(A\N: Hey everyone, I'm sorry it took so long to update.
However, I would like to point out that it's a little aggravating when my readers get mad at me for not updating fast enough for their liking. I don't mind the occasional, "Please update soon!" (those make me kind of happy to know that you guys love the story :) but when people start getting mad because I haven't been able to update and blame me for it, it makes writing the next chapter that much harder. I have a life, unfortunately, and it revolves around my education. I find that just a little more important than these stories. Some people seem to think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. This is my final year of high school. I'm constantly studying for my IB and AP Exams, taking the SAT (including the Subject tests for French and US History) a few more times, and applying for scholarships and to college. And I have around 5 hours of homework each night. And that isn't even counting my already dwindling social life that I am trying to keep alive. It's not easy, but I'm trying to my hardest. Also, I update by a schedule, for those who think I am favoring one story over the other. I just updated Shades of Grey and Crimson Reign because I hadn't updated those for a very long time. Then Di Yu, then Shisui. That's how it goes. I don't mean to sound bitchy, but I just want some people to understand that I try my hardest to get these chapters out to you, but I have a lot going on in my life at the moment, and that takes precedence. Thank you.
But anyway…you guys don't want to hear me rant. ;P So here's the chapter, with it's nice ItaSaku fluff that you've all been waiting for!)
Chapter 13
Shattered Trust
Emily will find a better place to fall asleep
She belongs to fairy tales that i could never be
The future haunts with memories that i could never have
But hope is just a stranger wondering how it got too bad
I die each time you look away
My heart, my life will never be the same
This love will take my everything
One breath, one touch will be the end of me
You could be the final straw that brings me back to earth
Ever-waiting airports full of the love that you deserve
Wishing i could find a way to wash away the past
Knowing that my heart will break, but at least the pain will last
I die each time you look away
My heart, my life will never be the same
This love will take my everything
One breath, one touch will be the end of me
Emily will find a better place to fall asleep
Maybe she will save me in the oceans of her dream
And maybe someday live
Maybe someday live
Maybe someday live
Love Song Requiem by Trading Yesterday
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body.
—anonymous
It was two in the morning when Itachi arrived home. Kisame was asleep, and Sasuke had gone to his own home long before Itachi's arrival. He could hear the soft breathing that signaled Mikomi's slumber. A water clock in a house plot nearby thumped rhythmically. Crickets chirped softly in the silence.
And he knew Sakura was awake.
He slid the door open to their room, and saw that she was lying on the bed. She was lying atop the covers, staring up at the ceiling. Her fingers were laced, hands resting on her lower stomach. She was wearing a sleeping yukata, and her hair fanned around her, in sharp contrast to the dark comforter.
The window was open, and as a few clouds moved aside, a glimmer of moonlight struck the left side of her face. A glint, and Itachi watched a tear make its way down a well known path on her face.
"Sakura."
She said nothing. She didn't flinch, or twitch, or acknowledge him at all. She merely took a soft breath, and exhaled slowly. He saw the small catch in her breath—a twitch of her shoulders and a pause as she breathed out—as she tried her hardest not to cry aloud.
She didn't want anyone to know she had been crying at all.
"Sakura."
This time she blinked, before giving a small sigh.
"What…do you want…?"
And he said the one thing she had not been expecting.
"I came to show you something."
Her brow furrowed in confusion, and she slowly sat up in the bed. The left part of the yukata slid off of her shoulder. She hurriedly brushed the last few tears from her face. "What are you talking about?" Her voice was gruff with emotion, as she tried to make herself sound indifferent.
He merely reached into his sleeve…and slowly pulled out a scroll. He looked down at it for a moment, and wondered why he had ever kept such a painful reminder of his past.
To show to someone else, he supposed…to prove that he wasn't quite the beast that he was believed to be.
So that someone could understand.
He handed it to Sakura wordlessly. She took it cautiously, weighing it in her palm. It was old, the paper was yellowed with age, and the edge of the scroll had small tears in the paper. The seal on it had been broken long ago, and looked as if it had been opened many times since. The seal itself, however, was what caught her attention. The scroll was an expensive one, elaborately decorated around the edges. It was the kind of scroll wedding invitations were written on. But the seal…was the official seal of the Hokage.
"What is this?" She whispered, because there was nothing else she could say.
"Read it." Itachi's order was soft, and almost hesitant. If he were anyone else, Sakura would say he was nervous. But this was Itachi, and that was impossible. She merely pulled a bit at the scroll's edge hesitantly, before taking a deep breath and unraveling it quickly.
She froze the moment her hand stilled, eyes widening in surprise.
The crickets chirped.
A gust of wind blew past the window, rattling the shutters. Sakura didn't notice. She didn't notice anything at all save for the words that glared up at her from the yellowed parchment. She didn't hear Itachi's level breathing, or catch the small hitch as he exhaled shakily—once, for even that minute show of weakness was too much for his pride.
A mission scroll.
It was an ANBU mission scroll.
Rank: S
Date of Initiation: October 23
Objective: Eliminate the Uchiha Clan as a threat to Konohagakure
Details: On this night of initiation, ANBU guards will be patrolling the streets, but there will be a break in patrol shifts from seven thirty to seven thirty five. All Uchiha Clan members will be in the compound. All members must be eliminated before nine, when the ANBU patrol will near the compound. There can be no survivors.
"Itachi…" Sakura whispered softly, before looking up at him, hands trembling, not wanting to finish reading, knowing what would be said. "What…is this?"
"My mission." He answered back, his own voice barely above a whisper. "My last mission as a shinobi of Konohagakure."
"I don't understand." She sat down on the edge of the bed—hard. What was he talking about? What was that mission scroll? …was it true? Her thoughts were muddled, and Itachi's voice seemed to be dulled and faint, as if he were talking underwater.
"The Uchiha Clan was planning a coup on Konohagakure in order to restore the power that they thought was theirs."
"You're lying." She hissed, because there was nothing else to say. She abruptly stood, and the scroll fell to the ground from her lap, and rolled a few feet away. As Sakura moved, her heel ground into the paper's edge, and she felt it tear. She didn't care. "How could you dare say that? Don't pull such a cheap trick, Itachi. What the hell are you thinking? Why would you—" But she stopped herself, clamping her mouth shut, too flustered and shocked and angry to go on.
Because she knew it wasn't a lie.
She wasn't the Hokage's former apprentice for nothing. She had seen the Hokage's seal so many times…and there was no way to duplicate it, not even for a prodigy.
It was real.
The mission was real.
Oh god…
"The Third and Danzou were suspicious of the Clan…and I became their double agent in order to affirm these suspicions and protect the village." Itachi continued, and his voice was still soft. He took a step towards her and she took a step back, the corner of the scroll crumpling under her heel.
She saw something in his eyes as she backed away from him, refused to be near him. It was almost a look of hurt, but not really. Not betrayal, just a mixture of the two that had been watered down, because Uchiha Itachi never feels hurt or betrayed, only indifferent and apathetic.
How could this be? Had he lied to her all this time?
No…Konoha had lied to her all this time. She stared down at her shaking hands, and her sight blurred with tears that never quite fell from her eyes. What was this? What was this feeling in her chest? Worse than when Naruto and the others had hated her and believed she was Masako. She felt…as if her heart had been ripped from her chest.
She had been fooled. Tricked. Betrayed.
Betrayed by the village she loved so much. How could they be so barbaric? She let out a shaky breath.
"The Hokage did what was needed to be done for the security of the village." Itachi murmured, as if he could read her thoughts. She jumped a bit at his voice, meeting his gaze before looking down again, still shaking, face pale.
"Who ordered you to kill Shisui?" She finally asked. "Did Konoha tell you to murder your closest friend as well…just so they could have the full power of the Sharingan before they completely wiped it from the earth?" There was scorn in her voice, and Itachi accepted it.
He did not answer, and that was answer enough.
"I can't believe…that my village has lied to me for so long." For some reason...the fact that Itachi had lied did not faze her as much. Itachi's life was full of secrets and mysteries, one more secret was no surprise.
"I told them to keep it a secret."
Sakura blinked, staring up at him in surprise. "What are you talking about?"
"Sasuke would never have been trusted by the village…if they had known that our father was leading a revolt against the Hokage."
"You…did it for Sasuke…?" She whispered, and her voice cracked. She could almost see it, see Itachi standing calmly in front of Sarutobi and Danzou and the Elder council, petitioning for the life of his brother that he loved more than anything.
That he loved. Sakura hadn't been sure Itachi was capable of the emotion, even with her. She looked up into Itachi's cool gaze. No…not anymore. Once, he had loved. Now, he felt nothing. He was a perfect shinobi now.
Konoha had made him the perfect shinobi.
"You…were supposed to kill them all, weren't you?"
…
…
…
"…yes."
Sakura smiled softly. "You couldn't do it then…couldn't kill him."
Itachi shook his head.
"I see." Sakura whispered, and her hands continued to tremble, but she didn't know if it was shock or excitement now. "It was a mission…all a mission."
"I was meant to destroy the clan and be labeled a missing-nin. It was my intention to join the Akatsuki so that we could gain information on the organization."
Sakura could see it now. A lost young boy—even if he was a prodigy—trying his hardest to protect what he loved. In her mind's eye she watched him become corrupted. She watched him grow cold and callous to humanity and the hypocritical actions of the very village that he cared for so deeply. She watched him become the man he was now…and it made her want to cry for him.
Because she knew he would not cry for himself.
"I hate them."
Sakura nodded. "I…" And at that moment, she realized that she hated them too. They had abandoned Itachi. They had made him into a broken man. They had twisted him into the perfect tool for their use. They had used him, made him believe that he was doing it for his village, the village he loved and cared for.
Itachi watched Sakura's eyes darken as she stared down at her hands. He knew that she was processing it all, trying to make sense of it. He saw anger and fury flash in those deep emerald orbs…and he knew that the anger was not directed at himself. He wondered how many times he had harbored that identical look deep down inside of him.
It was true, in the beginning, he had known what would happen. He would be hated by all, be seen as a traitor and hunted down by all of Konoha. But he hadn't cared. He had been protecting his village and his brother and that was all that mattered.
He had joined Akatsuki…and he had grown up. He'd watched Konoha from afar. He had seen the corruption, and he couldn't help but bitterly see his brother and think that could have been me even when he knew that it was his own choice. His village had forced him into the mold of a perfect shinobi and that was what he had become. He had followed the Hokage's orders without question. And what had it gotten him?
Pain, suffering…he would never forget the look in Sasuke's eyes. But he had known what he must do. He had to make Sasuke strong…strong enough so that he would never be controlled as Itachi had been. To not allow himself to become a tool for some hypocritical bastard that would toss him aside the moment his usefulness had run out.
Itachi knew that deep down…deep down he still cared for his village. He had lived for Konoha for so long, he was unable to hate it. The innocent villagers, the few ANBU members that he had known during his missions…they were the people that had kept him going, kept him from drowning in his pessimistic view of humanity and its inevitable descent.
He hated the fact that he still loved Konoha. Every day, ever hour, he had recited the shinobi mantra in his head. A shinobi must keep emotions on the inside, no matter what the situation. You must make the mission the top priority, and you must possess a heart that never shows tears. He had ground it into his being until he lived it. And yet…he could never follow it completely. He had been doing it so well…until Sakura and her ANBU team burst through the forest ahead of them so many years ago.
Itachi still wondered why he had done what he had to her. And he realized…that he had done it in spite. Konoha. The village he hated and loved so much. He wanted to hurt someone like he had been hurt. He had wanted to watch as someone's innocence was stripped from them, piece by painful piece…
…and he was never more ashamed of an action in his whole entire life.
He had thought he would never feel guilt or shame. They were such base emotions, such simple, foolish feelings.
But he did not regret. Never, he would never regret. It had brought her to him.
Shame and regret were so very different, after all.
"Itachi." Her voice was soft, hesitant, and it broke him from his reverie. Itachi could only look at her. There were no tears in her eyes now, they were soft, her face gentle. Her hair hung limply around her shoulders, and she had pushed the edge of her yukata back over her shoulder. But he could see the inner turmoil in his eyes, the hatred and betrayal that flashed in those brilliant absinthian depths.
She had been the only person to prove him wrong. He had thought she would be broken. He had wanted to see her become like him, in a sick, twisted way. He had wanted to show Konoha what they had done to him…show them the monster they had created.
And she had proved him so very, very wrong.
She had fought him, screamed at him, laughed, loved…she completely disregarded the most important shinobi rule…had completely disregarded all that Itachi had known. She had shattered him, in a sense. His life, his ideals…they had been disproved. She had stormed her way into his life—stomping and smashing with that inhuman strength of hers—and had shown him that no matter what…there will always be a good side to humanity. Somewhere…there will be good.
Hope.
…his daughter…
…their daughter.
She had given him back his humanity.
She placed a hand on his shoulder, running her fingers along the creases in his shirt. "Itachi…Konoha needs to know the truth."
He stepped back from her. "No."
Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?" She crossed her arms over her chest, anger mixing with confusion.
"Konoha must never know the truth." Sasuke must never know the truth.
"Why?"
"If the truth were known…Sasuke would be hated and distrusted. People would believe he was merely another Uchiha traitor. Konoha would hate him." And he would hate himself.
"Itachi—"
"I will not allow it."
"I won't allow you to be thought a traitor any longer." Sakura snapped. "You deserve this!" Konoha has tainted you. I won't let you die as a traitor. I won't let them win. I won't let this sick game continue. You will get the honor you deserve.
You lived as a Konoha shinobi.
You will be honored as one.
"What will you do?" Itachi asked calmly, even as he bent down and picked up the ripped scroll and began rolling it back up.
"I will tell everyone the truth." Sakura bit out.
"All of the people who knew of the mission are dead." Itachi answered back. "No one will believe you."
"The scroll—" Sakura began, but was cut off as it slowly withered to ash in itachi's hands, sifting through his fingers.
Sakura could only stare in shock for a moment. Itachi...had just destroyed his one chance at redemption. His only proof of innocence. Why…would he do something like that? And then anger flooded through her; righteous, defiant anger.
"Dammit Itachi! I don't want you to be seen as the enemy anymore!" Sakura screamed.
"Whose conscience will be cleared? Mine…or yours…?" Itachi asked softly. Because he could not stop from being the villain. He was so good at it, after all…and he could not stop living his own lie. And he wanted so desperately to never speak of this again. He should have known better. He had brought it up, and now he would pay the consequences.
But he had wanted her to understand so badly…to have someone who would understand.
There was a long moment of silence, as Sakura merely stared at him, her breathing harsh and labored.
"What…did you just say…?"
Itachi hadn't known that so much hurt and pain could be audible in a person's voice.
Sakura stood with her hands clenched, gritting her teeth. Her hair covered her eyes, but he could see the tears running down her cheeks. "Who…the hell do you think I am!?"
"Sakura—"
"What the FUCK kind of question is that, huh?" She screamed at him. "How DARE YOU say something like that to me! I love you! I loved you before I ever knew about that mission. How could you—you bastard—I guess you never knew me at all!" And then she rushed out of the room.
"Sakura—"
"I HATE YOU!"
The home filled with silence, as he heard the front door slam shut as well. Kisame's snoring didn't cease, nor pause. There was a soft shuffling outside the room…and Mikomi poked her head inside, looking worried.
Itachi merely walked to the door and looked down at her. "Go back to bed." He ordered softly, before he made his way down the stairs and out of the house.
She found herself in a small alleyway between two of the Uchiha homes. She sat herself down on an aged crate, one she wasn't quite sure would hold her for long. It creaked as she sat, but seemed stable enough when she slumped back against the wall.
She wrapped her arms around herself, and sobbed.
How could Itachi think she would do this to make herself look good? Did he think she wanted to look like the hero? She only wanted the lies to stop.
She wanted Mikomi to be able to be proud of her father without enduring hate-filled glares. She wanted…she wanted so much.
She wanted Konoha to pay for what they had done to him.
She wanted Itachi and Sasuke to become the loving brothers they had once been.
She wanted Konoha to acknowledge that Itachi had never been a traitor, but the most loyal shinobi that had ever lived.
She wanted Itachi's love and realized now he was too broken and tainted to give it.
Long ago, before the massacre…he had been capable of love. Never again, she wailed silently—never again! And she let out a loud, heart-wrenching sob, as tears flowed down her cheeks. She realized, absently, that she had cried more these past few days than in the past three years combined. She had thought she'd gotten over her tears.
A cloud that had covered the moon shifted in the sky, bathing the alleyway in a soft silver glow. It reflected off of a puddle near Sakura's foot—yes, it had been raining earlier, hadn't it?—and Sakura saw her own reflection before the moon was covered and she was plunged back into darkness.
She lifted a hand and brushed a few tears from her cheeks. She looked at the wetness, rubbing it between her fingers…and couldn't help but give a small smile, even as she sobbed…because a memory flashed through her mind, and she couldn't help but wonder how she hadn't seen the truth before.
Sakura let out a groan, easing herself into a chair at the table, hands knuckle-white as she supported herself long enough to slump down onto the seat rather ungracefully. She leaned back, neck resting against the chair's back.
Her hand went to her swollen stomach, and her eyes closed as she smiled softly. She didn't think she'd ever get over the wonder of having a life growing inside of her. Every time the baby moved or kicked, Sakura was left breathless.
"You should be resting."
Sakura blinked, looking up to see Itachi standing in the doorway. She smiled, "I was hungry."
"Hn." Itachi walked past her and opened a cupboard, pulling something out. Her back was to him, but she knew he was making them something to eat.
"You know…" Sakura ran her hand over her stomach, looking down at the swollen mound fondly. "I haven't really wondered what she'll look like, you know? I guess I've just expected she'll be dark-haired and dark-eyed, like you."
"Hn."
"But…" Sakura grinned. "I think it would be really funny if she was born with pink hair."
There was a soft thunk as a cup hit the countertop behind her.
"That is impossible."
Sakura rolled her eyes. "It's very plausible that she could be born with pink hair! I'll have you know that it's actually a dominant trait in my family and—"
"If he is born with pink hair," Itachi murmured, "it will be dyed. No son of mine will have pink hair."
Sakura gave an exasperated sigh. "I already told you it will be a girl. You need to stop sulking and accept the facts."
Itachi said nothing.
"Besides, what's wrong with a boy having pink hair? My great uncle had pink hair and he was a respected shinobi in Konoha."
"Dyed…or he will be shaved bald."
Sakura couldn't help but laugh. "You're not shaving my daughter's head, Itachi."
"Our son could never be considered a man if he were to have pink hair.
Sakura blinked, before looking down at her stomach thoughtfully. Itachi…had said 'our'. No matter that he'd said son instead of daughter—really, he was just in denial—the fact that he said our…made warmth spread through her body and a smile spread across her face.
And that was when the baby began to kick, just as Itachi placed a bowl of steaming noodles on the table. "Here."
He took a step back, heading back to the counter to get his own bowl. But Sakura reached out and grabbed his arm. "Hold on! She's kicking!" She put his hand to her stomach, grinning.
Itachi's face was cool and emotionless like always. Then Sakura felt the baby kick again, right where Itachi's hand was placed. The strangest expression crossed his face, though Sakura doubted anyone else would be able to see it or interpret it.
But his eyes…the way he looked down at her stomach, where his hand was placed…made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. Slowly, ever-so-slowly, as if he were afraid to hurt either of them, Itachi took his hand away. He sat himself down at the table beside her, and silence reigned.
Finally, he spoke.
"He has a strong kick. He will be a good fighter."
Sakura couldn't help but burst into laughter, even as Itachi gave her a nonexistent pout as she teased him in between mouthfuls of noodles.
How could she have not realized that gleam in his eyes before? She hadn't been able to place it then but now…she should have realized the truth sooner. Itachi had cared…and perhaps…perhaps he could care again.
Sakura gave a soft sigh. Yes, Itachi could love Mikomi…but never, never could he love her. She doubted it was possible for him to love her, because she was a reminder of Konoha and the betrayal and hate that came with such things.
She felt him come to stand beside her before she heard him. She couldn't see in the darkness, but his sandals crunched on the gravel, before he stepped in front of her. She wouldn't look at him, merely stared down at her lap.
"Sakura."
She shook her head, sniffling. "Don't talk to me. I hate you." She mumbled under her breath, barely audible.
"Look at me."
She wouldn't. She squared her shoulders and staed at her lap with renewed interest. His hand came beneath her chin and gripped it firmly. He then tilted her face upwards, so that she was forced to look him in the eye. Her emerald eyes were hardened and determined, ready for a fight.
"…I apologize."
There was a long moment of silence.
Sakura blinked.
What…had just happened?
She blinked again.
He had…just apologized?
Their foreheads were pressed against one another. She stared up into his eyes, the tears still falling down her cheeks.
"Why?" She whispered. "Why?"
"I'm sorry."
"How could you—"
"It doesn't matter." His voice was emotionless as always.
She bristled in anger. "Of course it does you fucking—" But she was stopped as his lips pressed against her own. Her eyes closed, and she could only let out one final sob as his hands, infinitely tender, brushed against her cheeks, wiping away the tears.
His lips were soft, not hot and demanding like she was so used to. As if he needed to be gentle with her in fear that she would break.
And all Sakura could think of…was that perhaps Itachi still had room in his heart to love her too.
And the tears finally stopped.
Itachi buried his face in the crook of her neck, his nose nuzzling against her throat. "Sakura…" He whispered huskily against her skin, his breath hot. It sent a thrill through her, as heat began to settle in her stomach and she was painfully aware of the way her mouth felt dry and every place Itachi had touched her.
Sakura lifted a hand and began tangling her fingers in his hair. "Itachi…" She whispered back, pressing her cheek against his head, closing her eyes.
"…let's go home."
(A\N: I hope I explained Itachi's reasoning well enough. In my opinion, I could see what Kishimoto was getting at with Itachi being good but…like in my story, I don't think that a person can stay like that in the environment Itachi was in. I think Itachi would grow bitter and hate his village for what they had done to him as he realized they had used him. It is human nature to always blame someone else, even if we chose the path ourselves. Itachi chose to become a traitor, but he still blames Konoha for it and hates them for it because to him, it is their fault. So…my Itachi…was good, became tainted and turned into the evil Itachi we all know and love…and then Sakura changed him back, though he can never be the kind, loving, loyal boy he once was. He's been tainted and he'll never get that innocence back. But…that's my explanation. :) I know, I know...it was just getting to the good steamy part too. :P sorry guys and gals, but I maybe sometime soon. :D I hope you guys liked it…and I'm sorry if this chapter sucks, since I did it quickly so I could get it out to you guys.
Sincerely, Lady Hanaka)