"Are you mad at me?" I asked, quietly, when we were nearly home. I'd spent the majority of the ride keeping toll of the rain drop race that was occurring down my window. I chose my opening to speak with strategy, hoping to avoid a screaming match, knowing that if said screaming match occurred, I could quickly disappear into the trailer.
"I don't know," he grunted, as we pulled into his neighborhood.
He relieved the ignition of the key and proceeded to lean his head solemnly against the steering wheel, upon parking along the narrow drive. I bit my lip and watched him, searching for any indication of shaking, of sobs. But his heavy, yet steady breathing was all I heard. I hesitantly reached my hand outward and awkwardly stroked his disheveled hair. He jumped at the sudden interaction, and slowly peered up at me.
"Talk to me." I commanded softly.
Beck began to fiddle with his thumbs, stare straight forward, out the windshield, glance out the window, study the dashboard, anything not to look me in the eye.
"I can't tell if I'm mad at you…Or if I'm mad at myself."
I bit my tongue when it threatened to question. Not contradict why he may feel this way, but question. I quickly decided before the word "why" formulated on my lips to give him a minute, await the explanation rather than demand it. An impeccable task for me. Fighting against the urge to speak. And as I sighed deeply and padded my polished black nails against the base of the truck's middle console, I realize patience was never one of my strong suits.
"I'm a selfish person, Jade." His voice broke on my name.
"I already knew that," I muttered, staring out the passenger's window, admiring the traveling rain drops, as the dark haired Mrs. Oliver peered out at us from her warm and dry parlor. Her husband appeared behind her in a matter of seconds, staring widely at me with the irises of brown that matched Beck's. I suddenly felt the temptation to flip them off.
When I turned back to Beck, he was staring at me—well, frowning at me—from the driver's seat. I arose my eyebrows in question and when he just shook his head solemnly, and departed from the truck and stalked angrily to his RV, I realized there had been a moment there (more like a second) and I had ruined it.
We didn't speak many words to one another for the remainder of that rainy evening. Beck prepared us grilled cheese sandwiches. I smiled a short "thank you" and ate heartily to prove some point that I wasn't entirely sure existed outside of my head. He slept on the couch, and I, the bed, although it didn't hold its usual comfort. I went to sleep and dreamt of my mom drowning in that white sugar-y liquid.
The next morning, a Thursday, I awoke with a newfound initiative. After my attempts to shake Beck awake had failed, I retrieved a glass of chilled water topour on his head.
"What the fuck?" He muttered, as he shot up. But I immediately cut him off.
"I am pregnant with your child, so here's how it's gonna work from now on: this will be a stress-free environment. You will not argue with me. I'm in a bad mood? Let me cool down. Don't pick pointless fights with me. Even if I happen to start it. You will cater to me. I'm hungry, you feed me. I'm horny, you fuck me. I'm tired, you let me sleep. I'm stressed; find me some place to take a freaking bubble bath. I don't want to talk about our issues. I don't want to talk about Tori. I will tolerate her, but be a bitch to her if I see fitting and you will not say one word about it." I paused for a moment to take a much needed breath, and my voice softened. "All I want is to be pregnant. And have this baby. And make sure he's healthy. And I know that you want that, too."
I could've sworn I witnessed Beck gulp at that point. But he recovered quickly, with a nod of agreement, before disappearing into the bathroom to shower before school.
I stood triumphantly for a moment, and allowed myself a smile.
That was the first time I'd felt like Jade West in a long time.
Short chapter because I was disappointed by lack of reviews.
So this is your punishment.
Little insight: I am more likely to get motivated to update by reviews.
If you read: review. Tell me what you like, what you didn't like, what your favorite part was, your least favorite part, what you want in later chapters. You can even still vote on baby names and whether you think Beck or Jade is right. Hop on it.
Also: I know the last few chapters have been slightly disappointing, but hold in there. I promise things are starting to get more interesting soon. Just gotta get the somewhat boring chapters out of the way. Ya feel me? OHKAY, that was lame, but yeah, moral of the story is to review and I won't be in bitchy unappreciated author mode.
No one read this.
Have a half way decent day.