ah, the grilled ketchup and cheese sandwich. truly a culinary wonder to be relished. heh. one for me. and one to torment papyrus with. perfect.

Sans mused to himself as the two greasy abominations sizzled in the frying pan. As he flipped the sandwiches, beads of burnt ketchup embedded themselves into the bread. His cooking never failed to get a ryes out of Papyrus. Okay that was a stretch… He was using sugary white bread, rye would be much too healthy. Also the bitterness would clash horribly with the ketchup.

The tea shop was closed this week because Asgore was in D.C. with Frisk. That meant an entire week of quality time with his brother. Sans was thrilled. Since they worked opposite schedules, he didn't get to spend as much time with Papyrus as he would like.

Papyrus was glued to the TV. He'd been watching coverage of the press conference for the past hour. Frisk was supposed to be coming on soon, so Sans decided to make some lunch for the two of them.

Sans didn't really care much about Frisk's speech. He knew it was all going to be a bunch of feel-good nonsense. Tori had been coaching the kid for months now. The only reason he was watching was so he could be sure he knew exactly what the official lie was just in case anyone asked him about it.

He happily hummed along to the song playing on the radio as he cut the first sandwich in half. He applied too much pressure as he was cutting. Ketchup and processed cheese globbed out the side and onto the plate. He grinned at his creation. That one was definitely Papyrus's.

He grabbed the plates and made his way back to the living room, giddily anticipating his brother's reaction.

"hey bro, you hungry? i made you a..."

Sans almost dropped the plates of food when he saw your face on the TV.

"uh bro, why is _ on tv?"

"SHE'S A HERO, SANS! SHE RESCUED THE HUMAN CHILD FROM A VIOLENCE!"

"…huh?"

"IT HAPPENED WHILE YOU WERE BUSY COMMITTING CULINARY ATROCITIES IN MY KITCHEN. NOW BE QUIET AND LISTEN!"

He watched the television screen, bewildered. A young reporter, wearing an incredibly tight skirt, was interviewing you.

"How did you do it? Not even the security staff knew anything was going on."

"Heh. I dunno. I just had a feeling?" Sheepishly, you rubbed the back of your head, wearing a very forced smile. Your cheeks were flushed bright red. You looked like you would rather be literally anywhere else.

"Well it's certainly a good thing that you were here."

"Yah I guess so…" You smile awkwardly and the camera cuts away from you, returning to the reporter.

"The suspect is 26 year-old, student, Miranda Luscia. Ms. Luscia is currently working toward her PhD in applied physics." A photograph of an attractive young woman is flashed onto the screen. "She is currently being held in police custody. It is rumored that she has ties with the 'Human Protection Front,' an anti-monster extremist group. The suspect did not have a valid press pass to get into the conference. It is unknown how she was able to get past security at all. Much less carrying a revolver on her person. We are hoping for some answers soon. Staff are currently being questioned and surveillance footage is being analyzed."

Sans's first instinct was to teleport himself to D.C. to make sure you and the kid were alright. However, it was dangerous with places he'd never been. He could do it, sure. However, he could end up accidentally teleporting right into an object.

The last time that happened was when he had first arrived on the surface. He was overly excited to see the city and had teleported himself right into the side of an office building. Being used to the familiar layout of the underground, he had completely forgotten the risks of teleporting to unknown places.

He had gotten himself completely stuck and it was humiliating. He was forced to beg random strangers passing by on the street to help him. He was stuck there for hours. Everyone who noticed had just gawked at him and kept walking. Some asshole even stopped to snap a picture of him.

Finally, someone nice came by and offered to call his brother for him. He wasn't surprised to find that the stranger who helped him had a vibrant green soul. Papyrus eventually came and spent almost an hour trying to free Sans's left eye. Luckily that part of him had been embedded in soft plaster instead of the hard outer brick.

No. Teleporting was out of the option. He could try to call or text one of you, but it seemed that you were busy dealing with viperous reporters. Why wouldn't they just leave you guys alone? The kid survives an assassination attempt, and they waste no time shoving microphones in your face.

Sans is torn from his reverie by his phone vibrating against his femur from inside his pocket. He shudders at the odd sensation. Damn, he misses the phone that he had underground. The phones on the surface are too vibrate-y.

He grumbles and retrieves the phone from his pocket.

"Joke Lady" is calling.

Oh good, Tori's calling. Maybe she knows what's going on. Sans smiles and swipes the screen to answer the call.

"hey tori."

"Knock knock."

"who's there?"

"Canoe."

"canoe who?"

"Canoe come down to D.C. with me? I mean, if you don't mind? Frisk asked for you. Papyrus can come too if he likes."

Huh. Frisk asked for him? That can't be good…

"pretty weak, tori. you've used the canoe joke at least a dozen times. you need to come up with some fresh material if you want to keep out friendship afloat."

"Hee hee hee. Oh, Sans! You are just hilarious."

"that's why everyone is so font of me. they even call me the comic, sans!"

"Hee hee. Anyways, will you come with me?"

"of course i will. i'd better get some pie out of it, though. and no snail pie. that stuff is getting pretty escargold. heh." There's an awkward silence and he realizes he might have accidentally offended her with that joke. He's quick to backpedal.

"just kidding, tori. you know i love your cooking."

"Aww, thank you Sans. I actually made some blueberry pie this morning. I'll bring a few slices for you and your brother when I come to pick you up."

"okay, sweet. that's berry nice of you."

XXXXXXXXXX

After about an hour of relentless questioning, you're finally able to slip away from the reporters. You're still trembling from what happened. All of the interviews that you did were a blur. You can hardly remember anything you said. Not that it really matters. There are much more important things on your mind. For example, the
fact that you're apparently some kind of a fucking psychic now.

What the hell had happened?! You were just standing backstage, watching Frisk, when suddenly you just knew what was going to happen. Somehow you knew that this woman, a complete stranger to you, was going to try to kill Frisk. You knew this even before you had seen her pull out her gun.
I mean, it's not a bad thing, right? You saved the kid's life! You're a hero! But how the hell did you do it?!

You step onto the elevator and tap the button for your floor. The metal doors closed shut with a mechanical whir. Asgore had taken Frisk to lunch a little while ago. The poor kid was really shaken up… So you should have the room all to yourself.

Well, no, not quite. Flowey would still be there… You were seriously not in the mood to deal with the little pesty flower right now. All you needed was a quick google search for the nearest hardware store and a few bucks for a bottle of weed killer… No. You wouldn't do that. But that little fucker best remember that you could if you wanted to.

The elevator doors opened up once more. You trudged into your room and immediately flopped face-down onto your bed.

"So how did the press conference go? I hear public opinion is shooting up."

"Flowey, shut the fuck up." You're way too tired for this shit. Although, August would probably love that joke. You make a mental note to text it to him later… Oh no, August!

"Hee hee hee. I'll admit that puns aren't jokes of my usual caliber"

"That's not funny." You grumble. The flower sticks his tiny pink tongue out at you. You would be overwhelmed by the adorableness if it were any other anthropomorphic flower. You search the nightstand for your phone. You haven't checked it since you went to bed last night. Hopefully August is alright… Heh. Someone tried to kill your charge this morning and apparently you have new psychic powers. However, you're still very concerned about your friend's love life.

There it is! Hiding in the drawer underneath the room service menu. You unlock the screen and…

Shit. 5 missed calls and 6 new messages.

You look at the calls first…

Two calls from August. Two from Toriel. And one from Undyne.

And… all six messages are from August. Of course.

"Auggie :D" 2:32 A.M.

Hey! I just got home. I took your advice and went out with Agatha tonight. Everything is fine. Heh. She asked me if I was sleeping when she sent that text. I told her that I was. :P

"Auggie :D" 2:34 A.M.

We're now officially in the "I love you" stage of our relationship! Anyways, thanks for the advice. I hope everything goes well tomorrow. Goodnight. Love ya!

"Auggie :D" 9:17 A.M.

Tell Frisk good luck for me! :D

"Auggie :D" 12:15 P.M.

Oh my god! Are you okay?! There was a gunshot or something?! and then they just cut to a commercial? Call me, please!?

"Auggie :D" 12:22 P.M.

Longest commercial break EVER. Wow! My bestie is a hero! I'm glad that nobody got hurt. But still, please call me when you get this?

"Auggie :D" 2:02 P.M.

_? :(

You sigh and consider stuffing your phone right back into the nightstand, but that wouldn't be right. You decide to shoot August a text. You'll deal with Toriel and Undyne after a much-needed nap.

"xxx-xxx-xxxx" 3:23 P.M.

Hey! I just got back to the hotel. Everything is fine. I'm just feeling super drained right now. I'll call you after I get some rest."

After sending the message, you put your phone on silent. You stretch out onto the bed, rest your head on the soft pillow, and drift into a deep, dreamless sleep.

You're awoken by the sound of someone fumbling with the hotel room door. Groggily, you check the time. You're been sleeping for almost five hours. Oops. You were supposed to go get dinner with Frisk and Asgore tonight.

You sit up and smooth out your hair as the door finally flings open. Frisk comes rushing inside to greet you. Standing in the doorway are Toriel, Sans, and Papyrus.

*_! You're awake! My dad and I came to get you for dinner a few hours ago, but you were sleeping so peacefully. We didn't want to wake you up.*

"It's alright. I'll just order something from room service… What are they doing here?" You motion to the three monsters waiting outside your room. "You guys can all come in, by the way… I don't bite."

*My mom insisted on coming down here after she saw what happened on the news… I wanted Sans and Papyrus to come too!* Frisk signs to you, happily.

"Oh, my child. I do not want you to have to order from room service. I will make you something to eat, myself. It's the least I can do. You saved my little Frisk!" Toriel gives you a warm smile. "What would you like, my dear?"

"Um… Anything is fine, really. How are you going to cook for me though? All I have in here is a microwave…"

Toriel laughs heartily in response. "Don't worry. I can use fire magic. I almost never cook with appliances, anyway… Now, what would you like to eat? I can make you whatever you like."

Crap. You have no idea what you want. You pause, considering your options.

"…why don't you make your favorite dish and surprise me with it!" Perfect! You really are a master at indecision.

"Oh! How wonderful! I would love to do that! I just need to make a quick trip to the grocery store…"

As Toriel trails off, Sans is quick to speak up. "hey, paps. uh... why don't you go with her? she might need your cooking expertise. or something." Sans smiles at Toriel apologetically. She shoots him a glare in return.

"WHY OF COURSE, SANS! I WOULD BE HONORED TO ESCORT THE QUEEN TO THE STORE! I WOULD LOVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO PUT ON A DISPLAY OF MY CULINARY PROWESS FOR THE ROYAL LADY!"

"We'll be back shortly. Be good, Frisk."

Toriel walks out the door, sighs, and motions for Papyrus to follow her. He giddily bounces along after her, slamming the door behind them. You wince at the loud noise. There's a moment of awkward silence.

"okay. now that the three of us are alone…" The pinpricks of light in Sans's eyes disappear as he turns to you. "we need to talk."