living with you and I don't mind taking care of your girls occasionally but I don't want the responsibility of being a mom which is why I want to talk to you," she says.
"All right, I'm listening, Baby Girl. I am always listening," I say as I stroke her back for comfort.
"I lied to you," she says with tears in her eyes. "A couple weeks ago when I was sick and I stayed home from school. I lied to you I wasn't just tired," she says, "and I haven't been completely honest with you and I am sorry."
"Okay," I say as I wipe away her tears.
"I took a pregnancy test that day. I know I have been on my birth control but something didn't seem right. I don't know why but I took the test and it was positive. I even went to the doctor to get it confirmed and I am pregnant," she admits.
"You're pregnant?" I ask. "Why didn't you tell me? We are having a baby?"
"I don't know," she says, "I don't know who the father is but going by the amount of sex we have I would like to believe it is yours. I don't know what happened with the birth control because I took everything regularly, same time every day. The doctor said it can happen sometimes but I don't understand how. I want to believe it is your child but I don't know and I don't want to be a mother not now, not at this point in my life and not with everything going on."
"I understand that," I say. "We do have a lot of sex."
"I have no complaints," she says with a smile, "but I don't want you to think I am trying to trap you or anything like that. What would you do with a baby right now? Do you think this is a good time for us to have a baby?"
"At this point in time I think having a baby is the worst thing that being said if you want to keep it we can do that, if you want to give it away we can do that and if you want to terminate the pregnancy you can do that also. It's up to you, Hayden and what you want to do. I'm here to support you," I say offering her my support. Honestly we are in no position to have a baby or bring a baby into the world right now not with the way things are going for us. "I mean I want another kid but if you're not ready then I'm not ready."
"Roman," she says with tears in her eyes before she hugs me tightly. "I love you."
"I love you too," I say kissing her head as she cries on my shoulder. I hold her tightly giving her my support. "I love you, Hayden. What's the next step are we having the baby or.."
She looks at me with her dark brown eyes and says, "I don't want a baby not now, not at this point in my life. I don't know who the father is and it is not a good time for a baby. I have battled the last couple weeks with this decision and weighed the pros and cons. I thought about keeping the baby which would really throw a wrench in our plans but then what if the baby is Mack's or Jordan's or someone else's I don't think I could look at that baby every day and not think about being violated. Normally I don't believe in abortion because I know there are so many couples out there that want to have babies but can't and I feel selfish even thinking about abortion. I thought about adoption next but there is no way I could carry this baby for 9 months creating a bond with it and then give it away at the end of the pregnancy. I couldn't do it. I can't do it. So then I made my final choice, my final decision," she says letting out a deep breath, tears filling her eyes. "I decided at this point in my life and under the circumstances that it is best to terminate the pregnancy. It is what I am going to do tomorrow," she says. "I'm not asking for a lecture just that you support me and understand my reasoning because I feel selfish already but damn it I can't do it. I can't be a parent not now and not to my rapists' child. I'm sorry, Roman if you want this but I can't. I have been physically sick thinking about it. I can't even look at Mack without getting sick what if it's his child and I get sick looking at my own child because it looks like the man that raped me. I can't, Roman, I can't," she breaks down and my heart breaks not because she is ending the pregnancy but because how badly she hurts for making the decision, how badly she hurts from being raped. I cry with her because I can't make her pain go away. I can't as much as I try I can never make her pain go away. I hold her close as we cry together. "Do you support me?" she says.
"Always, Baby Girl," I say. "Always."
"And I am going to use another form of birth control after I do this so I don't have to worry about getting pregnant again until we are married and I am older and ready to be a mom. I'm sorry, Roman."
"Stop, don't apologize," I say as I hold her close, comforting her as she cries, we comfort each other as we both cry. I think she's making the best decision even if it hurts but I would never force her to raise her rapists' child. I could never and I'm not willing to take the chance even if there is a better chance it's my child. I will never hurt her that way and all I can do is support her and we can be more careful next time.
The next day I support Hayden and go to Planned Parenthood with her and Grace. "No looking back," says Hayden to me as she holds my hand tightly as we wait.
"No looking back," I say to her before kissing her lips softly. "No regrets."
"Never," she says as we link our fingers together as we wait and I offer silent support to her.
Hayden receives her abortion pill from the doctor minutes later to start the process of the abortion. They give her the remaining pills to take at home to finish out the procedure giving her the instructions. We leave the office regretting nothing, not talking about and just focusing on where we will go from here. Hayden made it clear under any other circumstance she would have kept the baby but in this circumstance she was unable to do it and feels selfish making this choice but psychologically and emotionally this is better for her than raising the child of the men or one of the men that violated her. I promise her my support, promise her I am not upset because there will be a time we are ready for a baby, a time we can take joy in a pregnancy and get excited without fear that the baby belongs to a man that hurt her in ways we can't understand damaging her mentally and physically. I lay down with her in the bed when we get home, holding her as she cries it out, letting her know I am not going anywhere and I'm not upset with her. I hold her tight against me as she cries never letting her go until she finally falls asleep from the exhaustion but I remain holding her watching her as she sleeps envisioning our future together and we can forget this moment and enjoy happier times in our lives.
*A/N: What did you think? Please review and thank-you for reading.