With such little sleep, all Jack wants to do is stay curled up in his blankets, but that isn't an option. He slowly untangles himself and stumbles into a change of clothes. His head hurts something awful, and he's dreading the day. There's literally nothing to look forward to.
He tries to sleep on the kitchen table, but Ava starts throwing her cereal at him until he picks his head up.
"That's an impressive bruise," Stephen says with a grin. Jack forces a smile back and fist bumps his stepfather, ignoring his mom's frown.
"Don't encourage him, Stephen," she chides.
"Right, sorry. Jack, don't get into fights," he says in a stern, but overexaggerated voice. Behind her back, Stephen winks at him.
"You're going to be late, Jack. You haven't even eaten yet," His mom complains.
"Can't I skip today?" He slides out of his chair and tosses a slice of bread in the toaster. Of course he feels crappy after last night, but with the added headache, and anxious feeling, he really doesn't feel like dealing with school as well. He can't shake the feeling that something horrible is going to happen if he doesn't just sleep and wait for it to pass. What if today he has a seizure in front of the whole class?
"Absolutely not! You've already missed six days."
Jack rolls his eyes, biting into his toast. He feels ready to collapse, but he doesn't have the energy to argue, so he quickly finishes breakfast and takes the medication.
...
He drags himself through school. Luckily, his teachers are nice and understanding, and they don't even have to ask to realize it's a bad day for him. Class with Kim is even more awkward than with Jerry. Neither of them know what to do or how to act. He remembers what Ayla had said, and considers telling Kim the truth and shies away. Kim will be the first person he tells, but it isn't the right time; he can't tell her right before class, and certainly not when there are other students around. Being interested in medical careers, she's most likely to know a good amount about epilepsy and they had the strongest friendship out of all of them. He doesn't know how to phrase it or how to approach the subject, but he'll figure that out later. He sits next to her, shoulders tense, but doesn't say anything. A few times, she catches his eye and they make faces like old time, but then they remember their cold war.
After school, to Jack's dismay, his parents insist on him attending karate class. Something about "keeping his routine" and "fixing things with his friends" to "help with his depression." He's not depressed, he wants to argue, but they won't listen.
Jack takes a deep breath to steel himself and enters the dojo. The Warriors turn to see who came in, and a mixture of emotions pass over their faces: anger, frustration, sadness, nostalgia. It doesn't matter that Jack feels the same way. None of them are willing to budge.
"How are you?" Milton asks. The words are stiff and awkward, but at least he's trying to be civil.
"I've been doing great." He forces himself to smile and pretends his head doesn't feel like it's being hacked at by an ice pick.
"I'd forgotten what a bad liar you are."
You have no idea, Jack wants to say, but he bites his tongue and scowls. "Where's Rudy?"
"Dealing with legal stuff in Holdrege," Kim says. They all roll their eyes at the same time, and realizing it, they laugh. They're no longer friends, though, and the smiles instantly vanish. They don't know what to say or do anymore, and Jack takes it as his cue to change.
Without Rudy to instruct class, Kim takes charge, and pairs herself with Jerry while Jack and Milton work together. The tension is high between Jack and the others, though they pretend it's not there. Jack's headache remains, throbbing at the base of his skull; it feels like his head might burst open, and he wishes it would. His head would stop hurting then.
Jack blinks and refocuses. Punch block, punch block, punch block…. Kim claps her hands, ending the drill. Jack stands up, and the air in his lungs is sucked out. Something's happening.
He can't breathe; he's going to be sick, and he has to get away from the others. Jack gasps, almost falling to the ground. His heart is thumping so loudly, they can probably hear it. He has to leave he can't be near them he needs to leave something's coming this isn't good he needs to leave he needs to leave something's coming he's needs to leave he needs to lea-
Jack slumps forward, blinking several times, and realizing he's staring at nothing. His head's fallen against his chest. Jack's leaning against the lockers with no recollection of how he got here. He had been working with Milton, but now it seems class is over? His friends are talking quietly in heated tones, but it's all fuzzy. Everything is just… blurry.
"...is fine," Jerry says.
"You could be playing with his life!" Kim argues.
"Ye of little faith!" Jerry proclaims.
"It's not a joke, Jerry." Milton's voice is scolding.
"I wouldn't risk his life to follow a hunch," Jerry says, offended. Who were they talking about? He sees Jerry sitting right next to him; Milton and Kim are standing a few feet away, but there's no one else.
They're talking about him.
Jack tries to push himself up, struggling through brain fog and wanting to get away from them. He has this feeling that he shouldn't be here. "I need- I need to- I gotta-"
"Hey, it's okay. Take it easy. We've got you," Jerry reassures as he carefully pushes Jack back down. Jack slumps against the wall and then notices his wrist.
"Bracelet…" he breathes, and looks at them questioningly. He tries to form a complete sentence; what's the right question word? Not why, not when, whe-
"I have it," Jerry says. "It's fine. Everything's fine."
But it's not; there's something wrong about not having it, something tells him that he needs it and he should be worried that it's not there. Something bad will happen if he doesn't have it. The only thing he can understand is that he needs his bracelet. "It's fine," Jerry repeats, trying to make eye contact.
"Jerry," Kim starts, turning him away from Jack. "He needs help, something's not right."
"Just trust me. He'll be fine."
"You… have... my bracelet?" Jack asks, slowly piecing the words together.
"Yeah."
Jack blinks several times and then his stomach bottoms out. He covers his face, swearing under his breath as he realizes what Jerry now knows. His bracelet says it all.
"Jack, it's okay," Jerry repeats for the fifth time.
Maybe it's the sleepless nights or the fact that his brain was just electrified, but something inside Jack snaps.
"It's not," he says, ignoring the way his voice breaks. "Nothing is-" Jack stops again and breathes. "It stopped being okay the minute I woke up in that fucking hospital and missed the demo but couldn't bring myself to say anything, and then I was trying to deal with switching meds which made me so goddamn tired, and I can never tell when I'm gonna have another- That week was bad enough, but then Kai moved in for a few days so I was dealing with his shit, Frank started blackmailing me, Rudy's leaving, and it's okay for all of you because coping with one thing, that's fine, that's easy, but I can't fucking stand this anymore! I can't do this anymore. I can't breathe, I can't sleep and smiling is so hard. I'm so fed up with everything, I can't do this. I can't." He breathes heavily and hugs a knee to his chest.
It comes out before he can stop it, and in five seconds they'll walk away. He's officially messed everything up. What was he thinking? Maybe he'll have better luck moving back with his dad, and picking things up in Colorado.
"Why were you in the hospital?" Milton asks quietly.
Jack plays with a thread on his gi. Numbly, he says, "I had a bad seizure, and needed tests."
"Seizure?" Kim echoes. Jack glances to Jerry. Don't they know?
Jerry drops the bracelet in Jack's hand and quietly says, "I didn't tell them."
"Didn't tell us what?" Milton demands.
The room is still; the air static with anticipation. He closes his eyes, tipping his head against the wall behind him. He feels like he might be sick, but there's no point in running anymore. Breathe in, breathe out in out in out, just bite the bullet-
"I have epilepsy."
He swallows hard, and keeps forcing air through his lungs. He can't look at their faces; he doesn't want to know how disgusted they are. Did he really just admit it? Oh, god, he admitted it. He said it. "Jack, that's not funny," Kim says.
"I… I'm not joking..."
"I've never seen you have a seizure before."
"That- I- Didn't I just have one?" His voice rises in panic. The brain fog, loss of time, exhaustion, it didn't come from nowhere.
"Yeah, you did," Jerry agrees. Jack's breathing eases. Maybe he's not completely losing it.
"He was just staring off, chewing his tongue, that's not a seizure," Kim argues.
Jack rubs his eyes, not wanting to go in depth about different seizures. Jerry surprisingly speaks up. "That's a different type of seizure. There are, like, forty." Jack doesn't question why Jerry knows so much about epilepsy; out of the three of them, he expected Jerry to know the least about it.
"Why didn't you tell us you're epileptic?" Milton asks. Jack grits his teeth. I'm not epileptic. "You could get seriously hurt."
"Rudy knows," he says curtly, but Milton continues.
"What if you walked into a busy street?"
Jack wants to hide. He doesn't want to think of all the embarrassing shit he's done but can't remember. "That's why I have my bracelet." He rubs his eyes, completely drained.
Jerry immediately notices and murmurs, "C'mon, I'll give you a ride home." He offers a hand as if he knows Jack's legs will be shaky. Jack takes it, surprised that Jerry knows exactly what to do. It's like he's had first hand experience. What if Jerry also has epilepsy?
"I hope you feel better," Kim says tentatively as Jack and Jerry leaves. She's afraid to say the wrong thing. Milton nods in agreement and Jack gives them a halfhearted smile. He doesn't know what to say either.
Chronic illness is a perpetual state of exhaustion or some kind of aching; he's not going to feel better, but they're making an effort which he appreciates. He swings his bag over his shoulder and leaves with Jerry.
...
Jerry's reaction is still confusing Jack. He doesn't seem surprised, he isn't freaking out, he isn't saying stupid shit. Instead, Jerry knows exactly what to do after a seizure, and is acting like it occurs everyday. Is it possible Jerry also has epilepsy? How had he not realized that? Jack can't stand the silence and questions bouncing around, finally asking, "How do you know?"
"I read your bracelet."
"No, I mean how do you know so much about... epilepsy?"
"My sister's friend had similar seizures, and she had seizures a lot when she was over, so I got used to knowing what to do. And I dunno, I guess it piqued my interest, so I did some googling."
"Had?" Jack asks in a hoarse voice.
"Yeah, they did some fancy surgery on her brain, and she hasn't had one since."
"Lucky." He turns his attention back to the shops they pass. There isn't a specific part of his brain that they can operate on, and Jack will probably never have a long term solution. Jerry parks outside.
"Is there anyone home?" he asks, noting the lack of cars.
"No, they're out at Ava's gymnastic thing. Looks like Ayla's family is out, too."
"Are you alright alone?" Jerry cautiously looks to his friend.
"Yeah, I'll be fine." Jack blows off Jerry's concern, not wanting to have more attention drawn to him.
"Really? 'Cause Cami's friend couldn't even count to ten if she had a seizure."
"I'm fine, Jerry. Seriously, all I'm gonna do is go inside and sleep." Jack grabs his backpack and gives him an easy smile. It feels like an eternity since he last gave a genuine smile.
Jerry sighs. "If you need anything, I'm a block away."
"I know and… thanks. You really made that all a lot easier."
"Yeah, sure." Jerry waves him away. "Go get some sleep."
Another short chapter, but I think this moment was long anticipated.
How are you guys?
Hope to read some reviews soon! Thank you so much to everyone from the previous chapter xx
also, I changed my username from tada gan iarrachtt to nhemmick (I love the meaning of tada gan iarracht but it was a mouthful)
-rui