A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

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Bella pulled her dress straps back up to cover her chest and folded her hands in her lap.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, then groaned into my hands. "I don't know what's happening."

She shifted around on the edge of the bed some more, straightening her clothes and looking like she wanted to flee. Finally she stopped, gave me a tight smile and a resigned shrug.

"It's Rosalie, isn't it?"

I stopped trying to claw my eyes out and froze.

"Rose hasn't got anything to do with this," I lied, sounding as indignant as I could.

"Edward, I'm not blind. I know you have a . . . a thing for her. And I understand if that's why . . ."

And what could I say to that? Bella—quiet, unassuming, nice Bella—had noticed. I'd always assumed she was pretty oblivious, or at least too innocent to suspect. And now, even when she thought her boyfriend had a thing for another girl, she was being ridiculously understanding, even offering me an out. What sort of girlfriend did that?

How selfless could she be?

I didn't really want to lie to her, so I settled on half-truths.

"I used to have a thing for Rose."

"And now?" she asked, eyebrows raised. "You look at her, like, all the time."

Sighing, I ran my hands through my hair. "Now . . . I'm—I'm not sure."

She nodded and finally looked disappointed. "Maybe we should put all this on hold. At least until you're a little clearer on what it is you want."

I couldn't tell her that things finally were clear, that only an hour ago I'd figured out what I wanted all along. Because what I wanted wasn't Bella, and I'd already hurt her enough for one night.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

She ran her fingers along the soft fabric of her dress a few times. "I doubt I can go sleep in Alice's room yet."

"Right," I said, feeling even worse. She was stuck with me until Alice and Jasper were finished and she could escape into Alice's room. Bella's brow was furrowed and her lips pressed together, the bottom one no doubt clamped between her teeth—definitely upset. She really didn't deserve this.

"Kitchen?" I suggested.

"Okay."

Her voice was higher than normal, so it was clear to me that Bella was pissed off and trying to hide it. If our roles were reversed, I would have been blatantly fuming, but she was trying to be okay with everything. I didn't even know if she was more upset about us not having sex or whether it was reason behind it, but it wasn't like I was going to ask.

"Drink?" I offered once we were sitting at the counter.

"Sure—soda?"

I grabbed one out of the fridge and passed it to her. The silence resettled and I searched for a topic of conversation.

"Was I really that obvious?" I asked, stupidly.

Bella glanced up, her eyes showing the hurt she'd been hiding.

"I wouldn't have dated you if I thought it was true. There was just a feeling I had, and when you . . . tonight . . . it seemed like the most likely reason."

"I really do like you, Bella," I said, because I hated that I'd made her feel like she wasn't the most important girl to me. "You're sweet and beautiful, and caring." Bella gave a little huff but smiled shyly. "You're everything she isn't," I added, wanting her to know she was the better person.

Bella's eyes dropped back to the countertop and the furrow was back. "Yeah," she agreed.

This was impossible. Everything I said seemed to make things worse. I was just prolonging the misery for Bella. The bright digital display on the oven said it was half past eleven, so Alice and Jasper had to be finishing up. Surely.

"I'm just going to . . ." I pointed upstairs, not wanting to specifically mention Jasper and Alice having sex, pretty sure that would be yet another sore point for Bella. I walked up the stairs, loudly, and then when reached my sister's room, knocked firmly on the door.

It swung open almost straight away, and Jasper greeted me, shirt unbuttoned but otherwise clothed.

"Parents home?"

"They will be soon. Bella's ready for bed," I said, making my voice as innuendo free as possible.

Jasper still grinned at me though, then ducked back in the room and said goodnight to Alice before stepping out and pulling the door closed behind him.

"How is she?" he asked.

"Uh." There wasn't much I could say that she wouldn't overhear. "We didn't . . ."

It was kind of obvious once we were downstairs. Bella was still in her dress, her hair not quite as styled but far from messy. And then there was the look on her face—the disappointment and self-consciousness.

Sometimes Jasper knew not to be a dick.

"Alice's decent," he said, lightly tapping Bella on the shoulder and giving her a wink.

Bella smiled gratefully. "Night, Edward," she muttered, then headed toward the stairs.

"Goodnight," I said back, but she didn't turn around.

When she was out of hearing range, Jasper turned on me. "What did you do?" His voice was not accusing in tone, more long-suffering friend.

I slumped down on the stool next to him. "I couldn't do it."

"You couldn't?" Jasper asked, clearly not believing me.

"I just . . . it wasn't right." With the whole Rose thing, I thought, not able to put it in words.

Jasper shook his head. "And you only just figured that out? Right when you were about to take her v-card? Christ, Edward. No wonder she looked sad."

I grimaced. "It wasn't like I didn't try. I just . . ." Being vague wasn't helping. "Look, I haven't had a problem with Bella before so I didn't know there was one. Turns out, I'm not really attracted to her. In that way."

"Wait. I'm confused."

"Me too." I ran my hands through my hair a few times, trying to figure out how best to explain what had happened. "Before, I would always think about, you know, Rose, and then it was easy. I couldn't do that to Bella tonight. It would have been wrong."

"Oh shit," Jasper groaned.

"I know," I agreed.

"Not that you idiot." Jasper glared at me, his jaw set. "Why did you have to say it?"

"Say what," I asked, not following.

"Rose," he said, equal parts exasperated and annoyed.

"You already know. What's the big deal?" He was the one who'd told me I had to sort things out with her before. It wasn't like this was a surprise.

He let out another groan. "Because now I for sure. There's no more plausible deniability." His voice had a resigned edge to it, like he knew this day was coming.

"What?"

He stared at me and sighed, sending wafts of stale bourbon my way. "I can't say I didn't know anymore." He pushed his stool back, grating it along the tiles noisily. "Bed time," he said, heading toward the stairs.

His breath reminded me he was still drunk, so I stopped trying to understand what he was talking about and followed him up. He collapsed on my lounge and I threw a blanket and pillow at him before pulling off my jeans and shirt and climbing into my own bed.

. ~ . ~ . ~ .

I didn't see Bella the next morning. Alice left a note on the counter saying she'd taken her home in my car. Mom read the note and looked enormously relieved, as though she had proof that Bella really was in Alice's room. She didn't seem nearly as tense when she offered me an orange juice.

Alice came home shortly after and gave me a very dirty look. I shrugged in a 'what the hell?' way, indicating how Mom was right there. Alice shrugged straight back at me before going and sitting on the couch and glaring until I'd followed.

"Can we do this later?" I asked quietly once I was sitting next to her.

"I'm so angry at you!" she whispered back. "Bella was so excited and now she's crushed. You're an awful boyfriend."

"Well, technically, I don't think I'm her boyfriend anymore," I said, switching on the TV to try and drown out our conversation.

"And Rosalie? Really, Edward?"

Whoa.

For some reason, I'd assumed Bella would keep that between us. Obviously I'd been wrong.

"It's not like that," I said, starting to get a very bad feeling.

"She has Emmett!"

"I know!"

Alice pulled a cushion up to her chest and hugged it. She was really upset about this.

"You're so horrible sometimes, you know that."

I shook my head, not because I was disagreeing with her, but because I had no idea what I was supposed to say.

Jasper came downstairs then, freshly showered and looking a whole lot better than last night. He made a beeline for Alice and when he saw she was upset, sent yet another withering look my way.

That was enough loathing for me.

"I'm going for a drive," I said, standing up and feeling like I should say more.

"Don't bother. We're going to Jasper's." She slammed the cushion into the corner of the couch as she stood up, venting some of her anger, and I sat back down, maybe a little scared. "We'll check on Bella later—make sure you haven't completely crushed her self-esteem," she added.

"Be home later," she yelled out so that Mom could hear, then started gathering her things once Mom yelled "okay" back.

"And Edward," Alice said suddenly, a hurtful, mean gleam in her eyes. "I'm telling Emmett." Then she was turning and striding toward the door. When the door slammed, the noise echoed through my head.

I was fucked.

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A/N: Thanks for reading :)