Author's note: So, I just realized that you can probably make this into two separate fanfics. I mean, they compliment each other well but if you really want to, you could only read the "memories" chapters and leave without crying. Just a thought. Of course, why would you want to do that? :D

Upstate New York, 5 Years Ago III

There was a fine line between forgetting and moving on. Santana learned that from Cape Cod. Forgetting was a band-aid and what she needed were stitches. She worked hard on the farm and the first couple of days her whole body ached in the morning but she was used to it from cheerleading. Old Santana would've balked at the thought of manual labor. New Santana found it rewarding. It was the perfect thing to take her mind off of Brittany during the day. At night, she thought a little about her before she went to bed and found that with every passing day, the hurt scabbed over a little more. That's not to say that she didn't have nights where she cried into her pillow uncontrollably but those moments happened less and less as the weeks wore on.

Bruce and Janice were happy to have Santana around. It gave Janice more time to help out at the motel where she worked as housekeeping to help Bruce pay the bills. Santana took care of Laney and drove Max to the bus stop every morning. Then she returned to help Bruce herd the animals into the fields, cared for Laney and then after Janice came back, helped Bruce bring the animals back in. It wasn't perfect, Santana thought to herself, but it was good. And really, that's was more than she could hope for. And for a long time, Santana felt content. She wasn't happy, no, she hadn't felt that since Brittany died and she sincerely doubted if that feeling would ever return but this was the best she was going to get in a while. Janice, Bruce, Max, Laney and even the puppies became her new family. She didn't forget her old one, Janice made sure she called every week just to put her family's mind at rest.

But as all things do, summer came to an end. By late August, Santana realized that the trees were turning red, yellow and orange, signaling the incoming fall. Her heart hung heavily in her chest as she remembered that she was going to have to go home. Each day got a little shorter and went by a little faster. Santana knew one thing; she wasn't ready to leave.

"So you're going home in a week?" Janice asked. Santana probed her meatloaf sadly, not particularly hungry. Janice fed Laney a spoonful of mashed broccoli which the girl spit out promptly.

"I don't want to." Santana said.

"Honey, you promised your parents. I can't keep you away from them." Santana knew Janice was right. She had promised her parents she'd be back in September and that date was quickly barreling towards her. She asked her mother whether she meant early September or late September, knowing full well the answer. Her mother answered in a voice that Santana didn't question.

"You are back the first of September." Santana grew to hate that date. She marked it on her calendar and drew a fat red "X" through it.

Santana wasn't hungry enough to eat anymore of the food in front of her. She excused herself from the table and went into the living room. Max was watching television from the floor, propped up on pillows and his elbows. He seemed quite comfortable where he was but when Santana sat down on the couch, he scrambled up and sprawled into her lap.

"Is it true?" He asked, not taking his eyes off the screen. "Mommy says you're leaving. You're not leaving, are you, Santy?" Santana stroked his hair. She could tell that he was sleepy and this probably wasn't a good time to get him riled up.

"I have to go home." She replied. Inside, she wondered if she could even call it that. She'd been happy there a time ago but now...

"Mommy says that you've got a home here." He started sucking his thumb. Instinctively, Santana moved his hand away from his mouth.

"Come on, let's get you to bed." She suggested.

"No." Max resisted. "I don't want you to leave!" He started crying. "I don't want you to leave, San!" Santana tried to calm the now bawling boy but he was inconsolable. His mother peeked into the living room to see what was going on but Santana gave her a reassuring smile. She nodded in understanding and went back to cleaning the kitchen. She let him cry into her lap, his small hands fisted in her shirt. It didn't take long for him to cry himself into exhaustion. When he finally fell asleep in her lap, Santana scooped him up in her arms and carried him upstairs. She tucked him into bed where he mumbled something and curled into a ball, his thumb in his mouth again. Santana pulled it away gently before placing a kiss on his forehead. She looked around at his room. Max loved airplanes, he vowed to be a pilot someday so naturally his room was themed so. He had airplane wallpaper, airplane comforters and toys scattered around his room. As Santana scooped up his belongings and put them in place, she felt a slight pang of regret leaving him. She'd been such an integral part of his life, making him lunch, picking him up and dropping him off, playing with him and such. She couldn't help but feel like she was abandoning him.

"Like you abandoned your friends?" A voice in her head asked bitterly. Santana shook her head trying to forget about that. She remembered that her mother had mentioned the same thing.

"They're worried, mija. Can't we just tell them where you are?"

"Just let them know I'm alive." Santana replied coldly.

"Why are you doing this to them? What did they do to you?" Santana bit her lip. It wasn't that they did anything to her, it was that she was a little ashamed to see them or to talk to them. She had just disappeared one day and she felt a little embarrassed that she put them through what they must've gone through. And she didn't want to see them without having moved on.

"I can't, ok? I know they'll come looking." Especially Puck. That boy would drive right on over and drag her out of the house in a bag if he needed to. He'd probably take her back to Lima and tell her to get her life back in order. He meant well but he was a bit of a brute when it came to these things. It was the only way he knew how to operate. Sometimes it was good but Santana didn't want to test that. "They can deal." That was the end of that.

Santana wandered over to the barn, clutching Picasso close to her chest. As she exited the house, she caught the attention of Brittana who followed her. Brittana formed a close attachment to Santana very early on for some reason. She later found out from Max why they named that puppy in particular.

"See her eyes?" Max said, pointing. Santana looked over at the happy puppy. One of her eyes was a dark brown and the other was a shade of blue almost identical to Brittany's. "You have brown eyes and Brittany has blue eyes!" Had...Santana thought.

Brittana didn't like leaving Santana's side. She would accompany her when she took the sheep out to the fields and would curl up at her bedside (sometimes even next to her) at night. Janice told her that she should take Brittana when she left, otherwise the poor thing would die of a broken heart. Santana promised that as soon as she could, she'd come back for her.

But dogs couldn't climb ladders and so Brittana laid down right under it as Santana disappeared from view, whining slightly. Santana opened the doors on the top floor and sat down near the edge, placing the stuffed duck near her in exactly the same place that Brittany had sat so many months ago.

"I'm not ready." She whispered. "God...it's been almost a year, B and I'm still not ready to go back to Lima." She looked over at the misshapen duck.

"You are ready." Santana jumped when she heard Janice's voice. The woman pulled herself up and sat down on the other side of the stuffed animal.

"Evesdropping?" Santana asked but she didn't mind.

"Old folks like me don't have much shame." Janice chuckled.

"Old? I'd say you have one or two kids left in you." Santana joked.

"Hah! Only if you deliver them!" Janice replied, shaking her head. Santana dropped her gaze.

"Brittany did most of the work." She said.

"Sweetie...she was shaking the whole time. The only reason she was able to get through that whole mess was because you were there holding her hand." Santana looked over at the older woman and smiled thankfully. The two sat in silence, the cool autumn air flooding the barn.

"I'm glad my car broke down." Santana said softly.

"So am I." Janice put her arm around the girl and pulled her close, squishing the duck in between them. "You are ready." Santana sighed. She sincerely hoped so.

It was three days before Santana had to leave. She was packing up her things, looking sorrowfully at the room around her. She was definitely going to miss the old house, even if it made creepy sounds late at night. She really didn't want to leave and she found herself looking for any excuse to stay a little longer. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, an opportunity arose just as she tossed the last of her clothes into her suitcase.

"Oh fuck! SANTANA!" Janice's voice was unnaturally loud and slightly urgent. If there was something Santana learned quickly, it was that Janice was lethargically calm. Her entire birthing of Laney was a testament to that so any time that her voice even hinted at panic, it was usually something huge. Santana dropped everything and bolted downstairs. Janice had Bruce's arm slung over her shoulder. The big man's face was twisted in pain and he clutched at his leg. His shin looked like someone had bent it in half and bone protruded from the skin. Blood seeped onto the floor and the man let out a stream of quiet curses.

"What the hell happened?" Santana demanded, rushing over so that Bruce could put his other arm around her shoulders.

"Fucking...fucking roof." Bruce said through gritted teeth. They sat him down and Janice immediately started running a tub of water. She grabbed towels and applied them to where it was bleeding. Bruce let out a loud curse and winced in pain.

"What about the roof?" Santana asked, trying to get him to ignore the pain.

"Fuck...I was trying to...to fix a hole in the barn roof." He sucked in air sharply when Janice started setting the bone. "Fuck, fuck, and I slipped and fell off..."

"You're lucky this is all that happened." Janice said. Her voice was full of concern.

"Yeah...well, what the hell are we going to do now?" Bruce demanded. "Harvest season is coming up. I need to be up and about."

"We'll get Colby to do it." Janice wrapped his leg in a splint that she made from her cutting board.

"Colby has school!" Bruce replied. "Boy can't help us."

"I'll take off more time from the motel." Janice snapped. "Honey, you're in no condition to be doing anything."

"I'll stay." Santana blurted. The two froze and looked over at the brunette. "I'll stay." Her voice was firmer this time.

"No, no you aren't." Janice replied but Santana could tell that she wasn't insistent on the idea.

"I'm staying. You need help."

"Your parents. Santana you are going home. We cannot ask you to stay on account of Bruce here being as graceful as an ox." Santana stared at Janice with an expression that the older woman couldn't fight. "But your parents..."

"They'll be fine." Santana lied. She knew her mother and father meant what they said when they told her she wouldn't be part of the family if she didn't come home. "I'll call them up right now." She whipped out her cellphone and dialed her home phone number. Her mother answered.

"Hey, mom."

"Santana! How are you? You're coming back in a few days, right?" Santana took in a deep breath and walked away so that neither Bruce nor Janice could hear if things went horribly wrong. Her father picked up the other phone in the house, the one upstairs.

"San?" He asked.

"Hi daddy?"

"Good to hear your voice. I was thinking maybe we could take you out to dinner when you come back on Friday." He said. Both of them sounded so excited to see her and Santana felt like a horrible child.

"Mom, dad...I'm not coming home on Friday."

"Excuse me?" Her father's voice wavered.

"Bruce got into an accident. His leg...he broke his leg and he can't work." Santana explained. "I need to stay and help out, please, mom, dad, please understand."

"I don't care if the whole farm dies, you are coming home on Friday." Her father all but yelled. Her mother went oddly quiet. Santana had to press on.

"I need to help them."

"No, you want to help them. They got along fine without you before and they'll do it again."

"I'm staying." Santana said, her voice unfaltering. A long silence passed by.

"Then, then you are not our daughter anymore. We've spent too much time worrying about you and you don't care for a second how we feel." Her father's voice was shaking with rage.

"Honey..." Her mother said, clearly crying.

"Hang up the phone." Santana's father commanded. "Damn it, do it now!" Santana heard a click. "We don't know you anymore." And the other line went dead as well. Santana's hand trembled as she put her phone back into her pocket. That had gone over about as well as a plane crash. She covered her mouth with her hand, stifling a cry.

"Santana?" Janice whispered, walking up close. Santana swallowed the sob that rose in her throat. She took a deep breath and turned around, forcing a smile.

"They agreed." She replied. Janice looked at her skeptically, knowing full well that she was lying.

"San..." Janice warned, moving closer. Santana brushed by her and sat down next to Bruce, still trying to fake normalcy.

"Let's get you to a proper hospital, ok?" Santana asked. Bruce nodded dumbly, groaning in pain when Santana helped him to his one good leg. They hobbled out the front door, Janice's gaze following the pair. She knew something had gone wrong with the conversation. It wasn't hard to see the tears brimming in the girl's eyes. But even in her wildest dreams she didn't know exactly what Santana had sacrificed for them.

Santana threw herself straight into work, not wanting to dwell on the fact that she wasn't sure if she had a home to return to once Bruce got better. She contemplated staying with Janice and Bruce for a longer time but she had to go home and salvage what she had left of a family. Bruce mostly stayed indoors, sometimes hobbling out on his crutch to watch what Santana was doing and grunt comments on how she should be herding the sheep or grooming the chickens or, on a rare occasion, complimenting her. Another month rolled by and soon Bruce was walking on two legs again. Santana looked at the calendar. She had a new date circled on it, October 23rd. It was the day she swore to herself that she would return to Lima. She would help Bruce out during the harvesting season but she promised herself that she'd leave after that.

It was the 22nd and Santana was out watching the flock again. The skies were dark and clouds hung low, heavy with rain. The sheep were all fine and Brittana, Mounty and DeScala watched them with sharp eyes. Santana heaved a sigh, knowing that tomorrow she would find out whether her parents really meant for her to stay estranged. More importantly, she needed to visit Brittany's grave and see if being away for so long truly made the hurt lessen. She played with a blade of grass and laid down on the ground, looking up at the sky. Uncertainty set in. She was going back to Lima, there was no question in her mind about that. The other glee members had probably left for college or whatever it was they were doing so Santana wasn't particularly worried about them. But maybe she had no where to go, maybe she wasn't ready to face her demons yet.

The sky above her rumbled and opened up finally. Rain poured down on top of her. She got up off of the ground and started running for the barn. The dogs didn't seem to mind and neither did the sheep and they were probably going to be in the exact same place after the rain had passed so Santana decided to save herself. As she reached the top of the hill that overlooked the ranch, she saw the silhouette of two girls dashing into the barn. Her heart stopped for a moment as she realized that the rain was probably playing tricks on her brain. Nevertheless, she raced down to the barn and flung the doors open.

"Hello?" She shouted. There was no response. She looked around and a shadow caught her eye. She looked over to the right side of the barn and a bird flew out of the hay and outside. Santana swallowed and slowly made her way over to the wall. She reached out and touched the wood, closing her eyes. She tried to bring back the feeling of Brittany's wet skin sticking to her own. She rested her head against the wood.

"B..." She whispered. "I'm coming home." She stayed like that for a moment before going back outside. The rain was cascading from the sky and she heard Janice shouting from the porch for her to go back inside. Santana spread her arms as if welcoming the downpour and she tilted her head back, opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out, tasting the droplets as they came down. She knew just how she looked, mouth gaping, tongue hanging out like a dog. She could also feel tears streaming down the sides of her face, warm in contrast to the freezing fall rain. But she didn't care how stupid it was, or that she was probably going to catch a cold getting soaked. Fitting...she thought. Something choked and hoarse emerged from her throat and Santana didn't recognize what the sound was at first. It took the second time for her to realize that it was a laugh. She was laughing, oh God she was genuinely laughing. She laughed at the absurdity, at the coincidence of it all. She laughed at herself for being so silly. And even though it lasted only a few seconds, God, it had been so long and Santana stood in the rain for a little while longer, savoring the scratchy feeling that the laughter left in the back of her throat.

When the day came for Santana to finally leave, she found herself ready. The goodbye this time was not just Santana jumping in the car and speeding away. She properly hugged every one of them, even Laney who cried when Santana gave her back. Max jumped into Santana's arms and Bruce had to pry him away.

"I'll be back." Santana promised. Janice gave her a kiss on the cheek, her eyes overflowing with tears.

"You'd better. Otherwise..."

"You'll have Mounty hunt me down." Santana finished with a smile. Janice's lip trembled and she leaned in for another hug.

"You take care." The woman whispered.

"I will." Santana got into the car. She rolled down the window and drove off slowly, waving at them as they became mere specks in the windshield. Her time in New York had passed. It was time to go back to Lima.