Chapter 14
'Distracting my mind,' who the fuck says that? Fenris probably thinks I am a complete moron. I am never going to be able to stand in the same room as him, let alone look at him. Oh great Creator, strike me down now. And I am supposed to be waiting with him for the others to return, alone, right this very moment. There is just no way. Here I am, going against Garrett's wishes again by staying in here by myself. He is probably going to personally kick me out of Kirkwall. What I said to Fenris cannot be that bad, can it? Isabela will know.
I am anxiously pacing by the time Isabela returns to her room.
"Did the handsome elf outside lock you in here so he can ravish us both when I return?" asks Isabela as she looks over my frazzled state. I stop mid-stride, mouth agape, to stare at her appalled. Never could I imagine such a thing.
He has been on the other side of that door the entire time? He is probably trying to watch over me as Garrett requested, reminds a little voice in the back of my mind.
Isabela takes my reaction as confirmation to her claim, "No shit! It is about time I bed that bastard!" Her eyes are huge, almost popping out of her head. She makes a bee-line for the door. I barely beat her horny eagerness to block the door.
"Fine, fine, I will share," Isabela is still trying to reach by me to open the door. Fenris is not on the other side despite what we believe. He left immediately once Isabela returned to take over the role of babysitter. Garrett and Varric are still out working the streets, trying to discover more about who threatened their new friend's life.
"No it isn't that," I push her well away from the door, not wanting her to drag Fenris in here. I am already mortified as it is.
"I knew it was too good to be true," sighs Isabela, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "What has you so frazzled then, if it isn't the elf out there?"
"Well, you see, that is what I wanted to talk to you about…" I admit. Beginning with the first moment Fenris and I locked eyes, the day he pulled me out of the carriage to my parting words tonight, I tell her about the weird feelings I get when I am around him. Half the time I want to just strangle him but protect him at the same time. Normally, I know if I am to kill someone or not. I even mentioned how I get these weird shivers sometimes when I am around him and how unnerving it is. We are both sitting on the bed when I finish and Isabela busts up laughing, rolling onto her back. Having no idea what I said to humor her so, I sit in silence as a blush colors my cheeks.
"You're shitting me!" Isabela finally gasps. "You have a fucking crush on Fenris!"
"I do not! I mainly want to hit him!" I retort.
A crush?
How could I possible have room for a crush in my life? If I were to pursue any sort of romantic involvement with anyone I could lose my elements and they could lose their life. I try to explain this to Isabela but she does not seem to understand.
Isabela harasses me about Fenris for a little while longer. I shrug her teasing off because I do not need to defend myself from some non-existent crush.
Eventually our conversation moves back into safer territory as we both lay in her bed we are sharing. It does not feel foreign anymore to be so close to someone when I am sleeping. No longer do I wake to every movement and sleepy grumble. Long into the night we talk, thankfully not going over my "Fenris dilemma" again. The urge to go prowl in the shadow never arose. Eventually we both drift off to sleep.
The next day Demetri returned with a letter from Nero stating that there is an investigation underway and my task is to stay in hiding and if I learn anything new to contact him immediately. I did not bother sending Demetri out right away. Instead I collected a bowl of water to set in the windowsill for him.
I was not sure how to take the news that I am allowed to stay in Kirkwall. This means I will have to face Fenris. Back at the forest I was always bothering Nero about away assignments. This is not how I dreamed I would end up with one. Nothing seems to be working out and I do not have an end goal in mind.
Okay, that is not true. Nothing may be working out but I know what my goal is. The goal is to hunt down Hadriana and anyone else involved with trying to kidnap me.
Garrett has been on high alert for a few days since the attack on the roof. He made sure someone is always with me. I do not know it but I have filled an empty space in his heart since his sister's death. With this new place in his heart comes a fierce need to protect me. To watch over me like a big brother. Garrett watches over all his people, especially family.
I mainly stayed with Isabela in the Hanged Man or Sebastian at the Chantry if Isabela tried helping Hawke gather information.
Another week passes before Garrett relaxes his vigilant guard over me. Sebastian and I resume our rides outside of Kirkwall. I am becoming attached to the high strung stallion. Garrett and Sebastian both agree that I should name him but I refuse on the grounds of not actually owning the horse. My thoughts seem to darken whenever I think of the forest and returning to my duties. Neo and I have continued to stay in contact.
Thankfully I have not been alone with Fenris since the attack. Whenever we are in the same room we are ignoring each other unless one of us catches the other one glaring, lost to their thoughts.
"Hey Amare!" I look up from sharpening my blades to see Garrett approaching. "Want to join us on an errand? The Viscount requests a meeting."
"Of course," I always jump at the chance to go out. Varric joins us but Isabela lamely comes up with an excuse to be somewhere else. Both Garrett and Varric shrug her off, not too worried with whatever Isabela is getting herself into.
The Viscount's Keep is nothing special and quickly drops to the bottom of my list of "Where Amare Would Not Want To Be," when Fenris meets up with us. I keep my eyes roaming over all the stuffy nobles. They must be dying in their noble dress on such a hot day. Varric, Fenris, and I wait in the entry way while Garrett meets with the Viscount. Varric tries to engage Fenris in conversation but he does not seem to be interested. Not like I have been observing him or anything, my eyes are on the nobles. Defiantly the nobles.
"We are off to meet with the Arishok. Glad you could join us today Fenris," Garrett says as he returns with Aveline at his side. I have not been able to be around Aveline much but I know she is of honorable character from the way Garrett speaks of her. Fenris and I seem to both awkwardly shuffle our feet at the same time, anxious to be on the way.
"Let's head out, we need to clean out this awkward air," says Varric. "So what happened between you two?"
I give Varric a look warning him to stay out of it, although I do not know what "it" really is. Fenris also shoots Varric a look but it goes unnoticed by me.
Everyone makes their way to the Qunari compound. Garrett and Aveline are in the lead, catching up with each other. I trail along behind everyone trying to ignore the glances Varric is giving over his shoulder. Finally reaching the Compound, we are stopped at the entrance by two guards. I have not seen any Qunari before and I am busy observing their weaknesses, trying to decide the best methods to take one down. Maybe the knees where they are not armored. Finally, Garrett finishes speaking to the very uninterested Arishok about a poison gas called saar-qamek that was stolen. It was believed to be stolen by some dwarf called Javaris. I wonder if he has a beard like the scholars have described back at the forest. Varric seems to be an exception to their descriptions of the dwarven breed.
Soon we were in the stinking area of Dark Town. I am too busy trying not to gage and avoiding Fenris at the same time to pay attention to Coterie Barker. It is damn near impossible to avoid someone when they are in the same group as you but I tried my hardest to be interested in my surroundings. I cannot look at Fenris nor Varric. The damn dwarf is not paying attention to the conversation either, he is too busy shooting both Fenris and I looks, trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Aveline seems to not be able to pick up on the tension.
Shortly we are on our way to Smuggler's Cut. Inside the cave, Varric and Hawke scout around for anything to be of use. Not wanting to be awkwardly trailing along with Fenris, I decide to give the surroundings a once over. I come upon a delicately crafted ship in a bottle which I pocket for later use.
The group comes to the exit at the top of some stairs. The next area is an overhang with the view of some thugs down below.
"Wait here. Let me see if Bianca and I can get a better advantage," Varric scouts ahead along the rim of the overhang. Quickly he is waving his arms above his head, trying to get our attention. Garret quickly shoos him on, hoping the thugs below do not notice the motion but Varric has a huge smile on his face. Silently he triggers a fire trap he found. The trap springs, killing all the thugs in the pit below us.
I giggle, good old fire here to save the day. This is just what I needed to cheer myself up.
Varric rejoins the group. "I thought you might like that."
A few spiders later and glorious sky opens up before us. If it is one thing I hate more than spiders, it is long, damp caves. I take a huge breath of fresh air, glad to be in the open. Once away from the cave we come face to face with a handful of mercenaries with their weapons drawn. No one asks any questions as we cut down our new rivals. Quickly they fall; time is not on our side as we hurry to get to Javaris.
The small dwarf is cowering behind a boulder on the edge of the skirmish. Seeing all his protection dead on the ground around him, Javaris throws himself on the ground before Garrett.
"It wasn't me this time, messere Hawke!" exclaims Javaris, on his hands and knees at Garrett's feet.
Garrett lifts an eyebrow at him, taking a step back.
"This time? Wonder what else you did?"
"N-n-nothing… I was framed. I swear it" cries Javaris.
"Well who framed you?" asks Garrett, who is still not comfortable with the groveling at his feet. I feel like this conversation is going nowhere. Worked up from the battle still, I begin prowling along the back of the group. Javaris finally spills that some elf framed him for the stealing of the gaatlok, which is why he fled. Garrett keeps pressing for information about the elf but Javaris only adds that the elf had pointy ears. At the sound of this, Fenris rolls his eyes and I draw a throwing knife from my belt.
Garrett turns to leave and the others follow but I am not so inclined to leave a loose end. A quick flick of my wrist and my knife imbeds itself deep in the dwarfs heart.