By the time the landing finally came, Tino's eyes were already rimmed red and his vision was blotchy at best. He had spent the plane ride crying, and it was fucking hard to see more than an inch or two in front of him. The man in the suit next to him had been polite enough not to say anything, and the woman in front of him had the decency to pretend like nothing was happening, but he was relatively sure his aching sobs had gotten to the both of them, oh, maybe about twenty minutes into the flight. Father always said that he wasn't a very pretty crier- light hiccup like sobs just sounded stupid, and the occasional deep, shuddering ones weren't much better.
Though he clung to Berwald's hoodie almost the entire way there (it was still warm) he tucked it away in his carry-on before he got off in hopes that it would keep some of Berwald's scent that he could sleep with, and maybe not get any blood on it- that would be a bitch to explain when he got back.
So that was how he got to his current position of chasing his suitcase down from baggage claim. He was pretty sure that he was late by now, but he couldn't give a damn less. The man couldn't beat him right there in the parking lot (well, he could if he wasn't so fucking careful not to let anyone see-) and either way he was going to be hurting by the time he got home. Eventually, and unfortunately, he managed to get his bags and he realized he would have to go to them. Slowly he dragged himself through the airport, pulling his phone out about half-way to the exit to text Berwald.
It was tempting to tell him. Tell him all of the sick things that happened to him here, and he couldn't stand it and he just needed to get out, but he knew that it wouldn't help. Berwald probably didn't even live remotely close by- he should really ask where he was from one day, but that was beside the point. Berwald didn't need to know about what went on. No, not at all. All he needed to know was that the cute, perky boyfriend he knew and fell for missed him, and not about the fucked up kid that said boyfriend really was. He didn't want to take any risks this far into it.
He settled on tapping out a short and sweet love you, baby, miss you on the keys, and sent not a word more. He silenced the phone before tucking it back in his pocket- the man could never know that he had friends that could reach him. That would just make things worse. He held his breath when the outside air hit his skin, praying to god that this would just be a silent day and not a violent one. It turned out he got lucky for the moment- the man sent his mother to get him. She sported a black eye and a swollen lip, which she hadn't even bothered to cover up like she used to when he was little.
"Playing on the risky side, mm?" Tino greeted, leaning down to offer a hug, and the woman smiled and laughed that nice but rusted laugh while she returned it.
"They don't even see what's right in front of their faces," she remarked, "So why even waste the makeup?"
Tino nodded. "You look fine." He said, softly. The man never told her anymore.
"You're a good son." She said, almost sadly. "Just put the bags on top of the beer cans, he won't notice if they dent."
Knowing at least that was true, Tino about threw his bags in the back and climbed into the passenger seat, ignoring the jizz on the floor. Who knows what the bastard tried there. They tried to make idle conversation for the first few minutes- how was the flight, was it hard getting in- but that died out pretty quickly.
"Tell me about your friend." She asked, almost abruptly after a moment of silence.
Tino took a breath before speaking. "He's kind. Strong, silent, and the sweetest person I've ever met."
"You like him." His mother pointed out.
"I do." Tino responded. No need to lie to her at this point. She seemed to have given up on trying to change him. It was a joyous moment, really, being able to half-share with her about his romance- ah, but he just couldn't fully. This was too solemn a state, and too dangerous a situation.
She nodded. "What does he do?" She asked. "What's he good at?"
"He's a carpenter." Tino said, repeating what Berwald had told him. The mother nodded again.
"You picked a better type of man than I ever did; your father was never good at that type of stuff." she commented, almost wistfully, "Maybe this is karma- showing me what I was supposed to do."
"I don't want to hurt you." He said, a little pained while he did. It was unfair. Why should his happiness have to hurt someone else – two people, at that? Again, he was met by the same withered laugh from earlier.
"You don't hurt me, I hurt me." She said, her eyes fixed on the road.
"He hurts you." Tino pointed out.
"Is it him for hitting me, or me for letting him?"
"Him." Tino insisted. "It's always him."
By then they reached that fork in the road between their usually back road short cut and the freeway, and the mother stopped the car. Tino shuddered, realizing how close they were. Him and the poor, worn woman locked eyes after staring wearily at the bare dirt road in front of them, the gnarled trees beckoning to them both yet neither wanting to go.
"I hear there's traffic on the freeway." She offered, voice pale.
"Lets." Tino responed, just as weak.
And so they drove until they reached the end of the row and then they idled as more cars boxed them in, both staring ahead and listening to the static of the radio traffic like nothing else existed and was waiting to tear them both apart.
From: Tino~!
Love you, baby. Miss you.
Received: 11:47 am
Berwald's heart ached a little at the words, and he wished that he could gather his lover into his arms right then and there. He hated knowing that Tino was in any sort of pain- it just wasn't right. Surely he didn't mind being home, but Berwald wished that maybe he could have gone with him, or that he had bought the Finnish boy to introduce to his mother.
Life could never just be simple, could it?
He sent a response back while he was waiting with his newly re-claimed bags for his mother to reply to his earlier 'here'.
To: Tino~!
Love you too, beautiful. We'll be together again soon.
Sent: 12:38 pm
He was about to tuck the phone back into his pocket when it buzzed again, and he quickly opened that one too.
From: Mom
Look behind you
Received: 12:38 pm
Swinging around, Berwald came face to face with the mother, still holding her phone. It was a funny sight, seeing the usually so serious woman gripping her phone with an almost playful grin on her face, and Berwald couldn't help a chuckle.
"Hej ma 'a mine." He greeted.
"Hej son 'a mine." She replied, offering a hug that was quickly returned. "How're ya'? The flight go 'kay?"
Berwald nodded and then responded. "Ja, was good."
She smiled that small, barely there smile to most people, and moved to pick up a bag. She lifted it with ease, and it almost made Berwald feel like he was just-turned ten again and still struggling to lift anything larger than a wooden chair.
"Ma, how d'ya even manage tha'?" He asked half jokingly while picking up the other bag.
"Ya' don' think tha' strength a' yers came from yer father, d'ya?" She asked, as they started to walk towards the exit. "Those're our genes, yours 'n mine."
Berwald nodded, thinking it over. He had never known his father really; he held no memories of him- not even the blurry ones that infants can sometimes make. Sometimes he imagined the man to be a complete wimp, insecure of his masculinity- maybe that was why he left. Mother, as beautiful and womanly as she looked, was certainly tougher than most men he had ever encountered in his entire life. If there was such a thing as the gay gene he'd never know who he got it from at this rate- maybe it was both of them.
"Sa'," She started, once they pulled out of the parking lot. "Tell me everythin'."
"Bout Tino, ya' mean?" He asked, looking over to her.
"Tha' his name?"
"Ja. Didn' ah tell ya' that?"
"Dun think so."
"Hn. Well ja, tha's his name. Tino Vainamoinen."
"Finnish?" She asked.
"Very." He nodded.
"Sounds it. Tell me 'bout 'im- what's he like?"
"He's perfect." Berwald almost deadpanned. "Beautiful. Kind. He has this smile tha' always gets me."
The elder Oxenstierna nodded, listening. Berwald continued.
"Ah mean, ma, ah dun even know how ah got sa' lucky. He's very popular, an ahm not really tha' likable-"
"Yer perfectly likable," She cut in "most people 'ave just forgotten how to like."
"True." Berwald said. "But really, ah didn' even think he knew ah existed. 'N then he just kinda walked up to me one day an' it all started."
"Maybe he's more shy than ya' gave him credit for."
"Ah think sa' sometimes." Berwald responded. "Ya'd never see it if ya' weren't looking fer it, though."
"Sa' he's a people person." The woman half-asked and half-stated. Berwald shook his head a little.
"Tha's the strange thing- ah always thought he was, but he's really not. He kinda hates 'em, ah think. He always tells me he can't stand 'em."
"Ah don't blame him."
"Ah don't either. Ah jus wonder why he puts up with 'em if they make 'im so sad."
"Some people 'ave different ways of coping." The woman said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear at the red light. "He probably does it by buildin' walls 'n puttin' on masks- ah knew lots a people who did tha'. You an ah just leave when we dun like somethin', but he probably doesn' know how to distance 'imself like that. Most people don't."
Berwald sighed. "It's sad. I jus' wanna make him feel better."
"Ah know," she said "Ya' love someone sa' much tha' ya just wanna stop their sufferin', no matter what it takes."
Berwald nodded slowly, and then took a barely audible breath in. "Ahm sorry."
"Dun be." She responded, as always.
"Doesn't it ever-"
"Hurt? Ja. It does." She responded, cutting him off. "But feelin' bad won' fix it."
Looking down at his lap, Berwald started to wonder what really happened between his mother and his father. Subconsciously he'd always blamed his father for harming his mother (which he had) and consequently assumed that the man had been a complete douche. But whenever she talked like this it made him question whether it was just leftover Stockholm syndrome or if maybe there was something more behind his father's absence. It was times like this he realized for all of his years spent thinking about his observations, he knew surprisingly little.
He really, really hated that feeling.
As she usually did, the elder of the two cut the uncomfortable silence. "Christmas is comin' up soon."
"Ja. And his birthday."
"Really?"
"Sixth."
"Ah. Gonna get him anythin'?"
"Ja. Says he likes Moomins."
A small smirk came to her face, and she chuckled. "Cute."
"Adorable." He agreed.
"Well, we'll save th' shoppin' fer tomorrow. Jus' relax fer now, s'yer first day home."
"Ja. What's fer dinner? Wan' me to cook?"
"Ya' think ahd bring mah son home 'n make him work? Nej, I wouldn't. Ya' been fendin' fer yerself for a while now, lemme do some work." She replied, making the turn onto their street.
"Ya sure?" he asked, willing to cook as usual. The woman was a hard worker- he saw no need to make her work harder than she had to.
"Ja. Ahm making meatballs."
Berwald's stomach growled. "It's been a while since a've had real meatballs." He said, referring to homemade ones over the freezer packed ones at the school. They weren't bad, just… not home cooked.
"Ah know. S'why ahm makin' em." She smiled. "One day you'll hafta bring Tino over for dinner." She added as an afterthought.
"Ah will." He assured, as they pulled into the driveway.
"Good. Now let's get ya' unpacked first." She said, stepping out the car door.
And at that the unloaded the bags from the trunk and walked inside, previous conversation left in the car just like the air freshener dangling from the mirror.
When the car finally pulled up to the house, it was nearing dusk. They stayed stuck in traffic for quite a bit, and with the days getting shorter an eerie dark dusted the sky earlier and earlier.
"If he asks, your flight was delayed." The mother said, stepping out of the car.
"It was." Tino responded, getting his bags and stepping out as well. They walked to the door slowly, and then the elder of the two unlocked the thing and slowly pushed it in.
"Honey, we're home." She called, quietly. On cue a loud and heavy stumbling on the stairs informed them that she had been heard. They both froze, still as death, as the man made it to the entry way.
"Whatook you?" he slurred, taking another swig out of the bottle. "Wastarting to think that you bitches went and sold yourselves or something. I'd expect sumathe money, you know."
Tino tried not to say anything, and luckily Mother spoke first. "Tino and I aren't whores, honey. We have morals." She tried, tentatively.
"How many morals does a fag have?" He snickered, taking another swig. Tino winced inside, but didn't show it. He held as straight a face as he could, and refrained from any comment. No use starting a fight now. It was far too early in the trip to take a risk like speaking-
"How are ya, fag?"
-or refusing to speak, in this case. "I'm fine dad." He responded, softly.
"What? Can't hear ya."
"I'm fine, dad." Tino repeated, louder, but still just as nervous.
"I'm hungry, fag. Woman, make dinner."
Sighing inaudibly, the Finnish woman patted her son on the shoulder gently before walking into the kitchen, and Tino could feel a know tightening in his throat. Something was bound to go wrong soon. It hadn't yet, but it was bound to go wrong soon. The Finnish teen wasn't sure whether or not to move or remain still.
"You can't leave your shit in the doorway." The father declared, taking another swig.
Tino apologized quickly and hurried up the stairs, finding the door that was supposed to be his (there was a new dent on it now and a few more stains than when he had left) and he pushed it open. Some empty bottles decorated the floor but this time his bed remained untouched. What luck- that meant he didn't have to sanitize the room before he slept tonight. Really, he just didn't have that much stamina left. He could barely stand straight. Leaving his bags still fully packed and next to the bed, he flopped onto the blankets and sighed softly. They reeked of his own scent, and he noted that it was far different than the scent of his and Berwald's bed back at school.
Berwald. Now reminded, Tino took his phone out from his pocked and checked it quickly, smiling weakly after reading Berwald's reply. That boy was sweet. He quickly tapped out some cute reply and hit send before hiding the phone away in his pocket again, and then stretched before he lay limp and thought. What if, maybe, Berwald really was enough? It was a scary thought to think, but if he was ever going to think about it then he would have to do it now while the Swedish boy couldn't see him possibly panicking. Besides, his nerves were shot to hell anyway. May as well take advantage of the moment.
He couldn't deny any longer that his boyfriend had become a sort of a crutch for him. When he needed comfort he ran to him, and when he needed to forget he let the boy re-imprint his mind with images of them. It was different than falling into himself and wiping his mind blank, surely, but it was still so… effective. So much more effective than escaping and not even remembering having been away when he woke. It was stronger. Potent. And he liked it. He poked his tongue out slightly and licked at his lips, wondering if maybe he could still imagine the other man's taste against them. Maybe… slowly he traced his fingertips over the weight on his neck, letting them rest on the cold metal clasp. What if, one day, he wouldn't need the thing anymore? Slowly he tried to slip his fingers underneath to touch the fading bruises on his skin…
And was promptly interrupted by a loud thudding up the stairs and a yell.
"COME DOWN FOR DINNER ALREADY! I'm not waiting for you or it'll get cold!" The man barked, and Tino sat up abruptly and ran out of the room, almost flying down the stairs. He made it to the kitchen in record timing, taking his usual seat in between the two parents. Dinner was already on the table, and Ma even let him have the Moomin glass. He smiled faintly at her, and she smiled just as faintly back. They ate in silence for a matter of minutes, Tino and his mother only barely touching the food, while the father ate quickly enough to already be on his second helping.
"You two birds or something?" He chucked, starting on the food again.
Tino just shrugged. "I'm not too hungry." He said, but then turned to the woman and added "It's really good though, ma-"
"You anorexic or something?" The man asked, gripping the bottle tighter. "Guidance looks at that shit, you know."
Annoyed, the Finnish teen tried to hold his tongue and only half succeeded. "Don't worry, dad, it's not like I give them anything to worry about." He said, bitterly.
"Wha's that supposed to mean?" He asked, taking another sip of vodka.
"Oh, I don't know- maybe the fact that I have no friends might concern them? Or the fact that I've had, oh, I don't know, three concussions conveniently whenever I come home might make them wonder things?"
The man frowned now, lips in a sneer. "Well who's fucking fault is that? Maybe they just think you're a klutz-"
"And of course along with that I've had a broken arm twice, and because I fucking covered the cuts with mom's concealer like you insisted on instead of oh, I don't know, treating them, they got infected and everyone saw them anyway-"
"THEY FUCKING SAW?" The man barked, standing up from his seat and shoving the chair back violently.
"Honey-" The woman tried to interrupt, hoping to calm him, but instead Tino got up and screamed.
"Don't act like you're surprised!" He countered. "They called home and I heard you fucking lie through your teeth about how I was so concerned about my appearance that I let-"
"Isn't that what fags do! Worry about how they look so that when some real man comes along they can-"
"Oh, so now you're willing to out your embarrassment of a son to the public after seventeen years because-"
"Boys-" The woman interrupted again, stepping between the two, and the man pushed her aside.
"Don't fucking interrupt us woman!"
"Don't talk to mom like that!" Tino yelled, jumping in front of the woman defensively.
That was the last straw. The man raised his fist and belted Tino hard across the face, sending him flying onto the floor. The red mark that had already formed was quickly blackening, and the older male marched over, kicking the Finnish teen in the ribs and pinning him against the floor under his boot. Tino winced when he was kicked, trying not to scream, but cried out once the boot turned him so that his back was pressed and held to the ground.
"DON'T EVER FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" The so-called father barked, pressing harder on the bones.
Frantic to be released, Tino wrapped both hands around the man's ankle and twisted himself to the best of his ability. The man laughed, pressing again, and Tino could feel himself gag slightly when he did. Before he knew what was happening he was pushed aside again, and this time his back hit the wall with almost violent force. He swore he heard something crack.
"Honestly, I bring you into this fucking world and all you are is a disgrace-"
"Like father like son." He spat, voice low and hoarse. He shuddered, probably from a mixture of his body's shock and the fact that it was too fucking cold in there because-
"What was that!" The man barked again. He leaned down and pulled the shuddering teen up by his shirt, pinning him onto the wall again.
"Like father like son." Tino said again, laughing this time. "It's in my genes, father –you always asked where it came from." He smiled a crooked smile, head starting to feel light. "Don't you see a resemblance?" He added, darkly. For the first time while the man is supposedly in control he saw a flicker of fear in his eyes. It didn't last, though.
"You-"
A hard hit to the ribs, this time a punch.
"Fucking-"
Two.
"Cunt!"
Three. Four. Five. He could feel tears trailing down his face and he still smiled, even as he heard obscenities that were all meant for him. The room started to spin like it usually started to at that point, and then he heard muffled screaming-
"Stop it- stop it you're going to kill him!"
And when the room went black Tino wondered if he really was dead that time.
To his displeasure, he woke. And when he did it was in a tub full of ice.
He would have winced, but he was so fucking groggy that he settled on laying still and not saying anything at all. Would it be so much trouble for them to just bury him already that he instead bothered to keep him alive? It almost made him hate the fucker even more.
He was sure that if he could see his lips that they would be blue. It almost felt like he was lying in snow, and he tried to pretend that the reason his eyes were struggling to stay open was just because of the snowflakes that fell in his eyelashes. It was a far more serene fantasy than having to process laying in a tub of ice that was probably in a beer cooler until not too long ago.
Really, he knew he should be more grateful. At least they weren't asking him to cope with the aching in his ribs without any help at all. He remembered times where he had to, had to because there was no way for Mamma to help him and if the nice lady from child services ever saw what Father did then he'd surely be dead before he ever saw the man reprimanded-
Stop. Stop it. There was no reason to be thinking like that. It would only hurt more later. With a shiver, Tino let himself roll into the ice a little further, wondering if Mamma still had those pain pills she sometimes took. Maybe she would let him borrow some, if he looked desperate. At that the bathroom door creaked open then, interrupting any further thought.
"Sweetie? Sweetie are you okay?" A light, soft voice asked. Mother.
"I'm fine mamma…" He mumbled, lips puffy. He could hear her sigh softly and she walked over, crouching next to the tub.
"For your head." She said, and when he finally blinked his eyes open he saw that she was holding a pillow. Gratefully, even though it took most of his strength, he lifted his head and let her place it behind him.
"Kiitos…"He said, softly. Her eyes looked so sad, and he almost felt bad for speaking.
She looked sadly down at him once more before standing and exiting the room, closing the door and leaving him to his own devices. He found himself waiting a minute before slowly moving his hand to his pocket and groping around for the phone, slightly hesitant. Carefully, he opened the device, debating whether or not to call. It couldn't hurt, right? He would never know what happened. He hit Berwald's speed dial, holding the phone against his good cheek. The dial tone rang once, and Berwald picked up.
"Tino." He said softly. "Missed ya'."
Tino smiled and sighed a little. This was nice. Yes indeed. "I missed you too, Ber." He crooned, softly, trying to sound like he usually did. Unfortunately, though, Berwald knew that something was off.
"Ya' okay?" He asked, gently. Tino shook his head before he replied.
"I'm fine Ber. Just tired… it was a long day…"
"'Ahm sorry." He murmured.
"Not your fault." He said. "You know that I love you, right Berwald?"
"Ah love ya too, Tino. So much."
"I really really love you." He said again, throat tightening. Fuck. He felt his eyes sting. He wanted Berwald to be there, right there, and to hold him and kiss him and touch him and make him forget that anything else existed-
"Tino, ah love ya' too. More'n anythin'. What's wrong?" He asked, gently.
"I'm so tired." Tino replied, breath shaking. "I want you."
"Ah want ya' too. We'll be together soon." He assured. Though usually almost socially inept, comforting Tino was another matter entirely. Whenever he was sleepy, or just plain sore, or upset for reasons that he didn't know, he made it his goal to soothe him into contentment. It was the least that he could do for the poor thing. Did he not deserve to be happy?
There was a pregnant pause on the other end of the line, and then a shuddering breath in. "Tell me something good, Ber." Tino mumbled, fingering at his neck.
"That ah have ya'." He said softly. "An' yer beautiful. An' smart. An' ya' have a lovely voice. An' ya' have this perfect smile…"
"Berwald-" He started to say, but was cut off.
"An' yer kind. An' yer eyes sparkle. An' when ya' laugh it makes me smile."
"Berwald." He whispered. What in hell did he ever do right to deserve such tenderness?
"An' yer warm. An' yer lips are soft. An' ya' fit against me so nicely an' we were made fer each other. An' yer perfect-"
"God I love you." The Finn choked, biting his lip. Oh fuck he couldn't ever be perfect. Hell no. But Berwald… he said it with such sincerity, that even if it wasn't enough to fool him for some reason he still felt so, so warm.
"Ah love ya' too." The Swedish teen replied. His stomach knotted at hearing the way his boyfriend sounded right then, the same way he always did when he was bound to cry, and he ached to hold him again and never, never let go.
"Hey Berwald?"
"Ja?"
"If…" He swallowed. Why was he even staring? He shouldn't breathe a word- that was the rule after all. Never say anything. At all.
"If?" Berwald prompted. Shit. He was fucked now.
"If… if something bad ever happened to me- like something really, really bad- and I wasn't all perky and fun anymore… Would you still want me?" he choked out, throat dry.
"Ah'll always want ya'." Berwald said, almost as soon as Tino's voice stopped. "Dun ever think otherwise."
The real question is will you hold to that statement? "Thank you." He mumbled.
"Did somethin' happen?" he asked, concern laced through his voice.
Did something happen? The question was when didn't something happen. He let himself shift, warmer ice shifting away and the cold one leaving a frozen burn against his skin. He wanted to tell Berwald. He wanted to break down and tell him everything, tell him that his ribs hurt and that he couldn't feel his legs in all of this ice and that his face hurt so fucking bad and he needed him to fucking be there-
"Tino?" Berwald asked, a little louder. He truly sounded worried.
"I'm fine, baby." Tino responded, struggling to force the lie past his lips. "I'm fine."
"Tino, ya' can tell me wha' happened." He insisted. "Not gonna leave ya'. Ever." And if that wasn't the truth, the Swedish boy found himself thinking.
"Really honey, nothing happened." He said, deciding not to contradict himself tonight. "I was just missing you and my mind wandered…"
Berwald paused, stopping to think. On one hand, this was really a cliché that he should pay attention to. The ambiguous question, the hesitation, the insistence that he was fine… but at the same time, he really had seemed that upset over being separated. He didn't want to upset the Finn by pressing too far, but he didn't want to give up if he was supposed to press further. Why was he so fucking dumb when it came to this?
The Finnish teen yawned, and then spoke. "You know you're good to me." He murmured, just as simply as any other fact.
Berwald smiled softly. "I try." He said, slightly relieved. Surely, Tino would tell him when he was hurting. He was good at communication, better than he was- he could trust his beloved.
Tino could hear the man thudding around downstairs now, and he didn't want to take any chances having the phone broken by some drunken rage. He needed to be able to talk to his boyfriend- lover. He needed to.
"I'm sorry, I'm dozing… I'll call you in the morning, baby." Tino assured, almost whispering. "I'll see you soon, okay?"
"Ja." Berwald yawned. "Goodnight, Tino. Ah love ya'."
"Goodnight Berwald. I love you too." He murmured, waiting to hear the other hang up before he hid the phone in the pocket that wasn't submerged in ice.
A few minutes of silence passed. When he first got back it didn't quite register in his mind that he would be sleeping alone. Alone. Alone, without Berwald, without being held or consoled by him even ever so slightly. Suddenly, everything seemed considerably darker and inevitably more frightening. The footsteps downstairs now sounded closer to landmines than feet, and the ice stung his skin even more harshly once he realized there would be no warmth. Fuck. Fuck! How the hell was he supposed to cope with this? He was in a bathtub full of ice because he was beaten because he was so fucking sick and he still had six more days of this-
Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.
It hit him. It hit him hard. It hit him hard what he was dealing with, and that he was dealing with it alone, and that no matter what he did it would always come back to this and he would always be so fucking helpless and isolated-
Slowly he pulled at the strap, yanking it in his hands as hard as he could while the crashes from the downstairs floor and muffled voices started to fade as he did. He'd try and forget everything come morning. If he was lucky maybe they would, too, and leave him to rest.
It wasn't a surprise to Berwald that the cashier of the toy shop looked at him strangely when he bought the Moomin plush to the counter. He had seen it coming, and he had been prepared for it.
It must have been a funny sight for an outsider to see, the stern-faced teen (that was more often than not mistaken for a man in his early twenties) carefully carrying such a sweet toy to the checkout counter. Really though, that was none of his concern. Tino would love this. If he knew anything about his quirky boyfriend, he would love this. Sure, there was always a bit of nervousness associated regarding how a gift would be received, but Berwald was mostly confident that this would go over well. He knew his beloved fairly well by now, and even though there was surely more to learn Berwald was sure that what he had learned so far was at least enough to help him pick a gift.
The cashier looked increasingly perplexed as she rang the toy through the register and bagged it. It was almost enough to make Berwald want to laugh loud and clear right fucking there but he was controlled. It would probably take more effort to let go than it would to keep his usual composed expression. So instead of laughter he simply paid and took his change, dropping a few bucks in the tip jar and earning a small, almost apologetic smile from the worker before he left the store and started to walk down the hall of shop displays with colorful aprons and lingerie and people walking with purpose or leisure.
As he made his way through the mall he found himself not only scanning the window displays but also looking at the people that walked by them. There were parents with children, groups of students that he wouldn't know, and then there were the couples. The couples were easy to spot. They had intertwined hands with glimmering bands shimmering on their fingers, and they always looked so fucking happy. Berwald envied them- he wished he could have Tino there with him every time he looked.
Some of those couples looked so, so young, not much older than himself. Sometimes he wondered if they were but promise rings instead of engagement or wedding rings. They had to be, he would think, but then again- he would marry Tino the second he got the chance. Who was he to say whether or not others had the same ideas that he did? Surely Tino was more perfect than any of them, but that was for him to know and him only. He would let the rest of the people in the world stay preoccupied with each other, and away from him and his darling future-wife.
Tino would make a wonderful wife. He would. Berwald loved to think about it. They would buy a nice little place Berwald would work, and whenever he came home he would get a kiss from the pretty Finn while those lovely lashes would flutter closed in that way that they always did. As they kissed he would slide his hands behind his wife to cup his nice, soft, supple-
He really had to stop thinking such raunchy fantasies in public places.
Since hiding a hard-on would be far too difficult for him he tried to draw his thoughts to something more neutral, non-dirty. His gaze fell on a display of shampoos and perfumes, and he found himself walking into the shop and looking at its wares. Tino always smelled so, so sweet, and Berwald knew it was from his fruity shampoos and scented body washes. Quite frankly he loved that about his lover, and he encouraged him to use them. Looking at a few scents, he decided that he had enough for one of his Mom's favourites and a new one for his love. After a few minutes of mental debate (which, to an outsider, may have looked like him glaring at the soap bottles) he picked the scents and checked out, once again earning an odd glance. He didn't even notice it this time, though- he was too busy lost in his own thoughts.
He loved the way that when he held the other his nose would rest against his hair, or the way that when he kissed his neck he smelled the sweetness on his skin. Surely Tino smelled best just as himself, but there was something about the scents that he enjoyed. They were soothing. Maybe growing up with only a mother let him appreciate such things, or maybe kissing Tino really solidified his appreciation. He may never really know.
Deciding he was finished for that day he started towards the parking lot, texting Tino a quick message before phoning his Mom to meet him.
Tino's trip to the airport and back to Berwald's arms was the first time that he had been out of the fucking house in what felt like forever.
His parents had determined that his ribs were likely at least fractured if not broken, and since his mom had already been in the hospital not too long ago he couldn't go right then. So luckily the man was forced to leave him alone, and his week was spent trying not to choke again (it hurt too much when he took big breaths in after) and alternating between the ice-filled tub and in bed with whatever drugs were left over in the bottle that his mother handed him in consolation.
He wasn't a druggie by any means. He wasn't addicted to anything, and he had no preferences for what he took, but he was aware that taking unfinished prescriptions and most likely illegally bought pills probably wasn't the best way to stay not addicted. But, unfortunately, desperate times called for desperate measures and Tino definitely ended up desperate more times than not. But enough of that. He couldn't dwell on the pain or else he was sure to show how much it hurt, and then people would wonder. Luckily for the moment the swelling on his cheek went down and the bruise faded to a dull yellow, so he simply covered it up with whatever concealer Ma wasn't using. He dabbed a little on his neck, too, just to be safe.
Naturally, the flight back was far more pleasant than his flight away. He simply slept this time, getting ready for a long night with Berwald. They'd skip tomorrow, he was sure. Most kids did. Hell, headmaster Gerard didn't even care anymore. He knew the first few days after a break had stragglers, and he didn't bother really enforcing anything until the next week. When they finally landed he was woken by the alarm he set on his iPod blaring into his eardrums, making him jump almost a foot in the air. At least it was effective. He got off of the plane and walked into the terminal slowly, feeling almost disconnected from himself. Was he really here again? Was he really going to go back to that contentedness that he had somehow already forgotten in about a week's worth of time?
When he saw Berwald standing waiting for him, he realized that holy shit he was.
He gave up on walking and ran, his rapid steps causing Berwald to turn and see him so that the Swede had just enough time to open his arms to catch Tino when he about fell into them.
"Berwald!" He about cried, throwing his arms around his lover's shoulders. Berwald chose to bypass words for the moment and gathered Tino in his arms, pressing their lips together in a heated, needy kiss. The Finn moaned and parted his lips, letting his lover invade his mouth with his tongue and savouring the taste until they eventually had to break for air.
"Berwald!" He gasped when they parted, and the Swedish teen picked up the sentence before the other had a chance to string any more words together.
"Ah missed ya' so much." He mumbled, pulling Tino into another kiss. Tino made a small noise of half-surprise and half-pleasure and melted into that kiss as well, hanging on tighter. He had missed this so much… he missed him. When they parted he let out a soft sob, and Berwald quickly embraced him.
"Ya' okay love?" Berwald asked. He had never been one to use pet names but he found that deprivation bought about strange acts.
"I-I just missed you!" Tino sobbed, burying his face in his chest while the other rubbed his back tenderly, kissing his head. All of the tears he had been trying to hold back the past week finally spilled out, and after ten minutes he could barely compose himself enough to gather his bags and follow Berwald to the cab. The Swede ended up wrapping one of his arms around the Finn's shoulders to keep him some-what steady and carrying the baggage with the other.
It took all of Berwald's self restraint not to let his boyfriend grind in his lap, and it was killing him to have to hold the beautiful boy steady as they agonizingly slowly made their way back to the school. When they finally did arrive at the campus they both about ran to the dorm room. Tino fumbled with the keys and Berwald almost threw the bags into the corner of the room once the door opened in favour of pinning Tino to the wall for a sloppy wet kiss. Fuck the foreplay for that night. They needed contact.
Their first night back together was almost more frantic than their last night before departure. Clothing was yanked off, thrown haphazardly across the room and not even in the same vicinity, and Tino was on his knees with the base of Berwald's already engorged length in his hand and the tip down his throat in less time than even a kiss would have taken. He bobbed his head over the member and massaged whatever slipped out from his lips, making sure that Berwald wasn't missing one ounce of stimulation. He moaned loudly when the Swede pulled his hair and held his head closer to his crotch, and he sucked harder in response. Fuck he missed this. The tastes, the textures, the raw feeling-
"Ahm na-aaht, la-ahsting luh-uhng…" Berwald babbled, head spinning slightly. Tino popped the member out of his mouth and licked the underbelly, eyes half-lidded and eyelashes fluttering over his pretty cheeks.
"Just cum baby." He breathed, and he only managed to take the tip back in before the Swedish teen almost cried out as he spilled, grateful for the relief. After Tino swallowed the cream, he licked the last few droplets off of the tip after removing the cock from his lips and stared up at Berwald, eyes hazy and needy.
"Ber…" He whined softly, and the man didn't need any more prompting than that to carry the Finn over to the bed and lay him onto it, kissing him before he moved to spread the teen's soft thighs and crawl in between them.
Chest rising and falling, Tino could feel himself trembling as Berwald's strong hands caressed his thighs, and then when the teen's breath hit his length. He wailed shrilly when the Swede took him in, sucking and humming slightly while he did. He could feel fingers brushing against the length, and he didn't quite make the connection that they were being lubed until he felt the digits pressing at his hole. They were eagerly sucked inside, and Berwald found that spot that made him cry out even louder so, so fast and he felt his head spinning. Berwald bobbed his head a few more times before he pulled back and pulled his fingers out, strings of precum on his lips.
"Ya' ready?" he asked, as gently as he could with such a lust laden voice. If Tino had been thinking clearly he might have thought about how kind his lover was. However at the moment he was more concerned with release, and he nodded frantically to Berwald while he mouthed some strange word that looked like a 'yes' but came out as a long moan.
Not needing to be prompted any further, the Swede repositioned the two of them so that his length was at Tino's entrance, and pressed forward. He gasped at the tight heat, holding Tino's hips to keep steady, and Tino about wailed as he felt himself pulling the throbbing sex organ even deeper into himself. It didn't take Berwald too long to adjusted, and his thrusts quickly became faster and faster, harder and harder. Tino cried out with each one, legs thrown wantonly apart and toes curling while that spot inside of him was stuck. Hot tears of pleasure trickled over his cheeks, and he struggled to breathe as he came closer and closer to climax. He did his best to hold himself until he made Berwald cum, clenching tight around the length, but ultimately he couldn't keep himself together that long. He came first.
Berwald followed not too long after, the increased tightness making him come once again, and Tino shuddered through a dry remnant of his orgasm as he did. He felt absolutely high, and he smiled while he felt his head spinning as the stars in front of his vision slowly started to fade. He could vaguely feel himself being repositioned in the other man's arms, and he snuggled closer as he was, content.
"I love you Ber." The Finn mumbled, quietly.
"Ah love ya' too, Tino." He replied, just as quiet.
And then there came the afterglow, and Tino curled up and into its soft heat with a smile. He wasn't entirely sure of when he fell asleep, nor of when he woke.
When he did wake, however, he woke in Berwald's arms again.
Though they seemed to have shifted positions during the night, they were still curled close. Smiling, Tino leaned up and kissed Berwald's lips tenderly before pulling back gently to speak, but Berwald broke the morning's silence first.
"Happy Birthday Tino." He said softly, kissing the Finn's forehead reaching a strong hand to gently stroke Tino's hair. Tino blushed and smiled sweetly, giggling and kissing Berwald's nose.
"Thank you Berwald." He chirped, leaning in to press a kiss against the man's cheek. "You're sweet." He cooed.
Berwald's gaze shifted to the side, and Tino tried to follow the direction of his eyes and found that they were trained on a gift bag at the side of the bed, which the Swede lifted and placed in Tino's lap. Tino's eyes widened a little and he blushed, surprised.
"B-Ber?" He asked, softly. He hadn't expected this.
"Its yer birthday." Berwald stated simply. Tino leaned in to kiss his lips this time before slowly pulling back and meeting his eyes.
"You're so, so good to me." He said quietly. Berwald kissed his forehead again before speaking.
"Open it." Berwald prompted, and Tino did, hands almost tenderly pulling the paper out of the bag. His eyes widened when he saw it, and he squealed and pulled the plush out to give it a tight squeeze. Holy shit. It was a Moomin. A. MOOMIN.
"Oh my god Ber!" He exclaimed, bouncing a little then wincing at the soreness before laughing a little and speaking again. "I have no idea how you found this but oh my god it's so good!" He babbled, throwing his arms around his boyfriend and squishing the plush between them. Berwald returned the embrace with a smile. They stayed like that for a moment before Tino pulled back to pick up the Moomin, hugging it against his chest.
"There's one more thing." Berwald said once Tino finished fawning over the Moomin. Something else still, even after the Moomin? Berwald really was set on spoiling him, wasn't he? Blushing slightly, Tino smiled coyly at him and reached into the bag. He managed to find a cool, plastic surface and wrapped his hands around it before pulling it out. He could see the sticky sweet gel through the clear sides of the bottle and it made him grin slightly. He popped the cap and took a deep breath in, smiling at the scent of the wash. He loved the stuff. Hell, washing with a bar of soap usually wasn't enough to make him feel really freshened up- he always washed in the gel, too, just to feel completed. He found it adorable that Berwald noticed.
Smiling softly he set the bottle on the nightstand and cradled Berwald's head against his chest while he pressed kisses his hair "Does my man like it when I use sweet smelling things?" he sang, smiling softly. Berwald nodded timidly, and Tino giggled. The Swede wrapped his arms around the Finn's waist and held on, content with their positioning. The sex could wait for later in the night. Right then, what they had was perfect.
Neither was sure how long they lay there that day, fragrant gel on the dresser and plush toy resting on the sheets beside them. It could have been minutes- it was more likely hours. It truly didn't matter, though. This was the best birthday that he had ever had. For that moment the Finnish teen was able to disconnect from everything and lose himself in the warm arms around him and then the lips on his neck and then that certain connection that they usually made so late in the dark of the night. He even managed to temporarily fool himself into thinking that maybe, just maybe, his life would stay so serene from there on out.
Author's Note: Happy Birthday Tino!
Yes I know that this is posted about two days early but I had to get it in because I know I'll get busy and then it would be super late. XP Anyway, I think this chapter holds the record for the longest in this story.
Not too much to say here, the beggining blows for Tino but I decided he should at least have a decent birthday. Poor dear deserves as much, I think. Please be gentle with me! I tried to portray it the best I could.
Reviews have the potential to make me smile.