Follow me down

Dean and I had a way about us that made it easy for us to communicate without words. Every time I passed him in the hallways, he would nod simply at me and I already knew it was time to meet up with him in secret. Today, I didn't see him.

He said he had a plan. He always had plans. I was always kept in the dark although it didn't bother me as much as it should have. He had officially been a prisoner for four months. According to him, it's been the longest that a cell could hold him. He needed me just as much as I needed him.

I went over Deans file for the fifth time that day. It had the same information as before but it just wasn't adding up. What type of person just kills at random? And thirty people at that. He was a monster. The textbook definition of the word monster.

But I couldn't get myself to agree to what the file said. I've experienced his softer side first hand. Yet, I knew what he was fully capable of. Maybe I was being naïve but I didn't care. He wasn't a monster in my world. He was a man doing what he had to do in order to survive.

My head began to throb horrendously causing me to put my head inside my hands. I groaned in pain and shut my eyes tightly. This is just what I needed today. It felt like a movie was playing in my mind. It seemed like a memory I couldn't recall. Was my mind producing false memories? I was in the cafeteria with Michael by my side. It felt as if I was watching myself from a distance.

Dean was across he room at a lonely table. He stood up quickly with a plastic sport in hand then walked over to the first guy to come into contact with him. He brought the sport back before ramming it into the man's eye. Blood poured out of the wound as the man hands found the makeshift weapon. The screams were enough to haunt me.

Suddenly, prisoners began punching each other then a mild riot broke out. Gabriel was pulling the injured man away as I stared in horror. Gunshots rang out through the area. I dropped my head until Dean ran over and grabbed me by arm while pulling me out of the room.

My eyes opened quickly as I gasped loudly. How could I not remember that? It seemed so real. Oh God, I was surely going crazy. My head pounded in an unbearable way. With shaky hands, I opened my top drawer and pulled out the pills that Charlie had prescribed to me then popped a few into my mouth.

My headache immediately subsided and I let out a sigh of relief. It reminded me of the one I had gotten a month earlier while speaking with Raphael. A scary thought entered my mind. I quickly pulled out a small notepad and wrote down the memory I had in the hallway. Then, I wrote the new memory right under it.

Had I lost my memory? Or maybe just my mind? I frowned and closed the offending notepad. I needed to get back to work. This place was starting to make my mind go.

XxX

Dean had nodded today. It meant he was ready to see me. I was so excited and nervous to finally see the man who had been haunting my thoughts for the past few weeks. Our sessions had simmered down since the courts still hadn't chosen a date. I knew it was coming soon though.

I sat patiently at my desk and waited for the secret knock. I glanced down at my clock and noted that the time was a little after one in the morning. It was our usual meeting time since the guards finished doing their rounds for the night. Dean was a little open but some things he refused to tell me.

Like how he managed to get out of his cell. He would tell me that some things were meant to stay secrets. I scratched my chin at rhetorically thought and was pulled out of my daze at the rhythm of soft knocks. I smiled softly then did my best to fix my frazzled hair that was surely sticking up everywhere.

"Come in," I called loud enough for him to hear.

The door swung open followed by Dean walking in with his hands casually in his pockets. His face broke into a wide smile at the sight of me. He tore his gaze away for a moment so he could close the door then lock it like we usually did.

I stood up from my desk and greeted him with a gentle hug. My arms wrapped around his neck as my face buried itself into his chest. Deans arms folded across my waist as he held me close. I cherished the moments like this.

"I missed you," I said after a few minutes of silent contemporary.

"I missed you more," Dean replied back as his voice cracked on the last word.

"Not possible," I said with defiance and a shake of my head. Dean chuckled causing his chest to vibrate against my cheek.

His finger tilted my chin up to look into his eyes that could mesmerize anyone. I felt like they could lead me to my death and the crazy part was that I would let them. He ducked his head down towards me and placed his lips gently on mine.

I reveled in the feeling for a few selfish moments before pulling away and sitting on the desk. "Are you finally ready to tell me what you need me to do for you?," I asked him with hope in my voice. I was tired of him giving me the run around. If I was going to really do this, he needed to open up to me finally.

"I need you to get a gun," he said with a smirk as he leaned on the wall across from my desk.

I chuckled at his request but said nothing as I rose from my seat then walked around to one of my drawers. I slid it open and dug under the files I kept there to keep my possession hidden from plain view. I grabbed the gun before closing the drawer then holding it higher with the barrel pointed to the ceiling to show him.

Deans face faltered before a sinister smile overtook his expression. "You surprise me, Angel," he spoke honestly.

"Its for protection," I replied with a casual shrug of my shoulders. You could never be too safe when working around a bunch of criminals.

"From guys like me?," Dean question with curiosity gleaming in his bright green eyes.

My eyes shot to the floor as I put the gun back where it belonged. I nodded at his question. It was he truth and I knew that Dean didn't take to kindly to me not being truthful with him.

I heard a sharp intake of breath from in front of me. "I know we were in two separate world's before but I thought I fixed that problem, Cas," he said as if I had hurt his feelings.

I frowned. Dean didn't have feelings. Or at least any that I could see. He was just someone who was in it for the games. "You did," I spoke quietly as if I was afraid to set him off. But that was the old me. Now, I didn't care whether or not he snapped. I actually wanted him to. But I couldn't let him know that.

A finger tilted my chin up and forced my eyes to look into his. "I'm not going to hurt you. I would never do that. I promise," he whispered softly as he held out his pinky finger.

I didn't know if he was telling the truth but I didn't care. He had me wrapped around the exact finger he was holding out to me. I lifted my own pinky finger and smiled when he twisted our fingers together in a silent swear. "You and me against the world," he said with his own smile to match mine.

"You and me against the world," I repeated back. He brought his lips down to our intertwined fingers and gently kissed them. It was his way of sealing his 'promise' to me.

All too soon, he untangled his finger and brought his hand back to his side. "A riot is forming," he said after a moment. He was back to being serious again.

"What about your trial?," I asked with a tilt of my head.

Dean smirked and shook his head at me. "No, baby. That's only if I get caught. And they won't get me again," he spoke with determination. "You were only to speak at the trial if they catch me at the riot but that's not going to happen. We're breaking out of here and I'm taking you far, far away."

He said it with such confidence that I found myself believing him even though I shouldn't. I nodded along with him and smiled when he included me in his plan. "But your trial is next week," I pointed out with a frown.

"Don't worry about that. Just know that by this time tomorrow, all hell is breaking lose. I need you to meet me at my cell at exactly 9:30 p.m. and not a second later," he instructed me carefully.

I nodded even though I was feeling unsure of myself. Of course I would do anything for him but the thought of committing such a crime unnerved me. But I was ready for this. I would follow Dean anywhere.

Dean smiled once I agreed to his plan. "Great. I gotta get going now, Angel. I'll see you tomorrow and then we can finally start a real life together, he said as he placed a palm on my cheek.

I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes. If anything went wrong, I would never be able to feel his touch on my skin again. I knew the protocol for riots and it was not going to end well.

He pulled his hand away then walked back to my door and turned his head towards me. "Bring your gun. Make sure it's loaded. I'm putting all my trust in you. Don't let me down," he said with wide eyes. I could see the doubt in his eyes but I decided not to speak on it.

I nodded instead and shot him my best reassuring smile. "You can count on me, Dean," I said with confidence.

Dean smiled and relaxed his shoulders. "This is it," he confirmed with a small nod before slipping out of the room and presumably back to his cell.

I walked back to my desk chair and smiled to myself. "Yes. This is it," I whispered. I was about to start a new life with he man who saved me. Tension and anxiousness swirled in my belly at the thought.

I pulled out his file and opened it with care. I needed to remind myself about everything before going into this new life blind. It would be foolish to do so. I briefly wondered what the point of him confessing would be just to have him break out before it.

I could feel the oncoming of a headache pulsing in my temples. Before it could do its worse, I pulled out the prescribed pills and popped a couple into mouth then swallowed them down dryly. I squeezed my eyes shut when another scene decided to torment me. Were these real?

"What are you doing? Are you going to kill me?," it was me again. This time, I was strapped into some kind of hospital bed. Dean stood in front of me while another man watched. What the hell was going on?

He informed me that he wasn't going to kill me. He was just going to hurt me. This can't be real. He sore he would never do anything to hurt me. This ah to be some sort of mind trick.

"You're not insane like me, Cas. And usually I would be okay with that. Usually, I would have k led you as soon as you turned your back. But I can't help but feel like I need you," he said as he ran a hand down my face.

No. No. No. This wasn't possible. It couldn't be.

Next, Dean told me that he was going to use electroshock therapy on me. Dream me had tears running down his face. "…this will only give me memory loss and a strong hatred for you," I spoke angrily. Memory loss?

Dean assured me that I wouldn't hate him. He promised me that would be together once it was all over. Then, he tortured me. Excruciating screams broke me out of my trance. I pushed myself out of my chair and grasped at my chest. "No!," I screamed out.

That couldn't be real. Dean would never hurt me! Would he? Yes, he locked me in the white room but that was only for my own good. I saw everything in him during my stay there. He was the only light in the dark.

Why couldn't I remember anything? Then, all at once, like a bolt of lightning, all my memories flooded back to me. I dropped to my knees and gripped my hair painfully. I remembered everything from meeting him to him killing Michael to Sam kidnapping me and the torture. He manipulated me. He made me lesser than what I am.

All the holes in my memory were suddenly filled. There was no more questioning what happened. I now knew everything. It had been four months. Four months since I laid eyes on my own doom. Why did he do this to me?

Frustrated, I stood up and pulled out my gun from my drawer. I held it up and smiled when the light of my lamp made it gleam with pride. I cocked the gun to make sure it was in fact loaded and could almost laugh when it confirmed it was.

Well, Dean wanted crazy. I was going to show him who was fucking crazy.