Baby? Daddy?
IntroBen desperately grabbed Tuckerby the collar."What do you mean I don't have any children?!"Tucker laughed. Not realizing that Ben was incredibly sick, with less than half an hour to live, he easily disentangled himself from Ben. "Well, Ben, you may find this difficult to understand. But to have a baby you first have to have sex. And as reasonably charming bartenders go, you're practically a monk."
Ben gasped in shock, then literally gasped for a few seconds. "You mean I've never had sex at all?!"
Tucker was about to make a flippant reply. But something about Ben made him be serious for an instant. "Well, not never. But I can't count the times you managed to pick up an attractive girl, only to stop before you could seal the deal, because you think it would be wrong to engage in meaningless sex."
Ben was close to panic. "Angela! What about Angela!? Do you remember Angela?"
"Brunette? Fairly attractive? Larger breasts than your sister-in-law? She appears in a TV show as a female cop?"
"Yes, exactly!"
"Of course I remember her. You dated her for a couple of months. And then on the day you were going to go all the way, you broke up with her because, and I quote, 'she's a selfish, horrible woman who would never be a good parent.' And I said 'Dude, it's not like she's going to be the mother of your child...'" Tucker turned away from Ben, and didn't notice him faint behind him.
Intro Music starts, and then abruptly halts, with big questions marks following "Baby" and "Daddy" Act 1
"I'm fine," Ben replied, repressing a gasp. "Are you saying I haven't had any serious relationships?"
"Ben you're only 25. For a man of your looks and no strong religious principles, you've had a surprisingly small number of trivial ones." As Ben tried to take this in, Tucker continued. "I mean there was Sam. You had a crush on her through high school, and when you met her by chance last year you actually went to considerable and mildly amusing efforts to get her. And you succeeded. And then you dated for a couple of months and then you broke up because you wanted something more serious. Wait, why I am telling you all this? You know all this!"
"Just as you also know that the real reason you broke up with Sam is that she once had a fling with Danny, and you didn't want Riley to find out." Vanessa chimed in.
"Oh there you are babe." The two of them kissed, while Ben desperately tried to think. "But what about Danny and Riley? Surely they have a couple of girls?"
"What's going on?" Vanessa wondered.
"Ben's pretending he has amnesia and I'm playing along for no good reason."
"What a dull game."
"Do Danny and Riley have any children?" Ben almost yelled, but it came out more as a squeak.
"Those two?" Tucker smirked. "Not unless Danny hired a surrogate and forgot to check up on her. Which is admittedly something that could plausibly happen."
"Did someone mention me?" Riley asked. But then, before Tucker could answer..."Ow! Mrs. Wheeler, did you throw a pen at the back of my head?"
"No," Bonnie answered, picking up the pen from the floor. "I actually threw a pen at the back of my sister's head when she went to the bathroom, and it hit you by mistake. God, my sister is so frustrating!"
Riley looked at Ben. "Is there something wrong with you? You look awful."
"I'll be fine," he lied.
"It's like you're trying to find someone you'll never see again." Riley checked herself. "What an odd metaphor."
"Two people actually," Ben whispered. "But something is definitely not right."
"Well if you wait until your shift ends, I'm sure Ramon can help you." Tucker suggested.
"Ramon?" Ben almost whispered.
"Wow, Ben, I don't know why you're playing this game. But you're really keeping in character. How could anyone forget our wonderful roommate Ramon? Our life has been so different in the past three years since Danny moved out and he moved in. Why without him, it's unimaginable that your mother would ever have met and married Brad, or that Riley would ever have gotten that law firm job, or I could have ever become a producer or you could have ever learned those tricks which apparently help your bartending. I'm sure he'll know exactly what your problem is."
"I very much doubt that."
"Ramon is so wonderful," Bonnie agreed. "Whenever I wonder how Ben could do better, which is not very often because I should obviously be spending more time on Danny, I think, if only he could be exactly like Ramon." She went back to her table to resume her conversation/argument with her sister.
Ben took Tucker aside. "Look, I have to leave and check something. Please cover for me."
"You're not going to be long?"
"Probably not more than twenty minutes." Since I'll probably be dead then, he thought. Just before he left he remembered something. "Oh, and keep an eye on Aunt Victoria. Make sure that nothing happens to her." He then dashed out of the bar.
"Who's this Aunt Victoria? The only relative I see is your Aunt Shirley." Tucker asked himself.
Just then Danny came by. "Isn't it great that Mom and her sister are talking to each other?"
"Actually, they've been arguing," Riley pointed out.
"Well I'm sure it'll all work out for the best."
Riley paused, and then shivered. She tried to remember something that had never happened. "Does anyone get the impression that there is something very very wrong?"
Danny pondered the idea. "Let me think... No! In fact, I feel better than I have in months!"
"Well that's good honey." Riley tapped her fingers on the bar. "For some reason, I'm thinking of...milk."
"Why would you go to a bar for milk?"
"I'm sorry. I don't know, I just feel kind of tense..."
"Sweetie, it makes me so sad to see you upset. I think I know how to solve it."
"Really?"
"Yes! You're working too hard at your law firm!"
"Well that has been very stressful and..."
"So you should quit it entirely!"
"What?! What would I live on?"
"You wouldn't have to live on anything! I make more than enough money for both of us to live on, even for Manhattan."
"And you could devote all your spare time to caring for my new grandchild!" Bonnie called from the table where she was talking to Victoria.
"Again, still not thinking the grandchild idea is a good one." Victoria snarked.
Bonnie glared at her sister. "Huh!?" said Danny. "I hadn't thought about it. But that would be a good idea!"
"Let's consider that Plan B, or C or D." Riley replied. "Anyway, I'm sure it's nothing." But Vanessa noticed she still tapped her fingers nervously.
Meanwhile, Madame Pavone was reading a magazine at her place of business when Ben burst in, staggering and wheezing for breath. "Oh good, I was wondering when you would come back."
"My daughters...they no longer exist!"
"No. No they don't. Isn't it funny when you try to do the right thing, and then destiny comes and kicks you in the butt?"
"How did this happen?"
"Let's see. You told the only woman you ever loved that you were never going to be good enough for her. That explains why you don't have daughter #2. Meanwhile the experience subtly affected your timeline so that Past You was ashamed of womanizing and was much less promiscuous. That explains why you don't have daughter #1."
"But just because I didn't father them, that doesn't stop them from being born to Danny and Riley later?"
"No...that's not how heredity works." And then she burst out laughing. "You are such a schmuck! You thought you could blackmail me, someone who let thousands of innocent people die just to screw over my husband and his girlfriend. And now you're totally screwed! I've heard of fathers who beat up and abused their kids. But you've made sure they never actually existed! I can't imagine what they do to people like you!"
Ben realized you. "I paid you $600 and you promised that manipulating the timeline wouldn't hurt other people."
Madame Pavone thought about this. "I did promise that. Oh right, I lied. Sue me. Oh wait, you can't because you're going to die soon."
"I'll give you anything!"
"You have nothing left to give me! You don't even have a bar anymore!" Ben stumbled to his knees and had to get up with great difficulty as Madame Pavone jeered at him.
"Wait a minute! I've already given you three thirds of the remainder of my life. If you let me go back to Angela, and I conceive Emma again, you can take all my life after that point. Well not all my life, because it would be creepy if I dropped dead immediately afterwards. Perhaps a couple of days later. I'll never see my daughter, but that doesn't matter."
"My, you are resourceful under pressure." Madame Pavone was impressed. "That could work. But there are two fatal flaws with that plan. First, I don't want to help you. Second, you have two daughters. How is little Ruth going to be born, when there is no way that Riley will ever love you?"
Ben desperately thought. "There has to be a way."
"Actually there is a way. You remember Greek mythology when the Gods would seduce women by taking the form of their husband? Well there is actually a magical way for Danny to perform his marital duties, but it would be your sperm that he'd be using."
"Is there really such a way?"
"Cross my heart and hope you die. I could do it and you would pay me by dropping dead the moment Ruth is conceived. But there's a problem. Aside from not wanting to do it. You're not actually touching Riley, and Riley has no way of knowing what you've done. But you're still having sex without her consent. That's assault. So, it's up to you, the life of your unborn child at the price of the most hurtful thing you could do to the woman you loved."
Madame Pavone smiled with grim pleasure as Ben tortured himself with the dilemma she posed. "I can't, I can't do that to Riley."
And then he fainted to the floor. Madame Pavone chuckled slightly. "Ironically that is what she will want more than anything else in the world. But you'll never know that."
Act 2Once more Ben struggled to get to his feet. Madame Pavone was still in gloat mode. "How many times have you been doing that? I think people watching you are just going to say 'give it up and die already.'"
Ben tried to concentrate. How much time did he have left? Clearly Madame Pavone didn't want him to drop dead in her business. What complicated matters was that when he started giving up thirds of his life it was actually several days in his future. Obviously, he didn't have that much time. He looked at his watch, and realized just how much time he did have. He had a couple of minutes left here, the time it would take to get back to the bar, and then a couple of minutes left to do what he had to do.
"There's nothing you can do. Nobody can help you."
"Wait! There is one person." Madame Pavone had not bothered to put away the mystical objects she used to send Ben's mind back in time. So he whipped out his cell phone and used it to photo the objects on the table. He quickly made a number of other photos of relevant objects. He noticed that there was a poster from Madame Pavone's trip to Rome, advertising the Roman catacombs. He didn't know why, but he quickly took a photo of it as well. Then he stood still for a moment as he gathered his breath-and then dashed out the door.
Meanwhile, back at the bar, Victoria abruptly got up from the table where she had been arguing with Bonnie and retreated crying to the restroom. Bonnie got up, went to the vacant bar and helped herself to a drink.
Riley went up to her. "Mrs. Wheeler, is Mrs. Manafort all right?"
"Oh she's just being dramatic. Just like I would if I were in her situation."
"Oh. And what would you do if you were actually deeply upset?"
"Well, obviously I'd do something completely different. Think about it Riley."
Riley shrugged her shoulders, and wandered back to the others, where Tucker was reminiscing about his other roommate. "God, Ramon is such a wonderful guy. Remember when he decided to play a prank on his old parochial school teachers? And me and Ben were chased ten blocks by a group of very vindictive nuns? And they caught him and drenched him with risotto sauce? And of course, there was that time when Ramon did something so about absolutely perfect that no one could every possibly forget it, and the memory of it was an indelible mark on our soul. You remember that Riley?"
Riley tried to think. "I'm sorry. Something's not right."
Danny stood beside her. "Something's disturbing you. You're not upset about that fling I had in Calgary? That was a year and a half ago and I keep telling you, she meant nothing to me."
"No, no, it's not that. That psychiatrist/marriage counselor made it quite clear that I was wrong to react so badly."
"Am I only the one who thought that psychiatrist had the hots for Danny?" Vanessa asked no one in particular.
"Look," Danny said, gently holding Riley close to him, "I don't quite understand it, but something very important had happened. And though why it happened isn't clear either, I think I've learned something very important. Something very important about the two of us. It may seem strange, but I realize that whatever has happened and is going to happen, we are destined to be together. And do you know why I think that?"
"No." Riley answered.
"Because I deserve you. Whatever has happened, me and you are together because I am the best man for you. Doesn't it make you happy knowing that?!"
"Ummm, sure."
"Is it just me or am I only the one who thinks Riley doesn't deserve Danny?" Vanessa asked.
"Darling, everybody thinks Riley isn't good enough for him. Except for Danny of course." Tucker replied.
"That's not what I meant by deserve. I meant..."
"Oh wait. Ben won't hear a word against her for some strange reason...Oh, speak of the devil." For Ben had just arrived and was trying to make his way to Bonnie. Unfortunately Ian Hughes caught him. "You miserable wretch! I tell you to do your job and you run off the second my back is turned!"
"Mr. Hughes, if you could come back in another five minutes..."
"No! Listen you lazy bugger..." and Hughes poked Ben sharply in the chest. Which was enough in Ben's desperate shape to push him to the floor. It was exactly at this instant that a distraught Victoria left the bar altogether while Bonnie's back was turned. Hughes realized that he had just assaulted an obviously sick man. Noticing people watching him, he shuffled away awkwardly. "Carry on Wheeler. Keep up with the good work." An increasingly irate Danny followed, with Riley and Ce Ce the waitress after him to make sure Danny didn't do something rash.
Tucker helped Ben get to his feet. "Keep an eye on Aunt Victoria." Ben said as he dashed over to Bonnie. "Mom! You've got to help me!"
"Ben, I have a very important meeting with your aunt and I don't have time to deal with your petty problems."
"Mom! You are the only person who can save my daughters!"
Bonnie looked at her son, and then laughed a little. "I should be upset for you having children out of wedlock, but actually I'm more concerned about how deluded your optimism is."
"Mom please. First Danny died and then several months later Riley died. I went to Madame Pavone's and saved Riley and then saved Danny. But something went wrong and I lost Emma and Ruth. You can't save me, but you can save them."
"Ben, when I made unsubtle hints about being a grandmother, that was to make Riley feel guilty. You weren't supposed to volunteer."
"Look Mom, it's kind of complicated and I have very little time. But I managed to put most of the story on my phone running back from Madame Pavone's." An idea then came to Ben. "Look, there are photos of the girls!" And he showed it to Bonnie.
"All I see are some selfies." And she turned her back. Ben realized to his horror that the time changes had deleted his photos. If only he had something with him. He stuck his hand in his other pants pocket, and found a small box. Instantly he realized it was the box of earrings his mother had given to Emma for her birthday, and which Emma had given to him the very last time they met.
"Mom! You gave Emma these earrings. Well actually you will give them. Like I said it's complicated."
"Ben you're not making any sense."
"Mom! I know Tucker realizes that time has changed, and I think Riley realizes something's wrong. Please! You love Emma; she's the only person you love as much as Danny! You've read to her, and had tea parties with her and changed her more times than I can count. And you gave her these earrings!" Ben thrust the box at her. "If you look at them you'll realize who she is."
Bonnie was very skeptical as she opened the box. "You say I gave these earrings to someone named Emma. Ben, please. These aren't earrings for a woman. These are for a little girl..." And then something seemed to click in Bonnie's mind... But just then there was a bloodcurdling howl as Victoria Manafort was hit by the truck that Riley had originally saved her from at the cost of her own life.
"VICKIE!" Bonnie screamed. She started to get up to leave. "Oh no..." Ben gasped as he started to faint. But he still had the presence of mind to slip his phone into her purse before she left. He staggered while Danny, Ce Ce and several others left the bar to see what happened. Riley was about to join them when she saw Ben in obviously wretched health. "Ben! Is there something wrong?"
Ben looked into Riley's eyes. He remembered Danny's other girlfriends, and how, sometimes they occasionally looked at him with indifferent benevolence. He remembered Brad sometimes looking at him with genuine, if rather lukewarm concern. This was different. It was very different. And how could he respond? He had less than a minute to live. How could he tell his brother's wife that he loved her? How could he tell her that because of him he had replaced their daughter with her husband?
"As long as you're still smiling, there's nothing more I need."
Riley smiled back and joined Danny and Bonnie outside. Ben made a last few steps and collapsed into the middle of a couch. Tucker walked up to him. "Wow, Ben, you should really be in bed." Tucker waved his hand in front of Ben's closed eyes. "Ben? Are you listening to me?" Tucker picked up Ben's right hand. "That's funny. You don't appear to have a pulse. Oh wait. There's some trick where if you put a rubber ball under your armpit..." Tucker didn't notice Ben's corpse slump down as he held its hand.
Act 3It was the day after Ben's funeral. Riley was at work, still dressed in mourning, except for a pearl necklace she had absent-mindedly put on. Just then Bonnie, who was clearly not dressed in mourning, came in carrying a couple of champagne glasses. "Who's up for a cocktail?!"
"Mrs. Wheeler, there are some problems you can't solve with alcohol." That didn't stop Riley from immediately gulping down the drink Bonnie put in front of her. As Bonnie poured her another drink, Riley sighed deeply. "Are you OK?" Bonnie asked.
"Ben deserved more friends." Riley paused.
Just then Danny burst in. "Babe, I just had to see to you! I know you've been so upset and I know exactly why!"
"You do?" Riley responded with some surprise.
"Yes! You're frightened that if Ben can go from perfect health to just dropping dead in just a few hours, the same thing could happen to me. So I took this extremely thorough physical, and the doctors told me there's absolutely nothing wrong with me! Isn't that terrific?"
"Perfect," said Riley with little enthusiasm. Danny happily left on his way. Riley slowly sipped her second cocktail. "It's not just that I've known Ben all my life, and that for years I thought I loved him before I knew what love was. It's that I remember so many times, I would catch a look at him, and I'd see something in his eyes. That in those little flecks of yellow, he would think that he would never be as good as his brother. And I would feel that wasn't true. That he could be so much more if people just had a little more faith in him. If they respected him more. That and something else..."
"I didn't realize that you felt that way about him."
"It's not fair what happened to Ben. But it's more than that. Something has gone wrong, very wrong. I feel like I've made the wrong choice. That I made the easy choice. And it's not only that. There's a line from King Lear by a character named Edgar. I suppose Edgar is my favorite Shakespearean character. He says, 'The worst is not. So long as we can say "This is the worst"' And that's what I can't stop thinking about. Because bad as it is that Ben died, I feel that there's this curtain, and everything in me tells me to ignore it, and don't worry about it. And that if I pierced the curtain I'd find something too horrible to contemplate. But I have to go through it. And once I do, I have to do something. I have no idea what it is-" and now Riley stood up, "...but I have to do this regardless...regardless...regardless." Riley started to stagger, and sat back in her chair. "Why can't I keep awake..." as she lost consciousness.
"Because I put a sedative in your drink." Bonnie strode over to her, and quickly removed the one green pearl from Riley's necklace. "You've already saved my sister once. I've got this."
Bonnie quickly departed. Then Ms. Jensen entered. "It's so odd. No matter how many ways this plays out, you're always there Ms. Perrin, complicating my brilliant schemes." She then took out a revolver with a large silencer attached to it. "But not for very much longer," as she aimed it at Riley.
Madame Pavone was just about to close up when Bonnie burst in. "So your idiot son managed to find a way to tell you what happened and you're here to save him. Well the short answer is you can't. If you want to save your other relatives, here are the rules..."
"Actually, I've made some new ones." Bonnie smiled and took out a Cypriot figurine from her purse.
"How did you get this?! It's supposed to be in the Metropolitan Museum of Art!"
"Well I'm not saying I committed adultery. But if I did, I had a really good reason." She then took out another item, like an I-phone, but infinitely more complicated. "I think this temporal flux manipulator will make things a lot easier."
"But this is under government control! You couldn't possibly get it!"
"Yeah, that's why Brad and Tucker are currently in a maximum security prison. And since I would prefer they not stay the rest of their lives there, you better get cracking. Especially since the government knows I stole it and you're involved. So the army is sending, what's larger than a company?"
"A battalion?!"
"Yeah, one of those things. They'll be here in five minutes. So get cracking. Oh, one more thing, you'll also need this..." And Bonnie handed Madame Pavone the pearl. "You see Lucy, Ben told me most of it and I googled the rest. Now here's how it's going to go down. I am going to save my sister, my son and my two granddaughters. And if you try to screw me over, or if something happens to my other son, or my husband, or to Riley, or to Tucker, or to my niece, or to my first husband, or to Jennifer Perrin or, what the hell, even to my own mother, I'm going to break your neck. Capisce?" Bonnie asked in her sweetly threatening tone.
"Capisce!" Madame Pavone winced, conceding defeat. She quickly started moving the objects around. "All right, because of these things, you won't have to pay a third of your life if you do it right this time. But the six month and ten minute rule stand. I can help you save your sister, your son and your first granddaughter. But if you want to save your second granddaughter, you are going to have to do something you're not going to like."
"We'll see." And then it was ten years earlier, the night that Ben told Riley that Danny was in love with her. "...you think that I could be a better person. That if I smartened up or had a little luck I could be this wonderful..." But just then his mother yanked him out of his chair, opened a closet, thrust Ben into it, and locked it.
"Remind me to let him out in ten minutes." Then she yanked Riley by the hand and dragged her to her bedroom. "Now listen Riley. Haven't you always wanted to be me?"
"I have never wanted to be you."
"Wrong! The correct answer is yes, .and tonight you get your chance! Now listen carefully, because time really is of the essence. OK, first off put on these high heel shoes. Suck in your gut. These baseballs will help make your chest look more impressive; just have to wrap them around in some underwear first. Riley start changing! Put that dress on over your clothes." Bonnie was ransacking her drawers while she barked out orders. "For some reason my husband has this blonde wig which looks enough like me. Put it on! Try lowering your voice. And there's a couple of walkie-talkies!"
"Mrs. Wheeler, why I am doing this?"
"Peter is cheating on Vicky. I wanted to catch him doing this, but I realized I'm not strong enough to resist his charms. So you're going to do this instead."
"What the hell is going on?"
Bonnie turned and saw Victoria glaring at her. "Look, Vickie, your husband is cheating on you. I'm using my kids' little friend here to entrap him, and show that to you."
"I don't believe you. You're just jealous of me because he's so much better than the loser who knocked you up with your idiot sons."
Bonnie's first instinct was to argue back. But she knew she didn't have the time. "Listen Vicky, you've looked down on me ever since I was pregnant with Danny. OK, we've been competing for Mom's affection before that. Before Ray Mom preferred me as the beautiful blonde compared to the stick in the mud unsexy brunette." Victoria glared at her sister. "But we've been flipping back and forth for Mom's affection since we were in diapers. Neither of us are the best mothers, but what Mom did was just wrong. OK, Vicky you want the truth? Here's the truth! Yes I envy your wealth and your husband. Yes, as my marriage has faced the rocks, I've wished he was my husband. But you're my sister! We're supposed to stand by each other! Vicky please! I love you and I'm trying to help you!"
"Actually after more than three decades you should know I prefer Victoria."
"Small steps, Vicky, small steps. But however badly you think of my life choices, and however much you're proud of your own...Peter's bad news. There's no good way for me to tell you this. But you have to believe me."
Victoria took a good hard look at her sister-and realized she was right. "Let's do this." And then Bonnie and Victoria were back in the bar on that fateful night. Only this time they weren't sniping at each other but hugging each other as Ben and Riley watched. "I love you Bonnie!" Victoria said.
"I love you too Vicky." After disentangling themselves Victoria exhaled. "Wow, it sure is a hot August night! I really need to get out of this bar and take a walk."
"No! Don't! Stay here!" Bonnie, Ben and Riley all shouted together. "I mean, Ben my darling son, you should give your aunt a drink on the house."
"Absolutely!" Ben agreed as he got up from his chair. "Mom, have you seen Danny?"
"He'll be right here. Let me just take a minute." It was about eighteen months earlier, a couple of weeks before the day Bonnie and Brad had set for their wedding. As the elevator doors opened Bonnie took a deep breath. How hard can this be? Spending 40 hours of labor was unbelievable. This by contrast will be a snap. Actually I'm saving his life, so I should be proud of myself. And Danny will still be completely free to do what he wants.
Danny came out of his apartment. "Hey Mom! Are you still whining about the engagement ring Brad gave you?"
Bonnie smiled at her son and, with the slightest delay, spoke: "Kaufmann."
"What?"
"Ashley's last name. One f, two ns. Ben told me you didn't know what it actually was."
"Gee, thanks Mom!"
"And actually Ashley told me of some restaurants and other activities she'd like. I wrote them down on this card."
Danny took the card. "Wow! That's great. I owe you Mom!"
"Anytime." she smiled as her ten minutes ran out.
Soon it was Bonnie and Brad's wedding. At the dance afterwards, Bonnie danced with an energy and enthusiasm of men eighteen years her junior. As that man, Danny stepped on Ashley's toes a couple of time. "Maybe we should sit down," she tactfully suggested.
She noticed Ben and Riley dancing. "Don't they make a lovely couple?"
"They only look like it. Ben thinks they're destined to be together. But Riley's moved on. Soon she's going to make that clear."
Danny smiled smugly, and looked across the rooftop at Riley. Riley caught his glance. She then looked into Ben's eyes. For an instant she stopped dancing and let go of Ben. Then she grabbed his head and gave him a deep, enthusiastic kiss, whose zeal Ben quickly matched.
Danny was astonished. "Huh. That's one hell of a kiss-off," Ashley said.
CodaTucker and Danny were talking to Madame Pavone. "So none of seasons five and six actually happened?" Tucker asked.
"No, no. Most of it happened. This happened. And this happened. And this happened. And this happened. And this happened. And this happened. And this happened. And this happened. And this happened.' And one could see scenes of Riley driving a horse and cab while Ben ineffectively helped Zoe in labor, then of Sam applying for a job at the bar, then of Tucker dressed up as Cher denouncing Mary Hart, then of Riley threatening Angela over lying to People about Ben, then of Tucker crashing through the classroom ceiling while Ben and Bonnie took their final high school exams, then of Bonnie denouncing her mother, then with Danny's wrestling match, then with Ben and Riley going camping, then with Tucker proposing marriage to Vanessa.
"So are Ben and Riley happy?" Danny wondered.
"Well, the first few years are difficult, what with Riley's law firm imploding from massive corruption. But after that things get along much better."
"I feel sad. To have Riley fall in love with me, then have it so that she always loved me, then have it so that she never loved me at all."
Tucker rolled his eyes. "Danny, you ended up marrying Jennifer Lawrence. Stop whining!" He then spoke to Madame Pavone. "So the Wheelers avoided certain death. But what about the other people who died?"
"Funny you should ask." One wonderful summer day Ben walked out of a convenience store as Elle was walking by. She stopped and stared at him. "I know we've never met. But for some reason I believe we are destined to be together!"
Just then Riley came out of the store, pushing Ruth in a baby carriage, and followed by Emma. "I'd say you have really bad timing." Ben replied.
"Oh for heaven's sake..." and Elle took out a Snickers bar. "No don't!" both Ben and Riley yelled. "I mean, you should really get a second opinion about your food allergies," Riley quickly explained.
Tucker was not impressed. "So all the white people get saved? What about my mother? She was the most loving and wonderful woman? She had real strength and integrity..." Just then Tucker's phone rang. As he retrieved it, his wedding ring slipped, and he adjusted it when he answered the phone. "Yes? Oh hi mom." he intoned with a complete lack of enthusiasm.
"That's not all that happened." Madame Pavone. "This happened. This happened. This happened. And this happened." And there were scenes where Ben and Riley helped give Emma a bath, where Ben juggled dolls for Ruth's and Riley's amusement, where Ben and Riley were dressed in giant tomato costumes for a pre-school play, and where Ben and a heavily pregnant Riley sat on the couch and watched The Last Picture Show. "And this very definitely happened." "Damn it!" Ms. Jensen exclaimed as she and Pavone were frog marched away by police under Ross Goodman's scowling eyes.
"And one more thing." It was very late on the evening of Bonnie's second marriage. It was Ben's bedroom, and he had at short notice gotten some rose petals and lit some candles. Riley was lying on the bed in her blue maid of honor's dress. "Sorry it took me an extra hour to get it." Ben said, as he took out a box from his pocket. He opened it, revealing, oddly enough the exact same engagement ring that Ben had/would get after Ruth was born. "Riley, will you..."
"Yes! Yes to Everything! Well not everything, I mean to most things. I mean I don't want to say I'll always have sex with you, or there's a lot of time you'll do stupid impulsive things and I should stop you, and I mean this isn't coming out right and I'm not being..."
Ben smiled and kissed her. "I understand."