Vic looks at me, she is determined and relentless, and she flashes the same countenance when she is interrogating a suspect so any form of evasion from the pending onslaught of questions is well out of the question.
"Walt," she is slow and deliberate, "I'm trying to keep my shit together because I can feel everything falling apart," she looks me in the eyes, "I know you aren't prone to talking, especially about feelings, and that's ok but what's not ok is that stunt you pulled driving down here."
"I'm sorry, Vic."
"Let me finish," I know that I am overreacting a bit but it's because I'm scared, frustrated, and way more vulnerable than I ever thought I would be with anyone and if I stop, for one moment, and think about this and us, how you make my body feel, the elation when I think about you, and how I was on cloud nine all day ready to go to ten, eleven and twelve but you showed up and clearly you were upset and I can't do this quiet, we aren't going to talk about what the fuck is wrong, so just deal with it bullshit, Walt. I fucking love you and I love you too much to push me out of what is going on in that complicated brilliant mind of yours."
I've never been told off in a whisper before. I move to the chair next to her and take her hands in mine. Vic is upset but not angry with me. I put my finger under her chin and slowly kiss her lips.
"I'm sorry for being an ass."
"Apology accepted." Her eyes are glistening as she looks at me, I think how I am the love reflected back at me, and its power is unyielding. She retorts, "It's a good thing you are so fuckin' sexy otherwise this would have been a real issue." She points her finger back and forth, like a sparring match and I smile, laughing at being tuned up, and a little shy about being called sexy but I deserve her rancor.
Vic tilts her head to the side and her voice is warm like honey, "What's on your mind, baby?"
"I have been on the same cloud 9 with you today. I stopped by the Red Pony and let Henry know about us now being an us, he is happy about it, and Cady came by for lunch and she is supportive. No, she's happy, Vic. She really likes you and she likes us together. She sees the effect you have on me," pausing, "and I even went grocery shopping and bought real food so I can feed you when you are at my place and it can be a home for you when you are there. As much as there is good, sweetheart, there is also insecurity hidden deep inside and it rears it's head and tries to sabotage all the wonderful things about us."
"Like when I called"
"Like when you called." I don't know where that insecurity lies and it surprises me when it peaks its head out but I am trying to kill it but I know it will take time.
"There has to be more than just that."
She's too good of a detective. "There is." I'm making my confession one piece at a time.
"You know, I didn't plan on bringing you flowers." It was half a question and half a statement.
"I bought them after I bought the toothpaste. Beautiful flowers for my beautiful lady," Vic squeezed my hand and tightened her grip as her thumb gently stroked the outside edges of my hand.
"The oddest thing happened though, when I paid for them Patti Jo, you know Patti Jo?" Vic nodded, "She asked me who they were for and I wasn't prepared for it, Vic. I had to override my instinct and not tell her they were for you. I had to figure out how to not lie but lie at the same time. I told her they were for a friend which is true but it's also not the whole truth and I couldn't quite figure out what happened and why I was so upset because you know it's a minor omission on the scale of untruthfulness but when we got here and the maitre d' called me Mr. Longmire it clicked. For three days, Mr. Longmire and Ms. Morreti were on vacation, not Sheriff Longmire and Deputy Morreti. Henry and Cady are happy for Walt and Vic but to Patti Jo we are Sheriff and Deputy."
"The complications begin."
"They begin for me, yes, because I don't want to lie. I am not ashamed of us and while I do care what people think and how they will vote and all the professional complications the truth is, I really do love you and why should I hide it. You see Vic, Mr. Longmire and Sheriff Longmire, they are the same guy in Durant, and there's no escaping that."
Vic looks down at our hands and up at me her brown eyes are so soft and true, "I completely get it, Walt, I really do but you do realize we live in a society full of double standards, right, and nowhere is that more evident than Durant, Wyoming." Vic pauses for effect. "What if this newness wears off and we don't make it? Where does that leave me, Walt? That leaves me as the female deputy who fucked her boss and it leaves me as damaged goods with a reputation as a whore. I'm not saying it's right or its wrong but it is reality. Do you know what kind of effect that will have on my life, my career or on some little girl in the third grade who wants to grow up to be a cop and hear her mom talking shit about me with her dad over the dinner table. It's much more than me and you, Walt. I'm terrified of the prospect that we won't make it or what will happen if we don't because I won't go through the motions with anyone else ever again. I did that shit with Sean and I won't do it with you."
I move closer, to the edge of my seat, I lean into Vic, "What should we do?" We study each other's eyes, our hands are intertwined together, and she responds, "I don't know."