Author's Note: Sorry this chapter was so late! I rewrote the ending several times. I think you'll all be happy with how I decided to end it, though.
Chapter 13
Soft lips and hard stubble pressed against Bella's chapped lips and smooth skin. She was kissing Edward. He was kissing her. They were kissing each other.
It felt good.
Her brain turned off and all she could do was feel. She could feel how well her lips molded to Edward's. She could feel the heat rising to her face. She could feel not only her own pleasure, but Edward's as well.
Edward brought her closer to him, until they were chest to chest. Their hearts were beating in unison, steady pulses that were quickly becoming more rapid.
Everything was great, until her brain turned back on again.
She was kissing Edward, who expected so much from her—who felt too much for her. This kiss would mean something to him, something more than what she was willing to give.
Even though her doubts had begun to creep in, she kept kissing him. It was Edward who broke the kiss.
He ripped his lips away from hers and buried his face in her neck. "You're not ready," he said, voice hoarse.
She closed her eyes and laid her face on his shoulder. "I don't know if I'll ever be," she whispered.
"I'm an impatient guy, but I will wait for you. I want you to want this and I know a part of you does. I want all the parts of you, though. Even the ones that may never fully trust a man again."
Bella felt a rush of affection for him. She didn't deserve him. Not one bit. She was broken and he should be with someone whole.
He pulled back from her and clasped her by the shoulders, making sure she was looking him the eye. "Cut that out. Don't let the monster who did this to you win. You do deserve me. I'm the one who's done you wrong. I'm the one who should be saying that they're not good enough."
Bella couldn't help but to feel defensive of Edward, even if she was defending him against himself. She was the only one allowed to critique him after all.
Edward's mental laughter interrupted the flow of her thoughts. The smile on his face made her heart flutter. Why did he have to be so damn handsome?
"I see that neither you nor I like it when we doubt ourselves. Seems that both of us could use to have a better sense of self perception."
Bella flopped back onto the couch with her arms crossed. Get out of my mind, Edward.
He frowned at her. You know that I can't.
Bella gave a dry, humorless laugh. "I know. Is there anyway that I could block you out? All my usual shielding tricks aren't working, but I am a bit rusty . . . "
Edward sat up, alarmed. "'Rusty'? What do you mean?"
Bella blushed, feeling ashamed. "Aro and I never really focused on my ability to shield my mind. He said it was already pretty strong. He wanted me to focus more on mind control and reading people's minds."
Anger flashed in Edward's eyes. "I'm sure that's exactly what he wanted. He was making sure that you're shields weren't as strong as they could be. You're shields are naturally excellent, but they're not perfect. Moments of extreme emotion could allow a skilled telepath into your mind."
Bella felt herself pale. "No. He wouldn't." Even as she said the words, she knew they weren't true. Aro was ruthless and she'd found out in the past 24 hours just how uncaring he could be.
"Of course he would, Bella. You saw what he did to me when I was just a child." Edward said the words with a hint of embarrassment. He clearly didn't enjoy talking about his past with Aro.
Bella reached out to take his hand. She wasn't used to being the one initiating contact, but she found that she liked it. It gave her a certain sense of power.
Bella slowly stroked her thumb over Edward's fingers. "Seeing Aro be so horrible to you . . . if I'd have known what he did to you, I would have been on your side from day one. I need you to know that. Until this morning, I never saw him clearly. Not truly.
"If what you say is true—that Aro made sure my shields weren't as strong as they needed to be—then I need to work on strengthening them. I need to make sure my powers are as strong as they possibly can be. I have the feeling that something bad is brewing, Edward. I can feel it in my bones. We need to be ready for it."
Edward gave her a small smile and focused his gaze on their clasped hands. "It's okay that you were wrong about Aro, you know. So many people are. I couldn't bring myself to tell you what he had done to me. Makes me feel like less of a man, I guess. Even though it shouldn't."
He paused and looked her right in the eyes. "I'll help you with your powers. I think we all need to work on strengthening our powers at a time like this. You're right. Something bad is coming. Aro seems to be lining up all his chess pieces."
Bella felt a twinge of excitement at the idea of training with Edward again. It had been so long. "When do we start?"
Edward chuckled. "Tomorrow. Tonight, let's just have fun." He nodded towards the TV screen. "I for one want to see what this group of bumbling idiots is going to do with the tiger in their bathroom."
Bella's brow furrowed. "You told me that you haven't ever seen The Hangover before. And you sure as hell haven't been paying attention to the movie."
"That's what you think. I can pay attention to multiple things at once. All part of having heightened senses."
"That would come in handy for most of my classes," she muttered petulantly.
Edward laughed at her and returned his focus to the movie. She followed his lead and watched the movie as well.
Both were distracted by their joined hands, but neither tried to move their hand away. They fell asleep that way, sitting on opposite ends of the couch with their hands keeping them connected.
xXx
The dream Bell was having was not her own. It was Edward's. And it was more than just a dream—it was a memory.
Edward was playing chess with Carlisle. Carlisle was winning, even though Edward could read his every move. He was a chess mastermind and Edward was a novice.
Once Carlisle had declared checkmate with a small smile, it was clear the time for games was over. "We need to talk about what happened last night," he said.
Edward pouted, even though he knew it was childish. "I know not of what you speak."
Carlisle reluctantly chuckled. "You nearly killed a man, son. That's not something that should be taken lightly."
"I nearly killed a murderer, you mean," Edward retorted.
"Was he irredeemable?" Carlisle asked. "Was there no hope for his soul? You read his mind, Edward. Tell me."
Edward couldn't help but to feel ashamed. "No. He did what he did for his family. That doesn't mean he shouldn't be punished."
"He is being punished. He'll spend the rest of his life rotting away in a jail cell."
Edward sighed and scraped a hand over his face. "I'm not meant to be a Protector, am I, Carlisle?"
Carlisle stared at Edward for a long moment. "I think that we are each in control of our own destinies. That said, I do think the life of a Justice Seeker would have suited you better. You would have made a much finer leader than Aro ever was."
Edward smiled, but it was empty. "I may not be made for this, but I could never be a Justice Seeker. I would end up just like Aro. There's too much anger in me, thanks to him."
Carlisle shook his head. "You've never seen yourself as you truly are. You are a good man and would be a good man no matter what you were. I just wish you could see that."
Edward looked down, not quite knowing how to respond to that.
Carlisle heaved out a tired sigh. "I can see that I won't be getting anywhere with you tonight. I'm going to head to bed. Esme is waiting for me." He stood up gracefully.
Edward looked up. "Thank you for staying up with me."
Carlisle smiled fondly at him. "Anything for you, son."
Edward continued sitting on the couch, until he heard the front door swing open. He got up to look to see who it was. They had many people coming and going from their house because they used it as a training facility.
It was Tanya, another Protector, whom he'd spent the last century dating on and off. They were no love match, but they got along well—in the bedroom and out of it.
She was unraveling a scarf and shaking snow out of her golden red mane. She wore a peacoat and pants. It was 1977 and he still couldn't get used to the fact that women were wearing pants. He liked it, though.
"Hi," he said, knowing that she would have already heard him.
"Hello there, Edward," she responded, Russian accent apparent. She'd turned two centuries ago and had never let go of her roots.
"Hot cocoa?" he asked, noticing that she was rubbing her arms to ward off the cold.
Her lips curled up at the corners. "I can think of better ways to warm up." Her "w"s were pronounced with a soft "v" sound. It was part of her allure.
Edward had wanted to have a deeper relationship with a woman for a while, but right now he just wanted to feel better. And Tanya always knew how to make him feel good.
He followed her swinging hips down the hall to her room, shame and lust warring within him.
xXx
Bella woke up inexplicably angry. Okay, she knew why she was angry, but she didn't want to admit it. So what if Edward had banged some Russian skank almost forty years ago? What did it matter?
It did matter, though. It mattered because right now she was lying in Edward's arms feeling things for him she should be feeling. She was scared.
She sat up a bit to get a good look at Edward. He was still sleeping peacefully, his face looking so innocent with his ancient eyes closed. She disentangled herself and sat up.
Then she smacked him in the chest.
He opened his eyes and smiled sleepily at her. "Good morning," he said with a cheerful smile. That smile quickly turned into a frown when he realized that she was angry.
"Who is Tanya?" she barked out.
Edward looked embarrassed, his cheeks turning red. Bella had never seen him so flustered before. "She was an on and off girlfriend over the years, but now she's just a friend. We've been off for over thirty years now. Actually, let me be clear: I've been off all women for thirty years now."
Bella gave him a flat look. "You expect me to believe that you've been celibate for over thirty years?"
Edward's blush deepened. "I have been. I've never been particularly promiscuous. I thought that Tanya could perhaps make me feel less lonely, but in the end being with her only made me feel more alone than ever." Edward's blush receded and an accusatory look entered his eyes. "How did you know about her anyway?"
Bella snorted. "I see. Now that I have information about you that you didn't want me knowing, the tables have turned. I shared your dream, your memory, with you. Luckily, it cut off before it could get X-rated."
Edward shook his head. "That dream would have never gone that far. Sometimes I think that memories come back to the forefront for a reason. They're meant to tell us something."
"And what was that dream meant to tell you?"
"I'm not sure yet. Only time will tell." He was being vague, purposely thinking in a language she couldn't understand.
That's not fair, she chided. You know I only speak English.
He smirked at her. It's not my fault you yanks don't like to learn other languages.
"Whatever," she huffed. She was feeling a bit tetchy and perhaps even—
"Jealous?" Edward finished for her.
"You wish!"
"I do," he told her solemnly.
She hated how serious he was. The depth of his feelings for her made her uncomfortable. She decided that a change of subject was necessary.
"So when do we start strengthening my shields?" she asked.
Edward's thoughts let her know that he knew what she was doing, but was going to let it slide for now. "I'm thinking that we should start working on that today. You can come over to my house later. My family will be able to help you better than I can."
Bella's brow furrowed. "And why is that?"
"Because our minds are far too joined. You couldn't shield me if you tried. Jasper and my mother both have abilities that you should be able to shield yourself from."
"Oh," Bella replied.
"Yes, 'oh'," Edward smirked. "I figure that Alice and Rosalie should join us as well. Something bad is brewing. They need to be prepared for it as well."
Bella also had the feeling that danger was lurking. "I'll text both of them."
Edward stood up and nodded resolutely. "Great. I'll go home and change and you can get ready here. Meet at my house in two hours?"
"Make it three. Just because I'm a girly girl doesn't mean that I don't like to pamper myself every once and a while."
Edward raised an eyebrow. "You're going back to sleep for a while, aren't you?"
Bella smiled, caught. "Pampering includes beauty rest."
Edward reluctantly chuckled. "Okay, fine. Three hours it is." He gave her his hand to help her up. She took it and felt the familiar spark that contact with Edward seemed to cause.
She didn't let go of his hand, even though she should. "I want to make it clear that we're not a couple." She meant to sound certain, strong, but his finger caressing her hand made her voice breathy.
"Sure," he told her, smirking his stupid smirk. "We're not a couple at all." His tone was as insincere as he could possibly make it.
"We're not," she gritted out, frustrated. She released his hand.
"I said that we're not." He leaned down and kissed her cheek, letting his lips linger for a moment. "I'll see you in three hours, Bella. Have a nice nap."
He sauntered out of her apartment. Bella was not starting at his (amazing) butt as he walked out. Not even a little bit.
xXx
Bella tossed and turned in her bed for half an hour before giving up and heading to take a shower. As she got undressed, everything that had occurred in the past 24 hours began to hit her.
Aro had been lying to her for years.
Edward and her had begun some sort of mating process.
She had kissed Edward.
She had (literally) slept with Edward.
She stepped under the spray of the shower and let the water hit her face, hoping that it would hide the tears that had begun forming in her eyes. To say that she was overwhelmed would be an understatement. Her life was no longer what she thought it was.
The person who had murdered her parents and raped her was still out there. He was still hurting people. She wouldn't leave stopping him to someone else this time around, though. She would do it herself.
She just felt so angry. Her life hadn't gone as planned. She'd been wasting her time stealing from people she thought were bad. Instead, they'd been people who had been helping the Cullens. She didn't have total proof of it yet, but she knew what Aro was capable of now. That kind of trickery wasn't beneath him.
Bella could feel hatred and rage boiling beneath her skin. She needed to stop it—she couldn't afford to lose control of her powers.
Think happy thoughts, she told herself.
The very first thing that popped to mind was the feel of Edward's lips on hers. It shouldn't have made her feel good, but it did.
Heat blossomed deep in the pit of her stomach. Bella began to soap up her body and her fingers traveled to her breasts. She imagined that it was Edward's soft hands stroking over them instead of her own. She could feel her nipples hardening and an almost uncomfortable sensation between her legs. It was a feeling she hadn't experienced since she was sixteen—since before her attack.
While one hand cupped her right breast, the other one slid down between her legs. Slowly, experimentally, she stroked over the most vulnerable part of her.
A burst of arousal shocked her into removing her hand. Something wasn't quite right. She let go of her breast. She shouldn't feel so horny.
Edward. She checked into their mental bond and felt a sense of arousal and pleasure coming from him. She went deeper to try to see what he was doing.
Once she caught a glimpse of his current state, she recoiled.
He, like her, was touching himself in the shower. The only difference was that he was thinking of her.
At this point, he'd copped onto her distress and reached out to her mind.
Bella, he simply said. Bella. Her name was a prayer. He continued on with his actions. She could feel his pleasure mounting.
She whimpered, both in fear and delight. Her hands moved back into the position they'd been in just moments ago.
Edward stroked himself harder.
Bella moaned, her hand tweaking a nipple.
Bella, Bella, Bella, Edward chanted.
Edward, she called back.
When they came, it was as one, the pleasure multiplied and almost unbearable.
As Bella's senses returned to her, she had only one thought.
Fuck.