"I can barely shoot the damned thing while standing still." Kahrin lie on her back in the straw, tossing a pear into the air above her, catching it again, then repeating the whole thing. "What makes you think I can manage to do so from horseback?"
Nathaniel snatched the pear out of the air on her next toss, taking a large bite of it with a smug look of satisfaction. "I figure if you are moving, you will not be thinking about it as much. Perhaps you will relax," he shrugged, offering the fruit back to her. "If you relax you will just … do it." He punctuated that with a slight flick of his fingers forward.
She glared at him. "That's mine." She propped up on her elbow and snatched it back. "I don't know why you keep saying I'm not relaxed. I am the epitome of placid." Pushing to her knees, she clambered to the edge of the loft and looked down, lying on her stomach and taking her own bite from the pear. "I really thought someone would come in here by now," she mentioned around a mouthful.
"It does seem to be more difficult to get caught if no one is looking for you." He bent one knee, resting his arm across it. "You are going to want to mind your table manners if you are going to be staying with us, Kahrin," he scolded her gently. "Rendon has some very particular ideas about decorum."
She threw the pear at him with a good deal of force, aiming for his head. He caught it deftly and began eating it.
"They started discussing it today. Did you know? I believe the words "dowry" and "packing" were brandished about." She sat up, pulling her legs in to sit cross-legged under her dress. Sweeping her hair over her shoulder she began picking bits of straw out of it.
"Yes, well, from the mood that Rendon was in today, I am guessing that it was a considerable dowry." He reached out and offered the pear back to her, waiting until she reached for it to pop it off of one hand and catch it in the other.
Sticking her tongue out at him, she feigned reaching for the other hand. He didn't fall for it, and took another bite.
"There is something so flattering about seeing your entire worth listed and tallied up as assets. Personally, I think Rendon should have negotiated for another mare. He seems very fixated on good breeding."
Nathaniel pulled his brow down, the urge to roll his eyes at her obvious. "You certainly do flatter yourself, Kahrin," he told her dryly. "Apart from the fact that you know there are ways out of this, at least it is not something you have to worry about for a while. Thomas is hardly old enough to be thinking on it."
"He doesn't need to, when it is all Rendon can discuss. I overheard him asking father if I'd been examined by a healer. He wants to make sure that I can pop out plenty of fat heirs. The whole thing is very creepy if you ask me." She plucked a few pieces of straw and let them flutter down to the lower level of the stables, watching them twirl as they went. "I'll spend my best years waiting for your brother to come of age, and then … well." She half shrugged and half shuddered. That's not a very pleasant thought." She was pretty sure Thomas tortured puppies or something. Even as young as he was, he made her spine tingle in the most unpleasant ways when he looked at her.
Sighing, she crawled over and tucked herself into the crook of Nathaniel's arm and leaned against him, putting her shoeless feet on his legs. She'd intentionally left one of her slippers down the ladder, and they both had their shoes off to further their ruse. She made another attempt to snatch the pear back from him, which he held easily out of reach. Leaning up, he cleaned the core off before handing it back to her with a half-smirk.
"Oh, I apologize. Was this yours?" He ruffled her hair a bit and tossed the core aside. "It might be fun to have you around, add you to the line-up for inspection by our grandmother." He glanced down at her and lifted an eyebrow, giving him that trademark Howe smugness she'd come to know so well. "She would find you too scrawny and not tall enough by half to be a Howe."
She stuck her tongue out at him for the second time that day. "Very funny. I can still pummel you."
"You have to catch me, first, milady." She was nimble, but not nearly possessing the dexterity that he did. The mocking left his face the next instant. "As to the rest, You are only as confined to this cage as you wish to be. You know as well as I that you have ways out." He leaned down, lightly kissing the crown of her head.
"I really don't wish to wait around for some overzealous whelp to manhandle me in his excitement to prove just how virile he is," she drew out with biting sarcasm. She paused for a few moments, and phantom of fear flicking across her face. "That and … I don't think he would … be gentle with me. If you catch my meaning."
"Why have you agreed to it, then?" He asked her for what felt like the fiftieth time, though his face was not unsympathetic, because he knew why. "If you despise my brother so, Kahrin, just tell them no. Tell them that you have changed your mind." Grasping her chin, he turned her face up to his, imploring her to see reason. "He is not the most generous of boys. Know this, I will not let him harm you. You have my oath, if you are to be my sister, just as you always have as my friend. I do not believe that Rendon would allow harm to come to you either."
Nearly incensed, she shook her head loose of his grasp. "And you and your father are going to poke in or post a watch to keep an eye on our marriage bed? I think not. I'm not even that thick." She rolled her eyes. "I also do not need you to protect me. I can take care of myself."
"That is not my point, Kahrin. You do not know Rendon and my brother as I do." He gave her a friendly push, knocking her slightly into the straw, trying to lighten her mood. Her equally mature response was to throw a handful of straw at his head, earning her a very dour look. She propped back up onto her elbows, the moment of humor leaving her features.
Quietly, her face very serious, she looked at him before finally responding. "It's good for our families. It means a lot to our parents. Some people find happiness in such things."
"That is not what you said last month when we were here," he admonished her gently, picking some straw out of her hair. "You have time, Kahrin. Find … something that will make you happy. Preferably before you join our proud ranks and become one of our household. Things are … different there. There is a particular decorum you will be expected to keep."
"Something that will make me happy," she snorted. "And where, pray tell, am I to find such a thing?" She slumped against him. "You know what would make me happy? To make my own choices. To not have my every decision be so important to everyone who is not me, and the things that are important to me to be left for me to decide." Her mouth pulled into an angry pucker as she sulked against his shoulder. "That all made sense in my head. I apologize. We were supposed to be having fun. Instead I'm boring you with my whinging and no one has come looking for us."
"I hardly mind." He gave her a mock put-upon look out of the side of his eyes. "I've endured worse from you. I had several stitches, if I recall correctly."
"You deserved that," she replied without hesitation. "You should have helped me down from that tree." The side of her mouth pulled up in a grin.
"Yes, and you did make it up to me. You have quite the talent for drawing pictures to cheer me up." He took a deep breath. "I believe you said you were sorry, and that you would always be there to help me feel better." A pregnant silence filled the loft around them for several heartbeats. "Let me do the same for you?"
"Meaning?"
He looked exaggeratedly over the edge of the loft, where her single blue shoe lie in the straw. "No one's come looking for us yet. It is possible we won't be disturbed."
"Disturbed doing what? Wasn't that the point?" She looked at him quizzically. "To get caught?"
"To get caught pretending." He looked at her very serious for a moment. "What if we weren't pretending? Just once. Two friends, taking care of one another?"
"I don't think I follow," she said slowly, thought she has a slight suspicion that she did.
"Come," he said quietly. "Let me show you."
He leaned over, closing the distance between their mouths, and she pulled back before he made contact. "What are you doing? You mean …" She lifted her eyebrows at him. "For real. As in, you and I, right now?"
"Why not?" He said it very simply in his manner that made all things sound logical. "We've nothing else to do today. I care for you, and you for me." His shoulders lifted and fell back into place. "I do not know about you, but I would prefer this particular experience be something good, something between people who will not harm one another. A rare moment for us to choose to make a pleasant experience for ourselves." He was silent for another moment, swallowing slightly. "Look at it as my way of offering you the best protection at my disposal."
The mischief curled up the corners of her eyes and mouth. "Nathaniel Howe, are you trying to proposition me and sully my virtue?"
"How little you think of me to insinuate that I might somehow sully you."
"No, I know better." She was certain that Nathaniel had taken more than one lashing due to her larks over the years. She examined his face from her position against his shoulder, worrying her lip. The two of them would never, she knew, be more than they were at that moment, though that was all either of them had ever asked for. They both understood the harsh reality that they were children of powerful men, that frivolous things like love were luxuries that sometimes even those born to great privilege could not afford. They had always been pieces on the board of a game of legacy, and had always endured that together. Between them, there was something far more valuable than any childish idealization of sentiment, and that was the trust they placed in one another.
"All right," she said finally. "How does this work?" A slow smile started on her face as she sat up straight. "Do I just … um …" She hesitated then reached her hand up to his face, looking for an appropriate place to put it, resting the other one on his shoulder.
"Ah, well, this is as much a new experience for me as it is for you, Kahrin," he told her, his voice dipping lower and his face suddenly pulled down more seriously. "Here," he offered, pulling her up into his lap. He put a hand on her back and turned his head one way, and then the other, trying to figure out where his nose went.
"Nathaniel, you've kissed me before," she chided him with a hint of endearment.
"Not like this I haven't," he admitted. "Never anyone like this." He tilted her chin up and finally turned his head slightly sideways. "Just … hold still a minute."
She was already laughing, but seemed to find a safe place for her hand. "No, not like this, I guess." Trying to reel in her laughter to something a bit more appropriate to the moment, she held her breath for a few heartbeats.
Tentatively at first, he pressed his lips her hers. She flinched slightly at the contact, the whole idea very strange, then leaned into it ever-so-much. Tensing for a moment, she scolded herself silently. It was just Nathaniel. She'd known him forever. It was silly to be nervous about it. Finally, taking a deep breath through her nose, she yielded, skimming her lips back over his, tasting the new experience and committing each sensation to memory. It seemed natural to wrap her arms around his neck, so she did, deepening the kiss for just a moment before they both burst out laughing.
"Is this weird?" he asked her quietly.
"It's a little weird," she admitted. "I feel like we should have had a bit more wine with dinner for this."
"I think this is the sort of thing best handled with a clear head, do you not agree?" He smiled, his grey eyes wrinkling up just a bit, the effect making his nose seem less severe.
Nodding, she bit her lip to try to stifle the laughing. "True enough." Scooting back into the straw again on her bottom, she pulled him gently by the hands towards her. "You're sure about this?"
"I am," he told her honestly. "Are you?" He settled himself next to her, one arm draped lazily over her middle and his head propped on the other.
Setting her jaw firmly she answered. "Yes," she said with unequivocal firmness. As if proving it, she untied the front of her gown, letting it fall open. "I am."
"Good," he told her softly, taking a long breath in before leaning down to kiss her again.